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[PP-F4] The Sadness Behind Those Eyes


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'Hero'. Out of all the words that would haunt her, Teion never would have guessed that would be the one to send such a surge of conflicting emotions through her core. She felt her jaw tighten again before her brain registered the feeling of the palm against her head. Endilix's hand smoothed over her hair before his fingers ran into hers. She felt the weight of her head leave her hands as her chin lifted and she found the pain residing in his emerald eyes. Her heart fell, dragged down by the weight of his words. Did the man across from her also have this feeling? Seeing such a familiar face that had been bruised and beaten by the hardships of this new life? Carrying the scars of a fractured heart and soul for all to see?

Her chin dipped and her eyes fell back to the recording crystal sitting in front of her. Teion knew she had changed a long time ago. Some things had remained the same: stubbornness, independence, a terrible lack of social skills. But there were new pieces of her that jutted out, additions that had been wedged into her and fused together into an uneven surface. Taciturn and impulsive were two words she hadn't thought would one day describe her so well. And then there was the long list of unsavory emotions that plagued her at all hours of the day. Apathy, irritability, and bitterness often took up residence in her heart, the lengths of their stay stretching longer and longer as of late.

As if on cue, Aereth's words caused a new heat to run through her veins. The disparity between the Dael she knew and the Endilix standing before her was one thing, and now her self-proclaimed guardian was causing her head to spin as she struggled to understand him. She didn't know the extent or strength of the ties that connected him to the evil of this world, but what riled her more was his goals. Or rather, her lack of understanding them. His words alluded to something that she couldn't fully grasp. As if she was trying, her hand curled around Endilix's fingers, holding it in place beside her head.

She should have expected Endilix's fury. She should have expected the seething, protective rage that spilled out and filled the bar with a new, overwhelming tension. Every muscle in Teion's body began to tighten until the end of the redhead's demand reached her ears. The moment his last dismissive word left his lips, Teion's hands pulled away from her head and Endilix both. The woman shot to her feet, filled with a rage of her own as her palms crashed down onto the sturdy counter.

"Both of you, quit it!" She shouted. Her fiery gaze was still trained on Beatbox's message, the crystal settling after it had wobbled slightly with the force of her outburst. She didn't want to look at either of them right now. "I didn't come here to fight about who's the better friend! I'm not here to debate over justice, or revenge, or what it means to be a goddamn hero." How tired of that word she was. She finally lifted her chin to meet Endilix's wet eyes with her own as the hot tears began to roll down her cheeks. "I'm here because you called me. And you didn't deserve me pushing you away. Not again." The all-too familiar feeling of guilt hung from her words before she turned her head to face Aereth.

"And I didn't stop you from coming--" She listened to herself falter. Why did she want him here? It didn't take long for her mind to work together an answer. She was being selfish. She had grown used to the man's presence, their strange co-existence. For the past week she had dealt with the torment of her guilt, regret, and resentment alone. And then Aereth returned, and started helping her pick up the pieces of her life like he had picked up the items that littered the floor of her smithy. The wildfire had been quelled to a smaller flame, and Teion ripped her eyes away from the brunette's as she pushed through the words that had gotten caught in her throat. "because I actually give a damn about you."

She turned her attention back to the man behind the counter. Her cheeks were now stained, but the tears had already stopped falling. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you in this position after you bothered to check on me." The anger had slipped away from her voice as she felt the tension draining from her body. Her gaze shifted again, staring blankly towards a corner of the bar that rested between the two men. "I just want to talk. Please."

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Endilix wasn't really surprised by Teion's outburst. Arguing would make anyone angry. He wasn't really even surprised that she took both sides in the argument, despite that Endilix felt that the brunette had no real justification in his actions. But, Endilix had to concede that he hardly knew him, and that he had clearly done something to win over Teion. But that didn't change the strained pain he heard behind the anger in her outburst.

Once Teion had finished, Endilix let out a heavy sigh. He would just have to pretend that Max wasn't there, even if he spoke up again. He had wanted to make sure his friend was okay, and she was right, that was what was important. "You have no need to be sorry," Endilix admitted, "that was the point of checking in with you after all. Friends are here for the good and the bad. I'm sorry that I haven't been around for either lately. But I can't take that back. I can only be your friend now, and for as long after that that you'll have me."

