[PP-23] <<Escaping the Underdark>> Sins of Intent

[Freyd 0]

Escaping the Underdark

"Here," I said, handing her a still-steaming bun fresh out of the baker's oven, along with assorted packets of delectable meats and steamed vegetables.  "We need to escort them both to a safe place in the morning, then it'll be done.  I thought you might like something from in town for a change."  I sat next to her, without knowing why.  She seemed to like warmth, and the blankets would only stretch so far.  If her pattern continued, and she refused, I would simply give her space and keep watch.  She needed the rest.  I was fine.  

I'd been telling myself that a lot lately, especially since confessing to Mari that I couldn't tell if I was human any more.  Then, of course, I had to go and demonstrate why by orchestrating her total spiritual crash.  Yeah.  It turned out to be a rather stupid plan.  I hadn't appreciated how much passion could fuel a person, as it did with her.  It was who she basically was, in her core.  Foolishly thinking that she would be better off without that burden, I had plotted and organized to assassinate that passion.  Her weird gemini-thing had done it for me, achieving my goal in an unexpected manner.  It was the wrong choice.  Instead of helping Mari, I seemed to have doomed her to some sort of careless malaise.  

And yet, she still somehow managed to express tenderness.  The way she had grabbed my wrist to climb the debris to overlook the wasted dark elf city, or moved me aside to complete her strike against the beast men, and then nudged me gently to enter Kalanaes upon her return.  A new pattern was forming, but one which I was sorely ill-equipped to see and process.  You might as well be showing tear-jerker movies to an AI and asking it to feel the actual drama beyond a cognitive level.  And yet...  I had felt warmth in each instance.  Something still simmered inside of her.

@Mari

***

Freyd consumes: Titan's Strength (DMG 3) [160777]; Pixie Sticks (ACC 1 + Filled) [162340]; Blue Meringue {EVA 1) [160745]

Woodland Armor (MIT 45) - http://www.sao-rpg.com/topic/19767-f03-sp-tree-mercenary/?do=findComment&comment=615553

Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows | HP:1150/1150 | EN:112/112 | DMG:22 | MIT:124| EVA:3 | ACC:6 | KEEN:1 | HLY:6 | BLD:36 | BH:34

Spoiler

Name: Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows
Level: 56
HP: 1150/1150
EN: 112/112

Stats:
Damage: 19 + 3 = 22
Mitigation: 79 + 45 = 124
Evasion: 2 + 1 = 3
Accuracy: 4 + 2 = 6
BH:34
KEEN:1
HLY:6
BLD:36

Equipped Gear:
Weapon: Grief's Harbinger (T3-2HSS, ACC 1, HOLY 1, BLD 1)
Armor: Skirmisher's Garb [T3 LA, MIT 2, EVA 1]
Misc: Assassin's Cowl (T2-Trinket, ACC 2, KEEN 1)

Skills:
2H Straight Sword [Rank 5]
Light Armor [Rank 5]
Searching [Rank 3]
Battle Healing [Rank 3]
Parry [Obtained]

Extra Skills:
Disguise
Familiar Mastery: Fighter 3
Survival
Meditation

Mods:
Precision
Finesse - Rank 3
LA Athletics
Ferocity
LA Sprint and Acrobatics

Battle Ready Inventory:
Starter Healing Potion (50 hp)*3
Teleport Crystals*2
Crystal of Support (30*tier) hp to party*1
Missing You*2
Concentrated Joy (T3 Vitality 2)*1

Housing Buffs:
Rested: -1 energy cost for the first two expenditures of each combat
Clean: The first time you would suffer DoT damage in a thread, reduce damage taken from DoT each turn by 20% (rounded down)
Hard Working: +2 EXP per crafting attempt and +1 crafting attempt per day
Filling: Increase the effectiveness of a single food item consumed in a thread by +1 T1 slot.
Item Stash: +1 Battle Ready Inventory Slot
Relaxed: Increases out of combat HP regen by (5 * Tier HP) and decreases full energy regen to 2 Out of Combat Posts.
Col Stash: +5% bonus col from monster kills and treasure chests
Multipurpose: Gain +1 to LD, Stealth Rating, Stealth Detection, or Prosperity to one post in a thread. Can be applied after a roll

Guild Hall Buffs:
Lucrative: Reduce LD needed for Salvage by 5 (10+ for Alchemist crystals, 6+ for everything else). +2 EXP per craft. Rank 9 crafters receive +1 crafting attempt per day. Rank 10 crafters receive +2 crafting attempts per day.
Col Deposit: +5% bonus col from last-hit monster kills and +10% bonus col from treasure chests.

Scents of the Wild: n/a

Wedding Ring: n/a

 

[Mari 1]

"What?" I asked him, the frustration evident in my tone. There was more? "Why?" I asked. "Didn't they just want to be reunited or whatever?" I sighed. Great. More time with him. More time with a happy couple. I didn't want to deal with this. I didn't want to be here. Freyd then went and sat beside me, as though nothing was wrong. Although...I suppose he didn't see anything wrong with his actions. In his eyes, what he achieved was probably a resounding success. It took a large chunk of my willpower to stay put - to avoid giving him the satisfaction of moving away from him.  I let his offering sit idly between us. Resting upon the floor. I didn't trust it. Nor did I trust him.

I doubted I'd get any sleep that night anyway - the closest I had been to sleep...right the closest I had been to sleep was close to a month ago - when this all started. "Fine." I said with a resolute finality. I had nothing more to say. I didn't need to say anything. What would I have asked? If he was okay? How their reunion went? Meaningless small talk. I didn't like small talk at the best of times, but -  but I had always tried. Tried to reach out, to make that connection - and make sure that the other was doing okay. But- look where that got me. 

Sitting beside someone who wouldn't even bat an eyelash if he were to wipe me from this digital hell.

