Kiru

For some reason, my hands felt a little bit clammy. "Why do I even want to avoid him?" I thought to myself, mind racing. It weighed on my conscious to think about Oikawa's life in this game. Surely I did not make it any better by being in it. I did not like to label myself as someone who was self deprecating, but it was pathetic how high I climbed in ranks with my friends only to have them all struck down and killed. I knew it was not my fault deep down, but it did not stop be from putting the blame on myself considering that I was the only factor for their deaths still alive and well in Aincrad. "The least I could do is leave him alone-" 

Suddenly, my name was called. I kept walking, a little faster now, but something hit me. It rang through my ears, and I stopped. It was weird to hear someone call it. I genuinely could not remember the last time someone had addressed me. I looked back slightly towards him. It was definitely Oikawa, but something was different. His demeanor? Did he change his hair? I scanned the area and noticed it had grabbed others' attention as well. Normally, I did not care, I was not afraid of other people looking at me. Being the center of attention was never an issue for me. However, I did not want to be noticed, especially not right now. I was trying to leave town; and by Oikawa yelling my name it was certain that I couldn't come back for awhile. During this time, I was frozen. "What do I do?" I Inhaled deeply through my nose and closed my eyes. Problem solving was my strong suit, all I had to do was think. But everyone was staring at either him, or me. I touched my thumb to my bottom lip and opened my eyes. Slowly I removed my hood from my face, revealing my two-toned hair in a high ponytail, and my face open and clear. "Here goes nothing...." I straightened my shoulders and slowly turned towards Oikawa. A small grin danced along my lips as I crossed my arms over my chest. 

"You called?"  

The sun almost felt warm on my face; it felt cruel to have so much reality in a virtual world. But then again, wasn't that the point of all of this? To make living here feel real? I mean, it did one hell of a job. It felt like this was all I knew, and slowly throughout my time in Aincrad I had begun to forget that my name wasn't actually Kiru, and that this was not actually the real world. However, even with all of this, I truly did not think I would change a thing about entering the game in the first place. If I knew I wouldn't be able to leave SAO once I logged on I probably would have left my parents a note, saying I would fight my way out or whatnot. I would leave something tangible in the real world for home. I almost felt guilty admitting that I preferred to be here rather than in school or at a job because not only was it selfish, but it was also almost admitting that the death was okay as well. And I knew full and well that there was death in the real world, much like anywhere else, but it was different in here. There was not justice system really. I would have considered Keith and I that system that kept order through non-ethical means, but it kept peace for awhile, and the PKs chased after us instead of regular people who came here to swing a sword or two. It was different for me and the people I had lost. We all had a reason to be here, whether or not that was running from something or running to something. It almost made me wonder how I missed meeting Keith in the real world, and how different I would be if he hadn't stuck SAO in my locker. "Maybe it would have been better if I never came here." I thought to myself and put my hood back on. I knew that all I could do is regret my actions, and hopefully learn from my mistakes. 

I looked left and right. People were just coming out of their Inns, and waking up to another day in this game. I sighed and walked away from the town. The easiest way was through the food carts. Not everywhere went there to leave town because of how incredibly crowded it was during the daytime. I dreaded going through the mass of people, but I kind of wanted to. After all, this was my last time in Inti for a long while. I pushed through the players all around me while examining the food. I had just eaten, but looking at food comforted me sometimes. It reminded me of Tristan in a way. It kind of funny how we associated things or places with people. For example, Floor 6 was Keith. Alchemy meant Mari, and every time I looked at my clothes I was reminded of Ariel. Swords reminded me of Oikawa, as sad as that was. I associated the ledges of Aincrad with Daeron. And Zelrius? I saw him everywhere I looked. Another sigh left me as I drifted from the crowd. 

Finally I had reached the end of Inti, and was just about to leave the safezone when in the distance I saw a familiar figure. "Oikawa?" I thought to myself, slightly confused. I could not pinpoint what I was feeling. I felt a small burning anger in my soul; he killed Zel after all. Something tugged on my heart as well. Guilt. I left him, and even though he was fully capable of taking care of himself I still felt responsible in a way. I stared at him for a little bit, "Is it even him?" 

I tugged a little on my hood and walked confidently past him, hoping deep down in my heart that if he did know it was me that he wouldn't approach. But that would have been too much to ask for, wouldn't it? 

Each sip of my tea got better, but worse at the same time. The first few sips are the best because all of the flavor was there for you to savor, but lost it's touch after awhile. Even still, this shop was my favorite spot in Inti. Not only was it not populated- especially at this time of day, but it was secluded. On top of all of that, the tea was something that calmed me down quite a bit. It was the perfect place to start my mornings, and brace myself for the days I had ahead of me. Speaking of which, today had planned to do something I had not in awhile: go outside of the city. 

For quite some time I stayed inside, or at least in safe zones due to the fact that I had no interest in getting myself into trouble. I knew that the moment I saw a player killer, or even anything rotten happening, that I would intervene. And most times that happened, I do more harm than good. In fact, I had probably killed more people after my fit of depression and wallowing after Zel died than I had while I was helping Keith with mavericks. It was a pity to think about really, and for no good reason could I think about why I was so pent up on this idea of revenge. I guess one of the only people who could possibly sympathize with me on this was Zel, and he was dead. I could not bring myself to avenge Zelrius, and so I tried to challenge Opal, who killed some of my guild. That did not end up working, and I could not even remember why either. If someone asked me what I had been doing for the past few years, I would not know what to say. I tried to go after everyone that had wronged me and all of my friends. But that was cut short after I realized that I didn't have the balls to kill Oikawa. As angry as I was, and as much as I knew that Zelrius, Keith, and even Dom would have killed him in a heartbeat if the roles were reversed, I just couldn't. There was something in his eyes when I looked at him, and something that pulled on my heart when I thought about it for too long. It just didn't make sense sometimes. I was unsure if any of them were alive, or what I would do if I saw any of them again. Maybe they disappeared like me? 

I shook my head slightly and looked towards the horizon. The sun was almost just above it, which was my cue. I set the teacup down and stood up. I draped the cloak over myself, and put my hood up. My feet seemed to carry me down the stairs, and out of the cafe. I knew my way around here all too well. "I should probably switch towns soon..." I thought to myself and smirked at the thought of something new. Nothing was more refreshing that taking your time to learn everything about a town, then just leaving. It was almost like a little game I played with myself in which I was the only player. Anything to pass the time, I guess. 

I jumped off of the last step of the stairs and looked again towards the horizon. As I did so, my hood fell off and the incoming light for the day cascaded over my pale face. I closed my eyes and smiled lightly for a moment. "I wish you were here..." 

[It's been awhile, please bear with me if I am a little rusty haha. @Oikawa] 

"Thank you, sir." I said to the NPC clerk as he set the tea down in front of me. He smiled quietly, but I knew that it wasn't genuine due to the fact that NPCs were not actual people; at least not in the way that I was. It was an odd feeling to be trapped in this game for such a long time, and to grow accustomed to living here in Aincrad. I was sure that for some players, this life was better than what they had in the real world. I once had that in common with that sliver of the population, but recently things had changed. This 'game' had always been serious to me, and I knew I could die at any moment; I used to be cautious due to my causes, and tried to live my life for the people I cared about. However, for the past year or so I had gone MIA, removed all of my friends on my list, and almost never ventured to highly populated areas. I was confident that I lost my ability to fight as well as my ability to care about the crap that surrounding the politics of guilds. After all, mine had been wiped out; no one dared to speak of the Azure Brigade because everyone who was related to it is either dead or like me.

