[PP-F2] Untitled (Lessa) [Completed]

[Life 0]

L sat in silence In the crossing fields under a tree the whole scene of events scared him more than anything he had faced before. What shocked him the most however was how he had acted and not what had happened to Mari and Alkor themselves. It was devastating knowing what had happened to the two and it was probably the most painful thing Mari had ever gone through but he wasn't looking so hot himself. The moon looked down on him, almost like it was judging, it was the voices fault.. it had to be, there was no way in hell he would speak to her that way. He let out a deep sigh and started munching on some bread, it was all he deserved, he didn't really feel like going into to town and getting wasted nor did he feel like stuffing himself with delicacies. He wanted to feel pure again, he wanted to be the one people looked up to, he didn't enjoy feeling like this.. feeling like a failure. A failure to his friends, after all those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends, where worse than scum. 

[Lessa 1]

The fields were quiet that evening. Players often brought their significant others to this place, sneaking off for a piece of heaven in an otherwise terrible world. But there was no one out tonight, perhaps due to the incredibly late hour. It was well past midnight, and the moon and stars were out in force. The dark sky was well lit, lighting Lessa's path as she waded through the ankle-high grass. A mob fight had kept her longer than she had anticipated, and now she was heading back to the safety of a nearby town. True, it was a low level, but the dangers were still out there. She preferred to avoid the danger zones after dark.

It was a single player that slowed her pace, and caused her to squint into the night. His name was spelled out above his head, and when she read it, her blue eyes grew wide. The name did not move, suggesting that the player was standing or seated at the base of the tree. Why in the world is he just waiting out here?

"Life?" Lessa called out, approaching the young man at a jog. What if something was wrong? Why else would he sit there? "Are you alright?"

[Life 0]

He turned his head to face her, he could barely make it out but he knew who it was. He was curious as to why anyone else would be out this late but he figured it would be due to Lessas busy schedule as a guild leader or possibly because she went out of her way to help someone. He wasn't sure if this was something he should tell her about, she was a rather innocent woman and felt shouldn't be open to such dark events but she would find out sooner or later. Alkor would no doubt bring her great grief.. "Just thinking.." He mumbled, his red eyes stuck out like candles in the night. He wondered how he would tell Lessa about the whole thing when he didn't even fully understand it himself. 

 

He closed his eyes for a moment and gathered his thoughts, he could still feel a deep pain in his chest. He thought maybe he could change the subject, or at least indirectly handle it "When you look to the stars what do you see?" He opened his eyes and stared over at her, he seemed to have a fierce look on his face without intending it too, similar to what had happened with Mari, maybe he was losing himself after all. "Do you see your successes? Do you see you failures? Your past.. your present.. your future...?" Maybe she could relate, but he highly doubted it. 

[Lessa 1]

"Thinking, huh?" The young woman repeated, nodding. But when he continued to speak, she realized just how conflicted Life truly was. The pain in his brilliant red eyes told her that something was eating him up inside, and she would not be able to continue her trip until she knew why. "Do you mind if I sit?" She asked him, softly. Without waiting for her to respond, she dropped down next to him. She made sure to keep their bodies from touching, a skill that she had picked up from her time with Alkor. But she leaned back against the tree trunk just beside him.

Lessa let her head fall back against the bark, blue eyes scanning the stars that Life had asked her about. "I see the rest of the universe," came her response. "I see how small I really am - how insignificant my problems are." She gave a soft laugh. "And, you know, it helps me. It reminds me that whatever I face will not be the end of the world. There are things out there that are bigger than myself. And I find that comforting."

[Life 0]

He thought about what she said for a moment and tried to find a deeper meaning to it. The rest of the universe? Does that mean the rest of her life? She sees it all? But then she continued and started to make more sense. "I see" He looked off into the distance considering the weight of her words. Maybe his problems where insignificant and he was stressing over nothing "Makes sense..." His eyes where a dim fire now, the night took it's toll on his body and he began to grow tired. Letting out a sigh he stretched his arms out and put his hand behind his head resting it. He figured he had to tell her what happened, it was time for him to do so. "I need to tell you something.. but Im not sure how. It's about Mari and Alkor" He turned his gaze to meet her concerned with how she would react.

[Lessa 1]

At the mention of her friend and the pink-haired woman, Lessa's face hardened. "Its alright, Life," she replied softly. "You do not have to tell me. I already know."