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows


 

Spoiler

 

BATTLE COPY
Mari    [H:0/0/0] - HP 1610/1610  | EN: 158/158 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 |

SKILLS
Rank 5 Weapon (+5 DMG)
-Weapon Mod: Precision (+1 ACC)
-Weapon Mod: Ferocity (+1 DMG)
Rank 5 Charge (+5 Damage -1 ACC)
Charge Mod BULL RUSH: Successful charge stuns target 1 turn
Rank 5 Light Armor (+25 MIT)
Light Armor Mod Athletics -  Gain +1 base damage and +30 HP when wearing light armor
SURVIVAL
Rank 5 Battle Healing (5% of total health rounded down start of each turn)
Familiar Mastery Expert - +1 (*Tier) Damage - +9 Damage
Extended Mod Limit Rank 3 (+3 Mods)
First Aid: Cost 5% in EN Heal 4% per rank of a target party member’s maximum HP (rounded down). Cannot target the user.
Field Medic Mod: 12 En + 3 En per player:  heal for 20% of each party members maximum HP

EQUIPPED
Name: Bleeding Lance| Item Type: 2H Assault Spear | Tier 3
Enhancements: Bleed 2 | Damage 1
'Bleed Damage of 24 for 2 turns on a roll of 8-10'
'Burn Damage' of 24 for 2 turns on a roll of 8-10 - Unmitigated

Name: Beacon Necklace | Item Type: Pendant | Tier 2
Enhancements  +3 ACC 

Name: Infernal Shadow | Item Type: Light Armour | Tier 3
Enhancements:  +2 Eva | +1 Flame Aura
'Effect: Prevent (6 per slot * Tier) damage per slot from successful attacks against you. Successful non-critical attacks against you deal (5 per slot * Tier) unmitigated burn damage to the attacking enemy.

 

 

Edited September 22, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

She didn’t touch the food, and her reactions were curt and harsh.  Not exactly a good sign.  Thoughts swirled through my head in a convoluted and meandering way - not the rectilinear clarity I was accustomed to at all.  Slumped against the wall, with her biding her tongue, I just listened to her breathing.  What the hell had Freyd done now?  What had I let him… me… do to this poor woman?  Who the hell was I anymore?  There were two me’s, it seemed, and I couldn’t keep them straight.  Both were vying for control, and driving each other mad in the process, just like we had done to Mari.

My head thunked against the wall as I leaned back, steam rising slowly in the cool air from the box of rice in my hands, completely untouched.  It took a minute of staring at the opposite wall, and an exertion of will that could render a heavy price before Takeshi finally won over Freyd.

“I’m so sorry, Mari.”  The words hung in the air like a dagger.  I couldn’t look her in the eye as I spoke, but at least my voice was calm and honestly sincere, for once.

“I’m sorry that your husband treated you the way he did.  I’m sorry about Evelyn.  I’m sorry that you’re stuck in this hell-hole.  I’m sorry that I literally dug up your demons and essentially helped them stab you in the gut.  Most of all, I’m sorry for ruining what should have been a simple fireside chat that could have led to a friendship.”

How much of that was me?  How much of it was old baggage she had never dealt with?  It really didn’t matter.  Mea culpa moment.  I had to own my part, and whatever else she decided to pile on.  There would likely be quite the list.

“It’s...okay - I get it.” Her words were spoken quietly, so much so I almost missed them.

My cowl sloughed backwards over the edge of my brow.  ‘Exposed at last’, I thought.  Shit… this feeling sucks.  Why do I keep trying to figure this out from the ass end of the spectrum?  Couldn’t I beat myself over the head with a bit of joy, for a change?  Maybe this was just the only part I really understood.  But it was still a starting point. 

“Really?  Because I’m honestly not sure I do,” I admitted, offering a brief chuckle at my own expense.

“So much time and effort spent in machinations and schemes, drowning in a sea of harm.  I was… am...”  A sigh spilled forth.  I didn’t even know where I stood anymore.   “I meant what I said, back at your place.  I don’t even know if I’m human - but mostly because I really don’t understand what that means.  It hurt to feel, so I cut it off and locked it up more than a decade ago, hoping that it would stop pain.  'There!  Nice solution, I told myself.'  And then I let loose a monster on the world that does shit like what I did to you.  It was selfish, and cowardly, and cruel.  And it’s taken me way too long to realize it.”

It wasn’t a pity party. I wasn’t asking for anything.  It was an admission of everything I had finally realized about the truth of who and what I had become - of the consequences of recoiling from humanity.  As if turning my face from it was somehow as good for everyone else as it was for me.  What a stupid, foolish delusion.  I’d finally clued into the realization that it wasn’t good for anyone else - and Mari got stuck with the bill.  

“Thanks for coming here."  I shuffled my legs, uncomfortable with the unknown sensations roiling inside me.  "I mean that.  I hope it means that you’ll be able to mend.”  My gaze fell to the floor.  Shame sucks.  Why didn’t I take time to deal with it when I was still a child?  Maybe that was the problem?  I was still a child, and had hurt someone like only a child can hurt another: without consideration.  It was time to grow up.

There were no leaks this time.  It actually felt good to speak what I felt.  It felt even better just to feel it.  She could throw it all back in my face, if she wanted.  I'd earned far worse.  Strange that the woman once feared above all others had just let it happen.  I couldn't help but wonder why.

"Maybe, instead of all this, I should have simply asked: what do you want for yourself, Mari?  It would have been a much better way to begin.  I see that now."

[Mari 1]

I wasn’t expecting his apology. A part of me wondered if it were real - or if this was another trick, another way for him to manipulate me, and lower my defenses. But - why? Why would he do those things...well, again. I absently tapped my finger against my bare knee. Chewing my cheek. I told him that I got it, and I did - to an extent.

“I get ...wanting to experiment on people.” I said quietly. I had done the same, hadn’t I? Granted most of those people had willingly purchased and drunk those potions. Fully aware of the consequences. “I just…” My hand clenched into a fist that rested upon my leg. “I just...don’t get why, what did I do to you?” I asked, I had wanted to hide it, but my tone had almost pleaded him for answers he probably couldn’t give. I had tried, had always been trying to do better - but it felt like there was no point in trying so hard anymore. Not when this was the result.

"Not a thing," he replied, a pained expression flashing across his eyes.  "How do I explain this?  This," he pointed to his head," has been fighting with this, " he splayed his hand over his heart, "for longer than I can recall.  One saw your passion and was hopeful.  The other saw it and sought to control it."  He wrung his hands together with uncharacteristic uncertainty.  "Both are me.  Both are to blame."  

