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{PP-F1} Scars and Vows -Esther and Myself-


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Domarus said he might think her childish but he didn't mind at all.  He simply thought the word in itself was hilarious and now he needed to use it whenever Esther was fine with a tease or two.  Then she did something he didn't expect.  Two actually.  First was she only drank half a glass, which of course he expected her to down it completely.  Then she stood up and opened her menu and suddenly her attire changed.  He looked at her sleeping gear with a raised eyebrow but didn't question it.  Esther continued on to say to him that she wouldn't mind giving Domarus the col and mats she collected and to this his eyes widened with real shock.  Sure he manipulated others to get what he wanted but somehow it felt...  Wrong?  To take it from Esther.  However...

"I don't want to take something of yours for free, but as I said before if you ask I shall do it."  Esther then grabbed the small glass and drained the rest of it before collapsing on Domarus' lap.  He chuckled lightly until he heard her words.  He listened to her as she pulled his arm closer to her and smelled him.  Her question was one he had not expected whatsoever.  He sat there for a moment, thinking about it.  In the end he shrugged.

"No, not to my knowledge.  It's odd but I naturally have this hair and eyes in the real world.  As for the smell I'm not sure how that came about, whether it's natural or something else.  If it were natural I could never tell since I always smell that eh?  And I'm not sure about my body's heat.  Perhaps I should look into all of that."  He repositioned her on his lap in a more comfortable position.  He placed his arms in a way so that he could stroke her and allowed his heat and the room's coolness to work together, providing a luke warm setting on Esther.  If she wanted more whisky he'd do so.  If she wanted to go to bed he'd bring her there.  Anything she wanted he would help her with it.

@Esther

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Esther shrugged, rolling her shoulders back into his chest, with each passing moment she could feel herself slipping further and further away. "I really don't mind. It's not just the alcohol either...I don't have the use for a lot of Col. Nor a lot of materials, as long as I can craft once in a while. I'm happy. Sides'...makeng you shappy would make me shappy too." Her speech slurred slightly.

"What I want to ask you...." Esther paused, before rattling off a list of congratulated and odd demands. "I want to feel your fingersh through my hair, I wanna make sure you smile at least once a day...." She started saying this as they came to mind. "I wanna see what it would be like as your pet for once....I wonder...if I kissed you like I did Lycan... would it turn you into some angry man? Are my lips poison? Dom...how old do you think I am?" Esther wriggled, she could feel herself slipping off the chair. 

"I wanna sit somewhere more comfortable where I'm not falling down." She shifted, turning her body into his. "Don't." She demanded, rather loudly when Domarus said he should look into the way he was. "I like it. It's comforting."

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Domarus listened to Esther give off what she wanted from him, and he knew she was honest.  All the alcohol did was mess up her words a little.  He lifted Esther up and sat down on his bed, placing Esther beside him and began to do as she said.  He let his hands flow through her hair, stroking her head and providing all the comfort he could.  He let her lean against him as she mentioned how his heat was comforting.  He was a bit shocked as she mentioned being his pet for once but before he could think about it she asked a question.  How if she kissed him if he would snap like Lycan.  He wondered why she would associate him with that lunatic but he pushed that matter aside.  It didn't matter.  What mattered was how he intended to lay her distressed thoughts to rest.  He turned her to him and gave her a kiss, on the lips.  It was just a little more than a peck but it was close enough.  He smiled to her.

"There.  Now you don't need to worry about my reaction if you ever kiss me."  He continued to stroke her gently and carefully, keeping her close to him.  He had never acted or spoke this way before but he didn't mind.  He was attempting to not only calm esther but...  Well wait.  What was he trying to do?  Domarus realized that this might be the only time he wasn't planning or doing something with a specific purpose.  He made a note to ponder tonight later on and figure out exactly why he was doing these things.  It's not like he minded, because he didn't.  But it frustrated him when he didn't know the answer.

@Esther

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"Jeezy weez." Esther commented, as Domarus lifted her effortlessly off the chair, heading over to the bed, she wasn't expecting the action, and the movement caused her head to spin. "Domarus..." Esther moaned in discomfort, till he started to run his fingers through her hair. Combing out all the knots. Esther practically melted into him, his actions rendering her like putty in his hands. "Head...scratchies....good..." Esther mumbled giving a happy sigh. Right now, she was able to forget her troubles, she was able to enjoy her time, the ordeal of that night seemed far off - almost non existent between the haze of the Alcohol, and Domarus.

