[PP-F2]<<EaL>> Maybe I'm a Monster

[Lycan 0]

@Rin

"Damn it," the teen cursed, head buried in his hands just outside the safe zone of Urbus. He shook his head before thudding it against the fence pole behind him.

"Damn it," he repeated as both hands streaked down his face to reveal reddened eyes from lack of sleep and fatigue.

He titled his head toward the ceiling of floor three, which took the form of an orange morning sky. Clouds listed across at a casual pace, white and pure.

"She won't reply..." he muttered. "Esther..."

Lycan's head hung low and braced against his knees. White locks of hair jutted against the fabric of his pants and tousled about as he ground his face into them. His mind burned with the images of what he did to her - all the shouting, kicking her, his blade at her throat. He knew he was frustrated and upset, but to have it amplified to such horrifying degrees.

Lycan's fists tightened and teeth clenched. The teen recalled the snake tattoo and the redheaded steward that left him paralyzed in that bed.

"Allison..." Lycan seethed, his anger nearly palpable on the air. "Addel..."

Hand balled and white knuckled, Lycan slammed one into the ground. He raised his head and stood, producing a set of windows in front of him.

Quote

To: Addel, Allison
From: Lycan
Subject: <Blank>
Body:
I'm coming for both of you.

Lycan hit send, then moved over to his equipment menu and produced his Twin Grips, a pair of metallic gauntlets, on his hands. Since Harbinger shattered that night, he was reduced to his own fists. However, it was with those fists, he'd drive his point home to those two.

Lastly, the young boy navigated to his Alchemist interface. He spun through the potential recipes, the millions that other players had put together, and landed on one that caught his eye.

<Toxic Venom>

He selected it from the list, skimmed the ingredients, and closed out.

[Rin 0]

Rin was merely wandering about the second floor as if it was any other day, she enjoyed the peaceful town of Urbus with all it's picket fences. It wasn't long before she came across a man though sitting against a fence. She remember when she herself had done a similar thing although from this distance she could make out much, fifteen maybe twenty meters away from her speculation. As her steps drew closer though she winced hearing the enraged profanities that he was shouting into his own arms.

At that point Rin normally would have ran away nervous about interacting with those who obviously had their own internal strife that they were attempting to fight through although a slight utterance of a familiar name. Esther? Wait, I remember he was the guy who invited us all to the lake side that fateful day. He was talking with Esther then to.

Fidgeting ever so slight she now sighed realizing that she should probably act as a substitute Esther for the moment. How does she always manage to bring smiles and remain cheerful no matter the circumstance. Ok Rin be happy and just talk with him a bit and whatever you do don't freak out screaming and running away. 

"Um hello there are you ok ... mister?"

Her voice was gentle and nervous as a stutter passed through those words as she was scared to be honest she didn't know the man that much and he seemed to be in a bad mood. It wasn't obvious if he would hear her at first but she would then speak up a bit louder as she now arrived toward his side.

"Mister?"

[Lycan 0]

Just as Lycan closed out of his windows, his HUD dinged. The little, flashing, yellow envelope pulse out of his peripherals. He selected it and opened the first of two:

Quote

To:  Lycan
From:  Unknown
Subject: <Blank>
Body:
-You have me as an enemy for what you did to Esther Lycan.  Your safe for now, but watch your back in the future.  You've just become my enemy-

"Tch, like I haven't already figured that out." Lycan marked the message as spam and deleted it. 

Quote

To: Lycan
From: Arc
Subject: <Blank>
Body:
Hey man, I heard about what happened to you the other day. With Esther. Don't worry, she's safe. I'm looking out for her right now. You ought to apologize to her at some point, though. I don't know the details, and it's not any of my business, but it messed with her something fierce. Anyway, I look forward to hitting a dungeon with you sometime. Hit me up.

-Arc

  Lycan bit his lip. And began a reply.

Quote

To: @Arc
From: Lycan
Subject: <Blank>
Body:
Keep her away from me. Something isn't right. I've made enemies and they're willing to hurt anyone around me. Keep her safe. I owe her more words than she knows.

Lycan hit send and just as he managed, a soft, timid voice caught his attention. Lycan quickly scattered his windows to the wind and faced the girl with fists clenched, ready for a fight. His fierce amber eyes locked on her lithe frame and flowing hair. He felt his muscles relax and he let his fists fall to his sides.

"You..." While not intentional, his ire and animosity bled from his words.

"I saw you at the lake," Lycan commented. He looked to Rin with hesitation on his eyes.

