Kiru

I slowly raised myself from my leaning position and stood with one foot slightly adjacent to the other. Upon hearing Ssendom's question I crossed my arms an raised my chin a little, slowly attempting to casually regain composure. "Well..." I began, not wanting to confess that I had so listlessly been lounging about the guild for quite some time now, "I haven't really left very much since uh the party I threw for Azure and Aincrad. You know, for the holidays? Yeah, I dunno, might just be Christmas blues I guess." I said, sure of my practically obvious lie. However,  going against what I stated before, this was definitely not the case. I was pathetic enough to just let Zelrius leave the guild, and to not follow him after. Sometimes I was just so dense. For example, what I just said. I had just now realized that Christmas was two months ago and therefore couldn't possibly still have "Christmas blues." I clenched my hands and smiled politely at Ssendom. There was no way he'd believe me, but hopefully he would just drop the conversation entirely. 

Thankfully, he continued and proceeded to inquire about my hunger. "Honestly, yeah, I could go for anything if you'd be so kind to make it." I called as he walked back into the kitchen. Unlike me, he actually had a profession and could make use of himself. But me? I was just a flagrant poptart compared to everyone else. 

I began forward, to go any see if Dom needed any help, but suddenly Lowenthal appeared out of nowhere. I wasn't expecting yet another surprise entrance, and thus I nearly had a heart attack. Very dramatically, I clutched my heart and pretended to breath heavy. (This was to cover up that he actually scared me.) "Is anyone else here?! Geez." I exclaimed and looked up to look at Lowenthal. "Well duh, of course we live here. But it doesn't mean that anyone's ever around. For the past few days no one's been here." I replied, just digging myself deeper that I already was.

Regret. I stared down at the small yet appetizing cupcake in front of me. The wrapper that lined the moist cake was stark white, in contrast to the dark chocolate pastry that filled the mold of paper. The frosting however was my favorite. It was twirled in flower design and mixed to be a lilac purple, almost periwinkle. There was a slight drizzle of dark and white chocolate on top of the cake as well, which balanced the colors perfectly. Everything about this looked delicious except for one thing: the grief. Somehow, the cupcake gave off an aura, like I shouldn't indulge myself in such a pleasantry. But, I did and now I had to eat it after wasting the everlasting col I had. I sighed and picked up the small fork on the left side of the table, about to dig in. Suddenly, there was loud crash, interrupting me from eating literal heaven. It was a stupid kid trying to break through the glass window, only after shouting his excitements to everyone in Aincrad to possibly hear. I sort of laughed a little when he fell back form his dumb try. Obviously it was an immortal object, meaning you couldn't break through it no madder how hard you tried. But that laugh diminished quickly when he walked in, eyeing a cupcake in the shop window. I looked away for a moment to realize that a young girl was peering inside the shop, probably yearning for something sweet. Then I looked back at the young man, he was now causing even more commotion by being accused of stealing a cake. Judging from his immaturity I could probably guess that he did. After finding no evidence of theft they reluctantly let him go and he strolled out. The question was, how did he do it? I contemplated following the young kid or finishing my cake.

My curiosity could not be stopped. I walked up to the register and order a random cupcake with chocolate frosting and pink detailings, a couple truffles, and a slice of lemon cake for later. I also requested my current cake be boxed up for safety. After paying for all of it I rushed out the door and yelled for the young man to stop. "Hey! You, thief! I need to talk to you!" I held up the boxes of cake and kept my eyes on him. Maybe he would accept my offer, or maybe not.

Of course, Calrex was very kind about my tardiness. I followed his advice and placed my hands on my hips, stretching my torso upwards and breathing a lot more clearly now. "Thanks, I think I remember Keith mentioning something like this while running away from some rather angry players." I stated, trying to pinpoint the exact moment he had said such words. After a few very impatient seconds I gave up and shrugged it off. Besides, I wasn't supposed to be thinking about him anyways, it would only distract me and cause me to perform poorly on this mission with Calrex. There wasn't anything to lose during this battle but I couldn't but feel pressure to do exceedingly well like I normally would. Especially around someone, now a higher level than I, whom was very strong and could probably take a boss alone.

However, that didn't stop him from being human. He too was there shortly after Daeron had departed from the ledge. Calrex was always around to see my life crumble and I couldn't explain how, he just was. He was there when Keith first went missing, he was there when Zelrius stepped down from the guild, and he was there when Daeron died. Again he was a travelling ghost. Always there. Not in the creepy way either, if anything he was like an older sibling to watch over you. I couldn't help but to wonder what image he had of me; was I just the two toned girl who had fallen from her throne? Was I just a weeping, overreacting, child to him? This was just me being self conscious and I knew Calrex and I were at least acquaintances but there was still the part of me that was constantly worried. Worried about literally things that didn't matter. I guess that's what happens when your level stays the same as everyone around you advances a million steps ahead. 

 I was snapped from my thoughts to answer the question Calrex had posed. "Yeah, should be pretty easy. I'll let you lead the way." 