That didn’t make things better, but - somehow - it made things clearer. He was fighting with himself. Logic over emotion. Even if he did sound...slightly psychotic. I shifted my gaze from the floor to glance sideward at him, I could just make him out between a curtain of messy orange hair... he was more than slightly psychotic. Hell, I wondered if he even was human. He had such fears that he wasn’t - and his actions up until now didn’t paint him in a good light. But...who was I to deny someone on their own road to their own form of redemption? A bitter part of me wanted to slap him and tell him he wasn’t human, and that he may as well live out his days as an NPC on Aincrad because that was how he acted, no. NPCs were kinder.

But - that wouldn’t help anyone.

“Control me, huh? What kind of twisted reasoning do you have for that?” I asked, I didn’t expect an answer from him.

“But…” I pulled my eyes away. “You’re wrong about one thing - no amount of quiet discussions over a fire would result in a friendship with me.” I shut my eyes, the depths of my chest hurting with strange pangs of pain tugging at my heart as I said the next words with a strong tone of resolution. “A friendship with me is a death sentence.” And it was true. Perhaps not in the literal sense, but it was true. Just how many people had fallen because of me? How many people lost?

It’d be best for everyone if I just wasn’t here. “You should get some rest.” I said as I pushed myself up off the wall. I doubted I’d get any that night. “Go into the city where it’s safe.” I turned my gaze to the horizon. It was dark, swallowed by an empty ichor that sunk into its surroundings.

“Thanks for coming here.  I mean that.  I hope it means that you’ll be able to mend.”  

His words drew my eyes back to him, what was I meant to say? ‘You’re Welcome?’ Truth be told, I didn’t want to be here - I wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or not. Despite how pained he seemed to be. I had fallen for that once before.

“No worries.”

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[Freyd 0]

“Control me, huh? What kind of twisted reasoning do you have for that?” 

I flinched.  She ‘d struck a nerve that I wasn’t accustomed to feeling.  All of this was making me realize just how much I’d cut off from myself.  Holding my hand aloft before me, I spread the fingers as wide as they would go, watching dust swirl between them in the focused rays of dim moonlight that shone into our hideaway.

“That’s not quite what I meant.  One part of me wanted to free your passions and the burdens that come with them, while the other wanted to suppress them - to make you like itself.” Flipping my hand, I stared at the back before clenching it into a fist.  The leather creaked obstinately.  

“Both are wrong.  You can’t exist in either of those worlds.  And I don’t think you would want to.  It tears you apart and turns you into me.”  My voice was soft and calm, yet I recognized the cruelty of the accusation leveled against myself.  She’d be right to agree with it and drive the thing into my fledgling heart.

“You’re wrong about one thing - no amount of quiet discussions over a fire would result in a friendship with me.  A friendship with me is a death sentence.” 

“I’m already dead.”  My reply came abruptly and with deadpan honesty.  That seemed to get her attention.

“I will never leave SAO.  Whatever harmful thing I am is staying locked in here forever.  My only goal and purpose is to get everyone else out safely.  Don’t you see?  There’s nothing left for me to fear.” Why did I make it so hard to get to the point with my feelings?  Probably because I lacked the words to properly describe them.  How could I make her hear me? I had to clear my throat.  Something was making it clench.  

“It’s why I accepted your invitation - the invitation of a PKer I didn’t know to an isolated cabin in the frozen depths of floor four.  Conflicted motives aside, all I really hoped was that… as messed up as we both are, maybe we might actually help each other.  What did either one of us really have left to lose?”  

I stood, slowly, the weight of a thousand burdens weighing more heavily on my shoulder than I was accustomed to recognizing.  All of those poor choices, made under the guise of 'necessity.'  I let her face the light, choosing to face the shadows instead.  It seemed to be where I was destined to end up.  She suggested that I should rest, but to what end?  There is no rest for the wicked - Samael indeed.

“I may have mentioned that I hurt another child when I was young.  He was a complete dick, and had more than earned it, but the rage I felt…”  My hands trembled as I held them open before me, the sensation of pulse on pulse pressing into his neck still as fresh as the moment when it had happened.  “That event changed everything.  It locked me off from everything, but also leaves me with the only path I have left for hope.”

“Let there be Light - a simple quest on floor 2.  It rekindled something in me.  The rescue of that child made me feel more than I have in countless ages.  Then a young girl joined our guild: Asmura.”  A warm and protective smile spread across my lips, shedding some of the tension in my back and brow.  “She was lost and vulnerable, but also infused with the boundless courage of an innocent.  I was helping her on the Venomous Warg quest, and her ambitions left her exposed to the wolves before I could act.  She got hurt.  It… it sent me into a frenzy, but not from the hate or rage I know too well.  It was meant to protect.”  It still felt alien to recall, but good.  Warm.  Right.  For once… to have done something without ulterior motives.  I sighed, still struggling to balance all of this.

“If there’s anything worthy left in me, it starts in the heart of a child.”  Pathetic.  Is that all I was?  Is that what I’d been reduced to?  What would machine-me say to such a sopping admission?

“I’m rambling.”  My voice faltered.  I never talked this much, unless I was dissembling.  Was I doing that now, or just fumbling to reach out?

“I’m not going into the city,” I finally said, more firmly.  “I don’t want to be safe.  And if I could, I'd take that accursed orange cursor from you and let you go there instead.”

“If either one of us is ever to find a way forward, we need to have it out.”   It just needed to be said, but the air hung heavy and I felt the shadows all around closing in to swallow me whole.

“Would you... tell me about Evelyn?”
 
Vanity Tag: @Asmura

[Mari 1]

His words sounded nothing short of insane. He wanted to free my ‘passions’ and yet at the same time wanted me to suppress them? It made no sense. “Freyd...this is probably rude but I think given the situation I’m entitled to be that. But - are you…” I paused, biting my tongue. As much of a dick to me that he was, was it fair to ask? I was always so cautious of these sort of things, so it felt...almost wrong of me to do so.

Then again, was any of the crap he pulled fair?

