Alkor

"See, you say that," Alkor chuckled as he stood himself up and stuck his thumbs into his pockets. With a half smile, his eyes found the moon and he rested his foot against the rock he'd been leaning on. "But I'm pretty sure what we've been doing all this time counts as a conversation." He glanced down at her for a moment and gave her a quick wink. "So really, when it comes right down to it, you're probably overthinking it and being unnecessarily hard on yourself. I mean, what is a conversation but a series of questions and answers, right?"

He looked up and found himself laughing at the irony. It was easy to say and like pulling teeth to actually put into practice. "...or so they tell me."

Alkor thumbed toward the moon. "You know anything about the Japanese Creation myth?" he asked, changing the subject abruptly. It would serve neither of them to split hairs over the nature of conversation, especially when he had to agree that it was probably not his strong suit either. "Maybe specific to the moon?"

It was true that he very rarely shared information about himself. Before everything changed, he never intended to let anyone get close to him. Knowledge of the person behind the character was priceless. It made them more aware of the weakness that he kept hidden, and the things that could tear him open. Without those weaknesses, he was unreachable. The only death he could die was literal death. Now, he could lose friends. He could lose much more, because more things had become precious. In some ways, it made him weaker, but in many more it made him strong. He was strong because he had more reasons to fight, and things worth protecting. Someone without that wouldn't make the effort that Alkor did. Someone who didn't work as hard as him couldn't even come close.

Lessa had always been that way. It was through watching her that he learned what he lacked. It was through their interactions that he grew into something less contemptable. When she said that he'd made up for all the worthlessness, he knew that he still had a long way to go; but hearing it made him feel that everything was worth it. For Lessa to give him that level of praise meant that she could see something different in him, something better. It meant that someone who he looked up to could see his effort. For a moment, he could feel his grandmother's spirit in those words, her kind, wrinkled fingers touching his shoulder. He could feel something warm and gentle in it.

Then she said she could count on him. His gaze snapped toward her, expression filled with uncertainty. What did that mean? No one had ever said that to him. No one had ever said he was reliable, nor had he ever felt that he was. His entire body was warm, like there was a fire burning just beneath his skin. Was this embarrassment? Elation? Perhaps a bit of both? He'd never experienced anything quite like it, so he had no idea what he should say. His mouth was slightly ajar, his body frozen as he looked for the words to say. How did he begin to respond to something like this?

I've never thought of you as a burden.

Alkor closed his mouth and took a deep breath. Sometimes, the easiest answer to give was the one you didn't have to go looking for. "...thanks, Lessa," he said quietly.

"How underwhelming," he muttered as Piasuhon went down no different from the weaker monsters they had fought together. With such inflated levels of HP, he expected more.

That was becoming thematic for Alkor recently. He blinked as the dust cleared and ChaseR approached him. Something he wanted to give me? Alkor reached up and scratched at the back of his head. "For me?" he asked, "alright, I'll have to meet back up with you at your shop later. I definitely don't mind, though. You've been a real help in my effort to level up, so I appreciate everything you've already done for me." He felt awkward now, having thought nothing of it. Chase was a busy guy- he'd said himself that he had cleared all of the available quests in Aincrad. Alkor couldn't hold something so small against him.

"If anything, I'll be working my best to be sure that your efforts weren't wasted on me," Alkor bowed respectfully to the other man. "Thank you."

"Jesus CHRIST." Alkor generally did his best not to spout pointless curse words because there really was never a reason, but when he heard the voices of the other two Players amplified by their fall, his head swiveled and his mouth shot off on instinct. There was nothing that could really be said except for how bad of an idea this was, and he'd already said it. Now, Starla and Koga were freefalling through the floor above and there was preciously little time to act. If they didn't get there in time...

Alkor didn't even think about it. He shot forward as fast as he could move, pushing the limitations of his character avatar to their very limits. There was no pain, but he felt the exhaustion that such actions would normally inflict. He disregarded those as he flung himself forward. If he could save either one of them, it would be something. He had hope that NIGHT would pick up on the unspoken obvious, but he couldn't think about that now. He couldn't even call back over his shoulder. He was already halfway to where he wanted to be.