It was of great urgency that I PMed Calrex for assistance. For countless weeks I had been moping over things that I tried my best not to be angry or sad about but obviously that didn't happen. What did happen was I locked myself up in the guild hall and rarely came out. When I did come out of the building for once, more pain was brought to me in a black box filled with regret and overall negative emotions. Only, the box was a PM, the message was a goodbye, and the negative emotions were Daeron falling backwards off the edge of Aincrad. What's worse is that I didn't even know the reason for his death, I was too late. And being the overly emotional teenager I was, all I did was collapse on the ground, cry, then return to the guild where I spent more time alone. The second time I came out I saw Zelrius, but that's a story for a different time. Back to the reason of Calrex's help, I was incredibly weak compared to everyone and actually needed help with a quest for once. It pained me to even think about asking anyone for assistance but I desperately needed it. Calrex was the best choice because I felt like he got things done; he didn't spend hours trying to get to know you or insult you. Calrex was what I liked to call a "travelling ghost." You didn't hear about him very much but you knew he was out there somewhere. 

The moment I stepped outside I knew I was late. I was supposed to meet with Calrex ten minutes ago. Luckily I thought something like this would happen even though I promised that I wouldn't be late to anything anymore so I had spent the previous night at an Inn. As I ran through the town I was equipping random things necessary for the trip to defeat the cliched "Wasp Queen." I equipped my Azure cloak, and of course my dagger, along with my item from Ariel. By the time I got to Calrex I was so out of breath that I could barely form coherent sentences. "Hah...hey....augh Calrex. Thanks." I managed to force out and soon caught my breath.

To my surprise the young male did not react in a negative way to my gesture, this was a first. I did not necessarily know how to respond to just a gentle person so I kinda just laid there, staring at the colors exploding in the sky. For once in this game I had received a somewhat normal response. Normally I think what would have happened would be that the player would angrily stand up or begin getting freaked out. It was calming to know that there was at least one rational person in Aincrad on this night. 

I looked over at him every few minutes, thinking he might be asleep, before he began to speak. "I guess you could call it a great night, maybe you could even call it explosive." I said, instantly realizing that I in fact did not say that in my head, but out loud. I inwardly sighed and looked at him once more.  His eyes were closed and his countenance was relatively relaxed. It was weird but just by looking at this stranger made me feel free from tension. It was like he was a good friend of mine that I was just watching fireworks with. Though by the end of this show maybe I would become at least acquaintances with this person to my left. 

"Yeah..." I said, letting my mind wander off into the spiraling thoughts of what lead me to Aincrad. I wasn't even particularly interested into video games, so why? I couldn't remember the reason for exactly why I was possessed to throwing my fathers money into NervGear but all I knew was that I had no beef with Kayaba, right now at least.

I did not hear footsteps, and everything was silent in the meeting room. I was entirely lost in my readings that, and like always, I was too zoned out to hear anything other than my thoughts. So, I was quite surprised when suddenly the lights were switched on and someone began speaking. There was no warning and like I stated previously I head no footsteps. My initial reaction was alarm. Due to my many dangerous adventures with Keith I had kind of learned to be prepared for anything and everything. But this time, I wasn't prepared and I was almost one hundred percent sure that no one was currently inside the guild. Instead of staying calm and grabbing a weapon I totally flipped out...of my chair.

I hit the floor with a loud smacking sound and let out a pained gasp. Though the pain factor was turned down I still could imagine the real sensation of being the idiot I was and falling from a chair. After the shock from the fall was gone I quickly got on my knees and peered above the table, looking at the light switch. My eyes moved from the switch to the person beside it. That person namely being Ssendom. I let out relieved sigh and closed my eyes, swallowing before I responded to him. "You scared me, sorry." I opened my eyes and stood up. The first thing I noticed was his absence of a shirt. "He must have been sleeping." I thought, and tore my eyes from his chest and confirmed my thoughts by examining his attire. He was still in his pajamas, as was I. Of course unlike him I was wearing a shirt. I was wearing a dark blue, almost black, t-shirt and a pair of black flowy shorts that ended about halfway above my knees. I leaned on the table slightly, trying to pretend that didn't just happen as my cheeks began to flush. "I uh, I'm always here?" I stated, but it came out more like a question. "What are you doing here? I didn't think anyone was here."

There was a specific quietness of Azure when no one was around. It was almost like this one building was an entire ghost town; aka no one was ever here. It was disappointing to me. What was even the point of a Guild Hall if we never used it? I would've though that we would spend every moment together, staying up all night and just screwing around as a team. But this wasn't a movie, this was (virtual) reality and it was do or die. Thus, I sat alone in the meeting room without the light on. Mostly of the lights were off even though it was still daytime out. In fact, I was pretty confident it was just a little after noon. With the lights off, Azure looked terribly dismal due to the terrain that surrounded the floor outside of the guild. It was already dark out and the constant eerie fog looming over everything didn't help either. The reason for the lights to be off was to create kind of a calm environment, but it also unfortunately created a gloomy one as well. To make things worse I was sitting in dark, alone in my thoughts. There was no real reason for this light to be off other than I was way too lazy to turn it on after I collapsed in one of the end chairs. Unlike the light, I had a reason for sitting in a specific chair; it was chair that Zelrius used to sit in for meetings. Though to be completely honest I was sitting in it like a normal human would. My legs hung over one of the arms while my head was awkwardly resting against the other arm. I guess some might call it lounging, but I was completely bored out of my mind. I was just committing something weird, like any other normal person did when they were alone. It was like making funny faces in the mirror. 

