Oske 0 Posted February 13, 2014 #1 Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 Spires of rock dotted the grassy plains, and the sound of water could be heard more clearly as one drew further away from the starting city. Pools of water glittered under the sun, held in structures that blossomed out over a vast canyon, suspended in a manner normally impossible by known physics. Such was the norm in a game. A young looking woman, possibly a teenager, stood with a dress wrapped around her thin body. She stood in a straight stance, her ginger hair flowing in the wind like water. She held a silvery short sword in her right hand, gripping it lightly as a flower. It wasn't like the needed to keep her grip--she was programmed to never drop her sword. "Hello there, perhaps you would like to duel with me?" A question mark hung above the NPC's head, along with a duel request that appeared in front of her. She smiled and said nothing beyond that, it was all she was programmed to say until her duel request was accepted. Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Lyra 0 Posted February 14, 2014 #2 Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 "ummm..." Lyra, a thirteen year old, inexperienced gamer stuttered at Pepper's request. She has hunted boars in the plains and bats in the forest and caves, but no player has ever asked her to duel. She was nervous like a small animal, but didn't want to show it. 'A distraction would be useful' Lyra thought, trying to calm her shaking hands. The wind blew after a moment of silence, and a comical sweat drop appeared on Lyra's head. "Ha...Ha...Ha" She awkwardly laughed, waving her hands on front of the NPC. After a while, the girl blushed in delight. "Ahhh! You're so beautiful" She touched Pepper's ginger hair, poked her delicate cheeks, and hugged her hips in a delighted smile. "I wish I could make you my onee-chan!" Lyra said finally being able to release her tensed feelings. While still holding Pepper, Lyra pressed the 'accept' button on her screen and quickly jumped out of the NPC's way. Pointing her blade at the enemy, acquiring a new sense of character with a desire to win and a passion to kill. A little sly smile appeared on Lyra's lips. If the bluff of a threatening face scared an NPC, she would surely have a good laugh about it. Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 14, 2014 Author #3 Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 "Greetings, player Lyra." The NPC dipped her head, drawing her sword and holding it at the ready. "My name is Pepper. I will be dueling you today." She only said what she was programmed to say--it was all she knew. "You may have the first move." With that, she raised her sword to hold it in front of her face, ready to block a hit. The sword glinted in the sunlight, sending a flare of brightness at Lyra's face. --- OOC: The Good: I love the way you write, and the way your character interacts with people. Pepper surely loved that hug, if she wasn't inactive when you did it. Suggestion 1: From now on, you may not use "thoughts". You must use feelings to portray your emotions. For example, you could say, "With Lyra's hands shaking, she took a deep breath. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind from her true thoughts." Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Lyra 0 Posted February 15, 2014 #4 Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 "Mmm" Lyra nodded, as the NPC officially started the quest. She unsheated Zephyr, made a deep breath and started to run towards her enemy. "Haaa!!" She shouted. Starting the fight with her strongest sword skill, the 'Vertcal Arc'. It dealt two damage at her opponent. "Yes!" She said, running backwards to ensure a defense position. ------------------- Ooc: thank you ^_^ And... I'll try my best! Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 24, 2014 Author #5 Report Share Posted February 24, 2014 After she was cut, Pepper's eyes narrowed. She lunged forward, then landed on one foot and began to spin. She whirled around Lyra with her sword pointed out. She cut Lyra twice, then slowly came to a halt and jumped back after dealing the critical hit. She smiled at Lyra, showing that she knew how to fight, too. 8/10 --- OOC: Suggestion 1: Try to add longer responses. Descriptions and emotions are good. Suggestion 2: Try not to tell me how much damage you did. I don't mind you telling me, but it'll bother others. Don't worry, if you're concerned that the other player might not take the damage as intended, just write in your response that you dealed a "critical hit". They'll understand. Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Lyra 0 Posted February 25, 2014 #6 Report Share Posted February 25, 2014 "Woah!" Lyra's eyes widened as she saw Pepper's spinning attack coming towards her. "How--??" The awe worked like a stun, that even after the damage has been done, Lyra was still standing to watch. "O-Oh... my turn?" She said naively as Pepper waited for her counterattack. "Just standing there huh?" She asked, suddenly nervous. "Ok... Here I go" Her zephyr lighted and with a quick wave of her hand, she did a slant. "Oopsie!" she said, failing the strike. HP= 11/13 ------------------ OOC: Sorry, I'm finding it difficult to do the emotions thing, could you please help me a little more with it Thank you ^.^ Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 25, 2014 Author #7 Report Share Posted February 25, 2014 Pepper raised her sword and slammed the hilt down on Lyra's head, landing a critical hit. She ground the hilt against Lrya's scalp and tore it down her ear, then jumped back. She slashed forward--a double slash. First to one side, then the other, then got ready to stab Lyra right in the face. 8/10 --- OOC: Okay, so this is a little hard. Think about how people act when they feel an emotions. For example, when you say... "she felt happy" or something like that. Instead, do this: "She smiled at the sunlight, her eyes bright with joy." Do you understand now? Or do I need more examples? I'm happy to help. Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Lyra 0 Posted February 26, 2014 #8 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 "Haa" Lyra gasped, as the hilt of Pepper's blade hit her head. Her body shook and her ears tremble from the sound of the weapon tearing down her scalp. Panic had started to swell inside the young player, yet she still tried to keep calm. "Just a game" she whispered repeatedly to herself "Just a game" Pepper had just jumped back and Lyra thought that that would be her last move, but it was not. The NPC had adjusted itself to do more than an attack. She did not pause to wait for Lyra anymore and simply proceeded to do a double slash. Every attack made contact. "Ahhhh!" Lyra screamed, mostly from shock than pain. At the corner of her screen, she can see her health bar abating to yellow from the assaults. It was only a second when she realized the next hit was aimed for her face. But it didn't come, Lyra had moved, and had made it out of Pepper's attack zone successfully. She knew she needed to do something,but what? Pepper moves faster than the mobs in the plains of Floor 1 and Lyra had never encountered something stronger since the NPC she was currently fighting. If she used one weak move, it might be her end. "No!!" Lyra shouted like a madman, keeping distance from her opponent. "Distance!" An idea suddenly popped in her head. She dashed towards her opponent, activating a sword skill and dealing a downward strike. She didn't stop there she followed it with a 'V-like trajectory landing a triumphant 'critical hit'. HP= 8/13 Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 26, 2014 Author #9 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Pepper panted, then smiled. "A worthy opponent," she said with a sly grin across her lips. She then dashed forward and thrust her blade upward. However, while she had been going to stab Lyra in the gut, she ended up slashing upwards instead and only landing a small scratch upon her chest. 6/10 --- OOC: Try to break up paragraphs with two hits of the enter key. It makes the paragraph easier to read. Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Lyra 0 Posted February 27, 2014 #10 Report Share Posted February 27, 2014 "Thank you" Lyra answered Pepper's compliment, sidestepping her attack, unfortunately it still scratched the young girl. Lyra didn't speak anymore, she didn't want to die in the face of an NPC. Her weapon, zephyr, lighted and she made one quick move that didn't even made the slightest contact on the enemy. Quicly, she ran away from Pepper and with a hardened expression, prepared for the next strike. HP=7/13 Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 27, 2014 Author #11 Report Share Posted February 27, 2014 Pepper gasped, jumping back. Appearing above the two was the sight of a message... CONGRATULATIONS! --- WINNER: LYRA "What a short duel," Pepper sighed, twirling and sheathing her sword again. "You were quite the opponent. Never have I seen such a bright player." --- OOC: Suggestion one: No need to worry! As a duel, you won't be dying. Suggestion two: Remember to keep track of my HP, too. You won the duel with that hit. After your final response I'll give you a list of suggestions in detail. Quote Report Link to post Share on other sites
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