They were there, moving fast like two meteorites that had broken atmosphere. All it took was the impact, and they would scatter in an instant. That couldn't happen. He wouldn't allow it to happen.

No more people were going to die in front of him. 

Alkor pumped his legs to the breaking point as he raced to the drop zone, arms outstretched. Koga was there first, almost out of reach. He was about to smack the ground. He was about to-

With a heave of effort and a loud grunt, Alkor sailed off his feet and sprang through the air. He tackled Koga only a meter off the ground, abating his downward momentum. There was a crunch and a loud pop, but no pain as Alkor and Koga rolled to the ground, both men falling apart once the movement died. Alkor pulled himself up to his knees, breathing heavily as he gasped to fill his lungs again. He couldn't believe that he'd forced himself to do that, or that his body had cooperated. The only thing that he could think was

"What the FUCK, dude?"

"I think it's important to have a reason," he told her. "Without something to keep you going, it's easy to get lost or lose track of what's important."

It took him a long time to put together what that was for him. At least, it took him a long time to piece together why it was important, and the fact that it was his motivation. "I'm not sure if anything we learn in here that's like, physical or whatever is going to change us outside, if that's what you mean," he said, "but the things we learn and the experiences we have, those things will definitely shape us." He wasn't sure how much he wanted to speak on that particular matter, because it was on his mind very frequently in the recent weeks. Who was he now? Was he himself, or someone else? Someone new? It was a strange question because now when he asked it, he wasn't sure what the answer was.

Before, he didn't even have to think about it.

Maybe she was worried about it, too. Maybe she didn't think that she was going to be the same person she came into this world as when she took her first steps outside of it. "If it helps," he said, "at the very least, you'll still be you. Just... not the same you that you were before? I don't know how to phrase that."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Let's walk."

While neither of them would struggle with the Monkey King if they had to fight again, he personally felt no desire to do so. After the massive letdown, and now with confusing emotions welling up, all he wanted to do was slow down and think. 

In truth, he expected Lessa to be the first one to find the change positive. Though he was uncertain of anything else he knew that the change from abrasive, silent, and aloof made him seem more approachable. Lessa had always found him difficult to reach. Now here she was telling him all these things about change and how it could be positive.

The floor beneath his feet varied wildly. From rampant growth to vivid blooms that flourished in the humidity, he noted how pains were taken to differentiate small details. Most games recycled data for the small things, and while SAO absolutely did it in places, it was unique in that uniformity did not exist in the most basic of senses. It was almost as though they were in a botanical garden.

He thought for a moment that the stakes was true of people. Much of humanity shared a common ancestor; but none of them were precisely identical, and no two were the same. Change was a strange concept because changing something unique about them slowly eroded their uniqueness. That was why he was afraid of losing himself.

Alkor stopped and touched the petal of a large flower, tilting his head curiously. 

"I think I'm worried that I'm not doing enough," he said honestly. "Back home, I was useless. I went to work and came back to bed. When I wasn't working or sleeping, I was playing games. I put strain on my parents because they had to hire nursing staff because I wasn't reliable. I'm always worried that other people are being put out because I've made myself a burden," he said, closing both eyes.

"I won't let that happen again," Alkor told Lessa. "I won't ever fail to be there for people who need me."

He wasn't sure what he was going to go back to. The job he had might hire him back under the given circumstances, but he was certain that he'd been let go due to absence by now. There was no other realistic stance for a company to take, even if they were sympathetic to his plight. He wasn't in school anymore, and he had no real prospects for the future. When he tried to think about it, everything seemed dark.

He'd cross that bridge when he came to it. Years later, when the game ended, who would he be? He had already changed so much. Would he be better for it? Would he have adjusted enough to seek out a real career, and a better life?

"I'm sure that I'll find something," he said with a bit more of a handle on his stress. "Things will definitely have changed. I'll have to see what the world is like on the outside."

And what I'm like, he thought to himself.

"It's good that you have a pretty solid idea of what direction you want to take. I'd say that puts you ahead of a lot of the people struggling inside SAO."