I groaned out of boredom and opened my menu. The light from my HUD, rather annoyingly, illuminated my face as I scrolled through my inventory and PMs. Every few items I would stop to look at, debating if I could possibly use it. For example, the sword Daeron gave me had gone unused since the 11th Floor boss, or was it the 12th? I squinted to read the text under each item and for a while this assuaged my fatal state of boredom. 

Aincrad had become numb, or maybe I had. I often found myself wandering aimlessly through floors just to sulk like the very emotional (and strangely sometimes unemotional), teen aged girl I was, reminding me ultimately of the castaway I was. It was a bit depressing to say the least but somehow there wasn't anything left for me to explore. For, without someone to accompany me on my adventures made me very unpleasant in the brain. Nothing was worse than to be alone, especially when you're trapped inside a realistic game that was given to you by accident by your best friend who was presumably dead according to Zelrius. To put it even more morbidly, it was painful to be in the place that someone lead you to, only for them to leave you. And just like he did, slowly everyone else did. The cheerful people I met at the beginning of Aincrad's days were now on the Frontlines and never had the spare time. Sometimes you would see them, but they'd get all weird and wouldn't see them again for months. Don't get me wrong; I didn't hate living here. In fact, it was a step up from my life, well, IRL. I had a lot more freedom and could take out my anger by stabbing things. I didn't love Aincrad, and I didn't hate it, I was indifferent about the whole thing and possibly a smidge bitter.   

So, here I stood, in the middle of the Town Square. The Town of Beginnings was slightly less daunting at night because the idiot level one's all retreated to nearby Inns or spent their every col on outrageously expensive food. During the day every part of Floor One was filled with players who were too frightened to leave the safe zone. "Pathetic." I muttered, but then remembered that I just spent quite a long time in my room in the Guild Hall, so it was probably me that was on the same level as these stalagmites. I cringed at the though and quickly dismissed it as I begun to move again from my previously lifeless state or pondering. Out of nowhere I heard a bursting sound, much like a gunshot. My eyes tore away from the ground, and were now glued to the sky. Fireworks illuminated the darkness in an array of colors. The corner of my mouth moved upwards, a half smile. It was rare that the creator was so kind as to create spectacles for the trapped players. Even so, I appreciated even this possibly sadistic and sarcastic gesture that Kayaba was putting on for all of us to see. 

I walked from the town, to the fields, in order to get a better view of the whole thing. A clear sky was what I wanted. I traversed the low hill and saw a group of players sitting under the show of lights. Slightly to the left however, there was a player laying on their back, facing the sky. I chuckled a little bit at the sight of this, as it reminded me of myself. I was connected to everyone in Azure but I was the cliched "lone wolf." Although, you could say everyone in Azure was a lone wolf because rarely ever did we hold meetings anymore or get together. Anyways, back to the player. I began to walk to them as the fireworks continued to go off. When I got close enough, and at just the right time, the fireworks' light shone on the player's face. It was a young man. Without asking, I laid down next to him and stared at the sky, pretending as though we were good friends and not total strangers; that I totally hadn't just literally invaded someone's blanket for my own pleasure. 

"Okay." I said and looked at my appearance in the mirror. For the first time in months I had equipped myself with full armor, which was little to none in my case. The set I wore was a simple black chest plate. I had yet to evolve from the starter gear other than a few items that changed my stats considerably. The only thing I considered actual armor other than starter gear was the wings that adorned my shoulders. I was lucky enough to be the recipient of the a monthly boss drop, gaining a pair of wings, yet couldn't fly. It was disappointing at first but I got over it as soon as I saw the defensive stats. As a dagger user I couldn't have heavy armor weighing me down because I not only need to retrieve a dagger at incredible speeds if I threw it but I also had to be quicker than my opponent if I needed to strike. One of the major disadvantages of using a dagger was that if you wanted a successful attack you needed to be in close range. However, if you were as experienced as I you could simply throw the dagger from any distance that wasn't too far. Though I had a sword, and now a shield from Oikawa, I continued my journey with my trusty dagger crafted by someone who I hadn't seen or heard from in quite awhile. Which brings me once again to the topic of disappearance and absence. In my case I was gone so long because I had no will to do anything. In my defense a lot of my closest friends had gone missing and a few died in that time period so I was kind of turned into a recluse, stuck in the room I resided in now.

But, that was changing slowly. Today I would go out and defeat a sea monster with a group of strong leaders from another guild. I was surprised by the invite at first but then the mutual feelings that Zelrius and I shared had came to mind. Maybe they just wanted someone from Azure, for the name. I traversed the though from my head and checked my gear one last time before heading out of my room on the second floor of the Azure Brigade Guild Hall. I shut the door quietly behind me and walked down the stairs to the entryway. I was a bit weary as I walked down, as if in anticipation for someone coming to greet me. I peeked out into the main hall and took a relieved breath before I took my black Azure cloak from the rack and equipped it as well. Taking one last breath, I stepped outside of the Guild doors and walked through the darkness to the nearest teleport. 

My being suddenly was transported to the Twelfth Floor. Upon transporting to the floor I was greeted with mild rain. I groaned, forgetting that this floor was known for it's water. I flipped the hood up on my cloak in an instant. I blinked my eyes a few times in attempt to release the strain from the previous floor. I stepped rather ungracefully off the platform and rubbed my eyes. "Should've invested in night vision if my guild is on the darkest floor..." I mumbled and regained my vision. From a quick glance I gathered that we were certainly not meeting at the teleport. I opened my menu and clicked the PM again, the message did not state where we were meeting. I sighed and went under Mack's name. With his tracker set in front of my eyes I began towards a hut of some sort. It was well lit and had high windows. I could see two people inside the dwelling. Assuming I wasn't late, I opened the door and proceeded to walk in. After shutting the door behind me I took off my hood and raised my hands in surrender. "It's just me. No worries." 