'Is she one of them?' he asked internally. 'She going to poison me too?'

His eyes narrowed. "Who are you? What do you want?"

[Rin 0]

As the man kept bouncing through his menu and messenger system, at least she assumed by the furious manner which he kept writing his message to whomever was contacting him. Her wandering eyes now examining him rather concerned as he seemed to look partially  ...  sick? But that isn't at all possible I thought this game was designed to have no illnesses at least no major ones. Perhaps though the cardinal system was adapting or developing methods to make this game more life like. Or perhaps it is something more serious then that their were poisons made in this game that were designed to slowly drain the victim of their energy and health. 

As he turned to face her she yelped nervously watching him rotate with clenched fists as if prepared to strike her she nervously shivered as her entire body flinched. She stood there frozen in that moment bracing for impact till she realized nothing was coming. Ideas passed through her mind including one to beg him to stop his motions till she realized that he hadn't moved form his spot other than his fighting stance. An eyelid now lifted as she took a quick peek realizing that he indeed seemed to be calming down perhaps.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to barge in on you, but you looked sorta angry to me and I was just worried that you were in need of something?"

The maiden frowned and drooped her head down frightened as she was merely trying to make friends with any and all she could in game. He didn't seem like he was interested though. She bowed before imploring.

"Please forgive I will g-go away now."

[Lycan 0]

'Timid... Quiet...' Lycan noted. He sighed and gripped his face, rubbing at weary eyes. 'You're doing it again...'

"No, wait," Lycan said with a huff. He let his hand fall from his head and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Let me try this again."

The platinum crested teen winced a bit as he tried to push the thoughts of recent events to the back of his mind. He tried to bury his aggression, his self inflicted hatred, and unyielding paranoia. While not entirely successful, he felt a stillness and looked to the stranger with kinder eyes.

"My name is Lycan. I hosted the lake party. You are?" He gestured to the brunette with an open palm.

'Keep it together, man. Just don't let her too close. For your sake and hers...' reminded the boy to himself.

He tried to offer his best smile. Though with the dark circles under his eyes, his best efforts of appearing jovial fell just flat of the mark. 

[Rin 0]

The boy seemed sub par at best, his own motions were drowsily keeping up with his continuous eye rubbing if he did it any harder she would have worried about pink eye and other infections that would become of it. She now strolled even closer till she hesitantly reached up a hand toward his face it was clear through her facial expression and her stuttered movements that his agitated condition was making things difficult for her. 

"H-how about we get you a cup of hot cocoa or maybe a bowl of soup, you don't look all that well which is something I frankly didn't think possible in this game. Everyone I have ever met was healthy as a horse ... until they disappear from this world forever that is."

As he tried to calm the tension in his body she now nibbled her tongue that was just barely hidden between her pursed lips. Her hand slowly raised till it offered itself to be held as if preparing to act as a seeing-eye-dog or something through the forest.

"Well are you going out as well to search for some materials? I was planning on finding more tailor supplies till I ran into you."

[Lycan 0]

The thought of food or drink from any establishment soured his stomach. It was doing such a thing that got him in this predicament in the first place. An NPC vendor, maybe, but nothing with a middle man. Lycan hung on the thought for a moment, trying to recollect his last honest meal. Two days? Was it three? He lost track.

"No," he replied with another weak smile and wave of his hand. "I'm alright. It's just been... a rough couple days."

'Why am I talking to this girl? What if she-- No... Stop being paranoid. You know her. The lake. She was with...? Who the heck was she with...?' his mind raced in a state between conscious and delirious.

The mention of materials drifted into his ears and he nodded at the reminder.

"Right, yeah. I need a few ingredients," he said aloud. "I need to make..."

Lycan paused with the word "poison" frozen on the tip of his tongue. He saw the girl hold out her hand, posture closed, angled brows, and the glimmer of hesitation in her eyes. She was afraid - uncomfortable. The teen let the word fall off into oblivion.

"I need to make something for a friend," he lied. "And..."

'God, do I want to risk it?' he briefly thought, while looking at her timid demeanor and innocent features.

With a deep sigh, he added, "I could use some company... If you'd allow it."

He glanced at her raised hand, and shied his eyes away from it. A pang of guilt and fear riddled him. The memory of a lilac-haired girl flooded his memory. Whoever this girl was, she reminded him of her. 