It was more than just a simple peck, Domarus pressed forward, exhaling hot breath as he pushed her lips apart with his own. His arms dropped to Esthers waist as he pulled her closer. His fevered action was almost devious in a way, as he hungrily lapped at Esther, but it was brief- and gentle. As though Domarus were afraid she'd shatter, the sudden comfort of his embrace, and the frenzied kiss caused a murmur to escape Esthers lips. As Domarus pulled away Esther shuffled her body, turning it toward him. Pressing her tiny form against his - soaking up more of his warmth, demanding more of the comfort he so willingy bought.

"Not worried...." Esther muttered, currently content. "Your turn...for favour..." She mumbled back.

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Domarus listened to her as she was satisfied with his comforting touch.  He knew she was a touchy person and he was used to doing something similar with Keres after a beating.  After his quick and gentle kiss Esther muttered something and he strained to hear her and what he heard only made him smile.  

"Only favor I need is your company Esther."  He watched as she finally drifted off to sleep.  He let her lay against him for a moment before he confirmed she was fast asleep.  He then lifted her gently up and properly tucked her into his bed.  When that was done he sighed as he stood straight and began to put away the whisky and glasses for another time.  Once that was done he walked out of the room, locking it back and went to grab his journal that he left over by the counter.  He picked it up along with his pen and re-entered the room.  He sat in one of the chairs and opened up his menu and wrote Lycan a message, sending it but keeping his identity a secret.  It was a threat.  A warning.  Something that told Lycan to watch his back in the future that he had become someone's enemy.  As he did that he opened his journal to the plans section.  It was an excellent journal as it would increase page number if it was too filled.  He began to write down thoughts of what and how he would go about punishing Lycan.  He wrote long into the night before finally falling asleep, his ax by his side in case any player with a high enough lock picking skill had managed to get inside.

@Esther

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Esther mumbled, groaning. She fluttered her eyes - and tried to sit up. Her head still swam. Was she still drunk? OR was this a hangover? Esther wasn't sure, she had never been hungover before, she wasn't sure she'd ever drunk that much before. "Wh...ere..." It was still dark, morning had not fully come - she could hear the faint twitter of birds, but no sun shone through the window. The blanket slid off her form as Esther sat. Groggily rubbing her eyes trying to get a better idea of her surroundings. Last she recalled, she was with Domarus. Esther visibly shivered. The fire had gone out, and without him there - there was no real warmth.

Esther twisted her body round, placing her feet on the cold floor - then, she saw him. His form hunched over by a large axe. His chest rising and falling, slowly. Asleep? Esther pushed herself off the bed and soundlessly padded over to him, the room still span, so it took a great deal of effort not to fall over. Did I fall asleep, and wake up more drunk? Is that a thing? Esther wondered. As she got closer to Domarus, she noticed a small journal, open in his lap. He had fallen asleep writing in it. Esther was curious, but not one to pry. She closed the book, and placed it on the desk before sitting on the floor between DOmarus' legs, resting her head on his leg. "S' cold...." She mumbled. shutting her eyes again

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Domarus woke up at Esther's touch and vaguely heard her mention something about cold.  Subconsciously he reached over and grabbed a small blanket and placed it over her shoulders and over his legs.  He took in a deep breath to wake himself up and pulled out the cure for hangovers.  It was surprisingly sweet to drink and he had no doubt that she would enjoy the beverage.  Before he grabbed it however he stopped by his ax and selected it, sending it into his inventory.  He then took the potion and handed it to Esther.

"Twenty one or twenty two," He told her.

"I think you might be twenty one or two.  Last night you asked me and that was what I came up with.  Seeing as how it was your first time drinking alcohol I assumed you had only recently come of age.  Drink that for the hangover."  After she took it and began to drink it he stroked his hand through her hair, comforting her in any way he could.

"You feel any better?"  He looked to the doorway, wondering when Keres would wake up.  Domarus usually woke up later in the day but Esther woke him up a little early, not that he minded it.  He was fine with the matter actually.  He stretched his arms before fully relaxing in the chair.

"How much of last night do you recall?  Normally people who get drunk can't recall much at all."