Great captain line ups! I have no problem with any of them!

I volunteer to be a captain if possible :)

Maybe maybe Kiru will join 

(Neither can I tbh)

What was it that made this peculiar? Zelrius willingly wanted to have a drink and walk with me? Probably. This reminded me of the first time I met Tristan. He was playing his guitar, something that sadly he doesn't do anymore, and trying serenade anyone passing by. I was not having it; that guitar was annoying me. The sound was beautiful but at the time it sounded like a screeching cat to my immature. He continued to play, which got me very angry. Let's just say that the night ended with a sore knuckle for me and a sore face for him. Or did I kick him? I couldn't remember but it was a fun time after that. Although often more times that not he tried to make "the real Kiru come out," which made me irritated around him always, he was pretty fun to hang around with at the time. Someone also fun to hang with was Keith. Nowadays I wasn't so emotional about thinking of him. I used to stop everything and cry when I thought of him, obviously that didn't happen now. He would always be so hyper and he was pushy, but in a good way. And if I wasn't having enough fun he would literally pick me up, like princess style, and embarrassingly run through flowers like a cliche romantic comedy. He would drag me if I was being stubborn. Make a flower crown if I was sad. He always knew what was going on and did his best to make my day. However sadly, being heroic was a flaw and virtue of his that I couldn't stand; I guess mine was more of a flaw too. He was there for me if someone got in my way. But being heroic always got him damaged and too close to death for comfort. He jumped in front of every sword, axe, dagger, and spear for me. After seeing him impaled so many times I got more enraged at the people trying to hurt him. I even went out of my way to get rid of them but somehow he always found out what I was doing and took on the orange cursor for me. If he hadn't shown up I probably wouldn't still be green and I'd be in a PK guild possibly. Keith was kind soul, and after not hearing from him for awhile I got so pent up on finding the person behind it and killing them; I was literally so close to going through with it too. I even was going to have Zelrius help me. That's when this hating Zelrius and Zelrius hating me started. He basically told me that nothing was important and that he didn't care for Keith anymore. I planned to ask for his help right before the boss battle, I was confident he'd help me considering we were friends but boy was I wrong. Things went downhill from there, then went back up and possibly even better than before. Then things went down again when he left again. 

I was snapped back from my dumb thoughts when the blonde began to speak again. "Yeah I suppose you can come back after taking a selfish break." I laughed, not really meaning anything by my words. "I've noticed that Ssendom is neutral to everyone so I wouldn't take it very personally. And why wouldn't Lowenthal be happy to see you? You gave him the title so you have to at least be friends right?" I asked, confused at Zelrius reaction to Lowenthal. Why would he give the position to him if he didn't like him? I dismissed the thought for now and got on to the rest of the conversation.

"Well first of all you're never here, and I'm not around very much so I guess I just never see you in general. Then again have you ever seen me eat? And you'd be surprised by certain people who don't like cocoa, namely Tristan." I said, throwing him under the bus. Hey, it was his fault for not liking the only thing beside water that I like in this game. With that, I nodded at Zelrius and walked through the guild door that was held open for me. The sunset was now gone and was replaced with a dark sky and streets illuminated by the fire lit lamps. This floor would not be suitable for eating anything, as everything was dead and no one came for vacations. "I haven't been to Floor 7 in awhile, let's go there."  I said, not really sure why I was feeling so adventurous today. 

There was something strange about this encounter. I couldn't explain it, like all the other things that so ardently clouded my mind, and to be honest it was annoying me. I was annoying myself mostly by not dismissing the thoughts but for not being totally happy that Zelrius stood here in front of me. Could it have possibly been so long that I've grown accustomed to leave? That I've been alone so long that's it's become a routine? This was beginning to scare me; it was just like my life at home only slightly different. I was always around people who adored me, but, that was simply the fact that I was wealthy and came from a good family. And like all of the other kids at my school no one really cared about personality, it was a sort of caste system that only teenagers could conjure. One again however I am forced to think of Zelrius' feelings. I could recall a time when he confessed that no one actually cared, they liked his title. Now that I thought about it I wasn't exactly sure if he said it. Either way, there was a comparison that he and I both felt. For, at the beginning of the game I was dubbed the "strongest and scariest" player in Aincrad. (Just under Keith in level) I was even levels above Zelrius and it felt like every player that spoke to me, spare a few, were just trying to be seen with me. It's a bit narcissistic of me to say it, but I knew I could cut anyone down if I really wanted to. But now that I've been slacking I've had no new people speak to me. It's more peaceful this way; and maybe, just maybe that was the reason Zelrius left. 