The Kiru that everyone once knew was no longer here. The old Kiru might be on the front lines, or hunting PKs, maybe even completing quests as boring as they were. Yet, none of that suited me as of right now. Looking back, there was quite a bit of drama I was involved in that might not have been such a good idea. I was certain that there was a bounty or something stupid on my head, they could not have forgotten about me after what I had done for Keith's revenge. Just thinking about everyone that had been taken from me made filled me with an emptiness. It may be hard to understand, but the days go by in slow motion, as if I was the only one alive. But when I look back, it's been weeks, months, a year since I spoke a word to anyone I knew. It was scummy move on my end, but I felt that it was the right choice. I was so pent up on revenge that I was going to risk my life, and the lives of others to obtain retribution for them. Everyone I ever came into contact with has died, and I knew it was not my fault, but I could not help but to distance myself. There was no self pity on my end, what's done was done. The only thing I felt was my heart every single day, telling me that I failed my friends, and the people I loved. I wasn't there for Zelrius before that boss battle. Who knows what would have happened if I was there to stop it? "It should have been me, really." I thought to myself. Who knows what would have happened if I made it to Daeron in time, to Ssendom, to Keith, to Jun, and Echo. The list went on and on in my mind, and would only spiral into a fit of hatred if I continued on this path. But these feelings were my own, and not meant to share with others. I kept away to avoid being a mess in someone else's life in this already messed up place. 

I traced the tip of my finger around the rim of the cup and stared at myself in the reflection. Behind me was the cafe in which I was situated at. I came to this place almost everyday in Inti in the morning so I could watch the sunrise. This was the only thing that I really enjoyed doing during the day other than wandering the floors aimlessly. The terrace I was on was one of the tallest in the settlement, just high enough to overlook everything and everyone, but hidden enough to keep to myself. Normally I wore the cape that Zelrius made for me, but something felt different today, like the breeze was special somehow, and the colors in the sky were promising. My hair had also been put into a ponytail, away from my face, and I was dressed rather nicely considering that it was literally 5 in the morning. I felt most like myself at this time of the morning. 

I closed my eyes and took a sip of my tea. "This is the best mango tea, I swear." 

I closed my eyes for a second and let everything sink in finally. I not only had provoked a murder guild, but I was stupid enough to allow Oikawa to get himself involved in my mess. And that's not to say that he was not capable of defending himself. He could probably end my life in less than thirty seconds, but that was not the point. Oikawa may have killed Zelrius, but I believed that he didn't have the specific reason to kill Opal. He was not available to the voices of murder, even in a game. For myself, I could say otherwise because I was a walking sob story that no one cared about. Hell, I had become so irrelevant that Opal did not even know who I was. In my case, that was for the better as she had no way of knowing what I accomplished or my stats. But it didn't matter. Oikawa was brought into this situation once before, and I was not about to allow it to happen again. 

"I suppose I am not in the correct mindset to devise a plan. If you hadn't been here I would be dead right now, Opal probably has wayyy more attack damage than I do," I looked down at his hand for a moment. I knew it wasn't a good idea, though it was just a hand, to initiate in this sort of way. He killed Zelrius through an extension of Opal. But he was my friend. I swallowed the small amount of pride I had left in me and took his hand. 

"Yeah, let's go." 

yo I could use some free stuff (wait nvm lmao)

This is a collection of a thread Zelrius and I have done on a separate forum, for this thread. 

ZELRIUS: It seemed the word hate would resonate with Zelrius a lot in these moments, consistently coming up, unable to express how else he felt about the situations at hand. He hated how tied everything he did became to her. The boy tried his best to steel himself in the face of emotional strife, favoring for trying to keep the consistent, unwavering and unflappable, expression he usually always held. The last thing he wanted to do was break down in front of Kiru, therefore influencing her to do the same. To be honest, he was sick of doing everything for another's well being, but also couldn't help himself; feeling so compelled to do it, by thoughts and feelings he couldn't accurately define at any moment. The name, the definition, the features, of those aforementioned tumors of thought would constantly tickle his mind, and when he would metaphorically spin around to [censored] them, they'd flutter away furiously. He couldn't think of where they came from, or why so often; considering that he couldn't recall, off the top of his head, an instance between the pair that ended in relatively good feelings all around. Even the boss meeting that he invited her to a few months after their initial meeting ended not necessarily with rising tension between those two, but indirectly in anxiety, as it was Zelrius' first Command of a Boss Fight.

The silence between the two when she said his name, his face lighting up slightly in anticipation, ever anxious about her response. The chuckle made him more uneasy than any amount of mood lightening that it did, though of course he threw a witty comment back at her for the joke. "Maybe if there were ten of you. and Only because I wouldn't fight back," Though he meant it as a joke to follow-up on her own comment, his tone was still in the solemn, flat, end-all-be-all pitch that he had given his short speech in, the words wobbling in between breaths as he continued to let his eyes be vertable wells of tears, prisoners of his blue eyes as they were still being held back. Then came her apologizing, for things that were never her fault. It seemed neither of them wanted to blame the other in this situation, but both wanted entirely to blame themselves. Situations like this, at least in Zelrius's mind, is what drove them so far part; unwillingness to see fault in the other. It was the "thank you" in between "sorry's" that made him blink in confusion, causing a single tear to roll from each eye and down to the ground below. Though those two would be the only ones at the moment, as he felt dumb for crying when she already was, there was almost certainly more to come. I lied; more came immediately after her mention of time again, and how much he had spent of it. The words It was never a waste if it was for you whispered in his mind, though he didn't have the courage to say that; finding it increasingly difficult to speak to her at all. The finishing lines kind of hurt, for reasons the boy couldn't explain. He winced, speaking through an airless, barely audible, voice. "Scared you...?"

What caused another blink and then rush of tears from his eyes was her immediate follow up after wiping her own eyes. But it doesn't matter, those words and the following sentences stung him. She was still thinking about Keith, even after all this. that's what he hated more than anything; how willing she was to remain so attached to someone who wasn't around anymore. Though he also supposed he'd like it if those close to him remained attached even after his own death... On the topic of death; Kiru mentioned Daeron, causing Zelrius to tightly grit his teeth, expecting her to announce him dead, but as of the method; suicide. He leaned back from her, motionless for a moment, a bit unbelieving. And even before he could react to that, another hard, emotional punch to the stomach as she began to remind him of things he reminded himself of every morning and every night; People keep disappearing on him, they slowly drift apart. For one reason or another, this made him lean back forward toward her, poising his body in such a way that it appeared he was ready to take flight; run away at the speed that he had moved toward Dai. Though those specific motions hadn't been executed, he was ready to; the whole affair becoming more and more unbearable for him. She went back to blaming herself, something he knew he should've responded to, but between sniffles and breathlessness, he couldn't find the ability to do so.

Try as he might, Zelrius was wholly unpowerful to keep Kiru away from the horrors of SAO. Why did he care so much anyway? When it was all broken down in his mind, she was just some girl. Who a friend of his once dated. Just like Flints, or Azazel, or Maeoka are to him now. Those are all just some girls that Tristan, or Dom, or Rebekah had all once dated. And then, who were those three? They were random people, who had somewhat similar mindsets to Zelrius himself, who happened to be in the same death trap as him. So why, Why the attachment? The last thing the golden haired boy wanted to do was answer that question, having a conversation to focus on instead. He couldn't agree more with her words. In trying to selfishly protect a girl that didn't need nor want protection, they're now both hurt. Not even by this single incident, but all the ones that happened separately from each other as a result of actions that were done over a year ago. His voice cracked trying to respond "K-knowing me is a regret?" It really was becoming too much, her expressions saying that she cared, her words saying that she had nothing but contempt for him. It was her final words that made him clear his throat to speak properly, having thought about it before; "I wanted to hate you, so bad. I initially approached you, taking your little slime kill, with the intention of sowing your dissent toward me. Keith would go everywhere, do everything with you. He wouldn't spend anytime with the original Commandants, and I wanted my friend back." And now for actual crying from the boy. "I felt I had a group of, as dumb and cheesy as this sounds, family. And then, Keith ran off with you, and would abandon his guild duties, which none of us really cared for. And then, he-" Zelrius stopped short to flick tears off his cheeks and just didn't continue the sentence.