Endilix turned and reached for one of the rags he used to wipe his cups, one of the unused clean ones, and held it out to Teion. He didn't really bother to wipe his own tears away. He had forgotten that he had even cried in the chaos of it all. "Go ahead and talk. I'll listen. But promise me something, as your friend. Promise me that you won't hold back any emotions, no matter what they are. Anger, sadness, fear, happiness. Just... let it be free. I can't bear to look at the sadness behind those eyes anymore. I care about you too much."

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"Aaaaaah. An emotional one." Aereth mused to himself mentally, as Endilix started to explode in his face and Teion tried to stop them.

"How should I have know about what he was going to do when not even his girlfriend knew it, tell me." the brunette answered in a cold tone. "And tell me, how far would you go to save another person. Would you risk you own live for doing so? And if yes, would you even go so far as to take a life to save another? And how many nights have you spent out in the fields, training to be able to protect, to fight for the ones you want to protect?" he paused as he saw Teions grip tightening around Endilix' fingers. "This is what makes me sick. You may know and understand the pain and the suffering of this world, but what have you done in order to justify saying that it is too hard, to risky, too stupid that you don't want to be a hero anymore? I really wanna know." he said as he pushed himself away from the wall. If Endilix would tell him, Aereth would stop and listen, before equipping his armor again. 

"And for f*cks sake. Stop talking about that 'real friends' bullsh*t. Beat died over a month ago. Where were her 'real friends' there?" Then he realized. What the actual f*ck was he doing here. Did hearing that the redhead was a shining knight that failed trigger him so much? Or was it... "Damn it..." he cursed inwardly, as he looked at Teion and Endilix.

"I apologize. I shouldn't have said all these things, and I'll take them back. If you can't forgive me for that, I understand." Aereth said to Endilix and bowed his upper body. "I know nothing about you, just as you know nothing about me. So I shouldn't have said the things I have..." He then turned back to Teion. "You too. I'm sorry. I behaved like an idiot." 

With that he put on the helmet and started to head to the door. "Take care of Purple. And when you two are done, make sure she gets home safely."

@Endilix @Teion

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"Where were her 'real friends' there?"

Teion's eyes had been pulled back to Aereth during his retort, but she hadn't expected those few words to sting so harshly. 'It was my fault.' She wanted to say, but she stood frozen while her vocal chords refused to work. 'I was alone because I was stubborn.' She hadn't yet felt the fresh wave of tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. 'I'm a coward, I didn't--' Before her self-destructive thoughts could continue to spiral out of control, the aura surrounding the brunette seemed to change. As she blinked, trying to comprehend all that had happened, the simple motion caused the overflowing moisture to spill down her cheeks once more.

He was apologizing. Aereth bowed to the redhead he regarded as a stranger, the man that he had exchanged such heated words with, before his pained brown eyes turned to her. She had been frustrated--furious, even--by their pointless bickering. But then when Aereth turned his back and made for the door, she felt an unmistakable wave of dismay as her heart sank in her chest. Her mouth opened, and her foot moved a few inches in the direction of his retreating figure. But only empty air passed through her lips. A few moments passed after the door of the bar had swung shut behind him. Teion's jaw slowly raised and her bottom lip gently quivered when her mouth had closed again. Her silent tears continued to flow as she stared at the bar's entrance, overtaken by the guilt that bubbled to her surface. 'I shouldn't have brought him here.' A pang of regret. 'I shouldn't have even come.' No, she knew that wasn't true. She owed Endilix at least this much, after all this time. 'Not now, not when I can't even hold myself together. Why didn't I think this through? Why didn't I plan this out?'

Teion's avatar fell back into the stool behind her. Once again, questions flooded her. An intimidating amount of questions, many of which she wouldn't find any answer to. In front of her, Endilix's hand offered her a cloth, and she felt his eyes on her in her pitiable state. "I'm sorry..." Her quiet voice cracked with the words. She recalled his voice saying something about not needing to be sorry, but that thought was far off in her mind, and those small words were all she could manage.

'I'm tired. I want to rest.' The voice inside of her softly cried.

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Endilix let out a heavy sigh as the brunette fired more accusations, only to be followed by an odd apology and then his absence. It all happened very quickly, but Endilix made no attempt, not even a movement to prevent his departure. Teion had, and Endilix had expected as much. But Endilix had no need to keep him here. But he would give Teion some of the answers to Max's questions.