[Rin 0]

Rin eyed him, disbelief across her brow as she merely shrugged away her concerns and sighed now taking deep breaths to keep herself calm as she wasn't use to discussing adventures with males alone. The lass encountered numerous female companions while not dressed like her Katz doppelganger but she really wasn't comfortable even in hiding like that. She had met a large amount of people to date: Alisa, Morgenstern, Esther, Mari, Hakai, Itzal and his entire guild to honest. The majority of her friends, if she was even able to associate herself in that fashion with them. She of course wasn't that big of deal at the lake side, she interacted with one or two people, Domarus and Esther sorta jumped on her while she was hiding out in the weeds.

"I'd say, looks to me like you have slept in a week or so. What do you say after this I will rent out a room for you and I will insist that you take either a long nap or a long relaxing bath or something.  As you seem to be exhausted which is the best I can think of right now."

She smiled now and began leading the way as her arm would merely lock with his as she saw the locking of hands as a bit to intimate a detail to hide when traveling about outside with a companion. Although, it could also be taken as a betrothal then as many marriages had them escorting in such a fashion. There was no comfortable way to be in contact with someone else you didn't know it figured.

[Lycan 0]

Before he had a chance to deny her, Rin crooked his arm and he felt compelled to stagger along with her.

'She going to kill me? Poison me? Is she working with Addel?' his mind raced.

He looked at her harmless smile, the tone of her voice genuinely concerned. She pulled him onward, adamant to rid him of his weariness and fatigue. Lycan's stomach sank. If only she knew the weight on his shoulders. No cup of soup or rest could sure him of his self loathing and guilt.

"Wait! Hold on!" he cried before his body flooded his senses with relief. He needed this. His body needed this. The stranger was right. But still...

"Who are you?" Lycan asked. He had to know. His panic and paranioa had to know. "You know nothing about me. I know nothing about you. Why? Why help a stranger? I could have killed someone..."

Lycan's mind drifted to the memory of his blade at Esther's throat. He remembered the feeling of her crying face snuffed out underneath his boots. Nausea spun in his stomach and he shook his head. All the while, Rin continued to lead him as he staggered.

"Why...?" he murmured... "Why are people so nice to me...? You'll only get hurt..." His last sentence left his mouth as a faint whisper as his eyes fluttered, struggling to remain awake.

[Rin 0]

Rin felt the weight of Lycan now bearing down upon her as well as she nearly began to stumble along in attempts to help support his weight. Something was off about this whole deal and she frankly had no thoughts on how or what was wrong with him. Could exhaustion truly leave you in this near walking corpse like state where you could drag down two people? As they strolled out into the second floor exploration zones she began to scan about now wondering what he was searching for.

"Any materials I should keep an eye out for or are we picking any odd materials? I'm personally looking for more dyes, leather and some cotton as I am a Tailor, what you need?"

She was almost insistent that he start explaining as she thought that he was going to have issues attempting to find anything while they strolled along. He looked deathly ill almost and she was ready to do her part to wake him up. Rin lifted a finger to his mouth realizing she really didn't know his name either.

"Oh well I'm Rin I just know that you and Esther looked rather close so I was hoping to help you out here. I guess you just seem like someone who wouldn't kill another player to me am I wrong?"

[Lycan 0]

Lycan felt Rin start to stagger due to his inability to carry himself. He righted, and broke free from her crooked arm. The teen staggered for a moment, almost losing balance entirely. A tree caught him before he tumbled and Lycan took a moment to collect himself.

"I'm not going to weigh you down too," he commented. 

The teen closed his weary eyes for a brief moment, took a deep breath, and stood of his own accord. While he did, Rin mentioned Esther's name and he clutched at his coat where his heart beat rapidly. His teeth clenched. Her name hurt him, the guilt hurt him. How could he do something like that to someone like her?

"I'm... I'm not a killer." His confession sounded hesitant, almost as if he didn't believe it. "It was poison... Something they did to me and I was so angry.... So very angry..."

He shook his head, trying to keep himself awake.

"Poison, right. Nightshade, hemlock, and venom... Frog or snake will do." Lycan listed off his ingredients as his eyes focused on their surroundings.

 ID# 68500 results: // LD: 16 //

 His eyes settled on some red among the green foliage. He made his way over to it and crouched down beside it. Nightshade? No...

"Over here," he called to Rin. "These should make a good dye."