Then the question he had asked came back up, only in her voice this time. "I don't know why I care so much. You're just some person. You should've stayed just some person..." A bit of bitterness came out of his voice, "But somehow, you played your little spell, and then you became a friend. I formed the elaborate plan to save some person from another person. I could've let you die here, and I honestly, cannot explain to you, why I didn't." He let the words hang there, and immediately softened, understanding how cruel and harsh that may sound. Adding more in between sniffles and wiping his face, "But, I am so glad I didn't. You mean the world to me, you're one of the few people who I feel like I can talk to for hours, and never get enough. You're both the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. Yet, I don't know why you care so much. I never intended for you to. Or maybe I did, but for different reasons..." He stopped there, being that was the closest had ever come to mentioning any sort of feelings toward the girl, but being wholly afraid of mentioning it directly. He took in a moment of silence, and then looked at her only for a moment. He leaned his head an inch or two toward her, stopped, closed his eyes and leaned back, leaving it at that.

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KIRU: It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, all of the conversations I have deemed important with people had turned emotional rather quickly. I remembered my last talk with Tristan, the crying, and worrying. Even after his cycles of women after me, he still cared, and I guess that somehow made the scar deeper. There was a metaphorical scarification sequence that I always referred back to whenever something of slight inconvenience presented itself as a challenge. Why was there always a repelling force in talking? Speaking with other people these days was like a magnet. One way, the words tumbling from my mouth could push them away, (which happened more often than not,) but on the other hand I could also attract people. And in this moment, I realized that my situation was like a magnet. For some odd reason, he was attracted to me that day. However, I have also made him become distant of course. It was the opposite for me, I resented the arrogant prick at the time. Now, I could not stand to see him leave. Every time he turned away from me I felt something inside me shatter. If anything ever happened to him, I was afraid to admit what I would do.

After averting my eyes from his, I glanced back. In his dark set blue eyes were traces of tears. In the corners of his eyes I could see his emotions welling up. He looked as if he was doing everything he could not to cry; which of course made it worse. It made me even more impassioned than I was currently. Noticing this, I decided not to anything for the time being, as I would like to hear everything he had to say before doing anything or making myself look less than I already did.

I forced a miniscule laugh for his comment to my joke. We both knew that in no universe could I ever come close to beating Zelrius in a serious confrontation. He had the possibility to kill me in one hit if he wanted to. I was surprised that he hadn’t already, or at least hadn’t done something to physically hurt me based on the way I treated him for the past year. As horrible as it sounded, the more open I became with someone, the worse the relationship had gotten. And of course, Zelrius was no exception. He had become a major part in my time in Aincrad and there was no changing how included he was to be later on.

The tears on Zelrius’ cheeks were not invisible this time, I could visibly see the small droplets come from his eyes before he questioned me. It seemed as though he could not believe that his actions and absence frightened me. To say the least, I was terrified that he had died, glad that he was alive, “Of course you scared me. How would you feel if someone you cared about suddenly disappeared without a trace?” I asked, not expecting a response from the blonde boy. I did mean my statement, but meant not to hurt him more than he already was. From the looks of it, he was not as composed as I thought he was at all times. But of course, there’s always more than meets the eye, especially when speaking of such a complicated young man. It was unjust to think otherwise of him, which was my mistake. Because of this, Zelrius has probably bottled his emotions for a long time now; and I was forced to deal with those repercussions.

Due to my poor choice of words, Zelrius had once again completely misunderstood what I said. It was time for a change, the truth this time without too much of a filter, “Zel, by regret, I meant something different. Meeting you is regretful because I cannot bear to be responsible for wasting your life. I just cannot see myself being the reason you have decided certain things. Meeting you was one of the best things to happen to me, but the worst to happen to you. I have caused widespread destruction and chaos for you while doing nothing for you,” I paused for a moment, physically holding myself back from breaking once again, “I just, I hate that I was so blind to how I effecting you at the time. For that, I am sorry.”

A word sprung within me: jealousy; I finally figured it out. Somehow, it felt wrong for me to even use such a term to describe Zelrius, the strong one in these situations. However, based on his sudden outburst against Keith, I could strongly say that all the while I ran along with Keith, he was hurting. Even after Keith disappeared, I reminded Zelrius everyday of it. I reminded him that I chose Keith over him anyday. And that’s how it was.

“I’m such an idiot, Zelrius,” I whispered, whilst looking down.

Zelrius was actually crying now, not just trying to suppress it. His composure had officially been lost for the second time today, even in the past hour. As he spoke, I could not stand to look at him. His voice sounded more pained than I had ever heard it. He sounded as if everything he believe in as a child had been proven fake, like Santa Claus. But this was real, and the blame was on me. I had the overwhelming urge to look up at him. To wipe away his tears and smile at him. I wanted to tell him it was going to be alright and everything would turn out fine; but that would be a lie, now wouldn’t it?

Suddenly, his tone changed. He almost sounded happy.  I blinked, only now realizing that a few tears had slipped from my eyes and were now dropping to the pixelated grass. Zelrius was being sincere, and for the first time, showing a form of positive emotion towards me. This only made me cry harder, he was truly a nice person. I looked up at him just as he was leaning close to me. Something washed over me. I waited for him to lean closer, but he never did. Instead, he closed his eyes and leaned back. I sniffled a little and laughed slightly at his small outburst of sudden emotion. I wiped my eyes again and leaned forward towards him. I took in the outline of his face for a moment. He looked relaxed. I stared at his chin, then his lips. I paused, then leaned in ever so slightly. I moved my body closer to his and pressed my lips slightly to the top of his forehead before wrapped my arms around his neck and hugging him.

“You’re always family, Zel.”

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ZELRIUS: There was no way this was healthy, Zelrius thought, in regards to the constant shift in tone and emotion. This was a consistent thing in interactions with Kiru; The change from sadness, to happiness, back to sadness or even anger sometimes. The boy didn't know a whole lot about mental health, be he couldn't imagine a psychologist recommending this kind of mental state. That was one of the good things regarding Manta; there was very little of this constant shift. They kissed and hugged, but only because she wasn't terrible and Zelrius had a void to fill, and she just happened to be a target. A terrible behavior the Commandant had picked up from another, Tristan. A habit he'd had to get rid of soon, having become increasingly conscious of such an issue, but being too selfish to correct it immeadiately. He had wondered if Kiru, like many others, saw him in the light of selfishness. Though answered his own question with the assumption that it was probably so. Why would she have any reason to think otherwise? He hoarded Uniques and Money like they were Food in a famine.

That thought made him slightly hurt more. He couldn’t care less what others thought of him, but was wholly oblivious to what the other Commandants thought of him, especially Kiru. And while this exact conversation that he was having kind gave some implication; Zelrius never had the confidence regarding her to ever make any assumptions, which is part of the reason he is in the situation he is in now. The boy’s inability to read into her and understand anything is what also caused him to push her so far away, unwilling to do anything, thinking she’d hate or push him away for one wrong move. Then you had situations like this one, where sometimes he tried to read into the words too much, over emphasizing meaning in every sentence, trying to guage how serious or ambiguous she was being. To be quite honest, Zelrius didn’t actually know which side of the spectrum she had laid on; Was she more like Dom; Upfront, everything said to be taken at face value? Or was she more like Zelrius himself; Flowery with wording, always with a deeper intended meaning? Or the very probably answer; more like Tristan, where he actively flipflops between the two, for one reason or another.

While those questions and a hundred more remained unanswered, the boy became more and more confused; the laugh that came from the joke, sounding more like a force giggle than any actual humor. Though understandably, it was difficult to find a moment of laughter in this kind of emotional environment, so he kind of just glossed over that fact. The question still resonated _Why did SHE care so much?_ A question resparked by the forced laugh. He’ll never understand these things without asking questions, a rule of life he knew, but seemed to never apply to her. He didn’t address the scared detail, he understood already, as it was obvious. Zelrius hadn’t thought about that until just now; his disappearances into the wild. The first time, he had been aggravated by not being drafted for the First Hydra fight. Taking that time to prove he was better than those who went into the fight. Of course he was right in his advisement; it was a mistake. That was proven by their loss. Then he came back to find that SAO was leaderless without Ebon, and he had decided to organize the raid himself. _Now we’re back to Square one,_ He thought, as he remembered it was Kiru he had invited to help organize and host the Second Battle for the Hydra

There were no feelings for her then. At all, he saw her as another potential ally due to strength and that was it. It was this thought that made him want to pinpoint the exact moment that changed, but was caught from this thought when she gave another lengthy explanation to his misunderstanding of her words, something he found himself doing quite often. He had no words to respond to her though. He didn’t know what to say that wasn’t already said, despite the fact that he could reassure her, Zelrius didn’t this time. She was right in that in atleast the last year, there had only been pain between the two. Still, Zelrius refused to see fault; trying his best to search for positivity. Yet there was none, not with the “searching” for Keith. He had hated how adamant she was on doing it, and he really couldn’t care less, having felt abandoned by Keith. Yet he still tried to search whenever she asked, only out of kindness for her, trying to make up for the thoughts of hate.

