[PP-F4] I'm here for you (Jomei)

[Zandra 0]

Zandra looked and listened to what Lowenthal said. Was it realy true? Didnt he wanted to to burden her, or rather, did he thougth he was durdening her if he told her things like this? She looked after him when he left the scen. The man beside her told her that Jomei probably wanted to be left alone, but he thougth she would go after him and nott let him be alone.''You dont need to tell me that Lowe.'' she answered at his last comment, with a shadow of a smile on her lips. Then she pushed herslef up and left the scen,following after Jomei.

Zandra half-ran thru the forest to catch up to her favourite irish-man. How could she be so stupid. To think for even just a second that he didnt loved her. The real question was actually if he knew she loved him. She had showed it far to rarely. With her hand she brushed away the wet in her face from the tears that had rolled down her cheeks. It ddint took long until she spotted a green hoodie a few meters infront of her. Then she realised she still only having her bikini. She quickly equipped her t-shirt before she opened her mouth.''Nick, wait.'' she said softly and walked up to him. Placing her left hand on his shoulder. Then she walked around him so she stood face to face with him. She looked deep into the taller man's green eyes.''It's okay.'' seh said to him and wrapped her arms around him. So many times had he done it around her and given her courage and safety. She hoped she could make him feel like that now.

[Jomei 0]

Where he planned to go, what he planned to do, he did not know. He just felt the need to get away from it all for a little bit so he could return to his normal self.. or at least as much of his normal self that he could regain. With his last words to Piera, spilling the situation of just what had happened, he felt slightly more at peace. But that did not atone for the fact that he murdered a man. Ended the life of another human who will never see the light of the real world. Never see his friends or family again. The Irishman pulled the ragged hood of his cloak further over his face and continued to walk, until, that is, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He had heard a familiar voice call out his name.. not his name here in SAO, but his real life name. He let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes, knowing he would have to explain just what had happened to Zandra, the woman he loved. Opening his eyes again, he saw the noirette standing in front of him, the whites of her eyes reddened and moist. Jomei looked into her eyes, a look of guilt on his face. As Zandra wrapped her arms around him, he did the same, nestling his face into the side of her head. He took in a shaky deep breath as he hugged the girl tighter, her arms around him immediately bringing a calmness to his body. "I'm sorry Sandra.. I'm so so sorry.." 

[Zandra 0]

Zandra felt Jomei answering the embrace. She also felt his face against her side. She moved her hand up and slowly started to brush it thru his hair, feeling the straws between her fingers. She just stood there, holding the man she loved while brushing his hair. Time passed, was its seconds? Minutes? Or even hours? She couldnt tell. But that dosent mattered to her. The only thing that mattered in this moment was the man infront off her."Nick..." she started. Not sure what to say. These kind of situations was completly new to her. She guessed she would just say what she felt to say, not thinking it thru. After all, thats when the real truth comes.

"Nick." She tried again."You dont have to be sorry. Thats my line. You have always been there for me." She took a breath."It have felt like someone that would always be there, and always be strong for me." She felt her eyes turning wet again."But Ive never been there for you. Just like Piera said, you are to good for me." She finished, grit her teeth and shut her eyes.

[Jomei 0]

Jomei held Zandra in his arms, ".. But you don't understand.. I killed somebody. And I don't mean like you.. letting them die.. I watched as my blade passed through his chest, and the his remains falling into the snow around my feet." his eyes were still swollen from all of the tears as he pulled away from the girl and held her shoulder's at arm's length. "He may have been a player killer, but he still had a life.. had friends and family.. And I took him away from them.." his arms shook as he held the girl. Her words about her not being there for him, and hearing what Piera said to her made his eyes widen, "S-San..you know thats not true. There have not been many times when I have gone out, looking for a shoulder to lean on.. When its usually me that tries to comfort you. I tend to.. keep everything in to myself, which is my own fault. But not.. now its all just pouring out on top of this." he was looking down as he spoke. His eyes looked back at her face, "You know that I love you. Don't ever think you are not good enough." 

[Zandra 0]

The couple released each others grip. Zandra looked into his eyes that she have never seen them before. She listened carefully to every word he said. When he was done, she took his hands to her mouth and gave them a small kiss. She knew some arguments to say the opposite about the killing. But no, not say that."No player killing is different from another. They all burden our hearts the same. They all ends someones life." She paused for a few seconds before continuing."Maybe its keeps me comfortable at the moment. It feels worse when I get to know the truth." She grit her teeths to keep her eyes dry."I... I was... Today I felt it for the first time."