“I mean-” I rubbed the back of my neck. This still wasn’t easy. “You kinda - pick me as someone who…” How do I say this? It shouldn’t be an insult, it’s not an insult. That’s just narrow minded. So why was it so hard to ask?

“Are you autistic?”

He blinked.  “Probably.”  There was no wounded pride, just a factual response.  It seemed about as good a confirmation as anyone was likely to give.

I sighed. It explained a lot. Feeling inhuman compared to others because you couldn’t understand their emotional responses, expecting things to just ‘work’ and when they don’t being confused. “Mmm….” What was I meant to say to that?  “I think...that doesn’t really make you inhuman. I do think you gotta- maybe, not fuck with people like that, but it doesn’t make you inhuman.” As much as I felt like he was. It wasn’t fair to call him that.

“You do remember that I didn’t actually choose to do anything, right?  I considered it, then my guts literally ripped themselves out and ran with it.  Heck… I’ve been trying to stop it.”

I felt like he was changing his story again. Didn’t he admit to leading his gemini to me earlier? I gave him a questioning sideward glance. Didn’t he say that it had all gone according to his plan? Up until now, it sounded like he had well, planned everything - now it felt like he was backtracking to save face. I really didn’t know what to believe, and it left an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. “So, why the planning and scheming if it wasn’t you choosing to do anything?”

Freyd rubbed his temples, trying to figure out how to explain it, but ultimately just sighed and splayed his hands.  “Probably because I’m just going insane.  I can’t even tell anymore.”  He closed his eyes, as if trying to repackage his entire self back into a box the size of a thimble.  “You saw your Gemini.  You saw mine.  Did you honestly think it was any less messed up for me as it was for you?  That’s… not a defense, or an accusation.  I’m just trying to figure this all out too.”

I didn’t lead mine to him, I didn’t coax mine into ripping his out. The two couldn’t be any more different. Still. I  bit my tongue on the matter. There was little good it’d do to explain it to him.

I turned my head away, thinking of his previous words. - I’m already dead - that phrase left a worse feeling in my gut. Because that’s how I felt. And it was terrifyingly unnerving to hear someone else say that so matter-of-factly. He went on to say he’d never leave SAO - and I wanted to slap him across the face for it.

But -

I would be a hypocritical asshole then. “Everyone else out, huh?” I said quietly. I had always specifically used those words. Always just those words. Because I didn’t plan on leaving. A part of me was tempted to tell him I felt the same. But I didn’t trust him enough for that.

“You may change your mind as you move  forward in the game.” I offered instead. I didn’t try to convince him not to die, nor did I try to tell him his thoughts were wrong. Because I was in the same boat, and if someone had tried to tell me those things, I’d push them off said boat. Or jump off and drown myself, just to spite them.

“That’s not it.  You think I’m a monster in here?  Heh… There’s even less of me to try and salvage out there.  At least I’ve found something in here that might be worth trying to nurture.  Maybe in here I can do some good.  Out there?  That’s the real void.”

I knew I couldn’t convince him otherwise. Because I felt very much the same. I turned away from him fully now as he mentioned the quest with the little girl in it. How he found a girl named Asmura, and how he felt protective of her. The way he had smiled when he mentioned her name. That alone showed something.

“You don’t think Asmura, and the rest of your guild would want to see you out there? You think they’d be the kind of people to just dust their hands of you when all is said and done?” It was a rhetorical question. I didn’t expect him to answer, I just wanted him to consider the words.

I shook my head when he asked me about Evelyn. I wasn’t really wanting to talk about that. Not now. Not with him.

I placed the flat of my palm on the wall that separated myself from the safe confines of the town. Being this close was dangerous, if a guard happened to walk by I’d be attacked. By now, it was well into the night.

“You tired?” I asked him.

I was always tired.

[Freyd 0]

“So, why the planning and scheming if it wasn’t you choosing to do anything?”

My face scrunched.  She was doing it again - confusing my conversations with her Gemini as if they were exchanges between her and I.  She was the one who threw the vambrace back in my face, when I pointed out that Evelyn’s name was on it.  She was the one who’d been twisting words and throwing tantrums.  My only intentions had been to get her to face her past and move on from it, though never in the physical form of her gemini.  My own Gemini had forced that issue.  Navigating these waters was getting difficult.  How do you help calm a sea that just wants to rage at herself and blame everything else around?  She couldn’t hear because she didn’t want to.  Her anguish and misery were the only things keeping her going.

“You don’t think Asmura, and the rest of your guild would want to see you out there? You think they’d be the kind of people to just dust their hands of you when all is said and done?” 

“I’d rather have them remember who I was and what I did in here, as sad as that may be.”  I also bit back a retort.  If they remembered like she did, I might as well just disappear.  But, Mari didn’t need it, and it would only aggravate an already bad situation.  I’d probably spoken my words too bluntly already, but I was weary of trying to get her to listen.  She only seemed to hear what she wanted, twist words to produce false outrage designed to push people away or simply say what she thought others expected.  

“You tired?” she asked me.

“Too much needs doing.  I can’t afford it.”  Of course I was, probably near exhaustion, if I could actually admit it.  “Please, Mari.  Get some sleep.  I know I won’t.  For what it's worth, I'll keep you safe tonight.”  I didn't bother to turn.  She wouldn't look at me anyway.  Better to just keep facing the darkness.

 

[Mari 1]

He didn't seem to want to answer - I couldn't blame him. I knew I wasn't the best person to get along with. Heh. I was doing it again, wasn't I? I just didn't know when to shut up. When to just stop. I sighed, turning my eyes to the dark world ahead of me. At least they'd remember him. I felt like no one would remember me, not really. Maybe I was being pessimistic, I mean... I knew people cared about me, to an extent - and I knew I was needed, but I couldn't seem to tell my brain or my emotions that. It felt draining, exhausting just to move like a basic ass human being. Lately, more and more - I began to wonder if there was something truly wrong with me. I shuffled back down to a seated position against the cold, hard floor. My back pressed hard up against the wall. I drew my knees in close to my chest and tightly wrapped my arms around them. "There is nothing for you to do now though, is there?" I asked quietly, my voice drained.I doubted I'd change his mind. He wouldn't change mine either.