Her words made him want to once again try to lighten the mood. “Not much more of an idiot than the rest of us, anyway.” His way of reassuring her without sounding lame in doing it. “You think that if I thought you lacking in the brain department, that i’d have you around as a Commandant? Lost your god damn mind if you think that. Though, maybe we all have.” He stopped there, before what was meant to be a little joke evolved into a ramblingfest of the “intelligence” of the Commandants.

It was only moments after his own lean in and then retraction, that she did his own. For a moment, he backed away, feeling his heartbeat rise; the constant thumping resonating within his chest becoming louder, feeling each shudder throughout his torso. He was caught extremely off guard by it, and even more so by the forehead kiss and hug. He let out a long, relieved breath as it hadn’t turned into what he thought it was about to. The boy quickly reciprocated the hug; his arms wrapping her back and pulling in a bit tightly, never knowing how firm hugs were supposed to be; a little quirk that he never seemed to get over. “As are you,” The boy began, “And even though you don’t think so, I’ve enjoyed every moment with you up to this one.” His voice was a whisper, one with little air behind it as he was still shaken by the unexpected hug. He held the hug for a bit, and then continued with his whisper; “You said you’d never done anything for me, but I can confirm that’s wrong,” He broke the embrace, pulling back and placing his hands on the sides of her shoulders. His expression softened, his dark blue orbs meeting her icy eyes, holding that for a moment. Leaning in once again; his heartrate picking right back up to that terrifying pace as he pushed to do something that had taken him over a year to build the courage for, pulling her closer as he leaned in, placing his lips on hers for only a moment before pulling only a few inches away to meet eyes again, his face flaring up to a bright crimson in embarrassment.

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KIRU: There was a slight retraction when I leaned in. Zelrius probably was not comfortable, but that was not on my mind. I felt as though it was my job to make him feel safe. And as “motherly,” as that sounded, it was true; Zelrius was someone I watched after. Yet, he also watched over me this past year, so we were same in that mindset. It was a never ending cycle of overhead observation without communication that probably drove us apart and caused arguments like this. But like a coin, there were two sides; it’s what kept us close as well. That’s why I didn’t stop, even with the slight unnoticeable flinch.

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking everything in and allowed the my sudden burst of affection to settle in. If he did nothing, I would not really be hurt necessarily; he was not the type of person to just express such feelings. However, if he did in fact decide to suddenly mix it up, I would be surprised. The last time I ever saw Zelrius do anything in regards to caring for someone was when he was with Manta last night. I could not see anything clearly but I saw enough to know that Manta obviously liked Zelrius. And by doing this, I was not exactly trying to Zelrius that I loved him. Don’t get me wrong, I did love Zel, however it was on a deeper level than just an SAO marriage or something. I did not know precisely what I was attempting to accomplish with my gesture; I guess something along the lines of calming or consoling could have been part of it. Certainly, in my mind, I was sure that somehow it gave him reassurance that I did not hate him. He needed the moment to go on, for his life to continue without having me as a roadblock.

We stayed together; and Zelrius began to reply to my statement. It made me smile, only a just a little, that he was finally opening up a little to me, “It is impossible to enjoy every moment with another person. Take that time I fell from a chair while you watched, for example, that was not fun. Well, at least not for me. Anyways.”

After a moment, Zelrius released. I did not want him to, I loved hugs. He placed his hands on my shoulders. I could have sworn his hands were shaking just a smidge; maybe he placed them there to stable himself. It didn’t matter to me, as long he was happy for now. Zelrius looked extremely nervous. Or was it happiness? It did not matter either, suddenly he began to lean in. My heart rate rose quickly. Was he actually? Too late. I felt his lips press against mine. Something washed over me. Was it guilt? Guilt that I was kissing Zelrius when Keith could possibly be alive still? That was not very probable, but it was in the back of my mind. Was it fear? Fear he would suddenly leave right after this? Or was it simply jitters? Zelrius was always solo, and for him to come this close to me was rare. Very rare. I decided in that moment to stop thinking so much, to enjoy the moment.

Once again, too late, he pushed away from me. His face was bright red, but I could guess that mine was too. The corner of my lip raised, and I placed my hands gently behind his ears and leaned forward. I returned his kiss, not sure if it was the right thing. All I knew was that it’s what I wanted right now: Zelrius. I let go slowly and looking straight into his eyes with a very tiny smile.

“I think I’ve done something for you now.”

_____________________________________

ZELRIUS: In the moment he pulled away from his moment of passion, Zelrius hated himself again. He thought about Manta, the white haired woman who clearly had feelings for him, emotions the boy himself didn’t return, even though he so badly wanted to. The way she turned red when he had asked her out on a date, and they went up the way to the church; so willingly sticking close, constantly pressing against him, so willing and happy to have someone. For what reason? Zelrius himself could recall the nights drinking with Dom in which they’d throw shade at the low levels who placed too much emphasis on affection and companionship. Yet here he was, throwing an entire day away for a girl he couldn’t help feeling attached to.

That moment seemed to hold over well with her, very surprisingly. The golden haired Commandant thought back to all the times he had the chance to do something like this, pull her aside and express his feelings, and was too afraid to; terrified of the implications of her saying no, worried for Azure and the implications of her leaving it had things become awkward in spite of that.  And then he finally did it, just then, and while no response was given; she didn’t seem instantly repulsed. A good sign, I suppose was all he could muster in his mind in that second.

He had another thought come to him, one that never saw fruition. His heartrate picked back up as he felt her hands on his head and watched as she leaned in once again, returning with a moment of passion of her own, the difference being; the boy felt the heat in his cheeks fade. He didn’t feel nearly as embarrassed when she returned the gesture, but more than anything, he felt guilty. Especially about how long this took.

He returned the smile, his own being not as small, unable to control his happiness with the situation at hand. “You beat me to the punchline Princess.” The sadness of a few moments ago having completely vanished, replaced by the usual teasing he bantered her with, with a tad of something else tinted into his words. His hands idly rubbed up and down on her shoulders and then his smile dropped a bit, letts his arms fall and looking around, as if looking for someone or something. “Maybe I should turn my tracking back on to make sure no one is peeping on us.” He joked over his shoulder to her, still scanning the area.

He was worried, that somehow, someone would stumble upon them, and he was irrationally worried that that person would be Manta. The horrors that would ensue. Yet, he also reasoned, that it wouldn’t matter. Who was she? Some Brigadier who was moderately cute, and now he had Kiru. Or did he? Now Zelrius was back to the infinite questioning, one he decided to cut short by spinning back around to face Kiru, swallowing nervously and leaning in to quickly give her a peck on the cheek, raising an eyebrow once their eyes met again, as if to ask a question.

"Yes, well, I'd like to think it's because I'm pretty but we both know why I get into trouble. It's like I'm unintentionally calling anything and everything murderous to me; Death for some reason desires an audience with me I presume. But not you of course. If I see him I'll say hello for you though." I said, slightly gesturing my hair from my eyes, "But back to the common ground thing. I do not see a solution to this odious predicament I'm afraid. I will not let you kill her, but you will not let me die. The only possible way for this to go both our ways is for some elaborate plan. Opal said to come alone and to have nothing up my sleeve," I paused, with a smirk, "But when have I ever listened to anyone?" 

There was a certain feeling, like temerity, in me. I felt as if I needed to absolutely rebel against Oikawa and fight Opal one on one with no plan. However, this was not going to happen in a million years. The only choices I had were to lie, cheat, or make a plan. The last one seemed more respectable, not that Opal was. 