[Jomei 0]

Jomei felt a skip in his breath and a knot in his stomach when Zandra agreed with him about how a kill is a kill, no matter what. For some, like Jomei, morals still kicked in, no matter how much a criminal the other one may have been. On the bright side, at least she understood. He knew most people he would talk to would tell him that the man he killed had killed others.. so it was a form of justice. However, to Jomei, justice did not necessarily mean ending the life of another. There were other ways for them to serve judgement. Jomei looked up from the ground to gaze into Zandra's eyes as she spoke, not entirely sure what she meant. Something really seemed to be bothering her as well, "W-What are you talking about?" 

[Zandra 0]

It seemed like Jomei didnt realy understood what she meant. She gulped and tried again."I dont know how it feels to kill another player or person directly. But like you said... I... I let another player die right infront off my eyes, because he was rude. And that, it feelt terrible. It still does. But thanks to you, I could go on and keep living myself." She went quiet. Waiting for the words to sink in. Then she continued."And second. Dont hesitate to talk to me about stuffs like this. It dosent matter what it is. If something burdens you let me help you. I love you and Im always here for you." She stared at him, suddenly feeling a slight change in the mood."But youre not doing it to make me feel better right? So I dont need to worry." She said with a slight angry voice. She felt her temprament rising."So instead you keep everything to yourself. And pretend like nothing have happened when we goes to a hot spring party together. And then you..."She stopped in her sentence and calmed down."Everyone do things they regret afterwards. Some things bigger then others. But you have to keep living and looking forward."

[Jomei 0]

Jomei listened to Zandra speak, and eventually she seemed to get almost angry at Jomei for keeping his feelings pent up and not telling her sooner. Jomei looked down at the snow, "I- I'm sorry.. I did not want to tell anyone to be honest.. but I couldn't keep it inside anymore. It was killing me." he let out a heavy sigh before looking back up at Zandra. "I should have told you sooner... so you did not think I was keeping it from you..." he let out a shaky sigh, closing his eyes. He hoped he would not see that bloodstained blade of his in the darkness of his closed eyes again. He felt relieved when for once, he did not. "I wanted to forget about it and not tell anyone. Live free of the guilt and just let it become forgotten.." he scoffed, "But it doesn't look like I can do that now."

[Zandra 0]

So Jomei havent told her because he didnt wanted to tell anyone so he would be able to forget all about it? Put ir behind and never think about it again. She put on a warm smile and looked at him. Her red eyes sligthly shut."Yes, to forget about it is the way you most off the time wants to go. But believe me, its the hardest. I dont want to make you fell like its hopeless or how to say." She paused to decide how to say it. Then she continued."When I was in my teens, me and a neighbourkid walked pass a fenced field every day on way home from school. In the summer, horses is there. One day we got this stupid idea to throw gravel on one off the horses to make it move. It was only meant to hit the grass beside it to scare it."here the smile disapeared."But one of the stones hitted it on the forehead and it gave out a 'clonk'ish sound. It did ran away after that, but I also felt terrible. We both immediatly left the place and decided to never talk about it to anyone and just forget it. The years passed and I didnt thinked about it. But then, six years later when I visited my parents at the summer and I passed the field, the same horse, thou looking older was standing there and looked at me. Then every single detail from that day came back at me, and it felt like the horse remembered as well. And I felt the same feeling like I did that day." She blinked a few times."I know its not the same as killing someone. But what I meant was that even if you forgets about it, one day maybe it conna come back to you again."

She moved her hands thru his hair with slow gentle moves."So." She started with a calm voice."Do you mind to tell me what it was that happened?"

[Jomei 0]

Jomei's eyes locked with Zandra's as she told him a story of when she was younger, and how she was in a slightly similar situation, just without the killing. Putting the memory in the back of his mind would not help in the long run, for any sort of trigger could cause the thoughts to resurface and hurt him even more. Talking to Zandra about it now was definitely his best bet at getting it off his chest and hopefully coming to terms with what he did. He felt the girl's soft hands gently brush through his hair, her calm voice filling his ears. Immediately, Jomei felt a lot calmer because of her actions. Standing up straight, Jomei brought his hand up to open his inventor. With a couple of taps, the cloak on his shoulders disappeared, and materialized again over Zandra's, leaving him in his sleeveless, green casual clothes. He thought she looked quite cold in what she was wearing. "Yes, I'll tell you everything." he said, his voice no longer shaky, and quite calm himself. "But, lets go somewhere a bit warmer. Can we go to your place since its nearby?" 

