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Kasier

[PP-F6] Endless Clouds (Benjamin Bookworm)

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Kasier's eyes - empty, full of darkness, as she stared into the darkness that had been created by the shadow of the mountain that she was sitting on top of. If she was to jump down from here, her bones would be crashed, her fragile body would burst into thousands of pieces upon contact, and her existence would no longer remain. Just one simple decision, and she would be free from the deaths that she has seen, the nightmares that haunt her from the beginning of the night, all the way to the break of sunrise. She could be free from all the terrors, at the expense of one simple thing - her own priceless life. Kasier looked down below... oh, how she wished that she could just end it all. But that was the one thing that she cannot do at this moment. She had someone to live for, and that is exactly why she must live on, even if she lives on as a weakened version of her past self with a lack of mental willpower that she used to have.

She sighed, dangling her feet off the cliff as she continued to watch what was down below. How could a game like this be so beautiful? With it's long-flowing waterfalls that she wished her hair could imitiate, with the dark-green trees that acted as umbrellas, sheltering the players from the water that comes out when waterfalls hit at the bottom of the cliff. She could see materials down there... fruits, vegetables, the entire labyrinth of nature was awaiting her... waiting for her to jump down and pick them all up, but she felt zero inspiration for anything at the moment. Yes, she laid back, her back on the cliff while her legs off it, I hate to say it... But even I know that this is depression. Kasier thought, what a cruel world. 

@Benjamin Bookworm

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Benjamin had started to regret his decision to explore the sixth floor once again.  It's not that he didn't need the materials, but the mountainous area that looked like it could have all the mats that he needed so far had only proven to have a lot of exercise.  He let out another frustrated sigh.

As he passed over the next ridge though, he spied a girl sitting on the edge of the cliff.  It was a look he had seen too many times before in the Town Of Beginnings- someone who had been staring off the side long enough to think about jumping.  He had seen a lot of players try and talk others down from those thoughts- sometimes successfully- but it didn't look like there was anyone else around here today.

He approached the area she was lying at, trying not to look too threatening.  With his dirt covered clothes, covered in rocks and burrs from the climb, he probably didn't need to bother though.

Hey, um, hi there miss.  Are you OK over there? he asked, a worried look crossing over his face.  It's a nice view here, though I'm not much of a fan of heights myself.

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Kasier had closed her eyes as she sat there in thought when suddenly a voice interrupted her. She opened her eyes, revealing her fierce red eyes that had now been toned down to nothing but a flicker of flames remaining in that socket of hers. The intensity that was there before had disappeared, replaced by something that was longing for something else... something that she can't quite place her hands on. She sighed, sitting up straight as she stared back down at the view.

"Have you ever wondered why this is all here? Have you ever wondered why it is that a beautiful game like this is simply a mask for a death game. All of this placed here are literally just images that make us forget that the moment we make a mistake, we die?" Kasier began to talk, wanting to obtain a new perspective on her problems, wanting to just spill out everything, even if it was just to a random stranger that she had recently met. Heck, she should probably be getting off that cliff, because with one push, she could fall to her death. "You don't enjoy the heights, huh? Well, sometimes, it's good to overcome a fear of yours." She began, aimlessly talking with no thought in mind. Kasier exclaimed, looking down at her own two feet. "Boy would I like that." She thought, remembering the fear that she felt during that bloodshed. The fall of the Ascendants. It would be an event remembered for the rest of the game, where nearly the entire guild falls to pieces under the blades of villains. She could've saved some of them... but she was frozen, unable to move until the last moment, and by then, it was too late. With that thought, and the images repeating in her mind, she felt a drop of tear appearing from her eyes.

@Benjamin Bookworm

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Ben watched as the girl by the cliff sat up.  She was still looking very melancholy, but was at least talking.  I, um, well I don't know, but I don't think the game was supposed to be a death game from the very start.  I mean, with all the money that was poured into making it, there was probably a lot of people who were trying to make a nice beautiful game before the whole thing got hijacked.  I mean, um, sorry, I tend to over analyze things a lot. he said, just putting out the first things he could think of to try and keep her attention. 

As Ben spoke, he started to scooch up to the ledge with her.  It was still really scary to get there, and he didn't want to look down at all, but the other choice was leaving someone on the edge by herself, and he wasn't about to do that.  Especially when it looked like she was going to start crying.  Well, how about you tell me about your fears then?  It must be pretty bad if it's worse than a cliff like this... he said with his voice breaking a bit, still not looking at the big scary drop.  Please?