I peered over Zelrius' shoulder at the door, wondering if it was such a good idea to go now that he was here. I then looked back at Zelrius. He was smiling, which made me smile. I quickly covered my smile and left no trace of emotion when I uncovered. "I supposed it is something to be happy about." I said, not intending to continue on, but did so anyways.  "After that, uh, emotional night I didn't think you were coming back. Like,ever. You made it seem like you were just leaving everyone to become a hermit or something." I spoke, immediately regretting it. "A-anyways," trying to regain my composure, "I will let you announce your arrival on your own terms then. I'm sure everyone will be overjoyed you're back. Especially Ssendom, oh and Lowenthal. I spoke to him a little bit ago and he gifted me something rather weird but appreciated." I remembered the stuffed Zelrius and laughed a little, it was a funny gift that I needed deeply at the time.

When Zelrius requested to come with I was a smidge taken aback. He wasn't the type of person to just waste his time on a walk, or so I thought. Heck, when I asked him to do something important with me he shot that down. But, there's a first time for everything as they say. "You know? I've never actually seen you eat anything, I'm convinced you're a vampire." I joked, trying to remember an actual time I saw him eating something. I couldn't think of any times. "If you really want to, I'm going to get hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate you know. So if you don't like it then you no longer have permission to accompany me." I then awaited an answer to leave. 

It stung. It hurt. It felt bad. In the very moment Zelrius spoke I wanted to hug him and pretend things were as they were before he left. Not the week of silence Zelrius that was mad at me, but the Zelrius in his silk pajamas. The boy who couldn't seem to leave the party no matter how hard he tried, before he made a speech and left everyone, left me alone. It's a tad selfish to say the least but in this reality he had left only me. He didn't really talk to anyone other than some of the Commandants but they all seemed to be in on his decision to relieve of his Azure duties. From the time he left I've had a long time to think about the reason why but I couldn't think of anything other than that he left because of me. I mean, he didn't talk to me about it even when I thought we were close. But this didn't explain his apology or his embrace so it was a broken theory. The only other explanation was because wasn't happy with the guild, but, how was he not happy? He was the leader and the strongest, he had loyal players to follow him and everyone other than myself was always complimented him or gushed about him. I did hold him in high esteem but never expressed that towards him; I didn't see any point if he knew it already. Maybe I didn't appreciate him enough, but how could I? I was never at the Guild Hall except to sleep maybe once and didn't really talk to him for a solid three weeks.   

His answer surprised me. Without a facade, he answered in absence of hesitation. "Really? I'm uh glad. Welcome back." Honestly I was not expecting him to answer my question at all, I thought he was going to evade it or maybe make up an excuse but he didn't. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my heart, but a new was added. He was coming back, but the weight replaced was harder to explain. In fact, I couldn't explain it. It was like feeling guilty for something you didn't do or crying over nothing. I took a deep breath and half smiled with a pained look in my eyes. "Oh I was just stepping out for a little bit to go buy unnecessary things and grab a drink. I've been really busy lately dealing with quests and people wanting to join the guild that I haven't had any time with myself lately." I flat out lied to Zelrius, once again wanting to smack myself. Why was I trying to make it seem like I've been busy while he was away? I cleared my throat for the second time tonight and spoke once more. "What are you doing sneaking into your own guild?" I questioned jokingly, attempting to change the topic.

The guild hall was dark but there was still enough light to see everything in the rooms. "It must be dark outside." I thought as I made my way down the stairs quietly. Just as I reached the end of the last stair I paused at the sound of the guild door opening. This was normal occurrence for brigadiers to be coming in and out of the hall but I was trying to not speak with any of my fellow commandants because, well, I wanted to be alone for at least one more night before actually being useful to the guild again. Though with only a few of my friends remaining in the organization this place had become quite desolate and lonely because they were never here. Bringing my focus back the player in the doorway I froze, unblinking, staring at Zelrius. He too was stood still, I guess he noticed me first. "Zel?" I called out, knowing the answer it would bring about. "What am I doing, shouldn't I be happy he's back?" I questioned myself but knew the answer. True, I had been looking out for him, still latching on to everything I heard about him like it was the last, but, there was a lingering feeling of betrayal or something laced in my stomach. He made a big emotional deal the night of the party but then left. I couldn't help but to be mad at him for not telling me about his leave, he and Daeron both did that and it stung, leaving an invisible scar inside my heart next to the multiple left by Keith and others. If anything else were to happen I guess my heart would explode from all the wounds. But I digress, he was in front of me and I needed to deal with this. 

It was actually quite shocking that I wasn't crying just by the sight of him, I knew about two weeks ago I would have. Would this mean I was numb or emotions? Or just empty? I cleared my throat and stepped off the last stair, walking towards the blonde boy. We were the same height but I was wearing boots so I was just a little bit taller. I met his eyes and stared for what seemed like forever, like everything was in slow motion. Finally, I spoke after giving thought of what to say. "Are you....here to rejoin the guild?" I asked, almost wanting to smack myself for not asking the obvious question burning in my mind. Was he happy to see me? Probably not given his reaction to me. Had he come to see me? No, that was probably too arrogant as well. 