He implored me to sleep. Offered me safety. But I wouldn't sleep. 

I was never safe.

I didn't even want to be here anymore.  Why am I here? What kept me here?

I pressed my chin into my legs and exhaled quietly.

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[Freyd 0]

"There is nothing for you to do now though, is there?"

My shoulders tensed and then stooped slightly.  My arms fell to my sides, dejected.  It took me a few seconds to think of how to answer.  "Of course there is, Mari.  I can keep you safe, and offer you a decent night's sleep.  It's not much, but it may be what matters more than anything else, especially now."  I turned and saw her slumped against the wall.  It stirred something, but I wasn't sure how best to deal with it.  What would a person do?  'Toss away all the logic and reach inside,'  I told myself.  What does she need right now?

"Okay.  So you won't sleep.  And I'm guessing that you're probably irritated by the very notion of my voice, let alone the actual sound.  So let's try this.  Just... bear with me for a second."

Opening my inventory, I summoned a few basic items that I was never without: a carafe full of steaming hot, vanilla-scented coffee, two plain white porcelain cups and saucers, and a tattered grey vanity cloak - the type every player received as part of their starting gear.  I dismissed my cowl, gloves and armor, leaving me just in a plain grey tunic and pants.  I felt naked and exposed. This was a ridiculously stupid risk, but maybe - just maybe - it might be the human touch she needed.

The cups clattered as I held them, shakily pouring steaming hot liquid into each.  Setting one down beside her, I offered her the other, then drew the nondescript wool cloak over top of her to help keep her warm, uncertain about whether she would resist or refuse.   I sat down beside her, guessing at what seemed a distance she might want or accept, and took up my cup.

My mouth opened to speak, but I just clamped it shut.  Words hadn’t helped us any.  ‘Just be there and keep your gob shut for once, dumbass,’ I told myself.  My damned hair fell over my eyes again and I brushed it away, thinking that I should just find a way to shave it all off.

Sigh.  

I didn’t want to make eye contact.  She’d find a way to think I was up to something.  I didn’t have it in me to fight another fight over imagined slights.  Closing my eyes, I took a sip and let it sit in my mouth, allowing the sweet scent of vanilla to override the acrid taste of the coffer.  The warmth was comforting.  Knees up and splayed, my arms resting on them to support my drink, I leaned back and hoped that this might be what she’d needed all along.

"Persistence."  It was all I dared say out loud.  My small shadowy friend crept out from the darkness, her brilliant blue eyes shining brightly.  Pulling out the Galaxial Water Snake from the Tanabata event, I laid it in my vacant saucer.  She gobbled it up in one bite, as she so often did when presented with food.  A carefree smile and sense of joy creased the edges of my eyes as the innumerable stars of a true night's sky spread over her amorphous body.  Making eye contact, I directed her gaze up to the ceiling.  She understood and leapt like a frightened cat might have, save without fear.  Spreading out over the heavy timbers and planks over our heads, she gave us a sky worth sipping coffee under.

Spoiler

Freyd uses:

Galaxial Water Snake x1
Tier 1 Unique Consumable
Provides +1 CD when rolling to train familiars in <<Taming your Friend>>. Can also be used to change a familiar’s appearance to a starry sky’s form of itself. Single-use item. CD buff lasts for one thread.

 

[Mari 1]

"I haven't had a decent nights sleep for a long, long time." I said exasperated. "Hell..." I lowered my eyes. "I don't think I've even had a full nights sleep." Maybe that was why I was feeling so tired lately, so haggard and worn. Or maybe it was because I was struggling to pretend to care anymore. I waited as he asked me to bare with him for a moment, the first thing that hit me was a strong smell of coffee. I wrinkled my nose, I was never a real big fan of it, I preferred tea myself. He then pulled out a tattered cloak. Looked like it was one of those beginner item sets.

I would have protested it, I didn't want it - but it was cold and I no longer had a jacket of my own.  He seemed to, for lack of a better word - strip down to his bare necessities. And not the kind Baloo the bear sang about. I blinked when Freyd offered me a cup. "I don't drink-" I paused, then drew in a breath. He was probably trying his best to atone for everything he had done, right? That was what the big show was, with him taking off all his bits and bobs. I reached out and accepted it. Even if I didn't drink all of it, the cup would keep me warm.

I stared down at the liquid for a few silent moments before bringing up the cup to take a tenative sip. It was bitter, like I'd expected, but had a heady vanilla aftertaste that fought with the scent that wafted through the air. 

"Thanks."

He was being silent, I glanced over at him to catch him clamping his mouth down shut. Had I...said something? Done something? Probably. I turned my eyes back to the cup and closed them for a moment. Wishing morning would come already.

I opened my eyes to his calling, I knew it was his familiars name - or at least, I was pretty sure. He pulled out an item that had somehow given it a shimmery galaxy effect. The stars washed over us both, coating the inky black with twinkling dots of light. 

"I...always loved looking at the stars." I said quietly. "It's a shame I'll never see them again out there."

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[Freyd 0]

"You realize," I started, my voice barely above a whisper, "that choosing never to leave this place would mean you'd likely be stuck in here with me for the rest of time."  There could have been humour in saying it, but I didn't really feel it.  The last few weeks had been draining and they were catching up with me.  She needed to open up and feel free to speak candidly, instead of wrapping herself up in a veneer of reflected expectations.  It's okay to want something, Mari!

"Only you can forgive... no... choose to live with whatever you've done.  Only you can decide how you're going to deal with now and the future.  And if you're resigned to ending your days in here, I'm not exactly qualified to judge you for it."  My eyes drifted upwards to admire the twinkling sky-scape, catching a glimpse of Persi's unique blue eyes as they darted across the fabric of the galaxy.  "Maybe..."  It felt like she needed to see how others saw her, now.  Rather than relying on how the she thought they still did from before. 

"Maybe you need to hear from the outside what can be difficult to see from the inside?"

A sip of coffee helped me collect and organize my thoughts.  "I first met you at the Tanabata festival where you were complimenting and encouraging Cord and others to bolster their sense of worth.  We met again in the woods to face the Sundered Spire vanguard, where you raced to help when you had no compelling reason to do so - just a raving lunatic waving his arms as he ran.  You fought bravely against Skalaugh, for the sake of your peers.  Then, after all that, you invited me to your home to offer kindness and support." 

