[F1 PP] The Worst of Happy Memories

[Shield 0]

Shield closed the door behind him on the way out of @Piera's little alchemic shop. He pressed his hands to the studded leather vanity tunic that he wore over his chest when he was not in his full battle regalia. It felt as if something were stabbing him there. It wasn't painful. After all, there was no pain in Sword Art Online. However, it had the same feel to it as if he had been pierced by an enemies weapon in combat. A sliver of something had twinged there. He took a few slow steps away from the shop as he continued to investigate the feeling. In his attempts to unearth the source, he replayed the parting in his head.

...She was just saying goodbye. And wishing me well in the fight. And she said to contact her in case I needed anything... Healing, alchemy... someone to talk to...

Each new item he listed out from his memory seemed to tighten some invisible band that was pressing in on his chest, and whatever that band was, it twinged the sliver just as it had when she had actually spoken.

That makes no bleeding sense. She was just being kind and saying goodbye. That shouldn't be upsetting. Hell, it's about the most kindness I've seen from a gal since-

He stopped short, his mind suddenly flooding with images. A woman with pale skin and dark, almond-shaped eyes was smiling at him, holding the tiny fingers of a girl barely old enough to walk. Then another of sitting at a table in an uncomfortable suit in a nice restaurant, the same woman smiling apologetically at him for dragging to a restaurant he had never really wanted to come to in the first place. These had once been happy memories.

For some reason, thinking of them now, looking back on them through the filter of everything that happened turns them...

It wasn't necessary for him to finish the thought. As soon as 'everything that happened' played out in his mind's eye, the same twinge flared up just where it had a moment ago. He held his hand to his chest and bit the inside of his cheek.

I see... I need a drink.

Although drunkenness was not possible in SAO, he was certainly going to try. The thought of a crowded bar made him more than a little uneasy. A social watering hole like that would be too much right now. Still, there was another place he had been to, actually on the first day where he and Piera had met. It was quieter and out of the way, a little inn, and if nothing else there would be a quiet corner he was sure where he could sit a while and either will himself to forget everything that had been dragged out of his forgotten history or else work his way through it.

An hour later, he had found a corner exactly like that. The table in the inn where he settled was secluded enough for his purposes, and he plopped down with a mug of something frothy, taking a sip and pursing his lips. He had asked the grizzled barkeep for something strong, but without real burning alcohol, about the closest they could manage was something with a strong alkaline bite to it. In the real world, something acidic enough to have this strong of a taste might burn a hole through the table, but here all it managed to do was to harden his already firm jaw and force an involuntary scowl.

"Guess this is the closest thing I can get to the kick of a strong drink," he said, smacking his lips as he braced himself for another sip. "the burn of a wet-cell battery." He took another, longer pull of the foam-topped liquid, this time forcing his entire face to contort. His broad hand slapped the table a couple of times before he was able to open his eyes, which had begun to water. "It's close enough, I suppose."

[Piera 0]

After Shield had left her shop, Piera thought about what to do next. Usually she wouldn't take a break until the boss fight officially started. But for once she had completed all outstanding orders. She just needed to finish up these last two... Itzal seemed a genial player and he was still awaiting his potions. Seeing her material stores, she made a note to go out to the eleventh floor once more, perhaps with Lee again so they could talk more. For now she concentrated on the materials she had. Her mind kept wandering though as she began preparing the various items.

Thinking of those fighting right now. Many of them her customers at one point or another. The people she had seen pass through her shop. These walls had certainly seen a lot, hadn't they? And the money! She wasn't outrageously rich by Aincrad's standards, but certainly better off than she had been in reality. She kept a log of every transaction she ever did, even if they were donations.

Feeling nostalgic as she waited for the potions to cool, the healer drew up her transactions list before frowning in confusion. "Eh...?" She could've sworn that Shield had paid. When he had put in his order he had bought some items and also donated a few materials, but he hadn't paid for the order. Which was understandable, she usually had customers pay when they picked up their items. But what with the boss fight fast approaching, she had forgotten completely, likely he had too.

Cursing under her breath for her forgetfulness, she was fairly sure that she could catch up to him. Rustling her owl griffon's feathers on his head she called out, "Watch the store Jareth!" To which he chirruped in annoyance, which she took for a 'yes'. Flinging her door open, the brunette looked both ways before squinting as she thought she saw a large figure turn down the long lane going into Delilah. By the time her short legs caught up, she heard him call out The Town of Beginnings at the teleport plaza. Sighing, the alchemist figured she had already followed him this far and so ran up to the platform to teleport down to the first floor as well.

Blinking as she was suddenly transported in the middle of the Town of Beginnings, Piera glanced around before frowning in concern. Among the various players milling about, she didn't see him. Catching the attention of a small group that was mingling by the plaza, she asked, "Have you seen a tall man, brown hair and eyes, scar across his fa-" She was demonstrating where his scar was before the player simply pointed in a direction before going back to their conversation. Rude, but effective, she supposed as she rushed off in the given direction.

She paused at an intersection before catching sight of what she was pretty sure was Shield as he turned left down a corner. She just kept missing him! But eventually she began to have a suspicion as to where he was going. Sure enough, she arrived panting, hands on her knees as she caught her breath in front of the little inn she and Lee had stayed at for so many months at the beginning of the game. This was where she had taken Shield after they had met at the Monument of Life. Perhaps he liked it enough to revisit? Though it wasn't much. Quiet though. Her hand hesitated on the handle of the door. Was he trying to get some privacy? Well it was a public area...if he had gone into a room she'd leave it alone. But she had already come this far.