"Unproductive." I said out loud rather loudly. The word itself came out in fragments of a hoarse voice due to the fact that I had spoken in a while. For maybe a week or so I had been in my room inside the Azure Brigade Guild Hall, only leaving to go get food and take a walk every once and awhile. When in reality I had enough food for about a month in my inventory and probably only left twice. Both of those times were simply to walk around at night. There was no point to these midnight strolls other than wishful thinking; seeing if maybe, just maybe someone had come back. By that someone I meant a lot of people. Actually it was more of an entire list but there were two people who recently left. Zelrius and Daeron. Just thinking about Daeron's body falling backwards off the edge of Aincrad made my stomach hurt immensely. It was cliche but I felt like if I was there sooner I could have caught him, or maybe even jumped off and grabbed him. Maybe I could have talked to him more or took more quests with him. Thought ifwe took another quest together nothing would get done, which would be hilarious. That wasn't the thing that I was even angry or guilty about though. It was that he didn't talk to me about it; he was always looking happy. The only thing I had left of Daeron was memories and his armor which I didn't intend to use unless I was in a serious battle. And speaking of battles I heard that a certain narcissistic blonde was once again leading the next boss fight. What floor were we even on? Did it matter? It's been so long that it kind of felt like this was my home now. Of course I had gotten used to the game and living here a long time ago but there was a difference. It's been two years and only twice did I think of my house in the real world, and I didn't even want to go back. So, boss battles were just every day things here for me now. But, this was the first piece of information that I heard about Zelrius since his disappearance. This wasn't the first time he left, but the first he told someone about it. It was also the first time that the self centered boy had been so kind to everyone. Although maybe "self centered" and "narcissistic" weren't the right words to use anymore I still couldn't help but to use those words to describe him. If I started calling him "nice" and "gentle" then my image of him would be broken. Though what was my image of him? He was so rude and vicious a week before the party, ignoring me and when he did speak it wasn't nice. But at the party he was completely different, he was glad that I, of all people, didn't hate him. It was confusing to me but I knew it meant something. I wasn't going to be as arrogant to say I was his only friend, but I was going to go as far to say that I thought I was and am one of his closest friends. Like I told him at the party, he was like family to me. And although Keith was still important I was slowly letting go of the idea of his return. I guess I wanted to dismiss it as a mere dream but that would be too easy wouldn't it? With Daeron....gone, Keith still missing for over half a year, and Zelrius distancing himself from everyone I had been left empty. 

So here I sat, in my bed with my legs crossed, thinking about all the things that had gone from my life. I sighed and looked to the left to my window. A black curtain hung weightlessly from the window, guarding me from the possibly burning light outside. I couldn't tell what time it was with the curtain drawn though, it just looked dark. My covers were thrown off my bed along with the plushie that I got at the party. I looked up at the ceiling, then down at my hands. I cracked my knuckles out of habit and swung my legs over the side of my bed. I stood up and walked over to the full length mirror on the other side of my room an examined my appearance. Of course my hair was a complete mess from sleeping with it down. I pulled a large black sweater over my long sleeve shirt and changed into a pair of regular black pants with my normal boots. I glared at my hair and brushed through it painfully. After a good eight minutes of relentless brushing and pulling I finally got my hair into a messy bun that I wasn't proud of but was suitable for wearing around the general public. I yawned and walked outside of my room, down the stairs and out of the Guild Hall. To my surprise, the sun was beginning to set in an array of oranges, pink, and yellows. I had one goal for right now, to take a walk and order myself a cup of hot cocoa without worrying or caring. Just some me time/

My eyes blinked open slowly to see a message blocking my view. I stretched my arms above me and yawned, rolling over to the opposite side of the bed. Lazily, I clicked it open and looked at the sender: Daeron. "That's funny, he rarely messages me..." I smiled at the pleasant surprise and began reading. Very quickly my smile fell from my face, this wasn't a friendly not, it was a goodbye letter. A pit formed in my stomach. This wasn't good. I shot up from my laying position and busted through the door of the Inn I was staying at. I navigated through my HUD with shaky fingers and found Daeron's name towards the bottom. I pressed on the cursor icon and saw him at the very edge of the map, on the other side of the Eleventh Floor. My boots came screeching to a halt as I turned around, sprinting in the other direction. I ran past the Inn I stayed at, my boots digging into the stone path of The Intermediate Floor. I followed the map until the buildings became smaller and less common. Ahead of me I saw a body lean backwards and fall off the edge of the Aincrad. My eyes widened and I ran even faster towards the falling person. "NO!" I screamed and saw the figure mouth a few words and disappear completely from sight. I slowed down when I saw a pile of armor and pixels floating into the sky, dissipating one by one. I stood silently for a few minutes with my head hung low. Then, after some time had gone by I looked at my map icon...Daeron's cursor was gone. I closed my menu and reached my right hand to my face. An unsteady stream of tears began to fall from my face. I sunk to the ground and hugged the golden armor laid before me. "Daeron..." I said in a quiet, unstable voice. First Keith disappears, then Zelrius left, and now....and now Daeron was gone.

I wiped my face in my bare arm and leaned against the ledge, continuing to caress the last remaining part of my second blonde friend. I remembered to how we met, on Floor 2. I was easily the second highest leveled player in Aincrad, just below Keith at the time, when suddenly we just happened to run into each other. Back then, both Daeron and I were mirror images of each other. We were both extremely rude and were sarcastic to the max. Also, when he told me he was a PKer I thought nothing of it. We got dragged into the literal dark, and had to fight a tedious battle against bats. However, I couldn't remember the rest. I laughed slightly as a way to hold back a waterfall of tears. "Daeron, you were supposed to buy me dinner, I was supposed to get the spoils..." I closed my eyes and tucked my legs into my chest, wrapping my arms around the armor and my legs. "Why did you have to leave me like everyone else did?" I asked in a muffled voice. 