"We can further discuss our plans another time, or finish right now if you like, but all I know is that someone is going to get hurt, and I certainly would not like it to be one of my friends. I think that when Opal challenges me to the total loss duel, I should just accept it and try my best. Though you and I both know how that is going to go, I did provoke her," I smiled just a little and focused on his blonde tufts of hair, "Of course, that is unless you would like to do something to aid me in this fight. She has a green cursor, so there's not an option to attack her first, but what if I didn't need a challenge in order to strike? I'm sure there's some loophole to this, I just cannot think of it." 

This was my first time to the sixteenth floor in Aincrad, I had not even known we made it this far. This went to show just how many boss battles I had sat out of during my leave. However, this did not stop me from admiring the scenery, everything was a shimmering utopia in my eyes. Other than Delilah Village on the third floor and the Fourth Floor, this would have probably claimed a spot in my favorite floors list. If there was one word to describe the floor it would be bountiful. It was like a volcanic island of the sorts floating in the ocean. My breath was taken back by this sudden surprise until I remembered the blonde ahead of me, I had not realized that I had stopped in my tracks to enjoy the view. Quickly, I began towards him and kept his pace, a tad embarrassed for letting go so easily. After all, anyone who knew me would know that I had been acting uncharacteristically spacey ever since Zelrius died. Though his death did not make me happy, it was more of a self defense mechanism, not letting anyone other than Oikawa and Opal know how truly devastated I was. Even with the young Zel in the back of my mind, I pressed forward and would force myself to be happy because I knew if he were here he would want me to be. Slowly, the image of Zelrius' blonde hair merged with Oikawa's and I was once again brought back to my knight, Oikawa. 

I nodded even if he could not see it. 

Once again, his bare hand touched mine. I was only slightly surprised with his action, but not too much. Ever since our run-in with Opal he had been with me. He only left my side a couple of times to go do personal things or quests that I could not participate in yet. It didn't bother me when he left, in fact it probably counted as a breather for the both of us since we were both too pent up to think of anything other than the promises that we would die to keep. Doing training for awhile possibly augmented them as well, so they had taken over both of our lives. Not only that but the sheer amount of time we were with each other most likely strengthen our bond even more, and perhaps elevated more than that. Even so, I gave a slight squeeze to hide hand to let him know I was paying at least a smidge of attention to anything he might say. 

This quickly changed however when we suddenly arrived at the party scene. I once again had not realized how out of it I was, especially today. The only people I recognized were Jomei, whom I could not recall where I knew him from, and Hikoru. I was pretty sure he was married to my self proclaimed sister, Ariel. The other three I had never seen before, or at least I didn't remember it at all. Instinctively, I looked at Oikawa's cursor, something I did with Keith whenever we went somewhere with other people. I was sure Oikawa must have felt a little compelled to explain his crystal but I figured he was too polite to leave me, the person he came with to justify himself. 

We walked over to a younger girl, who I presumed was Zandra, the host. From her looks I could tell that she was a higher level, which automatically meant respect. I smiled out of courtesy to Zandra and nodded my head slightly, "It's very nice to meet you, Zandra. I have never met a healer before and I can say, I am not disappointed, I hope you're on my team if I do the next boss battle. Oh and if you don't know already, a Maverick Hunter is someone who hunts down PKers, kind of like a hitman," I stated, attempting to alleviate any confusion, "Of course, I do pick and choose which ones stay alive." I gestured my hand to Oikawa and smiled a little. Surely she would wonder how my cursor was green, and if she did I might explain- but give the shortened version. After I exchanged pleasantries, I turned to look into the crimson pools. which were already staring at me. 

"We shall." 

Taking this quest reminded me of the times that weren't so grave. It reminded me of the times where I was killing a boar just to level, and not practically killing someone for the sole purpose of escape. I guess I never really noticed how drastically my goals changed until I was taken back to simpler times in which no thought was necessary. I couldn't exactly say I missed it, it was a smidge boring after all, but there was still the small part of me clinging on to the past. If I hadn't endured any of what I had, I wouldn't have met the few friends I had today, I wouldn't have gone on that quest with Calrex. It was hard to know what even triggered everything, maybe it was when I crashed a guild leader's meeting and was put in charge of a team in a boss raid. Possibly it could have been when I met Keith. Or even, could everything have fallen apart the moment I said hello to an orange player? There was no actual to all of these questions of course, but the simplicity of this quest had brought them on, and for that I was thankful. 

"Daggers are pretty easy if you know what you're doing, they suck if you aren't fast though. I don't see why no one uses them, they deal the same damage as a sword don't they? They aren't heavy and you don't have to swing them around. But I guess that's a flaw too. That's what makes dagger users rare I'm sure. I don't ever recall meeting another dagger user. Unless Mari was one? I can't really remember, I try to push the things I didn't like out of my memory you see. Quite dumb thing to do, but oh well," I sighed, stretching my arms behind my back and walking a little faster so I could keep up with Calrex. I was used to walking behind people, not because of importance or anything, it was just somewhat of a habit. Ever since Keith took me on missions or trouble came to us, I always checked behind us. However, I was with Calrex, one of the best swordsman I knew, so I felt completely comfortable with letting my guard down.  

As I walked beside him, I couldn't help but notice how calm he looked, how cautious he was being. It was a hard expression to explain, but he was definitely experienced. But even with that, he was a great navigator, something I was never good at. In what felt like minutes we were back at the gates of Urbus. 

I nodded back to him with a polite smile, "There is never an inappropriate time for hot chocolate, Calrex. Trust me on that," I said, following on his left until we reached a small line of outdoor seated areas. Bakeries and cafes. My eyes gleamed for a moment, I couldn't remember the last time I had just sat down without needing to go anywhere, "You choose, I am fine as long as they have the literal only thing needed to survive." 

I shifted my weight to the right and crossed my arms over my chest, "As rude as this may sound, I don't care about your promise. I will stay on my selfish route and think of only my own promise. However," I sighed, Oikawa was right. The both of us were way too stubborn to simply let our promise go down the drain for the other. And though I didn't particularly agree with his offer, I couldn't say no. If I did, we would be back to square one again and I would probably do something twice as stupid as what I just did. "I see where you're coming from. I will not go into detail unless you want an explanation, but Zelrius did exactly what I just did for almost an entire year. I believe I told you some parts of it, but to be honest I really did not like it. Your promise and mine counteract with one another, but I think we can reach an agreement if we try. I am not sorry that I went off in the first place, I'm sorry that things went sour and I didn't tell you about it. That's one of my most redeeming traits, right? Running off and doing something stupid without telling anyone," I stifled a chuckle but once again returned to a more serious state.  

There were many obstacles to go over if we wanted even remotely agree on something. For example, the grounds. As in, in what way would he protect me, how far was he allowed to go before he had to stop? There was also me, how far could I go without interfering with his promise? The guilt of Keith and Zelrius was still in my stomach, but I chose to ignore it and push forward for now. I needed to get through this. I opened my eyes, not realizing I had closed them in the first place, "What about the total loss duel? She told me to come alone, and if you come with then I'm pretty sure that means I'm not alone,." I rambled,  not meaning to. "The one thing I know for sure is that I need to attend or else something is going to happen. Whether it may be to you or me or someone else, I can't let that happen. IF you're really still on board with this, we need to figure out a way to settle this." I paused, Oikawa most likely did not want to hear these words, "If I battle with Opal I have a very slim chance of winning, you and I both know that. And it's not like she is going to give me months to prepare. So most likely, if a duel breaks out, I will die," I steadied my stare, but kind of focused on his hair more than his face, I couldn't look him in the eye while basically stating I was going to die, "But that makes your promise invalid doesn't it? So, the question is, how do I win against Opal?" 

The situation I was in required thoughtful planning, and doing so right now would not do much good. In all honesty, I was exhausted from the past two days. Every since my meeting with Oikawa I had been in and out of the guild hall, setting everything up and accounting for anything that could have gone wrong. I had spare weapons, potions, and even a mass PM to send if Opal suddenly were to make a move. Everything had been calculated to the minute exactly, Eleven. Since then maybe a couple hours had passed; it was all the same dark color outside to me. The result of all my work had been ripped to shreds. Yes, I got Opal here to talk, but she left knowing a few things and placing death upon me. She had the upper hand in this situation from the moment she stepped in the door, and I was a fool to think otherwise. 