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Esther gave him a confused look when he started saying numbers, but her furrowed brows relaxed when he explained it. "O...ohh...close. 23." Esther took the potion from him and drank it. Coughing. "That's..surprisingly sweet." The empty vial shattered in her hand.  "It's not my first time drinking, I just...I don't drink to get drunk. At most I would have one or two. I never...saw the point in it..." She shook her head. "I just...last night really messed me up Domarus. Seeing someone you really care about twist into this angry person...having them press their boot to your head..." 

Esther was able to talk about the incident a little easier, but it still bothered her. She lowered her head, wrapping her arms around her knees. Pulling the blanket over her shoulders. "Hangover wise...I don't have one...emotionally..." Esther trailed off, "I feel like trash." She finally admitted. She could see Domarus relaxing, stretching out in the chair, he asked her if she remembered much of last night. 

"Most of it. I think. We talked, and you pulled me into the bed, and comforted me till I fell asleep, right?"

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As Domarus suspected she probably didn't remember certain pieces of the night, just chunks of it.  Hearing her talk about Lycan pressing his boot against her head brought up his dark thoughts toward Lycan but shook them away and placed the journal on the side table.  He kept stroking Esther as she had told him that she felt like trash.  He sighed and rested his hands gently on Esther.

"You'll keep thinking that way only if you keep telling yourself those things.  So can you promise me this?  Replace all those demeaning thoughts and words with positive ones.  If you can't think of anything let me help you."  Domarus began to massage her shoulders.

"You are a loving, caring person.  You are loved by others, whether you fail to realize it now or not.  You touch other's hearts in the best way.  Example?  Look at me Esther.  Your impossible not to like.  And you show others the good in them even when they cannot see it.  You're beautiful Esther.  Your gentle, your kind.  Your a shining star in the blackness of the void.  A star shining so bright that it lights other's paths.  Don't let the darkness taint that light Esther."  He leaned over and kissed her on the head.

"You'll always mean something to me Esther.  Always remember that."

@Esther

 

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Esther bit her lip. Turning away from Domarus as he started gushing, reassuring her with kind words. She wasn't used to being reciprocate of them. Sure, it was easy for her to say those things to others. But to hear them? Especially in her defeated state. Esther felt her gut wrench, like she wasn't sure if she deserved those words. Domarus was so kind to her, and she didn't entirely understand why.

"Domarus...." Esther shrugged off his touch, standing - she turned to face him. Placing a hand firmly on each arm of the chair. "What am I to you? You say all these things, you give me all these comforting touches, and you say I'm your friend. Right? I'm not..." She averted her gaze, "I'm not exactly good with relationship stuff, I'm rather oblivious to it. I don't entirely understand the concept of devoting yourself entirely to one person...when you can simply love so many people...so it confuses me. Just...what am I to you?"


 

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Dang it he thought.  That was the question he tried, and failed, to answer while she was asleep.  He was so caught up with thoughts of revenge that he didn't take enough time to ponder it before he fell asleep.  And now Esther was asking him.  Why did he care for her?  Why did he do all of this for her?  Was it because of what she had done to him?  What she had done for him?  Or was it Esther herself?  Did he like her?  He never felt love before but neither had he cared for someone this much.  He cared for Keres yes, but she was technically a loose cannon.  Not to mention she was a mischievous little one who liked playing around with other's embarrassment for her own amusement.  And Esther...  Well he already said all those things didn't he?  She was the only person who not only plant the seed of belief that there really is some good in this world, but also showing to him that he helped others when he didn't realize it.  She was the only person who had seen his darker self and not fallen away in fear.  She had doubts of course but Domarus would call her stupid if she didn't.  However she knew everything, everything...  Everything except what the starry eyed potion had to tell him.  In truth he feared the potion at this point.  He was fearful of finding out what his greatest weakness was.  What others could use against him.  Domarus finally spoke, and he did so slowly.

"Mhm.  I tried to answer that last night but to no avail.  There's something about you Esther besides your kindness that I can't help but want to lift.  The only friend I've ever had was Keres, and our relationship isn't exactly a friend-like one now is it?  And neither have I felt love, not even to my father, my only family.  So I don't know if what I feel is friendship, love or something else.  I don't know."  He pulled out the potion and set it on the side table with a thoughtful face.