@Kasier

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"I fear life itself. I fear death as well. I fear because any second, someone might disappear from my friend's list. A war could go on between PKers and players at any moment. I fear life, because I have to witness these things going on around me, and I fear death because I have someone to live for." Kasier exclaimed, saying it as if she had read it from a textbook. It was a beautiful crafted sentence, and it was surprising that Kasier had been the one to say something like this. However, it was what Kasier truly felt. She was in an emotional state where she cannot simply jump off of an edge, because she had someone that she loved. However, it hurt her to continue to live like this, watching as people die, walking away from her. The images of the players dying in front of her, with her unable to do anything despite her being a tank, was still fresh in her mind, and it continued to repeat, repeat, repeat - until the images were no longer fakes generated inside her mind. With each repeat, it was like a rapier penetrating into the middle of her chest, hurting her even though she cannot feel pain in this unrealistic world. 

"Well. Have you ever seen an entire guild whipped out before your eyes? Watching that once... It's worse than jumping off this cliff 100 times, or staring straight down from it for 1,000 days. It's nothing that you can imagine." Kasier managed to say.

@Benjamin Bookworm

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Ben stopped moving towards her for a few seconds, trying to find the words to say.  That's... a lot.  I haven't actually seen any of the things the PK guilds have been up to.  Just the names of the monument of life that keep appearing.  Ben sat near the cliff, still away from the edge and too her side as he thought about all it took to bring him out of the town.  I haven't been out in the world long enough to have anyone I really care for- or even know- die yet.  Seeing that many people at once... he shifted around, trying to think how he would feel losing a friend in here.  I wish we had someone in town we could talk to and help everyone get their heads sorted out.  But right now we just have our friends to watch our backs.  Maybe... instead of being out here, you should think about talking with some of them? 

@Kasier

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"Sometimes, I feel like if I never exited the safe zone in the first place... stayed in a hotel somewhere and just waited until the end of the game, I wouldn't have to go through all that stuff, you know? What would the front lines do without a couple of people? Perhaps the players really can't do it - this game was supposed to be challenging, you know. And without PKers doing their deeds, it's already hard enough to continue. Now, PKers roam the floors. An orange player who claims to be a good person is not necessarily the case." Kasier sighed, staring down at her own two feet as she continued to blab away. She had yet to even look him directly, but a scan at his face seemed sufficient enough. She didn't know his name either, but that wasn't important to her. It was times like this that she could care less who she was speaking to, as long as they weren't familiar with her. This wasn't the sort of talk that she can have with Itzal or any of her friends, but for a stranger who Kasier might never see again, this didn't matter.

"Friends? Everyone I know are even more depressed than I am. I need to be strong... just for them, but it's hard. Strength isn't something that you just find over night, and for some of us, it's something that you might never find."

@Benjamin Bookworm

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Ben looked down at Kasier, finally lightening up a bit.  She was opening up now, which at least meant that she wanted to talk.  It was an improvement at least.  Well, I'm not sure that's the way I see it.  We are playing an RPG after all- it just means that the tougher things get, the more we have to grind to ease up the difficulty again.  Not an easy task- eventually we would be trading weeks of our lives for just the slimmest boosts- but it can be done. he said with a brave face.  Even with the cowardly PKers around- and they are cowards who mostly to attack players much lower level or alone- we have a lot of good people on the front line, risking themselves to push us on towards the top.  I've seen the strength that players show here- not from themselves, or their own ambitions, but from the goals they have together.  As guilds, and friends, working as a team. 

@Kasier

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"Yeah, but the front lines is not powerful enough to carry us through the entire game." Kasier exclaimed, getting more frustrated than sad at this point. "Sure, there are good people on the front lines, but why is it they who are risking their lives for those who hide on the first floor, unwilling to do anything to contribute to the rest of the game? Why is it they who has to die from jumping off Aincrad in depression or getting stabbed by a powerful boss and not those who sit in the first floor, having not even exited the safe zone, once. There are plenty of players like that, those who don't even attempt to see what it's like out there. They are so scared of dying that they don't even bother - I don't blame them for being scared, but that's something you have to risk in order to help." Kasier finished, standing up from the cliff before turning around the face the man that she had seen. This was the first time that she managed to get a good look at the man's face, and she didn't recognize it. That means, he too, had yet to progress to the front lines. "Say, I haven't met you before. That means you haven't been getting out there in the front lines, right?" She questioned, stepping closer.

@Benjamin Bookworm

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