He genuinely appreciated her words, and the thought that went into weaving them together. She listened to him and took his words seriously. It meant that even if only a little, she cared about what he was saying. It was a massive gesture from someone he barely knew, and all the reason and motivation he needed. Where his resolve wavered, it grew stronger because of people like this woman. The people who needed him.

She offered many options, and he listened. Even if none of the things she said were plausible for him, the method might evoke something in his head that would work. Her last few words stung, despite all of that positivity. He hid it well enough, with a stone faced smile just a bit sadder than average. Do everything you can when you get out.

Alkor sucked in a silent breath and glanced away, back toward the water. For his mother, his sister, and his father, there was a good chance he might be able to make amends. There were many boards to mend if he wanted to fix those bridges, but they would still be there if he chose to pursue it. At the same time, time was not on his side.

Unlike the rest of his family, there was a strong chance that his grandmother didn't have that kind of time. He wouldn't have the chance to say goodbye, let alone apologize. He clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth and glanced back to Noctua. 

"Yeah," he said in a slightly softer voice, then as he continued, his tone slowly returned to normal. "Yeah, you're right. I can only do what I can do. Right now, some of those things are beyond my control. So I'll just do what I can, while I can, and when I can do more, I will."

Alkor heard her words and realized, in no small way, that they had come out of his mouth on more than one occasion. The importance of every single person trapped inside of Aincrad could not be overstated. The fact that a person did not go to the Frontlines in no way diminished the sacrifice they made or the contributions. While Thom felt that was very true, he also suddenly recognized that he was holding himself to a higher standard. He had made the decision to join the Frontlines so long ago, and so much of that stayed with him. 

Even through a brush with death, he expected himself to be better. 

With a sigh, Alkor closed his eyes. If anyone could see through the mask he always wore- even if it had changed shapes and appearance- it was Lessa. He'd met many people in Aincrad, but none of them put the effort to understand him in that she had. Just because he didn't want to change, didn't mean he hadn't. The end of the beginning had come with a breakdown born of misunderstanding.

A misunderstanding that Alkor didn't know about until years later, and still wasn't sure he had rectified. She was here, though. She was being kind, and all of her words pointed toward sincerity. Sometimes, all you can do is have faith in other people.

It was all he could do, now. Thom had to trust that things were better, and that he hadn't ruined something else he touched. It was when she said that he'd changed that he finally looked her way. She was right. He knew that. There wasn't a doubt in his mind.

"...is that good?" he asked. He turned completely to face her now. "Am I someone totally different now? When I leave this world, will anyone recognize me?" 

Years had flown by. People had lived entire years of their natural lives within a virtual prison, and their experiences were bound to shape them. But in the real world, Alkor stood to have already lost so much. Would he lose himself, too?

Koga chained attacks with Chase, immediately rushing in to complete a seamless switch. Both of them rallied without hesitation and ChaseR was just in time to stand as the buffer between his DPS and the enemy. Without ever having worked together, they fell seamlessly into the roles they'd decided on. Alkor felt a confidence swelling in his chest at that thought. 

Chase then assured Koga they were capable- but Alkor was much more seized with results than encouragement. He wasted no time in moving back in to exploit the creature's weakness. It had stumbled and failed to even connect with the blue haired boy. It's body was failing.

Now, as he activated his sword art, Alkor zeroed in on the weak spot.

He lashed out with a series of powerful strokes that sent the creature reeling again, turning with rage in its bellow. The entire arena shivered at the sound. In the meanwhile, Blight was on the last round of efficacy and playing no small role in ripping the legs out from beneath the beast.

"Its just about in the red," he called out as he spun over the creature's limping body and raced back around the edge of the coliseum. "Let's finish this!"