With a sigh, Piera entered the inn, glancing around the dimly lit tavern before her eyes landed on the man she was looking for. Seeing his grimace, her concern about bothering him grew, but then she heard his mutter. Not able to muffle her chuckle, the healer walked towards his table. "Not close. Not close at all, I can assure you." She commented with a kind smile. "No point in suffering if you can't get any of the benefits. It's a good thing your friendly neighborhood alchemist was nearby." With a swipe of her finger, Piera entered her inventory and a glass bottle of clear liquid appeared in her hands before she set it down in front of the scowling tank. "I like to pour it in things personally rather than drink it straight and if you find the right drink, it's almost like the real thing."

Still standing to the side of his table, the brunette then shifted her weight awkwardly before asking, "Is it alright if I sit with you? Or am I interrupting?" She didn't want to just demand her money up front after all. At least smooth things over with small talk. Or perhaps see if today wasn't the best day to collect debts if his expression was anything to go by.

Spoiler

Name: 100 Proof Potion
Alchemist Rank: 7
Item Rank: Good
Effect: Causes the drinker to become highly intoxicated.
Description:
A glass bottle filled with clear liquid that has a faint chemical smell and tastes slightly bitter.  Not long after consuming, the user will begin to quickly become intoxicated no matter their usual tolerance to normal alcohol. The effect wears off after a few hours and leaves the player with a bad hangover unless otherwise treated by an alchemist crafted 'Hangover Cure'.

 

[Shield 0]

It was fortunate that his face was already warped from the bitterness of his draught, otherwise, the involuntary wince at the sight of Piera might have been a little more visible. The honest truth of the matter was that she was interrupting. As a matter of fact, her presence was probably a bigger interruption than anyone else would be, short of Akihiko Kayaba himself showing up. Still, since that was a man Shield never expected to see face to face, this was definitely the top interruption. Still, she hadn't done anything wrong. She hadn't even done anything rude or untoward. It also did not escape his notice that he was indeed very upset, and if he ever had need of a friend, now was probably that time. He avoided her gaze, draining what he guessed to be enough of the foaming mug to allow the tincture to be added in its entirety. He could feel the muscles in his neck tightening as his face responded to the assault on his senses, but as soon as the potion had been added, he gestured to the empty chair diagonal from him.

As soon as he had recovered enough from the last pull of the drink he took another from the now spiked concoction. It did not burn like he might have wanted, but his throat still tried to rebel as the mixture sloshed its way down, and he could feel an artificial warmth begin to spread to his fingertips. Since his sobriety still held for the moment, so too did his ability to keep his emotions out of his features, but he was still aware of being quiet, maybe a little more so than was typical for him.

"Odd timing seeing you here immediately after I leave your shop," he said, holding the now considerably more effective drink between his palms as it rested on the table. "You follow me here?"

[Piera 0]

Friendly smile dimming upon seeing the man visibly tense merely at her appearance, Piera was rapidly thinking that following him had been a bad idea. What was she, a loan shark? Considering how to best extract herself without making the man any more self conscious, the alchemist paused as he added the potion she had offered to his drink. All of the potion. Eyebrows raising slightly, her mouth opened to warn against such an action, but again his blank yet still somehow tense expression stopped her. He rather looked like he could use it she supposed. Oh well, at least she had the hangover cure on her should he want it.

Nodding in acceptance as he motioned for her to sit, the brunette got comfortable in the chair opposite him, her legs crossing and her fingers linking as she rested her hands on the table, thumbs pushing together and moving forwards and backwards. Noticing his lack of reaction upon drinking the new mixture, she took it that it wasn't bad. Or perhaps it was? Who knew with that poker face.

Ears feeling slightly warm at his suddenly posed and pointed question, Piera straightened and let out a weak chuckle, her fingers running distractedly through her bangs as she asked, "Depends. You want the truth or the less stalker-y answer?"

[Shield 0]

"I'll take whichever answer is most accurate," he answered plainly. "The question wasn't a trap. If you followed, I'm assuming you wouldn't do so without reason."

He took another drink. The limitations of the alchemic addition were unclear, but the edges between what was a bitter drink face and what was a bitter person face were becoming somewhat less distinct. It had, after all, been a long time even before SAO since he had drunk enough to feel it. If he had ever had a good sense for when he was losing his ability to maintain a veneer, he had lost it a long time ago.

The more he drank, the more his body language began to show through. His shoulders hunched forward to close off his body, and his eyes became overly concerned with the goings on at the top of his drunk's container than the person who was here with him. Not that Piera needed to be babysat, but a more alert Shield would have known the line between babysitting and just common courtesy.

By the time his mug was half empty, his eyes and the lines around his jaw had taken on a darker, brooding set of angles and shadows, which was emphasized by the darkness of the corner in which the two of them sat. The highlights cast by the bar exaggerated the angular nature of his face, throwing his jaw and even the slightly raised area along his scar into stark contrast.