So this was what was troubling the poor man. Of course, she knew exactly what he was going through. She had experienced the same overwhelming confusion, hurt, anger and sadness when she noticed the red name as well. But her respect and feelings for Alkor had heped her pull through, and understand why he did what he did. Was she thrilled by the whole situation? No, of course not. But she understood. And she wondered if Life did as well.

Lessa turned to face Life, her cool blue eyes finding his fiery red ones. She held his gaze for a moment, before asking him plainly, "are you alright?"

[Life 0]

L  smirked and shook his head "Not in the slightest" He rubbed his shoulder and looked away again after a moment of silence, he spoke again  "Hell is not what you think it is.. It's cold, and dark. I am not a saint Lessa, and I don't claim to be. What if you had no love? What if you couldn't hold on? For just another day..... How could you breathe?" He ran his hands through his hair letting out a sigh. He lost himself talking to Mari, he didn't ever want it to happen against but he knew it would, he knew no matter what he tried, no matter how hard he persisted the voice would turn him into a monster again... He didn't want that to happen.. "What if.. i wasn't the person you knew? What if i turned into a monstrosity, something worse than a player killer... what would you do?" He waited patiently for Lessa to reply, he wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen from there.

[Lessa 1]

"Life," Lessa interrupted, gently cutting the man short. She reached over a placed a hand delicately on his knee. "Enough 'what ifs,'" she told him. It was true that she felt for him. She understood the betrayal of seeing someone close to her make such a drastic, permanent decision. But she had learned to forgive by focusing on the truth. Alkor told his story, and because he had given her no reason to doubt him, she believed it. She had understood that concerning herself with what could have happened would only drive her mad, and send her deeper into confusion. All she could do was look at what was directly in front of her, and make a decision accordingly. She had decided to forgive, and she did regret it for a second.

"Focus on the now. What you are doing, thinking, feeling, at this exact moment. No more 'what ifs.'" She met his gaze, and continued. "You are not without love. You are everything you have proven yourself to be - an intelligent, caring young man. And you are most certainly not a monster." Her voice grew soft. "How could you think that you were one?"

[Life 0]

He frowned crookedly and smirked "Sorry.. I guess it was a bit much" Lessa said she understood but she didn't. His case was not Alkors or Maris, he was his own and he had his own problems. Like that bitch Sillith that wouldn't get out of his head. "Everyone has two sides Lessa.. I've already broken Mari, maybe.. i don't deserve anything from anyone" He tried not to laugh at himself, this was pathetic of him but true. He had mentally scarred Mari when all she needed was a friend was it his fault? Hell yes, he could have done something, anything to stop himself but he didn't he twisted her until she was no longer the Mari everyone knew. "Im not the most stable guy to be around.. nor am i the greatest company, Im sure you can tell. Im scared I'll lose myself again.." Sillith didn't seem interested in Lessa at this time, so she stayed quiet. It was possibly because there was still some shred of hope and light left in him but the second he was worthless to the world, he would make the world worthless to everyone else. He never wanted any of this, he didn't ask for an A.I to live inside him and twist him, he didn't ask for any of it. He looked down and picked up a pebble and threw it across the field until it was out of sight and with it some of his frustration.

[Lessa 1]

The young woman sighed, closing her blue eyes while she let her mind drift away. This was not the first time she had heard these words. Many players considered Lessa a confidant, and she often found herself talking to them about their feelings. So many expressed worry that they were becoming a different person. The game, they told her, was tearing them into pieces, and those pieces were only shells of who they used to be. They wanted to be free of the torture, and they no longer wanted to watch themselves become monsters. Was this what Life was so afraid of?

"Don't be scared," the blonde replied softly. She opened her eyes just in time to watch a star go screaming across the sky. Her mind briefly returned to the Orochi fight, but she shoved that memory away. "I'll look out for you. Would that be alright?"

[Life 0]

He sigh still frustrated at himself. Despite her words she still didn't know about Silith and he couldn't let anyone know about her until he knew he had control. She seemed frustrated too, it was almost like she was trying to brush him off, almost like she didn't want to deal with him because she'd heard it all before. He couldn't blame her though, she was always helping people.. "Yeah.. thanks... i'd like that" Perhaps he would just have to be stronger, stronger for himself and stronger for others around him. If only she knew, "It's just.. I.." He didn't know how to finish, what would he say? 'I have an a.i living in my head'? Just the thought was insane "I want the world to be a better place. I just feel like im ruining it" It wasn't exactly what he wanted to say but it was still the truth, and more subtle.