 

[Zandra 0]

Zandra felt a warmth surrond her when Jomeis cloak meterialized on her shoulder. Her mouth smiled at him. Then he aggreed to tell her, but suggested that they first would go to somewhere a bit warmer. She made a nod as answer."That sounds like a good idea." She said with a still calm voice. She felt good that she now know why he didnt told her. With one hand she held the cloak so it wouldnt fall off and the other grabbed Jomeis as they headed back to her shop and home. Not long time later they walked into the timber hut. Zandra immediatly walked to the fireplace and lit a fire. She also started to make some hot choclate. She had done it so many times she did it automatically. But something was different. Her shelfs that have been filled with potions and ingredients was almost empty. There was barely any books left in the bookshelfs. Her workbench and crafting tools that also had been perfectly clean was no longer shining. The only furnitures left was one table with a chair and the two armchairs infront off the fireplace."The choclate is soon finished. You can sit down in the armchair at the moment." A minute later the room had a smoothe warmth and Zandra sat down in the other armchair, giving one off the cups to Jomei and sipped on her own. She leaned back and looked at him while she waited for him to start talk when he felt he was ready.

[Jomei 0]

Jomei and Zandra walked in almost complete silence back to the warm cabin she called home on Floor Four. The whole trek there, Jomei thought about how he would say what he needed to. The last thing he wanted was to have another breakdown. The man wanted to make sure he got the whole story out to Zandra, so that she could give him her full opinion on the subject. He did not want this killing him anymore, he needed it off of his chest.

Soon the two found themselves walking into Zandra's shop. As the door opened, Zandra immediately went over to her brewing station, where she began to make up some hot chocolate as usual. The Irishman slowly made his way over to an armchair, looking around the shop that seemed quite different. It was mostly empty. The shelves were mostly cleared, a lot of the furniture was gone. He turned to look at Zandra, who was still making the hot chocolate, wondering just why she was clearing out her beloved shop. Another question for after their conversation. Jomei sat in the armchair and waited for Zandra, who turned and brought him a steaming mug of chocolate drink. He watched her sit down, the look in her eyes waited for him. He took in a deep breath, "About a month ago.. maybe a little under that, Lowenthal and I received word of an unofficial pk guild that was more accustomed to taking in other players as slaves rather than killing them.. though many of them had killed before." he pointed to just above his head where the green crystal floated, referring to PKers orange crystals. "You were not around as much at the time to know, but when we started The Velvet Room, two of our members were Piera and Lee.. The four of us, well, mostly the two of us and Piera, all became very close friends during that time... But some time just after Halloween, they vanished. Five long months they were gone, until we heard of this group, and that our two friends had been taken by them. Being the men Lowe and I are, we sprung into action and planned to save them. With some cunning planning and unexpected help, we infiltrated their stronghold here on Floor Four. I 'joined' their group and took up guard duty with another man.. I did not even know his name. But neither of us could leave our post." His breath became shaky, and he grit his teeth, trying to hold back the tears from falling down his cheeks, "I needed to find a way past him...... I-I only intended to stun him.. and lock him out of the castle but... M-My stun wore off, and he pulled me out the window with him. He was not strong enough to kill me.. but if he got back to the castle.. Lowe and I would have been captured.. o-or killed." He looked down, his hair creating a shadow over his eyes, where tears began to fall. "The only thing I could have done.. was kill him.. It's been tearing me apart, what I did, taking the life away from someone like that. Even though he was a criminal.. he was still a living, breathing person." He wiped his eyes with the backs of his hand.