[Piera 0]

She couldn't help but give a lopsided smile at his very straightforward answer to her dodgy question. "Such faith in me. Warms the heart." She joked lightly before glancing down at her hands and replying, "Yes, I followed you. And it was for a reason. A good one."  ...She didn't state the reason though, still not feeling as if now was the best time. He seemed perhaps more...not agitated, that wasn't the word... Malcontented perhaps? Than before she had approached him. She felt like he was purposefully not even glancing at her.

Part of her was screaming to just leave the poor man while the other urged her to ask him what was wrong. But as she fidgeted indecisively, the man continued to drink, becoming more and more broody. That was the word! His scar hadn't ever been so pronounced before now. It blended in with the rest of his features usually as Piera wasn't any stranger to scars, facial or otherwise.

A frown tugging down at the corners of her mouth, Piera's brow began to tense slightly in outwardly expressed concern as she asked, "Shield...are-" No asking him if he was okay was stupid, he obviously wasn't. She just didn't know why. "Do you want to talk? ...If not....Do you want me to leave?" Giving him both options to the extreme and not at all sure which one he might choose.

Edited May 9, 2017 by Piera

[Shield 0]

As the suggestion of leaving was mentioned, Shield rather haphazardly waved the notion away wit his hand. It took him a few moments longer than usual to hand pick his words, either because his verbal functions were decreasing or because of a more active than usual struggle to hand pick words that were the most eloquent and least divisive. Finally, he sighed, settling on the best collection of sentiments he could come up with.

"I don't know what I want," Shield said, though with an 'R' rated word placed into what was otherwise a 'PG' sentence. "I was fine earlier. I'm heading to the front lines, which is scary, but it's where I need to be, so it's fine. I'm at the top of my profession and nearly at the top of my combat skill tree as well. Nothing wrong with all of that." He swirled the contents of his half empty mug, having to pick over words again that in the end he decided weren't worth picking over, hence lacing the next statement with equally profane emphasis. "You're just too nice. Reminded me that women really are capable of kindness, which was something I was much happier forgetting about."

He hated his scar and was grateful for the fact that it had more or less gone unmentioned despite Kayaba's cruel trick to have it appear on his face in lieu of the avatar Shield had designed for himself. Still, it had become a nervous habit of his to pick at the thing when thinking hard or when over-stressed, and right now, both were the case. His finger fumbled unconsciously with the slight ridge of textured tissue that crossed the geography of his face.

[Piera 0]

Piera stared at him with an unsure expression as he waved, not entirely sure if he was waving for her to leave or waving away her suggestion... She decided to wait for him to use his words and eventually he did, though they weren't particularly helpful, they were revealing however. The simple and adult punctuated sentence said a lot more about the state of the man's mind than anything else she'd gotten from him in the short time she'd known him. The alchemist stayed silent as he listed his accomplishments, saying that there wasn't anything wrong with them and that though he was scared of the front lines like any human being would, that wasn't the problem. Though if it wasn't that she wasn't really sure what.

The revelation of what was bothering him caused her eyes to go wide, eyebrows shooting up over the frames of her glasses in shock. Too nice?? Was she annoying him somehow? Feeling a mite annoyed but more flabbergasted than anything, Piera barely suppressed herself from laughing as the tank continued to explain. His reasoning caused her to become more subdued, lips pursing slightly as her eyes flicked to his hand's movement. Tracing the scar across his face. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. One couldn't be scarred in the game and their avatars were direct copies of their real life appearances, with a few alterations to color pigmentation only. Apparently a woman in his past had given him that scar. Or caused it somehow. And perhaps added a few mental and emotional scars as well.

A small exhalation escaped Piera as she looked at the worn and haunted man across from her. "Would it help if I called you names or belittled your manhood?" She asked, tone serious but expression holding a slight smile, eyes showing only concern. Glancing down at the table, she debated about how to approach the situation correctly and decided that there probably wasn't a 'correct' way and just winged it. "I'm sorry that a woman treated you so badly to cause you to be like this... But I can assure you as a member of my odd 'species' that we aren't all bad. ....Why would you be happier forgetting that?" Perhaps the question was a bit too personal, but her inner voice reasoned that he didn't have to answer her after all.

[Shield 0]

"It might help," he snorted, knowing that the offer to emasculate him was in jest and once again waving away the offer. "I know not all women are bad. sometimes just..." he fumbled for words, filling the space with the pseudo-alcoholic concoction in front of him, which did little to help his clarity of speech. "I haven't had reminders of the better times in a while. It was easier forgetting them. Just makes the bad times all the worse."

He drained the remainder of the mug's contents, his partially numbed state blocking the worst of the taste and making it considerably easier to polish of. Turning the mug upside down on the table, he set it down with a hollow clap as the now useless item's endurance ran out. The mug shattered like any empty container and disappeared in a scattering of light shards. He hunched forward, lacing his fingers together and leaning his mouth against them to steady himself.

"You know tha harpy threw a toaster at me?" he said blearily, rolling his head slightly so his cheek rested on his hands to free up his mouth. "Still ho'n everything. Plastic broke and I gotta face full'a hot metal. Next thing I knew, sh'd dragged the kids out the door. Next time I saw 'em was in court. The time after tha was Christm's."