[8] ChaseR: HP: 1690/1690 | EN: 153/166 | DMG: 20 | MIT: 43 | ACC: 3 | EVA: 3 | HOLY: 12 | PARA: 9-10 | BH: 84 | V.(DEF): 84 | HBS: 16 | LD: 5
[3] Alkor: HP: 1000/1000 | EN: 193/108 (-8) | DMG: 14 | MIT: 12 | ACC: 4 | EVA: 3 | BLIGHT: 24
[1] Koga: HP: 840/840 | EN: 68/82 | DMG: 16 | EVA: 2  | MIT: 18 | ACC: 4 | BRN: 24 | BLT: 24 | FALN: 4 | REGN: 10

Piasuhon: HP: 374/1100 (-115) | DMG: 400 | MIT: 50 | ACC: 1 | EVA: 2 |[BLIGHT 24 2/2] [STUN CD 3/3]

ID# 184427 Battle: 8 HIT (15×11=165-50=115 DMG)

"I guess since we talked about all that, it wouldn't hurt," he said with a smile. It genuinely looked like Noctua had cheered up, if only a little. He didn't have to cut deep into the root of his problems- there were things that didn't need to be said. Alkor learned talking to Koga that sometimes, it was better not to hold things in. 

"When I logged into this game, I did it to run away from a lot of responsibilities. I thought it would be short breaks, and then, it ended up being more than that. I inadvertently inconvenienced my family in no small way, but worse than that, I ended up abandoning someone who was really counting on me." 

When he said it now, it came out a little easier. It still hurt, but it felt more manageable somehow. That would never have happened if he'd stayed in the dark, afraid. "I kept messing up," he said. "Doing the wrong thing, trying to be something I'm not. Pushing away people who were trying to help me. It was like I was a little kid, lashing out at everything that I thought was trying to hurt me."

He smiled. 

"But I think my biggest problem is the guilt. I know there's only so much I can do and some of it is beyond my ability to control. Like, anything that happens outside, I just won't be able to do anything about until we get out. I just haven't quite learned how to cope yet."

"Ah, Koga and I actually met during the fight where all this happened," he thrust a thumb back to the lake. "Though we didn't really become friends until later,  I'm pretty sure."

NIGHT wasn't far off with her guess that there had been a soul-searching session, but he figured that wasn't for him to talk about. He hoped that it had helped Koga, but if the man was readily obsessing over a hole in the ground that could directly lead to permanent consequences he had to wonder at how effective it had actually been.

When the message flickered across his HUD from Koga, they had already crossed the threshold and called out their teleports to the town a floor below. Alkor waited for NIGHT before he spoke again. "Looks like he's ready to start. Let's hurry."

Alkor picked his pace up to a jog as they headed for the so-called 'splash zone' where Koga would land: whether exciting or horrifying.

"What about you?" he asked. "How'd you meet him?"

"Not at all," he said after she finished. "It honestly sounds like you were holding in a lot more than you could handle. Its like a ship that's gotten too heavy. You gotta unload ballast, or you'll sink." He knew that intimately now, after trying to bear an immense load all by himself. Being able to help someone else going through something like that made that struggle feel worthwhile, suddenly. 

"There's a lot to unpack in what you said, but the first thing you have to look at is the nature of a relationship. There's two people, and that means there's two perspectives. Just like you feel that you've failed; if he seems like a husk, that's his own cross to bear. Nothing you can do can help someone who doesn't want to be helped."

He fumbled around, then remembered that his pipe had broken during the conversation with Koga. He'd have to buy a new one later. In lieu of a smoke to make himself feel a bit more at ease, he pulled one knee toward his chest and rested his arm across "Regardless of what is or is not your fault, you only have control your own actions. If your partner made a decision to react poorly to something, or made selfish decisions, or whatever the case may be- that's not within the realm of your responsibility. The best you can do is be willing to help if they come back to you."

Alkor made a gesture toward the sky. "If it leaves, then you're free. If it comes back, it was meant to be." His fingers curled into a fist and he pulled it back toward his chest before he smiled over at her. "The word partner is key, there. If you're not working together, are you really a single unit? Just give it time, and you'll eventually find the right answer."

He blinked. "Hah," Alkor took a deep breath. "Looks like I inadvertently gave myself advice."

"Every quest?" Alkor asked skeptically. "You absolute madlad. How do you even have fun anymore with nothing left to do?"

He drew his blade as they entered the arena, and spun it expertly into a ready position as ChaseR moved to engage. The man looked a bit put out as the crowd roared its excitement and the world decreed their fate in Piasuhon's... hooves. By the time they traded failures, the blue haired boy and the massive beast were separated by a decent distance, but its eyes were focused on him.