Thinking of the time, I looked over to the spots on the floor where the light of the moon spilled inside. It crept through the entire hall from the door and up a few steps, almost illuminating the walk to my bedroom where I could sleep this away and hope tomorrow was the actual day. I could dream that Opal came and I was the one pulling the strings. I could think of what it would be like to have an entire Azure Brigade behind me on the matter. 

That thought left as quick as it came as I peered through the window above the giant door to the Guild Hall. Finally, I close my eyes for a second and returned to my conversation with Oikawa. Guilt was practically scratching from the inside out. Why did he insist on protecting me when he knew full and well what would happen? Why did he stay when he had a high chance of dying if he stayed by my side? Of course I could take a guess at the answers to those questions, but deep down it all felt wrong. Why did he have such a deep affection for me? Did he merely feel culpable for everything that's happened since the Festival? It all came back to me. He was in this because of me, and it hurt to know that the fault was on me. 

Suddenly something broke my train of thought. Specifically, Oikawa poked the middle of my forehead, then guided his hand to brush my hair back gently. My feelings from two nights ago suddenly broke through again, forcing a small smile upon my lips as he stared at me. Quickly however, I retracted the smile before he removed his hand from my face. I couldn't keep this up. Oikawa was making it very difficult, but I couldn't keep pulling him closer and closer. Because one day, I knew that something would happen. Whether it be to him or me, it would hurt it I continued on with the blonde. 

"I remember my promise to you, and I intend to keep it. However, I cannot keep it if you are in any way involved in this with me," I said carefully, knowing he was probably just going to reject my statement. And for a moment, I let something more slip. "I don't want to lose you."  

It was a strange feeling, almost as if time stopped. Though virtually everyone's time had stopped, this felt like a completely different thing. Every movement made by either one of us was slow and in my mind seemed to take forever to finish. For the few moments of this tranquility, it felt like nothing else mattered to me. Opal was no longer a threat, everyone was alright, and I had nothing to worry about except for the ending of this bliss of mine. I slowly brushed my fingers through my hair, pushing some of the black parts behind my ear. While doing this, I could not do anything spare hanging on to Oikawa's every word, though not showing any interest physically other than through my eyes. I was relieved to hear he would not fight me on this topic of promises. For once, I planned to fully keep my word and go through with anything to maintain a working deal. Of course Oikawa had a promise of his own, but I also had mine. And there was no way I would break this one.

"Well, I need to head back to the Guild Hall to get some rest. Even I can say that today has been very exhausting, both physically and mentally. Certainly I will need training before I go meet with Opal so could you do a quest with me in a few days? Possibly we could grind as well, but not for about three days because I had already promised Calrex I would complete one with him the day after tomorrow. Other than that, we can start this little adventure in a couple of days if you'd like," I lied through my teeth. Calrex and I completed a quest a while ago and I actually had not spoken to him in quite some time. Tomorrow was a planning day for me, I was going after Opal alone in two days time. This way, I could keep my promise to Oikawa and keep him out of harms way. 

Oikawa's smile was contagious, even if I was already smiling, I smiled even more. It definitely felt better to just get the truth out of the way, but it was also the hardest sometimes. And in this case it was possibly the worst outcome. Nonetheless, with just this one person on my side I felt even just a little bit more assured that there was even a sliver of hope to do something good. It might take me a little while to forgive Oikawa for killing Zelrius, and I might never reach that point, but what mattered right now was that he was there for me without flaw. As he claimed, he would be my knight, and my protector from all without fail. 

I shook my head slightly, "Oikawa, you owe me nothing, you do not need to keep me from anyone. If they come for me, it's my problem and shouldn't be something for you to take on for me just because you..." I trailed off again, hoping I wouldn't have to continue to remind Oikawa that he murdered Zelrius, "Listen, a year ago I would have told you to back off and quit treating me like a child, but this is now and I am saying that you do not have to be by my side. Yeah, I would love to do quests together and such, but I highly doubt you want to tangle with anything containing my name because honestly it's all very messy. You wouldn't want to stain your cloak," I looked over to the chair that contained the cloaks I had set down, ready for a suicide mission alone. Although I had a different goal from when I walked in, it was still practically the same. I was going after the leader of the infamous Laughing Coffin guild. I felt a slight smirk at my ambitions as the blonde spoke again.

This time, he went more in depth about his feelings. There was always a slight pause when anyone said something nice to me. Of course compliments weren't out of the ordinary in real life, but somehow the experience had changed. Specifically, my perspective of them. Instead of brushing them off like dirt or thanking the sender, I now thought about the person behind the words. I began to realize that sometimes it took more than a thought for them to say anything at all to me. Many times I have been told I was scary or just distant, and I did not intend to come off as unapproachable, but I did in some way in which I could not realize. However, anything positive had taken a different form, a smidge of cynic came out, but also a new appreciation. In this case, it was the latter. I had known that Oikawa had a stronger relation to me than anyone other than Keith and Zelrius, but I had always written it off. I couldn't quite pinpoint why exactly, maybe it was guilt? The possibility of Keith still roaming around? Or perhaps it was the overwhelming need to retain distance from others. That was probably the most plausible seeing as though anyone I have ever had a deeper relationship with has either died, disappeared or moved on without reason. Oikawa needed something more than me, a guarded individual with too much baggage to bear. 

I stood in front of Oikawa, staring at his facial features for more than a necessary time. I found myself staring at his blonde hair, which kind of reminding me of Zelrius' in a way. Sure, they were different shades, but all in all, the two were more alike than anyone but I could see. My smirk once again pulled into a soft smile as my icy stare melted into his. There were so many things I wanted to say, to admit, think right now. So many questions that I would not ask, at least right now, yet so many answers that I needed to move forward. It took any self restraint in me to resist the urge to fall for Oikawa, to at least try to create distance before falling head over heels in the moment. I took a moment and finally stopped staring, "My promise to you is no matter what the situation requires, you will not be the one to kill. You will not be the one to die. That's the least I can do for everything I done and probably will do. I promise that it won't be you, no matter what outcome is destined." 

My eyes met with his, wild with anticipation of his answer. One of the main reasons I kept Oikawa in the dark about this was for his safety. Not only that, but for his own sake. For example, if Opal intended to remove me right then and there while Oikawa was with me it would not have ended well. I would imagine that Opal could have screwed with his head some more, or even worse, lead him to the point of wanting to kill her. If that happened it would have gone one of a few ways: Opal kills he and I both, leaving satisfied. Or possibly Opal killing one of us, leaving the other to go and kill her. And maybe even if Oikawa got to the point of murder, I would have stopped it exactly like I stopped Zelrius, I would have tried to kill her before he could do anything he would regret. Even if there was a one hundred percent chance that this situation would have ended well for myself I might have still had setbacks to keep him away. I did not like dragging other players into my affairs, especially dangerous ones such as these, but the damage had been done; only time could tell what the consequences of my ignorance were. 

For a moment, I felt Oikawa reach for my hand as he stepped closer in reassurance. Before I realized it, my eyes slid towards his hand and stared for a moment. There was no glove outlining his fingers. It was strange to see Oikawa, self proclaimed "Knight of Kiru," without them. I had wondered about the matter for a second or two before slowly returning my attention to him, hoping his response to my questions were negative.  

I let out a small breath of relief when Oikawa stated she did not see him. "That's good to hear, I was afraid if she even had a glimpse of you that...that, you know," I said, hoping that Oikawa would pick up what I was trying to say without me having to actually explain why I was so worried. It would be a pain to go too far in depth, and honestly after puffing up my ego to Opal, I did not have the strength to do much. 