OOC- Okay so this is going to working by posting order. Whoever posts here first gets to choose first! Then AFTER the lucky person has picked their gift the rest go in order.

A moment after I finished with my request for everyone to gather under the tree Oikawa held his hand up, asking everyone to stay. Oikawa wasn't someone I'd seen in awhile so for him to make an appearance here was special. I listened intently to what the blonde had to say. He began by apologizing, being polite as usual.Throughout his speech I couldn't help but notice how much he had matured since Keith and I helped him last. Keith was his mentor, and I guess so was I, but clearly now he had no need for one. A smiled twinged on the corners of my mouth as he got a little more personal towards certain members of Azure. Unexpectedly, he then addressed me and offered a gift. It was his first ever crafted item, a shield. Not only was this a major milestone in his career here but it was a token of thanks-- and it was given to me. "Thank you Oikawa...this means a lot." I felt honored to be given such a cherished item. I hugged the carved metal to my chest and closed my eyes. It was heartwarming to be thought of once in awhile, especially in sentiment. 

The next few minutes were dedicated to other people speaking about Zelrius leaving, wishing everyone a good time, or congratulating Lowenthal for his new position. Just as soon as this all ended I was greeted by yet another player. I was a tad confused to see it was Lowenthal, for he and I rarely spoke. Again, this was another unexpected encounter. Lowenthal spoke, and after gave me a present. I gently took it from him and held it in front of myself. A small tear rolled down my cheek and dropped to the floor, bursting into pixels and disappearing into the game data. It was a plushie of Zelrius. I smiled, attempting to hold in all of the emotions of the night. "Thank you Lowenthal." I said quietly and hugged him. Normally I wouldn't be comfortable handing out hugs but this was another thing that meant a lot to me. I held the mini Zelrius and walked over to the tree. If I didn't start this event people would grow bored and I would probably lose it. I walked towards the center and stood on the only chair next to the tree. "Okay! Everyone, I know this will be a little childish but sit on the floor in one row. You can number yourself off and select the gift that matches the number you are. Or quite frankly any you like. Please enjoy!" I called, hoping everything would go as simply as I wanted it to. 

I nearly spit out the chocolate when I realized what Daeron meant. It wasn't that Daeron wanted to dance with him, he was saying that I should dance with Zelrius. My cheeks burned red and I slowly rubbed the back of my neck, a habit I picked up from Tristan. "I am such an idiot." I thought but smiled to Daeron and Zelrius anyways. I was always really dense about understanding simple things. For example, I didn't get the hang of the battle system until I met Tristan, which was maybe a few months after logging in. Sure, I could recklessly throw daggers and all but I didn't necessarily know about skills and ranks, I still didn't. I took a deep breath. "I reckon that's not the best idea right now, as I would probably trip and die or step on his feet." I stated, knowing none of this was true. I was actually a splendid dancer, as I did come from a spoiled family along with many parties as a child. I would certainly dance with Zelrius if there wasn't literally everyone I knew and their mother here. It would probably even calm him and I down even more. But, as stated earlier we had already caused quite the commotion among the crowd. 

As Daeron left, Rebekah suddenly slipped in, handing me a gift. She explained it was for me, and not the party. It was a muffin, I loved muffins. "Thank you so much Rebekah, I'm sure I'll use it fairly soon." I said, and quickly hugged her before putting it safe in my inventory. This was the first gift I received tonight and so far it was the most useful thing I've gotten. After thanking her I turned back to where Daeron was. Suddenly another player dropped in. It was Lowenthal. I had battled him and sadly lost because of slight mishaps and major differences in strength. He immediately went to Zel, asking him if 'we' knew something. I stood, confused, but waited to hear the rest in case Zelrius would say something. To my surprise Zelrius hugged me for the second time today. It was only for a quick second but he nearly squeezed the life out of me before I could respond. He then turned and called everyone's attention. "This is it. Whatever is going on will end right here." I thought, crossing my arms and focusing entirely on Zelrius. As he spoke I stared at his face. Though he looked like he hadn't slept in a year and hadn't been eating he looked the happiest he'd ever been. I smiled and listened further. That smiled quickly faded as I realized what he was doing. He was resigning from The Azure Brigade. I was appalled at why he would do this, especially right after what just happened. Was this planned? Judging from the way Lowenthal was speaking it probably was. When he finished addressing everyone he walked over to me. I opened my arms wide and hugged him tightly, almost refusing to let go. "I don't know what your'e doing but please don't die. You're my only family left in this game. I whispered and released him. I just got him back and now he was leaving again. Presumably for a long time if he quit. I watched him leave, waiting for him to turn back but he didn't. He simply left, without turning back. I felt tears, I felt my cheeks reddening. I sucked in a deep breath and wiped my eyes. I turned back one more time to the door where Zelrius left, then back to everyone. I smiled brightly and stood tall. "Everyone! If I might have your attention. First of all, congratulations to Lowenthal, I'm sure he'll lead Azure to victory. Thank you for joining us today and I would like everyone to gather around the tree so we can commence the gift exchange." I waited for everyone to walk over to the tree while I stayed behind for a minute.