+1 Material to Rin

[Rin 0]

Rin watched her hands now stretching out worried while he staggered over, it was almost as if he had to many drinks and the booze were affecting his motor functions. As he escaped her grip she desperately attempted to make her way back over she didn't care if she would have to take him upon her own back to help him stay steady. Until, as he talked about not wanting to weigh her down. The girl frowned as she drooped her head shaking it back and forth, she didn't care if he burdened her at all she already felt guilt and shame that she thought was unbearable when her lover was killed in game. It wasn't dramatic like a pker, at least not to knowledge as she thought he just went out with his small band of players and got slaughtered by the bosses minions that protected the path onto his door.

As he motioned to the materials she looked down and sighed agreeing that they would make a wonderous dye but for now she really could care less about her own materials as he seemed to need some sort of antidote.

"I-I don't care if you are trying to not be a burden! You idiot why do men always think they have to be strong when faced with a girl just because I'm not a fighter doesn't mean that I can't help you walk ok. Stop being so proud and let me help if I have to pull you up onto my back and give you a ride I will!"

An uncharacteristic shift took over Rin as she now clamped a hand to her lips as she thought Esther was dead tears now streaming down her cheeks as she hadn't heard the girl for a while and then her name disappeared. Rin now quickly pulled out the plant putting it in her inventory and started her search for more.

ID: 68534 LD: 3 + 4 = 7 None

Edited September 25, 2016 by Rin

[Lycan 0]

Rin's words came out sharp and potent. Her small frame boasting a sudden strength in her voice and determination. Lycan grinned and a chuckle escaped his lips.

"Is that right?" he asked with a shake of his head.

He stood as she plucked the plant at his feet.

"You want a share of this?" Lycan pointed a thumb at his own chest, just above his heart. His patience waned in light of recent events.

"I kicked someone I care about in the face. Repeatedly." His words came out stern, but heavy with remorse and thick with self loathing. "Pointed a blade at her throat and lifted her clear off the ground."

He took a step toward Rin, his weight pressed deep into the earth beside her.

"I'm a monster, Rin. A monster. You don't want this burden. Get too close to me and I might do to you what I did to her..."

Lycan hung on the words, the reality of it lingering on his mind like a parasite. He backed away from the girl, likely intimidated. He had that effect.

"You don't want that..." he muttered, eyes listing away from the brunette.

ID# 68671 results: // LD: 1 // (FFS, come on)

The forest seemed to quiet from his outburst. Again, his inner fire spilled out against an unintended target. The stress and bottled anger brimming to be unleashed but no fair target for its fury. He turned back to the girl.

"You don't want this..." he repeated. 

[Rin 0]

As she was rising though she heard Lycan now closing in on her position, his thumb nestled tightly into his chest, her eyes now fixed upon that point. Her one moment in attempt to break through to Lycan was now trampled by his stern menacing speech that he commanded down upon the meek girl. She wasn't able to control her own motor functions now as she heard the self loathing, mistaking it as a hatred toward her. Tears beginning to form at their ducts as she continued to shrink before him till she finally collapsed backward in terror against the surface. A weak mewl no longer even audible from her as she just lied there, eyes clamped shut as she began to cry again. There was nothing she could say that would help ease that suffering he felt. Although, the fear of him doing the same as he did to another woman only made her uneasiness around him grow as she now shuffled around afraid.

Perhaps this wasn't a man who was unsafe to party up with, but it felt wrong to just run away now after how far she came and her little speech. Was what he said the truth or was it all a means to intimidate her from following him out into the floor for materials.  She shook her head before softly speaking.

"Y-you wouldn't do that though, you are a good man I believe it a-and if you aren't t-then prove me wrong."

The girl didn't really want him to prove anything then her thoughts to be correct otherwise she believed she was going to end up dead or crying in these woods.

Rolling ...

[Lycan 0]

"Prove you wrong..." Lycan said those words with a deep, rolling tone followed by a harrowing chuckle. Somehow, the challenge felt humorous.

"Proof?" he asked, his laughter borderline psychotic. His rage gripped his body, limbs moving without accord. Lycan's grip caught a fistful of Rin's clothes and he pulled her eye to eye with him.

"The proof you want is right here," he hissed, arm shaking with anger as she hung from it. "I'm a monster god damn it."

The words felt right coming from his lips like a truth never spoken, yet his stomach churned. A faint light at the back of his mind itched and the boy shook his head. He exhaled sharply as if in pain and let his grip free of her. Instead, he clasped the sides of his head. Reality of his actions brutally collided with the memories of his past outburst. He knew this feeling. 

"I want to kill you," he groaned as if struggling with the words while fighting an internal conflict.

He shouted at the top of his lungs, and his fist shot into the trunk of a nearby tree. The boughs above shook and leaves fluttered to the ground as <Immortal Object> appeared where he stuck.