"I believe you would be a good swordsman, Keith taught you did he not?" I smirked slightly, tightening my hand a little, "And no, I supposed you cannot protect me if you are just pixels floating through Aincrad," I looked at our hands for a moment, "But you don't have to you know? I know you said you would be my Knight until the end, but you also said you would not march into death with me. And to me, this looks like death. If she did not see you then you have no part in this until she finds a reason for you to be. If I don't show up to this total loss match, she will definitely find your ties to me, and I don't want that. You may be able to take her but, I don't want you to kill anyone else- you shouldn't have to," I paused, attempting to regroup my thoughts. Everything was jumbled and I didn't quite know what I was trying to say. My point was not getting across very well and it was frustrating. 

"Unless there you think of a plan that does not involve you killing Opal, me not going, or dismissing this situation, then I'm all ears. Other than that, I do not think I see a light at the end of this tunnel." 

(OOC: If you read the PM and say otherwise, let me know so I an rewrite this thank) 

She was almost out of the door by the time I got within distance of her, focus directly placed upon my target: Opal. Something switched inside me, to tick me off, to make me so intent with finishing her off right now. Opal would recieve no mercy for staining Oikawa's hands and killing Dom and Zelrius. It was all too much to be forgiven, too personal to let go, and too much of a narcissist to let her have her way. So, with all my pent up emotions towards her, I pulled the small knife behind me and pushed it forward, only a few feet from her now. 

In such a blind rage I didn't even see the white figure from above. It was only known to me when my movement suddenly halted, armor stood before me. My mouth twitched with even more anger at whatever, whoever, stopped me lost me possibly my only chance to get the jump on Opal. However, this anger went out quicker than it came as my eyes trailed from the hand slowly retracting the blade, up the chest plate, then to the face. It was Oikawa. My rage was replaced my shock and guilt. My mouth hung open in surprise as I stared into crimson pools. "Oikawa?" I asked, but it came out strained as if I forgot how to speak or was in dire need of water. I dropped my dagger and wrapped my arms around his neck, standing on my tip toes. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I...I just.." I let myself trail off, not sure how to explain myself. I had not only lied to him about when I was going to meet Opal, but what would happen after our meeting. I was not even supposed to contact her for a couple more months and now I had practically an entire murder guild on my trail if I didn't show to Opal's little duel. And now if Opal saw Oikawa she would know.

If she saw him. 

I pushed away from him, my eyes widening at the blonde, "did she see you, Oikawa? Please tell me she didn't...she's going to-" I whispered the last part, eyes tracing for anything on his face. "It's the end if she saw him. She's going to kill him if she saw." 

For a moment, I could feel everything around me crumbling. It was like the wall I had built over and over again wouldn't hold this time. I wiped my hands over my eyes again and again, each time feeling more and more less in control of my own emotions. It could be seen in the amount of times had Oikawa seen me cry? This was probably the third including today and the Festival, which was embarrassing. It seemed that every time he had seen me I was just a flaming ball of emotion, or rather an icicle in the sense that I didn't like to share them with the people I was supposed to be teaching. In the end, Oikawa and the people I had met early on in the game were way above me now. To them I was probably just an unstable girl whining about everything because she had a low level. 

Suddenly I felt a hand on my head. If I had a way to describe the feeling, it would be someone pulling me in from the cold. And metaphorically, my own cold that I had made. The blonde brought me closer, almost hugging me. I allowed him to do so. It was the best I could do considering all of the things I had just said to him. It felt right, being in front of Oikawa at this time, killing him would have done nothing but cause more to flood onto my plate. I smiled silently. 

"Yes I do. You know I owe more apologies than I could ever give. I'm sorry, truly," I said, holding my tongue on the second part of his speech. I wanted to say losing him would be painful for me as well, but it would have had a different meaning than his. However, in this moment I was so content that it didn't matter. "You got that right, I'll do as I please. I hope you'll be my knight to protect me then? In a few months when I'm ready to face her I can count on you?" I asked, knowing full and well what the response would be. It's what I wanted him to say, to think. Of course, I already knew that there was no way he would be accompanying me on this little quest of mine, no matter how important I was to him. 

When he released me I wished it lasted even a second longer, but I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up at him and plastered a smile on my face. A sincere one at that.  

 The woman's profanity shocked me, and I was sure she could see it on my face. It was not as if I had never heard anyone swear. I swore in my head, mostly at Zelrius, but no one even has directed something so vile towards me and meant it. For a moment, I recovered from the verbal blow but I was so lost at this point that most of the vicious words spilled towards me lost their meaning, only their tone was kept. 

I could feel my hand instinctively reach behind my back, ready to strike if Opal decided to end everything right now. But then something else happened.Probably one of the last things I excepted to happen, occurred. The tall, purple haired woman, issued a duel to me, a total loss duel. Suddenly I felt sick. Of course there was absolutely no way I would bail, as she had just claimed to soil my named and anything left of me. I was not worried about her coming to kill me, I was more worried about the few people that would get caught in the line of fire. In my head, I went over a few names and knew that some of them she would never know, but there were at least three that were more obvious to even someone like her. I could not let her just walk over those people, and who's to say that she wouldn't just kill them after she had (obviously) beat me in a duel? I would be dead and no help to them. I felt my mouth twitch as she began to finish her thought.

The words, "Player Killer," ran through my brain. Even if my crystal did not show it, I was technically one. And it had just dawned on me that one of us was going to die. If I killed her I would have more blood on my hands and possibly even more fear than I already had. There was an upside to this however, kill the LC leader meant killing the guild. Then again, if she killed me she would have free reign on anyone I've ever made contact with, and with no way to warn them, it felt hopeless. Then came the anger. I felt my hand grip the handle of the dagger tighter, and with a sudden rush of adrenaline I pulled it from behind.

Opal was nearly out the door but there was still time, I could end this right here, right now. I flipped it once and began forward, full intent to kill before she had the time to do any more damage to my life. 

There was a slight silence, but my heart beat was so loud that I could have sworn he could hear it. It hurt, everything did. Lying to Oikawa had to be pretty high up in my list of mistakes, (which was pretty long,) but after everything I felt as if there was no other way to get him to back off. After all, I did come in here for his help in a blind rage. 

Though I tried to keep my gaze from him, I could not help but to look when he began to speak. I glanced down at his hands and noted the tension building. I had hurt him. I bit lip and attempted to focus on something else but it did nothing. In the end I still had to look at him. This time, however, he looked a little bit calmer. He began to comment about his loyalty to me, to his, "queen." That he was a mere pawn in this mess of a game, and owed his company to me as I went with Opal. This wasn't what I was expecting, I wanted him to be angry, to be outraged and demand I leave. 

Now my hands were clenched. I felt tears building behind my eyes but I forced them back. I wasn't expecting this, but deep down I was hoping for it. "Oikawa, you've always been there," I said, or at least that's what I wanted to say. I took in a deep breath, "A pawn you say? You've never been more than canon fodder, even on that quest with Keith. However, if you truly believe yourself to be of worth to me, you'd leave," I said, anticipating his next words. However, the ones he spoke were different from the ones inside my head. Boy, was he stubborn. But so was I. 

"No, you've never been there, nor will I give you the chance to. You come crawling back to me, expecting that even after attempting to prove yourself to me that I would forgive you for murdering him, potion or not you had intent. And I bet that's what you said to Zel, right? That he was part of your top priority?  I guess that didn't get very far now did it? There is no fate, and if there was, do you really think that I would allow you to get close to be after what you've done? You're probably working with Opal...you're trying to kill me aren't you?" I knew of course that none of this was true, as Oikawa was literally the most trustworthy person in my life right now. But anything would do right now, anything.

I searched the ground for a moment, but it was too late, the next words from the blonde's mouth were too much. "I am not asking for your permission. I'm telling you. You are my Queen. I am your knight. As for my claims earlier this evening. I realize now, I have nothing to lose. So why not march to the death with the one I love?" I heard them over and over again, each time I felt a pang of guilt. Suddenly I felt a tear. Then, for the second time that night, I began to cry like the coward I was. I covered my eyes, pretending to scratch my forehead while I attempted to keep my composure and facade in place. Somehow, the words, "I'm sorry, my knight," escaped my mouth during the process, which I never even though, the words just seemed to spill now.  