"This will of course.  However up to this point I've been avoiding the need to use it.  In a way I don't want to see what I'm weak to.  I'm not saying that if it said I loved you that you were a weakness Esther.  When I say weakness, I mean someone can use it against me...  Which that is the very reason I collected this potion in the beginning.  To detect my weakness and prevent others from using it against me.  However, I'm in a battle between using it or leaving it there.  That potion has the potential of telling us both the answer.  In my mind it's a very dangerous potion.  Players could use the torture potion on me all they like and get nothing out of me.  This one?  I wouldn't have a choice.  So Esther, I'll let you decide.  Just as I decided which potion to use on you, I'll let you decide whether or not I should use this potion."

@Esther

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Esther picked up the potion and placed it in Domarus' hand. She shook her head, clasping her hands around his. "Domarus..." She gave it a squeeze, and lowered her hand. "I can't lie. I'm curious. I'm a nosy, curious person. All these potions fascinate me. So Yes - a part of me wants to see how you'd act, what you'd do under the influence of something like Starry Eyed illusion. Because you're so...." She paused searching his eyes for an answer. "You're so composed and calculated. Everything you do has forethought, reasoning. It's almost the opposite to me. I act without much thought or reason. Even so...I can't ever be the one to decide if you take that potion. That's a power I dare not take away from you." She pushed her hands down, to lower his hand before letting go.

"The answer you've given me? That's more than I could ever ask for." Esther stood, pushing strands of lilac hair behind her ears. She wasn't sure what else to say, Domarus was being incredibly sweet- showing her a kindness she can't recall having being shown for a very long time, one that she had never been shown during her time in Aincrad. Esther liked Domarus, she wasn't sure if it was friendship, or love, or a platonic love. Regardless- there was a connection there. A strong connection she didn't want to let go. It was a long tapestry she wanted to unravel and learn about, but not one she wanted to snap or break. "I suppose we're similar on that front..." Esther said with a small smile. "I don't even know what love is. I mean. I know what it is, but again - the concept confuses me. I am a very emotional person. I am easily attached to people, I adore them, I adore my friends and family. I want to be around them, I want to hold and kiss them - but - most people would save that sort of thing for a spouse or partner right?" Esther shook her head. "I don't know."

 

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Domarus listened to the first half of her response and his expression relaxed when he heard her final words.

"Esther, those very words are why I trust you more than anyone else with this decision.  You are willing to hold back your curiosity simply because you know how much I like being in control.  But Esther.  Whether you want me to take this or not right now, it won't be taken until you feel like it's time.  This potion is the one thing I cannot predict.  You're so used to jumping into things without fear and I'm the opposite.  So you probably know best when I should take this potion.  So.  When you think I should take it.  Tell me."  Domarus listened to Esther continue to talk, going on about how she doesn't know what love is and how she wants to kiss and hold others but how she feels that's reserved for spouses.  Domarus shrugged at this.

"Something I've learned is never hold back.  If you wait too long the chance is gone and you'll regret not having done it.  In fact, you'll regret what you didn't do more than you'll regret your mistakes Esther.  Trust me.  Don't hold back.  If you feel it, or want it, reach for it or it will vanish quicker than you'd believe.  And don't forget that anything you want, let me know."  He leaned in to give her a soft kiss on the forehead before stroking his hand through her hair.  He wondered if she would ask him to use the potion.  He truly was split on it, half of him wanting to drink it either for her or for the sake of learning his weakness, and the other half dead terrified of what that weakness might be and how he might counter it.  There was too much going into this and too much going on.  He needed someone with the ability to just make decisions without thinking about the many outcomes because since he could not predict it there were too many and he couldn't plan for this.  The one thing he couldn't plan for.  This was another reason he was glad Esther was with him.  Her company was more important of course but that was an important factor.  By now Keres should be waking up now and preparing their breakfast.  She did that on her own accord but he wondered what the girl would prepare today.

@Esther

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Esther hesitated, standing over him, the vial now in her hand. It seemed...devious, almost sinister to just pour the potion down someones throat. Esther tried to recall what she went through with the potion...how long it lasted - if she gave him half a dose, would that lsessen the effects...or just make it last a shorter amount of time? Mari said how long it lasts completely varies.