"Until," my head dropped slightly as I still struggled between the shame and necessity of it, "my shadow got a hold of you and... turned you inside out."  It was time to put it all together.

"Whatever you think of yourself, Mari, everything I have seen demonstrates a person trying to do good for the sake of others.  Maybe your penance will last forever?  I don't know."  My thoughts drifted to the memorial stones outside her home.  I curled my knees up tighter, close to my chest.  My breath was visible as I spoke, probably because the temperature had dropped.  It felt very weird to just be sitting here without my armor or other elusive trappings.  "But it seems to me like you're earning the right to see those stars again, if you really want to.  That's ultimately for you to decide.  Stop selling your efforts short.  Stop being what you think others need.  From what I've seen, the you you're already choosing to be is a pretty good person." 

I placed my cup back on its saucer and dismissed both back to my inventory.  Long, narrow fingers wove themselves together to tug my knees in close and keep what heat I could.

"In the meantime, feel free to borrow Persi whenever you feel the need.  She also makes a better blanket than my cloak."

[Mari 1]

"Choosing here is choosing death." I corrected. "I..."  I stopped myself, I hadn't outright told anyone this before, but what did it matter if that veneer slipped. If the Mari so many people relied on was shown to be nothing more than an empty fraud. That's what I was after all.  "I plan to throw the last boss fight - or maybe, just not go there at all - and fall." I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the wall.

"It wouldn't be a bad way to go. the fleeting sensation of falling then..." I rose my hand and splayed out my fingers in a mock explosion. "Poof. Gone. Nothing. Blip. Out of existence. No pain. No suffering. It's no wonder so many choose to go that way here."  My hand fell back into my lap, and silence fell between us. It felt strange to admit that. It felt like saying it out loud was in a way, manifesting it. The notion felt oh so more real now. And I felt like even if I would ever change my mind - that I'd no longer be able to escape such a fate.

"Maybe you need to hear from the outside what can be difficult to see from the inside?"

 I didn't answer him. Not right away. Instead I quietly listened. I could hear him take a loud sip of his coffee, and it made me more aware of the one in my own hands. I reigned myself to take another sip, still not fond of the flavour - but it helped warm my insides. He told me how he had met me at the Tanabata festival. Cordelia...where had she gone lately?

That festival felt so long ago now. I spent it, not entirely alone - but it felt...lonely. Everyone had their wishes, their dreams - and people to spend it with there. Mari was simply...wandering to nowhere - against raving winds and waters - shivering with a coldness that came not from those winds, but within. 

"You talk about me like I'm some kind of good person." Mari said quietly. She couldn't deny that she had done any of those things. "But - I am only doing what anyone else would. My actions aren't some shining beacon to live by. They're just human."

I opened my eyes, pensive - as they drifted over the sheet of stars above us. A part of me wanted to tell him that he shouldn't feel guilty, that I was tearing so much of myself off for others, that it was only a matter of time till I had nothing left to give - but I didn't. 

"I won't ever have that right." I said with a dark sense of finality. "And I've finally learned to be okay with that."

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[Freyd 0]

"I just heard: I'm not a good person, but I'll stick around to make sure everyone else gets out alive, then I'm throwing myself at death."  Freyd sighed.  "If you're willing and able to pull yourself through to the end, for their sakes, then you must also be able to realize that doing so is a good thing.  And you ARE human, despite your past choices.  That baggage is part of what makes you so. I've been doing a LOT of thinking on what that condition means."  He stared silently at the stars some more.  "It's why I've always believed you were important."

"This place will strain a lot of souls, Mari.  It will break many too.  You've hit that struggle far earlier than most, but it also means that you can help the others get though it.  I've watched you mother them, even when you have absolutely nothing left to give.  That's not something just anyone can do."

Freyd groaned and pulled himself back up to a standing position.   His armor was back in an instant, and his face concealed back within the hood.  He knew how it made him look: like darkness was threatening to swallow him.  But everything else he'd experiences of late had reversed that perception.  He was learning to live with part of himself in the light.  Whatever the future held, he knew he'd be straddling that line for a good long while.  Maybe he could help Mari cross it, when she was ready - even if that wasn't now.

"I'll sneak them out in a wagon by the north gate and make our way to the surface as quickly as possible.  We're more likely to be spotted, but it will also make it easier for us to defense ourselves.  Meet us on the path by the gate.  We'll head out into the light, together."

[Mari 1]

"I didn't exactly say I wasn't good, I just said that...yanno, its human to want to help others. Hell, even you're doing that Freyd." It wasn't meant as an insult. But it probably came off that way, I just wanted to make a point that he kept calling himself inhuman - but constantly did so many human things.  I didn't voice it, but I felt like I wasn't sure I'd be able to pull through to the end if I kept going like I was - I knew that at some point, and soon, I'd break. I could already feel it. Like a sickening sense of intuition.  

"-  That's not something just anyone can do.""

"Exactly why I have to do it." I said with an exhale. I didn't want to, but if not I, who else was there? 

It seemed our talk was over, Freyd stood with a groan - bending his back and cracking it in several places - and in a flash his armour was on once more. He probably felt very naked without it. I glanced down at my own clothing, it wasn't exactly armour - but then again, Light Armour had the advantage of that, a thin leather harness gifted to me by Macradon - that was it. No pauldrons, leg guards or even gauntlets covered me. I preferred it that way. It felt more human to forgo the whole fantasy style aesthetic. 

"Alright." I said to his plan as I too stood, and dusted myself off. I was too tired to argue - not that I would. He knew this quest better than I. "I'd...best start the trek around to the north gate then." It wouldn't be too long, it wasn't on the opposite side of the city at least. I gave him a small wave as I turned to walk away from him, we had our plan - there was no use in delaying it any longer.

Head out into the light together -  What a cheesy thing to say, even more so as parting words. But, who am I to judge them? It was probably his awkward way of trying to make me feel better. Or some sort of symbolic shit - about how we'd each pull our way out of whatever pushed us down. I had my doubts about myself, him, maybe - if he could show the sides like he had now more often. 