There was a scowl forming on the parts of his face that were visible from behind his hands. The deep lines aged his face considerably as he sat, shaking his head at his own thoughts. Although his fingers were interwoven, they flexed, the knuckles turning white as he took a few moments to steady his breathing. From what he could tell, which was very little in his already inebriated state, he was drunk enough that in the real world, his lungs and pores would be oozing the scent of alcohol. It was a disgusting scent to detect on a person, but he didn't mind being a little disgusting at the moment.

"No, Pieria, you din' do anythin' wrong," he slurred, pressing his palms against his closed eyelids. "You jus' reminded me of sum things it was easier t'not r'member. Not yer fault."

Edited May 10, 2017 by Shield

[Piera 0]

The left corner of Piera's mouth twitched upwards as she managed to get a snort out of the man, glad that he wasn't so far gone that he couldn't joke about it. But she allowed the tone to return to seriousness as he attempted his best at explaining himself and his words. She couldn't really relate as she personally did the opposite. Mind always focusing on the good times to try and forget the bad. But she didn't know his circumstances. Wincing as the mug shattered into bright blue pixels that was so much like a player's death animation, the alchemist's hand gripped tighter together where they rested atop the table.

At his hypothetical question, a singular eyebrow raised in vague surprise. "A toaster?" Though when he described it in more detail, her expression twisted into one of mild horror, a irreverent curse slipping out under her breath. But that was nothing to what he said next. Paling as she realized that Shield was a father of multiple children that he was denied contact to, she barely noticed that her right hand was rubbing at her mouth before she rested her knuckles against her lips to hide her grimace, though she couldn't hide the furrow in her brow as she stared.

She had no idea that Shield was was a father. Sure she realized he was old enough, hell, so was she really. But to be frank, gamers weren't always the procreating sort. Hard to stay up for a raid when you're staying up with a crying baby or have to get up early to take a kid to school. That didn't mean it was unheard of. Though it was still jarring to realize that he was separated not only by losing custody of his own children, but also trapped and kept away from any sort of contact with them because of SAO. Sure nearly all of the players of SAO had friends or family missing them, but children? It was too cruel. Even as horrible as Shield made his former significant other sound, Piera couldn't help but be glad that at least they had her rather than nobody since their father was trapped.

Realizing that she was being extremely quiet and just staring at him when he tried to reassure her that she didn't do anything wrong, the alchemist dropped her hand away from her mouth, licking her lips as she took a breath and tried to organize her thoughts. "I...I can't even imagine how hard that must've been Shield. Must still be, for you." Her lips pursed for a moment before she pushed on, "But... you can't just focus on the bad. You have to remember the good with it. You were with her for how long and even had children together, for a reason. Relationships are hard, people change, all that philosophical garbage, but in the end, she's still the mother of your children no matter how much she treated you like trash."

Eyes widening as she realized that her words might be misconstrued, the brunette hurried to correct, "I-I'm not trying to say what she did was acceptable by any means! She deserves to have the exact same done to her and see how it feels. I-I just mean..." Piera sighed as she ran the fingers of both hands through her hair, nails raking her scalp as she searched for the right words, or at least something close. "Kids can feel their parents' emotions. They're perceptive, they notice things.  If you only focus on the bad and hate her, they'll know. And either they'll grow to hate her too, or will feel guilty for not hating her. Do you want to do that to them?" Green eyes tried to meet brown, gauging his reaction.

[Shield 0]

"Doesn' matter what I do," Shield snorted, craning his neck to make eye contact with the barkeep. The grizzled old man behind the counter appeared to be busy with a group of younger players at the moment. He'd have to try again later. "Leas' not when they're not here. I'm plenny happy to see 'em when I see 'em. Their mother and I never even talk 'front of 'em. She lets the kids out of her car and drives off 's soon as I answer the door. Not that ih happens more 'n twice a year. And not that I get to see 'em at all now."

He gestured to the area around them to indicate Aincrad and SAO in general as he leaned back in his chair. Sighing, he ran his broad finger span through his hair, failing to tame it any, and only succeeding in putting a few more of the locks out of order. It wasn't that Piera was wrong. He knew that positivity was always better than negativity. Still, the attempts to color the past with rose tinted glasses went unheeded.

"There isn' a sunny side to spousal abuse," he growled avoiding eye contact altogether. "Or taking my kids 'way from me. 'R heading straight to the bank and using our joint savings t' pay for the best lawyer for her case, leaving me nothing t' pay for one o' my own." Keeping himself occupied with the heavy drapes that framed the window some distance away, he continued to shake his head. "Yeh have any idea how hard i'is to argue a case for abuse when yer a man who'ss a foot taller than yer spouse? Doesn' matter what yeh say. Jury has its min' made up 'fore you even open yer mouth."

Even in his state, he knew that any eye contact he gave would come across as malicious, so he shifted instead to his hands, kneading his knuckles with his interwoven fingers and watching the joints subtly blanch and return to normal as he applied pressure to them.

"Yu'll understand why ih's difficult t' look back at the wedding as a day of bliss," he finally managed to get the attention of the bartender, holding up a number one to indicate his wish for a second drink. "So with nothing else, I turned t' gaming. Let me use my numb'r skills fer somethin' useful and gave me people t' talk to. S'how I met Beat. We kicked each othr's digital assssess up'n down the Crossreign servers 'till tha' game ran out o' skill tree options. So we came here. You see how that turn'd out," he added, leaning back and sneering at the ceiling. "Nother mistake that's cost me years o' my life."