As if to alleviate her conerns, Domarus tilted his face up straightening his back to softly kiss her forehead. The heat radiated from where he kissed her, and her cheeks flushed a rosy pink. His hand reached out to stroke her hair, and Esther lowered her head - rolling the vial around in her hand. "Domarus...." She spoke with a pout. He was making it incredibly hard for her. He was almost goading her to give into her curiosity. 

Esther pressed her thumb against the cork of the vial, pushing it open, the corked made a -pop- sound and Esther instead of giving it to Domarus bought it to her own lips, she took a small sip from it, swallowing. She wondered what this must have looked like to him. Would he call her mad? Would he ask her to pay him back for using his potion? She wasn't sure. Esther downed the rest of the vial - but didn't swallow. Instead she leaned forward, catching hold of his cheeks in her hand. Esther pressed her lips against his, and allowed the Starry Eyed Illusion to flow past his lips into his own mouth. 

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Domarus watched with minor shock as Esther took a sip but overall he didn't mind.  She had the right to make her own decisions.  He was guessing that since she only took a sip the effects would not last very long.  Then she downed the rest of it but before he could react she moved over and kissed him, letting the liquid loos into his own.  His eyes were wide at first, but he quickly recovered, as he often did.  This was it.  No turning back now.  As she pulled away from him Domarus could feel the potion beginning to affect his mind.  And for the first time in his life.  He let go of control.

Domarus opened his eyes and the whiteness of his eyes, the red color and the black pupil all vanished, replaced with a galactic setting, stars glistening gently, not with a strong passion like his eyes normally gave off.  As his eyes fell upon Esther heart made a great leap.  Esther was all he could think about.  Her soft hair, her gentle eyes.  But most of all the heart of a goddess.  She was the most caring woman he had ever met.  Something that he desperately craved.  It was his deepest, most hidden desire, hidden from everyone as well as himself.  What he truly wanted.  Was someone to love him for the way he was.  To not cower and run, but instead to run to him and seek to help him.  Not with his endeavors but to help guide him.  He slipped off the chair and rested on his knees, even with Esther.  He embraced her and pressed her close to him, his body shaking slightly.

"Esther," he said.

"Esther don't leave me.  You are the only one who truly cares Esther, please stay with me.  I couldn't bare going back to a world without you."  

@Esther

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Esther felt her head swim, the all too familiar sensation. Her eyes fluttered, and they reflected a shining galaxy, equal to Domarus' own illustrious gaze. Domarus seemed dazed, his eyes shifted over her form, and there was a silence. Esther glanced away, feeling a little nervous. A flush fell on her cheeks and she clutched at the them of her silken nightgown. "D-domarus..." She muttered in a small pout. "Don't look at me like that unless you're going to-" She paused, Domarus collapsed to his knees wrapping his arms around her thighs. 

Esther felt that incredible warmth burst forth from his touch, a warmth she craved, a warmth she desired more than anything. Esther was never able to explain his warmth, she wasn't able to explain his intoxicating scent. The way his eyes watched her every movement with such interest. His dominating presence, his powerful arms. They were all things Esther wanted. Esther shifted, allowing herself to fall into his embrace, pressing her form close to his. "I want this..." She muttered, shutting her eyes and burying her face into the crook of his neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and inhaled deeply. "I don't want to leave this." She mumbled soflty, pressing her lips to his neck.

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OOC- The potion could last as long as Esther allows, due to his submission to the potion

Domarus listened to Esther's words and he allowed Esther to melt into him, just as he did to her.  He pressed her close to him, never wanting this to end.  HIs right hand was on the back of Esther's head while his left was on her waist.  He felt her press his lips against his neck and he shivered at the touch.  He stayed in this position for as long as he could, no words necessary.  All he wanted was Esther's loving care and affection.  If she wanted something he would give it to her.  If she asked a question he'd tell her anything.  All he asked in return was her-  He stopped as he felt a hand on his shoulder.  He slowly turned his head upward and what he saw almost made his heart stop.  What he saw wasn't possible however he couldn't help but believe it to be true.  A tall woman, just a little bit shorter than himself with fiery red hair that reached her shoulders, and red eyes that reminded him of a gentle candlelight stood there.  She wore robes he might find in SAO.  She was smiling to him, her eyes glistening with the beginning of tears of joy.  Domarus' jaw quivered a moment.