As Endilix spoke, he placed the offered rag on the counter next to her. She appeared as tired as Endilix felt from all of this nonsense. But still Endilix felt he had to explain something: "I nearly died saving the life of another player, while we were apart. Saving the life of a thief. Someone who intentionally stole from other players and was to be executed at the hands of a monster in an underground fighting arena. A level one player, unable to defend himself, against a monster. Put there by a thieves guild he was hired by to steal for, and thrown away when he didn't steal enough."

In Endilix's mind's eye, he remembered watching the Executioner's blade crash down on him. He remembered Flints panicking and crying as Endilix crumpled to the ground from the blow, right before the creature exploded into pixels before him. He remembered nearly passing out and his HP bar dropping dangerously into the red.

Endilix's eyes focused back on Teion in the present, "Did this kid deserve to be saved? Probably not. He had hurt others through theft, for a guild that did nothing but line their pockets with that theft. But I wanted to be a hero, so I did it anyway. The kid's name is Razum-dar, and I haven't seen him since he disappeared on me in a crowd. For all I know, he went back to thievery and forgot all about me. But for a moment, I was the hero I always wanted to be."

Endilix's eyes fell to the bar as he recalled the rest, "But I'll never forget the tears in Flints' eyes. Yes, Flints, crying. She was afraid I had died. She was afraid that I would leave her to be some stupid hero. And then I thought of Emerath, and you. How devastated would you have been if I had died to save some thief? And what if you found him? You'd hang him for causing my death, despite it being my decision to save him. It would've been.... a mess."

Endilix leaned on the bar, and looked back at Teion at eye level now, "I could have been like Beatbox. Yet another person for you to grieve over. But that isn't what makes a hero. Not to me, not anymore. What makes a hero is staying alive and protecting those that matter. I wouldn't go to the same lengths for a stranger anymore. But I would die for you, for Emerath, for Flints. Hell, I may even kill to save you guys. So Max was right in a way. He just didn't know the whole story about me."

Edited by Endilix
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Teion's eyes were glazed over as she stared blankly at the wall on the other side of the counter. She was so tired. Tired of the grieving, the fear, the anger--so many distasteful and draining emotions crammed into the small spaces of their hearts. It felt like everything else was being pushed out, as if there wasn't enough room for the despair and so the other, brighter emotions must serve as a sacrifice.

Endilix began to speak again, in a more even tone as he recounted a tale his own brush with death. Her eyes lifted back up to meet his face with a dull expression while the gears in her mind slowly turned. The story he told held a strange familiarity, as if she recalled hearing of a similar story some time ago. It seemed as though Aincrad would never be a stranger to the dark and twisted side of humanity. When he told the woman the username of the person that he had saved and she felt no sense of recognition, Teion quickly dismissed the lingering suspicion that she made have known who this person was. Endilix's gaze fell away from hers, but the blacksmith continued to watch him when another name left him. One that was familiar, even if only slightly.

Flints. The name of the woman whom Teion had never met, but at one point resented so strongly. That was the name of the person that took Endilix away. But Teion couldn't feel the lingering throb of bitterness, not now. Her eyes focused back on Endilix's as he leaned over the bar to face her again. She felt the corner of her mouth pull up into a weak half-smile as his story reached its conclusion.

Teion's body moved halfway on its own as she lifted herself out of the barstool. The violet-haired woman leaned across the counter to meet the twin's frame, and her arms slid past his shoulders as she pulled Endilix closer to her. Her forehead pressed into the space between his neck and his shoulder, and she simply held their position until she broke the silence a few seconds later. "Like hell I'm letting any of you die on me." She said in as lighthearted a tone as she could manage before she tried to swallow down the feelings of regret that threatened to resurface.

"I'm sorry I ran away. I hid from you guys because it was the easy way out. I wanted to try to deal with everything on my own again." She carefully lifted her head a couple of inches, lowering her eyes as she continued. "I'm still not good at relying on people. But I miss you guys. And I don't want more tragedies and another however-many months to pass before we finally talk again." She pulled away a bit more, still resting her palms on Endilix's shoulders as she faced him with a weak smile. "Is that cool with you?"

Thread Complete

  • Teion: +1 SP, +133 col
  • @Aereth: +1 SP, +133 col
  • @Endilix: +1 SP, +133 col
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