[Piera 0]

When Shield said rather fatalistically that it didn't matter what he did since he was stuck here, but when he had been around them briefly after the separation, he hadn't even interacted with his ex, Piera exhaled quietly. "Sure you don't get to see them right now, but you will see them again. This situation isn't permanent. They're out there, waiting to see their father again. I can see now that's why you're fighting so hard out on the front lines."

Eyes widening fractionally at his tersely growled statement, the young woman began to realize that throwing a toaster might just be the least of what that horrible woman had done to him. Like permanently scarring him wasn't enough. And he continued on, listing some of the awful things she had done. Clenched fist hiding her mouth once more, Piera closed her eyes at his question, muttering under her breath, "What the [censored]... Sexist idiots."  While she didn't know firsthand obviously, she did certainly know how cruel and unfair the court could be against men in cases of abuse, divorce or custody battles.

While she was trying to figure out what to even really say about that or just to Shield in general, he continued to ramble on about how he managed to get where he was now. She wondered if he was talking about Beatbox or someone else. At his self flagellation regarding the matter about being stuck here, a severe frown pulled at the corners of the alchemist's mouth, her hands falling flat on the table as she leaned forward to try to get him to finally look at her. "Hey. This? Being stuck here? Is Not. Our. Fault." Poking the table for emphasis. "And if you think that it is, then you also have to blame the hundreds of minors that are also stuck here thinking they were going to be playing a harmless video game." Her voice was filled with righteous indignation before she took a breath, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her and not wanting him to think she was trying to pick a fight. She just hated to see the man blame himself over something he couldn't possibly have any control over!

"We'll get out of here. And when we do, we're all probably going to be getting nice checks, or some sort of assistance at least. And then you can re-file for custody. Fight that bitch." Letting out a haggard sigh, feeling winded from the variety of emotions coursing through her, Piera slipped her two index fingers under her glasses, massaging the sides of the bridge of her nose before something occurred to her. "...Have you told Beat any of this? ...Or anyone in here for that matter?" The barkeep walked over, roughly setting down another mug of whatever it is Shield had ordered, the foam sloshing but not spilling over the edge. Piera stared at the drink, wondering if he was simply too drunk or perhaps past caring to remember that drinking more of this crud wouldn't get him any more inebriated than he already was. She very nearly considered ordering a drink herself to mix with one of her potions, but decided that perhaps one of them should remain sober for the time being.

Edited May 11, 2017 by Piera

[Shield 0]

At the mention of his motivations, of pushing towards the front lines because he had kids that needed fighting for, he gave a nod, his jaw tight and the corners of his mouth at sharp, downward angles that were uncharacteristic of him.

"I'vv wasted enough time sittin' back and letting wha' happened to me rule me," he said plainly with the tone of one swearing an oath that should not be taken without deliberate intent. "As soon 's I knew I was stuck in here, aall'v my priorities changed. My kids're the only things tha' matter now."

As Piera went on about who was to blame for being trapped, he crossed his arms, shaking his head all throughout her words of comfort. They were misplaced, though he knew the sentiment behind them was sincere. Still, as she wound to a close on the subject, he uncrossed his arms, using both  of them to dismiss the notion.

"A'course I don' think it's m' fault," Shield said, sloshing his drink as he grabbed the mug again. He settled back against the back rest of his chair before taking another bitter draw from the rim of the mug. "It's more a matter of... futility, I s'pose. I know I wasn't the wors' husband or father, and I know tha' there's nothin' wrong with being an adult who games, but it'ss just one thing aft'r another. Doesn' matter whether I do the right thing 'r the wrong thing. Ther's a whole wall wit' hundreds o' names with little hash marks through 'em to prove tha'. How many o' them d'you think said they were gonna 'get out of here' to their frens?"

Despite his better judgment, he capitulated to Piera's efforts and met her gaze. His dark eyes were unfocused from the alchemic effects of the drink, but they were hard and a good deal less forgiving than they might seem when he was at the height of his ability to remain impassive. The sharp, top-down lighting did nothing to soften his expression.

"And in the end, that. That's what people can' stan'," he said, leaning forward. The warrior's hand slapped the firm tabletop for emphasis. "People cannot stan' the idea o' being powerless. Tha' the world can be random and indiscrim'nate in its cruelty. People invented evil gods 'n demons and even the ones who don' believe in the supernat'rl twis' reality so ever'thing's somehow someone's fault, ev'n their own. Here's th' truth though." He leaned even further, leaning on his hand as the other pointed emphatically at the air above them. "The universe doesn' give a flying cuss about us. We're space dust on a rock hurtlin' through th' universe at speeds we don' even comprehend." His eyes strayed away from Piera again, settling on the younger players. "If my girls weren' my proudes' accomplishments, I'd wond'r if it was a cruelty bringin' 'em into this worl'."

There was still one question he hadn't answered, and although he knew it didn't reside at the bottom of his mug, it didn't stop him from trying more of its contents before answering.

"No, I haven' talked to Beat," he said, still staring into the dark, frothy beverage. "Guy's still practic'ly a kid 'imself. Hell, I don' even think he knows anythin' 'bout m' kids, let alone the rest of that garbage. We've got bigger probl'ms, y'know?"