[Zandra 0]

Zandra listened quietly to every single word that exited the gingers mouth. The cup off hot choclate had frozen on way to Zandras mouth when Jomei started to talk about they entering a pk-stronghold. Her eyes went big and started to get wet. When he speaked, her chin made small shakes from time to time and her mouth was one straigth line. When Jomei went silent, the noirette just stared at thim at first. After almost half a minute several things happened at the same time. The cup in Zandras hands fell down and shattered on the floor, brown liquid splashing on the floor. It was completly ignored by the female owner. The red eyes blinked, made tears starting to roll down her cheeks. Zandra left her own armchair and placed herself infront of her loved one. She gently pulled up his head so she could look into his olive green eyes, seeing the traces from the tears. She leaned her head to the side. She followed his example and wiped away her own tears with the back off her hand. She took a step closer so he could lean his head on her chest and she embraced him."I love you Nick, off whole my heart. And it made me glad that you opened up and told me what have happened. And Im so, so sorry I wasnt there for you at the time." She let out a sigh."But I think you handled right. It was kill or beeing killed. Since they was a pk guild, they had to know death was always a possibility. He probably not gonna be missed as much as you and Lowenthal would have been." She hugged him hard to make her strenghg flow over to him. And to make know how much she truly love him.

Spoiler

 

[Jomei 0]

The sound of something falling and shattering caused Jomei to flinch and look up at where the sound was coming from. He saw broken shards of ceramic mug, drenched in brown, chocolate liquid. His eyes continued upwards until they were locked onto Zandra's. Her eyes swelled up with tears before they poured over, gently trickling down her cheeks. Jomei, for the moment, had forgotten all about his own problems and, at that moment, only cared about Zandra. It pained him to see her cry, especially when the cause of it was his own actions. Before he could speak again to the woman, she stood up and stepped over to the Irishman, placing her hands on the sides of his head and tilting him upwards to look at her. After wiping her teary eyes, she pulled his head into her chest and held him there. She told him what he needed to hear; that he did the right thing at the time, and that by doing what he did, he most likely saved himself and Lowenthal. But on top of that, she said she loved him. "S-Sandra." he spoke softly as he pulled his head from the girl's chest to look into her eyes again. "I love you too." Reaching his hand up slowly, he gently brushed his thumb against the girl's cheek before hooking his fingers along the back of Zandra's neck. With a soft pull, Jomei brought the girl's face down to his level. He parted his lips and closed his eyes, pressing his lips against Zandra's and kissing her tenderly. "Thank you." he said in a whisper as he pulled his lips away for a moment before kissing her again.

[Zandra 0]

When the words 'I love you too' exited over Jomeis lips, a glad smile appeared on Zandras face and she shut her red eyes. Then she felt a soft touch at her neck, gently pushing her mouth closer to her boyfriend. She felt the soft skin that was his lips got in contact with hers. When he, too soon in her opinion, removed the touch she opened her eyes. Just to hear a thank you from him before their mouths touched again and her eyelids fell down again. She had never kissed a boy back in real life. If this was how it felt back out there, she had realy missed something wonderful. Or was it because it was Jomei? With her lack of experience in the love-subject, she couldnt tell. Well, except that this was wonderful. She wished the time could stop. And they could spend all night together as long as they wanted. A woman who loves a man and a man that loves a woman. She didnt knew how long they stood there. A minute? Ten minutes? An hour? But she slowly moved her head back, a warm smile over her face and she opened her big red eyes, looking at the irishman."Of course, I'll always be here for you. I wont let you die. Not physically nor psycology*. So please, next time you going to save someone, take me with you or at least let me know what have happened if its something like this. Okay?" She said with a warm tone in her voice.

*Dont know if right word, but when you kind of die inside, like the spirit to keep living abandons you and you turn into an empty shell.

[Jomei 0]

He smiled and nodded his head, "Of course. We would have let you know to come with us.. but it all happened so quickly." He looked across at Zandra, the woman he loved. He gazed at her as if he were trying to memorize every detail of her face for the first time. There were multiple times he caught himself sitting breathless. "Sandra.." he said softly, taking her hand in both of his. He stared into her eyes, a smile as warm as the fireplace next to them. "I.. I think its about time that we.. Find a place to call our own. And I don't mean our two stores.. I mean a house that we can live in, together." He felt his heart beat quickly, and soon his body felt hot. Was he sweating? He was probably sweating. His throat felt dry, and he struggled to find the words he wanted to speak next. Honestly, he had not prepared to do this just yet.. but with the situation being what it was.. he felt the time was right.. "A-And.. I think.. y-you and I should." he looked down at their hands for a moment before looking back into her eyes with a deep breath. " I think we should get married." He slid off of his chair and to the ground, where he took one knee in front of the noirette, "S-So.. Will you marry me?"