"I want to kill someone! Someone has to pay!" his anguish apexed against his fatigue and the teen dropped to his knees. His breathing became labored, head heavy. The forest around began to spin.

"I just wanted to help..." more like a murmur, the words barely escaped his lips.

 ID# 68883 results: // LD: 5 //

[Rin 0]

As he spoke she could hear that intimidating change in tone, she gulped nervously now back off ever so slightly before she found herself shrieking in fear as she was gripped by her shirt lifted up off her feet.  They peddled in the air as she glanced down to her feet and back toward the enraged man. It wasn't like the man she met at the lake, he was so welcoming and even invited the group to enjoy the warm water. He must have worked so hard to clear the monsters for how long their party had lasted Tears streamed down her face seeing him like this, she didn't know him well but it didn't feel like the real him despite what he spoke. As he shouted out those words of him being a monster she mewled and closed her eyes as she now stopped struggling the sensation over taking her as if it was an abusive relationship she was suddenly stuck in some how.

"S-someone doesn't have to pay,  aren't you suffering enough for all parties involved. D-don't you remember that lake part you were so nice to invite complete strangers to join you. T-that doesn't sound like something a murder would do or someone who was selfish like  monster."

She softly murmurred now looking away nervously as he was a loose cannon at this point. She half-expected him to simply toss her aside and end her miserable life, it wouldn't come to a shock to her she knew that her own caring would one day be her down fall. A solemn voice now sounded from Rin as she looked down through her bangs, tears still streaming down her face.

"I-I'm sorry you are suffering ... if you need to hurt someone ... go ahead."

 

[Lycan 0]

'I-I'm sorry you are suffering ... if you need to hurt someone ... go ahead.'

Lycan flashed a glare at her, anger burning in his eyes. Then, like a ghost of the past, he saw her shaking, crying face. Small, weak, and timid, Rin extended the offer for him to channel his rage into her. His mind triggered a flash of memory and the girl's brunette hair exploded into lilac waves. Her eyes became an enchanting green and a completely different person sat before him.

"Esther..." his voice quaked. Lycan's eyes stung with tears as they crested to the edges of his lids. 

On all fours, he crawled toward Rin, eyes glistening. 

"I'm sorry," he murmured. She always wanted to fix things, to take away his pain no matter the cost. No matter his actions, she tried.

Lycan came up on Rin, pausing right in front of her as tears streamed down his face and his brows scrunched together in sorrow. His chest quivered with rapid breaths and his dull, sleepless eyes began to lose their light.

"Please..."

His arms opened wide, then wrapped around Rin on a firm embrace as if never wanting to let her go. His weight fell forward and into the girl, throwing off their balance.

"Please, forgive me..." he begged, voice trailing into a whisper. His arms grew loose form her body, eyes shut, and head fell limp into her chest. Fatigue finally claimed him, and Lycan slipped into unconsciousness.

"I'm sorry..." his lips formed but only a the softest breath escaped.

[Rin 0]

As she continued to cry awaiting any sort of response she began to blink, he spoke a name that was all to familiar to her as she had only recently lost her contact request with the rosy haired girl, Esther. A sniffle and rub of her eyes she began to pardon his remark as he now began to crawl on hands and knees she let out a fearful chirp as if she was the bird instead of the cat in the game of chase. Quickly dropping down to her knees as she reached down to grip onto Lycan's head as she wasn't certain what to do. 

"N-no no bad Lycan wake up. Don't do this wake up we can't pass-out out here! I can't carry you!"

The girl squealed louder as his eyes began to flutter from his apologies that wasn't what she wanted to hear from the whit haired man, she wanted him to wake up and walk back with her to the city. As she stared into his eyes she shouted louder.

"Don't go into that darkness Lycan!"

She grunted now as he fell into her with open arms preparing a large hug for her, groaning now as she was supporting his weight in attempts to keep him standing. If she fell over and landed over her she wasn't going to be able to get them both back up. As he pushed hard she yelped and fell backward onto her back her head colliding with the dirt of forest rather harshly as she felt dazed. The scene was like that of a couple sleeping in the woods, but this was both an embarrassment and fear as she started to glance about her arms pushing up attempting to lift him off at once but her left arm that was supporting her was beneath her back as she wiggled beneath him like a trapped animal.

"L-lycan wake up you can sleep somewhere else I-I can't get you off."

She mewled and squirmed before whining rather flustered form her predicament.