Edited May 11, 2017 by Shield

[Piera 0]

Piera huffed a quiet exhalation in relief as Shield assured her that he didn't think that it was his fault before drinking more of whatever it was he was drinking, causing her to grimace slightly in distaste. Even though he just said he didn't think it was his fault, she couldn't help but wonder if he was punishing himself for something by drinking that. Why else would he after all? Brow furrowing as he continued to talk, the brunette didn't understand where he was going with this before her jaw clenched at his description of where they had met, the Monument of Life. At his question, her throat and fists tightened, thinking of at least one of her own friends who had said the same and yet was now just another crossed out name on a wall.

When the tank finally met eyes with her, she couldn't help but falter slightly at the intensely dark gaze. And she didn't just mean the lighting or his eye color either. The unexpected slap on the table caused the young woman to jump, flinching at the sudden movement and loud noise but then being very still, unable to look away from Shield as he continued his speech. If pain could be felt, she was fairly sure that her teeth would be aching from how hard her jaw was clenching, body language tense and still as she hunched inwards the more the man leaned forwards. To be honest, he wasn't saying things that she herself had thought at one point or another. But still to be said so plainly made her wish it wasn't true.

Relaxing ever so slightly as he looked away from her, Piera closed her eyes briefly before they snapped open at his comment about 'his girls', mouth slightly open and brow furrowed. "Can you blame anyone for not liking being powerless? The universe or whatever might not care about us, but people care. Sure people might be half the problem, but is that really enough to write off the world? Or whatever... There's people like you and your girls and Beat and others that try and balance things out. Random kindness to fight the random cruelty."

Leaning back against the back of her chair, Piera held both of her elbows in a half hug as she quietly admitted, "We have to care about each other. Look out for each other. At least I try to..." Eyeing the tank as he upended his tankard, the alchemist sighed at his answer regarding telling Beat or anyone else about his circumstances. Though when he explained that apparently this Beat person was fairly young himself, she nodded in understanding. "Yeah... Still, this is a part of you. I... I'm sure it's difficult to talk about them at times, but sometimes it's good to have someone to talk to about these things." Though she was rapidly beginning to realize that she was likely that person.

"If you mean 'we' in a game wide sense, yes I don't suppose you're wrong. But for your friends? I'm sure they wouldn't mind knowing a bit more about you. Would probably prefer it if they really care about you. Don't have to tell a sob story, but there's nothing to be ashamed of in saying that you're fighting to return to your daughters. Hell, there's nothing to be ashamed of about any of what you told me in my opinion, but I can understand you not wanting everyone to know."

[Shield 0]

"Y'make it sound like I'm criticizing people for bein' human," Shield said darkly, slumping back into his chair. "Hell, I know abou' it and I still can' escape tha li'l hitch. Although it's a worl' I was born into, there're certain things that I can' make peace with." The jagged edges of his jaw moved from side to side as he ground his teeth together. "Evolution, I s'pose. If people could stan' the idea of randomness an' chaos, they would probably lie back 'n accept it. Not good fer passing on yer genes if y'only ever roll over and accept things withou' a fight." Shield then told Piera where he thought that evolution could stick it.

He bit and chewed the inside of his cheek, probably harder than he ever would in real life. It was like being on novocaine. He could feel his cheek between his teeth, and he could feel his teeth against his cheek, but the pain was absent, even though in the real life he was sure he'd be tasting blood by now. He continued to listen, though now that the floodgates were open, they weren't likely to close again until a lot more water had rushed through them. Still, he bit his tongue as well as his cheek until he found air to speak.

"I don' think random kin'ness works," he said plainly, shrugging his battle-hardened shoulders, though under the weight of the alcoholesque drink they were sagging a little more than was normal. "Wha' you call random usually ends up fallin' into certain patterns, an' those patterns tend t'favor those who're powerful or attractive. No, wha' the worl' needs is more calculation to its do-good-ing. I'ss why I'm a statistician. Luck favors those who have power, so sometimes yeh need to know how and when t' take matters into yer own hands."

This was likely more than Shield had spoken in the last week, let alone the last day. Some people turned into philosophers while drunk. Others tended to brood. A more sober Shield might have questioned whether Piera expected to encounter a brooding philosopher when she followed him into the bar. Still, there was weight to back up his words. Even in SAO, players who could hold their own enjoyed certain benefits, and sometimes a player who was good looking enough wouldn't even need to be skilled to have all the resources and protection they needed.

"Tha's what parents're there fer," he slurred out, somehow managing to spill some of the few remaining drops of his drink as he gestured. "We figh' for order, because the worl' isn' gonna t' give it to us. Closer you get t' being a parent, the more yeh see tha' without you there t' give the world shape 'n form, tha' worl's gonna be a nightmare fer someone so young."

The sentiment of sharing with others what he had shared with Piera was not a welcome one. He wrinkled his nose at the notion, turning away from her. When death was always around the corner and the body count continued to mount, the idea of setting those concerns aside to deal with his past life seemed petty and shortsighted. Those worries would still be there waiting for him if and when he ever opened his real eyes again. For now, there were other things that needed his attention and time and energy.

"No need t' talk abou' something that stays in th' pas'," he snorted, tipping the last few drops of his bitter drink into his mouth before tossing the mug aside to watch it shatter against the ground. "Today th' pas' just caught up with me a li'l is all. It's jus' a crack in the pavement. This time t'morrow, it'll be like t'day never happened. I'll be off fightin' Mothra and we'll be one floor closer t' getting out o' this death trap."