[Zandra 0]

It made her feel a little better when Jomei said that they would have contacted her, but it just went to quick for that. She nooded to show she understood. Then he mentioned that they would get their own place, a house, just for them."That idea sounds wonderful. Dont know if you have noticed it but its a little emp..." she stopped in her sentence when she saw a drop rolling down her boyfriends forehead. Was he sweating? It wasnt that warm. The fireplace was lit but that the armchairs was placed in a comfortable way ffom it. Then he said that he thinked them. She looked at him curiosly. He held her hands in his and she felt the warmth from the touch from him. What he said next froze her on the spot and she felt by some reason could. Her eyes widened and stared at him. He said that they should get merried and then he knelt down and proposed to her. Her face got the colour of a tomato and her cheeks burned. Her whole body burned. Without thinking, by reflex, she pulled back her hand from him and took a step back. She placed the foot right on the wet spot off hot choclate and it slipped, made her lose balance and she fell back. Luckily the armchair was there a cought her. She looked at the man she loved off all her heart. It took a minute for the words to sink in. Then she returned back to her senses. Why had she reacted like that? Of course she wanted to marry him. Or did she? "I... I dont... Ehm.... But..." was all she could say.

[Jomei 0]

The man looked at Zandra's face as she began to burn up and blush. He smirked at her, waiting for her answer. To his surprise, however, she took her hand back from his and stepped backwards. Jomei's smile immediately turned into a confused frown. As she stepped back, she stepped in the puddle of hot chocolate that she had spilled earlier, and her foot slid out from under her. Jomei quickly got up and reached out to catch her, but she had already caught herself on the armchair. After returning her composure, Zandra spoke up. She stuttered, not sure what to say. But the one word he did catch was 'don't'. He froze, and slowly his eyes drifted to the hardwood floor under him. "..O-Oh.." he took a couple of steps back, letting his hands fall to his sides. "..r..right.. Sorry I.. I shouldn't have.... I'll just.. go.." The gloom man slowly walked past Zandra towards the door. 

[Zandra 0]

Zandra started to breathed more heavily. She saw Jomei raising to catch her before she fell. Just as her, he said a couple of words. Finished with saying he should just go. When he broke eyecontact with her and turned towards the door, she felt her eyes got wet for the thousands ttime today. Her heart started to beat faster. He must have taken her actions and words as a no. Well, who wouldnt? She just didnt knew what to say, couldnt get the words out of her virtual mouth. She started to feel paniced when he got closer to the door. Now it was her turn to sweat. Her brain worked as it has never done before."Nick wait!" She she shouted sligthly higher then intended. She rose and took one step towards him."Please dont go. It was just so sudden. I got scared. Dont know why but I did. But what I..." she took a deep breath."What I wanted to say but couldnt was." She gulped scratched on her neck. She took yet another breath to gather courage."I was gonna say, I dont know what to say. That isnt true anymore." She felt a weird feeling."I should stop puking words like this, my answer is." She took one more step towards him.

Spoiler

"Yes." She said and went quiet, looking at Jomei to see his reaction.

 

[Jomei 0]

The man stopped in his step when Zandra called out his real world name, asking him to wait. He did not turn around at first, though after a moment of thought, he turned to give his attention to the noirette. She stepped closer to him, speaking quickly. Jomei's proposal had taken her by surprise, so who could blame her for getting confused as she did. The Irishman let his arms hang at his sides as he listened to the woman spill out her words, becoming seemingly more nervous as she progressed forward. At this point, words came out of her mouth that almost seemed to make no sense and danced circles around her true answer. After another step towards him and a moment of silence, Zandra gave Jomei the answer he waited for. 

Yes. She agreed to marry him.

Jomei's olive orbs widened as he looked into Zandra's crimson gaze, his mouth opening and turning into an excited smile as they did so. "Y-You really mean it?" he stuttered excitedly. Once he realized that she was serious, he took a large step forward, extending his arms out to the sides. Once he was right in front of Zandra, he wrapped his arms around her and scooped her up into the air. Slight tears of joy rolled down his cheeks as he hugged Zandra, "I'-I've wanted to do that for so long. I just did not know how to do it. I was so nervous.. But I'm happy I did it now. Sandra, I love you. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you," he placed the girl back on the ground and gently kissed her on her lips.