"F**k I'm tired..." I muttered.


@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[Freyd 0]

Getting Fonsa and Tythen out of the City was a simple matter.  The guards were easily distracted and bribes eased their passage.  It didn't take him long to get the wagon beyond the gates to their appointed meeting place.  Freyd remained silent and serene through most of their early travels, speaking only to provide them with insight on the road ahead.  

The underground roads were hazardous at the best of time.  There were also many potential hiding spots and ambush sites along the way.  Freyd steered them towards the surface, but it meant passing near a series of side passages known to be overrun by chittering husks - vile and twisted mobs resembling humans in shape and size, but covered in jabbering toothy maws and infected by a constant, endless hunger. They inadvertently stumbled into a nest of the bizarre things, stirring them from their silent slumber and causing them to swarm over the wagons.

Freyd leapt from the driver's bench, advancing to meet these cave horrors head on.  Fonsa and Tythen remained in the wagon as he charged into the darkness.  Flashes of brilliant white followed, showing only dark silhouettes accompanied by the pained cries of dozens of identical voices and the clatter of clapping teeth.  A lone figure - one of the husks - managed to crawl out of the shadows.  Its body was beaten and broken, with barely a sliver of its health bar remaining.  Behind it, slowly and silently, came the Whisper.  His eyes were set with callous purpose.  These things were in their way, and he was clearly having none of it.

Spoiler

Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows | HP:1150/1150 | EN:96/112 | DMG:22 | MIT:124| EVA:3 | ACC:6 | KEEN:1 | HLY:6 | BLD:36 | BH:34
Mari | HP 1610/1610  | EN: 158/158 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 

Calamity Disaster (x12 AoE, +8 for hits): 20 EN - (Rested, Finesse 3)= 16 EN

ID #174203 | BD: 9 (Crit +1, Holy +6).  Freyd deals (12*29=348-15=323) to Chittering Husk #1.  Bleed 36 applied.
ID #174204 | BD: 9 (Crit +1, Holy +6).  Freyd deals (12*29=348-15=323) to Chittering Husk #2.  Bleed 36 applied.
ID #174205 | BD: 10 (Crit +2, Holy +6).  Freyd deals (12*30=360-15=335) to Chittering Husk #3.  Bleed 36 applied.
ID #174206 | BD: 7 + 6 = 13 (hit). Freyd deals (12*22=264-15=249) to Chittering Husk #4.

Keen 1 triggers

[0,0] Chittering Husk #1: HP 250/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80
[0,0] Chittering Husk #2: HP 250/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80
[0,0] Chittering Husk #3: HP 250/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80
[0,0] Chittering Husk #4: HP 1/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80

Note: disregard references to Charge in roller.  This is an older thread.  Forgot that I hadn't bought it yet.

 

[Mari 1]

I had been picked up along the way, riding on the outside of the wagon beside Freyd. Honestly...I was  thankful that he hadn't asked too many more questions, I felt absolutely exhausted- and it was a struggle to keep my eyes open. I felt myself nodding off - vaguely aware of his conversations with the NPCs - at one point my head may have hit Freyd's shoulder, but I was too out of it to be sure - and he didn't react in a way that suggested it happened.

I was jostled wake when we came to a stop. "What's goin' on?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. I knew now was not a time to rest. No, rest wouldn't ever come for someone like me. I became more awake when I realized we were being swarmed by husks. "Dammit." I muttered as I pulled out my spear. Freyd was thankfully on top of it, having wiped all but one of them out.

There was only one left, and it was almost too pitiful to fight. Still. It'd be best to put it out of its misery. I rubbed my eyes and yawned as I thrust my spear, the tip barely grazed the skin of the creature before it exploded. "Are we close to the surface?" I asked as I turned to look at Freyd.

Should I....have thanked him for his quick action? I chewed my lip. Probably. He probably thought I was a bitch. Not that it mattered. "Good job on that, by the way." That counted.

Right?

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

 

Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows | HP:1150/1150 | EN:112/112 | DMG:22 | MIT:124| EVA:3 | ACC:6 | KEEN:1 | HLY:6 | BLD:36 | BH:34
Mari | HP 1610/1610  | EN: 158/158 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 

Basic Attack > Husk
ID:177086  BD: 9    20-15=5 

[0,0] Chittering Husk #1: HP 250/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80
[0,0] Chittering Husk #2: HP 250/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80
[0,0] Chittering Husk #3: HP 250/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80
[0,0] Chittering Husk #4: HP 0/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80   -5

Edited November 7, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

"More!  Above us."

He was denied an opportunity to reply to Mari's questions as two more of the twisted abominations fell upon their wagon from the dark obscurity of the cavern ceiling.  Chattering teeth and hungry growls were all about them as the wagon groaned under the weight of their impact.  Fonsa managed to keep one at bay while her husband faltered in the face of the monstrosities.  There was no doubt who had the warrior's instincts between them.

"Morning, sunshine," Freyd eventually replied, flashing Mari a little grin as he struggled to get a proper vantage to slash at the nearest husk.  "We are near the surface, which is likely why these things nested here."  He smashed the pommel of his sword into one of the lumpy bags of flesh.

"HEY!  No biting!"

Fighting at close quarters like this was too awkward and dangerous.  They would end up injuring each other.  Taking advantage of the daze he'd just inflicted upon the husk before him, Freyd grabbed the other end of his blade and shoved as hard as he could.  It looked strangely like those one of those transit officers trying to cram more people into the subway, except in reverse.  Both monsters fell out of the wagon on the far side, moaning and groaning out of their dozens of mouths.

"Finish them!  Quickly, before more arrive."  He signalled to Fonsa and Tythen to get the wagon moving while he and Mari wrapped up the fight.  He glanced sideway at her from beneath his cowl.

"A little more, Mari, and then you can rest."

Spoiler

Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows | HP:1150/1150 | EN:84/112 | DMG:22 | MIT:124| EVA:3 | ACC:6 | KEEN:1 | HLY:6 | BLD:36 | BH:34
Mari | HP 1610/1610  | EN: 158/158 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 

Calamity Disaster (x12 AoE, +4 for hits): 16 EN - (Rested, Finesse 3)= 12 EN

ID #177141 | BD: 6+6+1=12 (hit). Freyd deals (12*22=264-15=249) to Chittering Husk #5.  
ID #177142 | BD: 4+6+1=10 (hit). Freyd deals (12*22=264-15=249) to Chittering Husk #6.  