[Piera 0]

Huffing a breath more than a laugh, Piera shook her head at the man's mild accusation and countered with a small gesture of her hand, "Well you certainly sounded like you were." Though his next few statements weren't exactly comforting, they weren't overtly depressing or concerning at least, so that was a plus in her book. Snorting at his somewhat lewd comment about evolution, the brunette then found herself nodding, her expression becoming more serious. Passing on her genes wasn't something that she had thought of in quite some time. Though due to rather obvious reasons considering where they were. The left corner of her mouth twitched upwards as she realized she had one more thing to fight for and wondering if that counted as not accepting things without a fight. Now wasn't the time for such odd introspective thoughts however.

Blinking slowly in faint surprise at the speech that Shield had just unleashed, she couldn't help but wonder if he was usually this philosophical or if it was just the alcohol. She didn't know him well enough to tell. But as his words slowly began to sink in, she began to frown from thought as well as not exactly liking what he was essentially saying. Rubbing her forehead with a hand, the alchemist was starting to wish she had a second potion for herself. But she didn't want to get wasted. She did however feel like she'd be able to have an easier time with this conversation with a drink. She really needed to perfect her recipe. "You're not essentially wrong really...at least I don't think." He seemed to know about the numbers than she did, but still. "But still, isn't luck supposed to be random? ...I'm getting sidetracked." Letting out a prolonged sigh, Piera linked her fingers together behind her neck, elbows resting on the table for a moment, trying not to think of the many examples just in SAO that proved his point. An attractive woman being the frontman for an orange guild, luring in unsuspecting players. Powerful frontliners creating an even more powerful guild and managing to accumulate most of the best items for themselves...

The heels of her palms digging into her eyes as her glasses were pushed upwards onto her head before she pulled them away as the older player continued on, stating that this imbalance was what parents were for apparently. Staring at him with clear incomprehension, the alchemist then blinked with a small frown, crossing her arms as she stared down at the table, finger tracing the wood's realistic grain. "I always thought parents were there to prepare kids for the world rather than the other way around." Shrugging, the brunette admitted, "Could be just my own upbringing though."

Grimacing in mild annoyance and frustration as Shield faced away from her nearly like a child, refuting her suggestion. Not that she had any problem with that, but did he have to do it like a toddler being told that he should eat his vegetables? Sighing as yet another mug bit the dust, this time on the floor as the drunken man tossed it carelessly, Piera's lips pursed in frustration at his thin argument before it finally began to bubble out of her.

"It won't be like today ever happened because I'll remember it. I'll remember that a brave man called Shield told me about his past and that he's fighting to return to his daughters." Her arms were crossed tightly across her chest, unable to hide her annoyance. "And what if you don't get out of this death trap, hm? If nobody knows your real name, let alone the fact that you're a father, who's going to tell your little girls what happened to you? How you fought for them? How much you missed them and loved them every day you were stuck in here? Or are you so arrogant that you don't think that there's the slightest statistic possibility that you might die in the time it'll take us to clear the game?" Though her body language was stiff, her voice was passionate, eyes gleaming in emotion behind the frames of her glasses.

[Shield 0]

"Y'don' prepare kids fer the world by putting a gun in their hand withou' tellin' 'em how to shoot it," Shield said, pointing his finger at Piera and staring down the length of it with an uneven gaze. "You also don' teach a kid t' ride a bike withou' training wheels. Yes, yeh can' coddle 'em, but humans're a different breed from beasts. In nature, th' runts get weeded out 'cause they can' compete. There's yer random kindness. We humans evolved compassion, 'cause havin' strong bonds an' complex relationships made us a stronger unit. Tha's universal kindness," he said, lowering his finger and tapping it on the table.

Piera went on. It wasn't that she was wrong about escaping the game or not. There was always risk, and victory could never be assumed. It's why he took chance out of the picture, not gambling his skills on offense. If there was a skill that could prevent him from dying, he wanted it. Still, her tone grated on him, and he bristled at the challenge. He sat up to his full height, overbalancing slightly at first and having to balance himself on his arm for a moment before regaining himself.

"What happen'd t' 'we'll get outta here,' huh? You sure changed yer tune fast," he snorted, his eyes narrowing. He had stared down the three heads of Cerberus on his own along with its hell hounds. Piera could puff herself up as much as she wanted. "I don' care f'r your tone," he said in his most parent-like voice that he could manage while drunk. "Yer gonna have t' try harder than that if y'hope to brow-beat me into agreein' though. Still, s'not a hard process. There're obituaries, and I'm sure they're keeping careful doc-yuh-men-tay-sshun of th' deaths associated with th' game, if fer no other reasons than legal issues an' loved ones. If someone though' I was worth enough to contact m'family, they could. You know my face, as does Beat. Beat and I also share 'n inventory, being so-called 'married' an' whatnot," he went on, looking down at the table. "I wrote m'self a will a long time ago. I label'd it something boring. He'll pro'lly never look at it until it's time. There're plenny of parting words in it. To all sorts of players. And m'girls."

The idea of leaving the world before he had a chance to mend things with his daughters was not one he liked to address, but he had bitten the bullet now and then to keep the document as up to date as he could. There were messages waiting there for most of his guild mates, as well as both girls. It was a list of people much longer than it would have ever been in the real world. Whether this was because of the need to encourage his fellow players or because the game itself had actually given him real people to surround himself was unclear. It was probably both.