I dug my face deep into his shoulder and spoke in a muffled. crying, tone. "I didn't hate you, I hated what you were trying to be. You trying to be like I was at the beginning of the game Zelrius, and that scared me. It annoyed me mostly that you couldn't see how important Keith was to me as well. I'm not going into details but for once in the game I felt like someone wouldn't leave me-- I was wrong. You left me too you know. You were always running in and out of missions and mostly leaving conversations to a few syllables. Though I knew we had a strong connection and could practically take on a boss together without even talking I felt like you were drifting farther away. Then things came crashing down on me in this virtual reality and I lost contact with everyone, you went off the map." I took a deep breath and lifted my head up. "But I was glad when you came back, disheartened when you left again. It's your fault, but it;s also mine. I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I couldn't take a second to see what what was going on around me." I finished and closed my eyes again, then opening them once more slowly. The hug ended after Zelrius pulled away, keeping his hands on my shoulders. I tried to find his eyes but there was a helmet blocking my view. I frowned and whispered back to him. "You know we've always caused scenes, so it's not weird anymore. You know?" I spoke in an equally low tone with a small smile. I sniffled and wiped my eyes with my sleeve. "If that's the case then I should leave too. Come on, you should really take that thing off, it's not very flattering you know." I teased, nodding at the Hydra Helmet above his head. From the corner of my eyes I could see one of the players admiring Zelrius. I chuckled and brought my attention back to the blonde boy. "It looks like you've got some fans too, you might want to change clothes." I laughed, crossing my arms. Another thing coming into my view was Daeron, who asked for Zelrius. "But of course. I can't be the only one hogging him all night now can I? I almost forgot that he was quite the idol!" I said, nudging Zelrius to go dance with Daeron. It was funny to me. Zelrius, one the strongest players was at a party but not being social. I sighed, knowing that this night would now be one hundred times better now that Zelrius and I finally weren't avoiding one another. I bit into the half of the chocolate bar that Zel had handed to me and smiled, Ssendom was so really good at making my favorite food.

Earlier in the week I had signed a form for a player-held contest that would be happening over the span over eleven days. Up until now I had totally forgotten about it but it was never too later to start. After all, the judging didn't begin until Christmas day. So, if I did take that long, I would have an entire day to make a sheet of white powder into the award winning sculpture. I stepped from the Guild Hall and walked to the teleport gate. "Strange that's it's being held on the First Floor. In my opinion the Fourth Floor would have been much more suitable for this kind of contest." I thought but teleported to the required floor anyways. I had an unwavering sense of confidence as I walked towards the location of the event. I was pretty good at art overall so even I could win this one. When I arrived I saw only two people, one of which was messing around instead of actually making a snowman. I scoffed at the competition and begun. 

My plan was to not make a normal snowman. I wasn't going to do the traditional three layer, rock eyes, carrot nose one. No, I was going to give it life and win this. I began by scooping up a mound of snow and rolling it into a ball until it was to my knees in height. I then proceeded to sharpen the ball into a square. I repeated the same instructions and made two slightly smaller cubes and attached them to my piece. Next, I made the face by smoothing out a jawline, carving a human nose, and making eyes. The hair was a little bit more difficult. I patted more snow onto the head and rounded out bangs that covered the eyebrows and went down to the eyes. I then smoothed out shoulders and a waist, and hollowed out some legs. I stood up and backed away, deciding what I could possibly put as clothes onto the snowperson. I knew I had no extra clothes so I would end up just having to make them out of snow. I bit my lip and walked back over, focusing in on the torso. I made the person wear starter clothes, with a small chest plate with tiny little designs. I added more snow to the thighs and waist to create a skirt that went just above the knees. I crafted a pair of boots similar to mine and smiled. Then, I opened my inventory and put my blue half cape over one shoulder. There were only a few things missing. I ran to the side of the pathway where I had come from and picked up small back pebbles, and large ones. I placed the smallest ones as the pupils and added the rest of the small ones to the boots and chest protector. The larger ones I didn't need so I threw them to the side and grabbed a clump of snow. I made the hair longer in the back and added more in the front. To top it off and made a crown from ice shards off the side of buildings. I drew the facial expression as annoyed and smiled as I realized what I had just made: a snowman version of myself. And if I say so myself, it looked pretty darn good for someone who has steps on snow but never plays in it. 

joining omg

I looked back up at Ssendom and smiled when he told me that they were free. "Thanks, you're a lifesaver." I said and took the bag from him. As he returned to the kitchen he asked if I needed anything else. I grinned and looked back at him. "I'll take you're room." I laughed and pushed the door open and left his shop. I ran all the way back to the teleport and went to the 13th Floor, to the Guild Hall and to the Azure Party I had planned. 

A pit formed in my stomach when he didn't say anything nor accept my gift. "Crap, did I just anger him?" I thought while still holding out the candy like an idiot. He wasn't responding. It was already weird that he wasn't wearing a tux, but now he wasn't speaking. Just as I though this, Zelrius then stood up and did the last thing I expected him to do. Instead of leaving or putting on a facade he stood up and hugged me. Completely retracting the idea of him being upset with me I dropped the chocolate on the floor and hugged him back. The last time I saw him show any affection to anyone was to me the first day I had found out that Keith was missing.  Tears began to well in my eyes and I sucked in uneven breaths as we rocked slowly back and forth. I had no idea why but I was crying really hard. I guess some might call it relief? Tears of joy? Either way, I was glad to have such an important person back on my side. To be honest Zelrius was quite the scary person if you weren't friends with him, especially if you're like me and retaliate. "I'm sorry." I repeated while hanging my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Zelrius."