Keen 1 triggers.

[1,0] Chittering Husk #5: HP 1/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80
[1,0] Chittering Husk #6: HP 1/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80

 

[Mari 1]

"Rest...HAH."

I didn't mean it to sound so callous, and I instantly regretted it. I winced, the interactions between Freyd and I felt strained enough. Although I had a feeling that it may have been mostly on my side, that I think too much - and Freyd was simply just being Freyd, his actions nothing more than whims from a calculated mind. Yeh...he seemed like that, the kind of person to just do something. Not because he didn't think about it, no, but because it was more logical to take action than to hesitate. "I didn't mean it exactly like that..." I muttered, it was a poor ass excuse for an apology. I knew that. "I just- don't think rest is somethin' I'd get without being dead, yanno."  I offered him a weak smile in return to his, I felt he didn't seem to smile often.

I wasn't sure if he'd even listen - or care - he'd probably call her a lost cause, tell her she needs to take steps to fix that. Anything , everything - it's all on her. It always is. I sighed. Closing my eyes. No that didn't matter. I just had to take a page outta his book, just - act.

I followed through with his attack. Snorting at his comment, "Some people like biting." I called out - not even glancing behind me. Keep up the jokes, make things light. Make things right. 

I charged forward - I aimed for the first of the two - but slipped on loose gravel. Rather than lament at my slip up I righted myself and without skipping a beat moved to the second, as I jammed the tip of my spear into its chest it exploded in a ball of radiating light. 

"I slipped, get that last one."

 There was no shame in those small slip ups...I had to remember that.


@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows | HP:1150/1150 | EN:84/112 | DMG:22 | MIT:124| EVA:3 | ACC:6 | KEEN:1 | HLY:6 | BLD:36 | BH:34
Mari | HP 1610/1610  | EN: 158/158 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 

[[x1 AoE] Sonic Charge (1 Energy +2 per target hit) - A forward thrust which explodes energy at the end of the move.
19x1=19-15=4 DAMaGE

ID:178166 - Chittering Husk 5 - Miss
ID:178167 Chittering Husk 6 - 9 HIT

ID #177141 | BD: 6+6+1=12 (hit). Freyd deals (12*22=264-15=249) to Chittering Husk #5.  
ID #177142 | BD: 4+6+1=10 (hit). Freyd deals (12*22=264-15=249) to Chittering Husk #6.  

[0,0] Chittering Husk #5: HP 1/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80
[0,0] Chittering Husk #6: HP 0/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80 -4 DAM

Edited November 19, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

Walking over to the cacophonous horror, I grimaced, leaned back and then smashed my forehead into the thing, shattering it into a thousand disintegrating motes of light.

"You keep saying that," I started saying to my chronically fatigued companion, scrunching up my nose and blinking repeatedly.  It was a strange and disturbing sensation to think that I might have accidentally inhaled a bit of the digital dust it gave up as its form collapsed. 

"Great.  Now I feel like I have to sneeze..."  I said chuckling as my sleeve rose to rub at the itch.  Fonsa shook her head disappointedly while her husband was still trying to pare down his eyes from being the size of saucers.  "What?!  I was curious to see what would happen."  Judging by their reactions, they found the sincerity of my words disturbing.  Too bad for them.  My attention switched back to Mari, who seemed to be struggling more than ever.

"It must be exhausting to constantly watch your back, never truly feeling safe,  wondering when the next self-proclaimed champion of the moral high ground is going to come sweeping out of the shadows."  It was a realization, not so much an offer of sympathy.  She wouldn't accept it anyway.  I nodded back towards the wagon.  "We have several more hours to travel and should be topside soon enough.  Let yourself catch a few winks while you can.  The game will impose a toll on you if you don't," I added, suggesting a possible connection to her recent miss against the near-vegetative husk I'd just finished off.

"Take the time before something else takes it from you."

Spoiler

Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows | HP:1150/1150 | EN:84/112 | DMG:22 | MIT:124| EVA:3 | ACC:6 | KEEN:1 | HLY:6 | BLD:36 | BH:34
Mari | HP 1610/1610  | EN: 158/158 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 

Freyd > Chittering Husk #5 (-1 EN, +1 EN)

ID #178280 | BD: 5+6=11 (hit). Freyd deals (22-15=7) damage to Chittering Husk #5.  

[2,0] Chittering Husk #5: HP 0/250 | MIT 15 | DMG 80 (1-7)

 

[Mari 1]

"Err...."  He literally headbutted the thing to death. Sure, it had a single hit point but...it just felt - weird  to watch. It was almost comical. The thing left a cloud of  dust which Freyd inevitably inhaled the....remnants. "Not quite sure you came out ahead in that one." I said with a small snort. It was...refreshingly human of him. I glanced over at the NPCs, my expression neutral. I didn't really find it too important to give them much attention. Try as the game might to make them seem human, and force us to have empathy for them - I found myself not giving two shits about the duo. The whole fiasco, their relationship - the story - it seemed like a canned tale. Tripe shoved down your throat. 

 

"It must be exhausting to constantly watch your back-'

 

"Not really." I said in response to Freyd, "That may have been true in the past." I headed back to the caravan and hoisted myself up to the seat, shuffling to try and find some sort of comfortable position on the small wooden plank that served as the front seat. I sighed my head thunked against the caravan. "I've kinda gotten used to that. Someone is always touting justice. OFten those are the ones who attack without thought." I chewed on my cheek. "No, now its just exhausting to exist." 

What a cop out of an answer. But it was. "People..." I stopped and shut my eyes. "Are either far too wrapped up in their own desires, or too busy pushing those onto others these days." Yeh. That sounded better. It was true; people were selfish, maybe I was too. Why was I pushing myself so hard to please everyone who came my way? Why did I have to help every person who asked, to talk through every conflict? Wouldn't it be easier to stop all that?

I wouldn't care if something did took that time from me.