There was a slight pause in my movements before I actually did anything after staring at the 'Congratulations,' banner in front of Calrex and I. If there was a word to describe how I was feeling in that exact moment it would have probably been, 'hope.' I felt a surge of happiness overall but there was a massive feeling that I could do anything. Sort of like a high, but without any of the hallucinations if you didn't count SAO as one big trip. For quite some time I couldn't shake the feeling of powerlessness, and totally destroying this quest blocked out those thoughts and replaced them with positive ones. It felt good. 

I pushed my bangs away from my eyes and glanced towards Calrex as I swiped open through my menu. "Quickly as you thought? So you knew that I could potentially have killed that thing in one shot?" I asked, returning my dagger to it's place in my weapons slot, "Honestly I would have imagined that it would have attacked me a few times before I even got to damage it. With being out so long I thought it could have taken a few minutes. I guess not." I searched through my HUD for a moment, just to check, then I clicked out of it and returned my gaze to Calrex. "Thanks." 

Grinning still, I was taken back to the more serious times. Of course not hunts with Keith, those were easy, but the things like ambushes or battles. It felt like I never actually enjoyed myself this much since before I entered the front lines. But then again. before the front lines I wasn't someone I was proud of today. I shoved my level in people's faces and threatened daily, saying that you couldn't actually die in this game. However, now I could start over again. Starting with my level and friends. 

"I am only rank four you know. I'm trying to grandmaster it soon, that's why I asked for your help," I followed close by Calrex as he walked out of the spawn area, "And that sounds great, I could go for a hot chocolate or something. But I'll let you lead the way once again, because quite frankly I'd love to be on autopilot for awhile if you don't mind." 

"It just goes to show how far we've all come since day one, you know? If we were to take the Nepent quest again, first of all I would probably scream because those things are so annoying, but I would kill probably all of them in one shot. For the level you have you might be able to take on the next floor boss alone. I, on the other hand, have to work a little harder if I want to be invited back into the front lines again," I stated, knowing well that the first boss battle I was in was all Zelrius' doing. If we hadn't met on that one day, at that time, I probably would have never gotten into the front lines, or even joined Azure for the matter. It was a scary thought, but also and exciting one. Knowing that I was on that course made me happy even if Keith wasn't here. I knew Zelrius wouldn't leave, though he might take a leave for a few days, but I had faith that he would stick with me. Hopefully. 

I need this, I needed to get back up to the front lines and crawl my way through the ranks. I needed to be selfish for the next few months and get my life back together. For the sake of me and literally everyone I've come into contact with, I needed to step it up. Staying in the Guild Hall all day, moping, was never going to get me levels or my friends back. It was certainly not going to get me Keith back. Sadly, I had no idea where to start with that quest, but for the one at hand, it started here with Calrex. I wasn't about to waste his time by not even gaining anything form the experience. 

A grin formed upon my lips as Calrex spoke of Keith as a person, in general. He was the first to talk of him like that, and to be honest, it made me happy. I could even go as far as to say that it lifted a smidge of the weight from my shoulders. The weight of pushing myself to find him, or even his killer if it was even that kind of situation. But, I smiled, "Thanks." 

With my smiled still intact, the field boss spawned, and Calrex began to draw the enemy. He reminded my of Tristan for a moment but I continued. I remember my attacks in my head for a moment. With the new system I needed to do a specific gesture for it to work apparently. I inhaled deeply and ran forward, leading two consecutive slashes that formed a cross on the front of the wasp queen. I stepped back a few and immediately looked at the health bar. In shock, I let out a small yet excited scream. It had been months since I had damaged anything, let alone sent it into the red zone and killed it in one hit without a critical. My eyes gleaming, I glanced at Calrex and let out a small sigh of relief. Obviously I wasn't as weak as I thought I was. 

ID: 65921
Battle Dice: 8 (Accuracy +2) = 10 (no perfect rolls)
Mob Dice: 4 (Evasion +1) = 3 (idk how EVA works tbh)

8*(2x4) = 64 DMG - (8 Energy Consumed, 9 left) - Two consecutive slashes that form a cross.

(Hate: 3) Calrex: 315/315 | 10 DMG | 3 ACC | 2 EVA | 48 MIT
(Hate: 1) Kiru: 68/68 | 8 DMG | 2 ACC | 1 EVA | 27 MIT

Wasp Queen: 0/50 | 12 DMG

Old:

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Item: Cupid's Wings

Item type: Light Armor 
Quality: Rare (boss drop from special event)
Enhancement: +3 MIT
Shop: N/A, Special from Cupid                                                                                                                                                                         Description: Cupid's Wings: An item of light armor classed clothing which allows the wearer to experience Cupid's strength, the cape looks like a pair of wings, but these do not function as normal wings. +3 Damage mitigation (Special received from Cupid

 

New: 

Quote

Item: Cupid's Wings

Item type: Light Armor 
Quality: Rare (boss drop from special event)
Enhancement: +27 MIT (*9 formula)
Shop: N/A, Special from Cupid                                                                                                                                                               Description: Cupid's Wings: An item of light armor classed clothing which allows the wearer to experience Cupid's strength, the cape looks like a pair of wings, but these do not function as normal wings. +3 Damage mitigation (Special received from Cupid

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. We aren't as close as we used to be however. Everyone always has their own thing going on you know? But that doesn't mean that I can just sit in my room all day awaiting for them to come and kick me out for being a slacker," I said in almost a joking tone. I knew that there was no way that they would simply kick me out of Azure. First of all, I was a Commandant, so without me they would not be able to make decisions if a tie was struck. Second, we were slimming down in numbers due to the need for quality rather than quantity. And third, of course I was friends with everyone and spare Zelrius, I was one of the oldest members. Not in age, but length in the guild. I started over a year ago in Azure, or was it two years? I couldn't remember, but it didn't matter, "There aren't formal meetings or battle plans but if you've ever seen us all fight together you would know that we are unstoppable. I mean seriously, we did not talk at all during Zelrius' 'going green,' quest and we took the thing out with each of us only having one turn," I remembered all of the battles and boss fights, each playing out good. Though there was one or two times where my ego that's bigger than Earth itself got in the way, everything was good in Azure Brigade. Until everyone began drifting, but still, I was sure Azure would be the longest guild and stay until we all got out of this god forsaken "game". 

I smiled very small and looked at the ground, "I guess it would be impossible to not have any problems," I sucked in a breath, "Keith never had any other concerns other than me. If I even tripped he would freak out like I was just stabbed. But he wasn't very good at lying. I'm sure he..." My eyes opened a little bit wide and I waved my hand slightly at Calrex, "Sorry, didn't mean to venture off like that." Calrex did just tell me to open up, but starting with Keith was not the correct way to go. I breathed through my nose and stuck my hands in my pockets.

"Right, one shot," I pulled my dagger from my back and cautiously walked beside Calrex to see where we were going to go. Normally I wouldn't pull out a weapon until it even attacked but with the update I wasn't so sure of myself and my attacks. Even so, I glanced at the spawn area and scrolled through my inventory for a moment. Once I was done, I made eye contact with the blue haired player, "ready." 

3 hours ago, Baldur said:

A) If you still need help, I'd be more than willing to try and cut through some of the unnecessary wording they've put into those and help you digest them. It took me a fair bit of staring to get them as well.

B) Yes. The idea is that you throw your attack at the enemy from a distance, so then it has to run at you, so you still have time to engage in a sword art, but since you've already attacked it, you can't charge.

C) These would be consumables, so once you used them, they'd be gone and you'd have to buy more. The exception to this is the chakram that you can use if you take martial arts.

Thank you, probably will take you up on that later, Baldur. 

This is overall a great idea and I hope it gets passed because there aren't many dagger users, Thanks for shedding light on this! 

Okay, tbh I did not understand a word you just said because I still don't understand Sword Arts though they've been explained to me multiple times, but I like the idea of throwing weapons having an actual turn. I've been rping with just throwing my dagger, having it deal regular damage, then going to retrieve it so this would be useful.

Would you get a throwing attack, then a regular one?

Would you need to go get the dagger after it's been thrown?