"M-mother?"  The woman broke into a smile and a tear dropped down from her cheek.  Domarus couldn't take it anymore.  He placed one of his hands on her own and began to cry.  How could he not?  His mother, whom he had been told had died from childbirth, was standing here with him.  He didn't know his mother but he didn't doubt for a second that she was as loving as Esther was.  To have them both here.

"I've always dreamed of seeing you but I never.  I never thought that-"  He remembered Esther and he leaned against her, not enough weight to provide discomfort but enough for him to cry against her.

@Esther

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The potion quickly wore off Esther, she drew in a sharp breath when she realized where she was. Lips pressed against Domarus, what was...she planning to do with him exactly? Esther knew she wanted to wrap herself up in his warmth. Esther blushed, she had wanted him to envelop her, she wanted to feel his lips pressed against her own, but not just that. Esther forced her eyes shut, shaking the lewd thoughts from her mind. She lifted her head shifting away just enough to be able to glance into Domarus' eyes, she reached out and brushed his red bangs away. A galaxy he was still deep under the effects of the potion. She wondered, how long it would affect him for. 

Domarus' eyes seemed to fall elsewhere, and his body shook. Esther tightly gripped his shoulders to show that she was there for him.  Domarus pulled away from her, mumbling about his mother. Esther looked to where he was looking, where he was reaching out to. But she saw nothing. Her heart wrenched at the sight. Someone as big and strong as Domarus, someone who always held himself with such confidence and Finesse. Domarus muttered a few more words, before turning to Esther. Falling into her form he started to cry.

"It's ok..." Esther mused, lightly stroking his hair, "I'm here. Dom, I'm here." She allowed her fingers to curl deep into the tangled mess that was his crimson hair she allowed her fingers to lightly scrape against his skull. "Does that feel nice Domarus?" Esther asked, trying to treat him with the same comfort and affection that he had treated her with.

"Did you want me to get Keres? Is there anything I can do?"

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Domarus' crying softened at her touch and when she asked what he wanted he composed himself enough to speak.

"I just.  Stay here please.  Both of you..."  He smiled as Esther continued to hold him.  Was this the pleasure she felt all that time?  Was this how she felt when he stroked her?  Or was it something more?  He couldn't tell.  Then his mother kneeled down beside the two of them, her arm around his back.

"Harken, I'm so happy to see you again."  Her words were blended with the short sobs of joy at seeing her son.

"I wish I could have seen you grow up.  I hope I can make up for it."  His mother looked at Esther and her actions, smiling to Harken now.

"Harken is this your girlfriend?  I'm so happy for you!  She's very pretty."  Domarus looked at Esther.  His mom thought she was his girlfriend?  Was it true?  Did Esther feel the same for him?  He heard Esther mention how she didn't know what love was and Domarus of course didn't know either.  But his mom ought to know.  He turned to her with a weak smile, his cheeks reddening only slightly.

"Why?  You think so?  What makes you say that?"  As he said this he pulled himself closer to Esther, his face still fresh from tears but no longer crying.  He had his mother and he had Esther.  He could ask for Keres but she was making them breakfast and he knew she loved doing things for them.  He didn't want to tear her from that.

@Esther

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Esther furrowed her brow. "B-both of us?" She glanced around, still seeing nothing. Domarus must be seeing his mother. Esther wasn't sure how to act in this situation - what to do. Should she just keep stroking him, keep ensuring that he remained warm. His heaving sobs began to die down. Esther carefully wiped them away with her thumb. "No more tears?" Esther asked quietly, sweetly. She felt a little guilty. The potion would wear off soon...if he was seeing his mother right now - just how would he act when she disappears again? 

Domarus gripped Esther tighter. It hurt, not physically. Emotionally. To see someone so very strong and prideful - someone who could tear a man apart just with a gaze, be crumbling and shivering like this. "It's ok." Esther whispered, pausing to press her lips into the top of his head. "You're safe here Domarus." He shifted, turning his attention to his mother, whom Mari could only imagine was behind him. He questioned her, and what she said. Esther tilted her head, "mmm? What was that Domarus? I didn't hear."

Esther couldn't tell him that she saw nothing could she? Would that shatter his reality? Would that make the visage of his mother disappear?

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