Situations are rarely due to a single factor.

He fell silent for a log while running his finger along the wood grain of the table. His eyes, nearly black in the downward-facing light that his hair and eyebrow ridges blocked out, were bloodshot from the things he had imbibed, but were steady, watching his finger crawl along the table.

"Have to keep my eyes forward," he said, his tone more even and less haphazard than it had been. "That's how we move forward and get out of here. Hesitation is death. Apathy is death. I have my motivation."

[Piera 0]

Letting out a sigh that blew the bangs resting on her forehead upwards briefly at the 'changing her tune' comment, Piera replied succinctly, "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Personal motto." Though when he stated that he didn't care for her tone, his own tone caused her to bristle slightly, her arms crossing in a mildly petulant manner.

Not replying at first as she listened with increasing inner surprise and relief she finally quietly denied, "I'm not trying to brow-beat you or whatever... I'm just...worried about you, I guess." Perhaps that seemed odd considering the two hadn't known each other for very long at all or had much real connection. But she knew a good person at heart when she met one. She was still somewhat reeling from the newfound knowledge that the man was apparently married to his rival and had left him a secret will should he die and wondered if perhaps she should do the same. Then immediately discounted the idea, knowing Lee wouldn't abide to any of her wishes whether she was alive or dead. Or perhaps just more-so if she were to have died. Realizing that she had been rather forceful in her points to Shield, the brunette shifted in her seat somewhat awkwardly, emotions settling down somewhat and becoming more quiet and introspective in the process.

Green eyes strayed to his finger tracing the grain of the wood of the table as his words echoed inside her mind. Forward... She hadn't felt like they were going forward in a very long time. What was she really doing to contribute to their mutual escape? Even in the real world, both herself and Lee pretty much lived in the moment, only vaguely planning for the future. And not even really long term. Sometimes they could just get by and that was enough. But here, now? She wondered how much was passing them by while they were stuck in here. They still weren't married, in the real world or even in SAO. And they were both just getting older. She was getting older... Though to be honest she was still fairly young The absurd possibility that there was a slight chance they could be in here so long, her eggs could expire popped into her mind, causing the woman to let out a quietly hysterical chuckle.

Sliding off her glasses with one hand and letting them rest on the table, her other hand shadowed her eyes as she rubbed them. "It's good you have a plan. Contingency plan. Will. Will to move forward." She restrained herself from saying aloud how she envied him for his motivation. It was simply in bad taste and petty besides. Slipping on her spectacles and adjusting them properly, the alchemist said pointedly, "Speaking of getting out of here, we should probably get out of here. Or at least you should. Need to be fighting fit for tomorrow, right? I'm all for relaxing before a big fight, but it'd probably be bad to show up to a boss fight hung over and sleep deprived."

[Shield 0]

Shield did not lift his eyes from the table as the prospect of leaving surfaced. He shrugged, and even in his pseud-drunkenness, he could recognize his stubbornness kicking in. It was the same stubbornness that sometimes stopped him sleeping. Going home and going to bed now would mean giving up on the day while he was at a low point. He hated that. The thought of it always felt like he was letting the day beat him somehow.

Still, he didn't have a good reason to disagree, so he kept his silence, merely shrugging again and continuing to stare at the wood grain. Taking quick stock of his physical faculties, he didn't even have to try to move to realize that he wasn't going to be able to keep his feet properly underneath him while walking. He wasn't just being stubborn like a petulant toddler. He was likely going to be walking like one as well.

His pride and self-worth had been worn raw enough as it was. Although he knew he would need help, there was no way in hell that he was going to be able to ask for it. He managed to push his seat back from the table, but from there, he was going to have to hope that Piera would have the wherewithal to notice that he wasn't standing up on his own.

"Didn' you design these potions?" Shield asked, taking a deep breath as if the act of simply breathing was using up a lot of his ability to coordinate. "Well, couldn' y'have designed it withou' th'whole 'hangover' thing?"

[Piera 0]

Not even bothering to hide her eyes rolling at the man's complaints, the alchemist simply countered, "It's not an exact science y'know. There's usually downsides to every potion that goes against the games code. Changing avatars or messing with a person's mind, even a little like in simulating inebriation. In this case, something like a hangover. It's not exactly like a hangover, but it damn well makes you feel horrible enough. Which is why I created a hangover cure. But it's downside is that if you drink it when you haven't drank my hundred proof potion, it makes you feel like you have a hangover. If you drank a different alchemist's or cook's 'alcohol', then it wouldn't work. Not because I like to make people suffer, I just haven't figured out how to fine tune it to be able to work for anything other than my specially coded crafts." 

Then giving the older man a pointed look, Piera stated, "So if you want the cure, you better get your butt moving." Staring at him for a moment, she began to realize that he was barely steady with his butt seated. Giving a small sigh, she stood away from the table and walked over to his side. "C'mon. I won't be the reason that the frontlines is down a tank." Holding out a hand for Shield to take, assuming he did, Piera would try her best to haul him up onto his feet and out of the chair, and putting his right arm over her shoulder to try and keep him steady. Which was awkward enough due to their foot difference in height. "So don't take this in a stalkery way, but where do you live?"