Hit it. Go. 

"You got it," Alkor spoke quickly as he readied his weapon and raced forward. The sword art glowed a faint golden color as he surged toward the rhinoceros from behind, fueled by bloodlust and intensity as the crowd drove him into a frenzy. This was what the thrill was supposed to feel like.

Empowered by both his excitement and the desire to win, his blade shredded the thick hide of the beast more effectively than he could have ever hoped. The lingering plague his weapon held in its heart jumped virulent into the wound and began to exacerbate it.

"Hell yeah," Alkor pumped his fist excitedly as he fell back, not wanting to draw attention away from Chase. "You're up, Koga!"

[6] ChaseR: HP: 1690/1690 | EN: 161/166 | DMG: 20 | MIT: 43 | ACC: 3 | EVA: 3 | HOLY: 12 | PARA: 9-10 | BH: 84 | V.(DEF): 84 | HBS: 16 | LD: 5
[2] Alkor: HP: 1000/1000 | EN: 100/108 (-8) | DMG: 14 | MIT: 12 | ACC: 4 | EVA: 3 | BLIGHT: 24
[0] Koga:

Piasuhon: HP: 974/1100 (-126) | DMG: 300 | MIT: 50 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 2 | BLIGHT 24 (1/2)

ID# 184347 Battle: 9 CRITICAL [14+1=15+1=16×11=176-50=126]

"Mmmmm..." Alkor had absolutely no experience with love and feelings in a romantic sense whatsoever. Those sorts of things were probably beyond the scope of his ability to advise on, but what he did have plenty of experience in was bad encounters and being hurt. He'd also learned the importance of knowing his own limits, and learning when to take a step back. That was what she was doing now, wasn't it?

She took the space she needed, and now she was sorting through her thoughts. When she laid them out plain, he started to piece things together a bit better. "At that point, you've got a conflict of interests," Alkor said. "I don't know much about love, not more than my grandma's told me, but I think some of her wisdom applies here. See, love isn't self-serving. Not the romantic kind of love anyway. There's all different types and it can get pretty confusing."

He scratched his chin. "Honestly I think that's why I don't really feel that way about anyone. When she told me that, I realized that there's probably nobody out there I'd be willing to compromise on hurting for. It takes a strong heart to love somebody."

He'd gotten stronger, but something told him he wouldn't ever be that strong. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he wasn't. This wasn't about him.

"I'm not gonna try to say you don't feel that way," he told her, "maybe you do, and you're just not strong enough yet to do it the way you want to." Alkor finally glanced her way at that point. "But you should ask yourself what's more important to you. That feeling of pain, or the thing that's causing it."

He watched for a moment before he closed his eyes again.

"Honestly, either way, I'm sorry." Regardless of whether it was for a good cause, he hated to see people suffering. 

"Yeah," he agreed with that. Lifetimes was definitely the word for it. It felt like he was another person from the one who met Lessa originally. Almost as if he had died there, in the flames on floor nine, and been reborn as something else entirely. Something new. "It does feel that way."

It would have been clichéd to say 'I'm not the same person I was,' so he didn't. The truth was that layers had stripped away, first the facade of Alkor that he'd created, then the failed mindset that had done him no favors in the real world or any place else. Now, he was almost like a child fumbling around in a place he still didn't quite understand, but he was doing it with more enthusiasm and energy than he'd ever had before.

Though, to say he was happy with where he was might be too strong of a sentiment. He was content with the strides he was taking, and glad that when he reached the destination, he'd have benefitted from the journey. 

"Honestly, it feels weird not to struggle," he said. "It feels like I should be doing more, like what I've been doing up until now is only the start of a marathon." Wasn't that what grinding in MMOs transitioning into Raid culture always felt like? Or maybe the fact that this was more real, more immersive feel more impactful. "It sort of feels like the numbers never really mattered. I'm not sure I like it."

He had expected more.

Of course he had. When they talked about the dangerous field bosses in Aincrad, this guy tore apart the eighth floor on the regular. Compared to lower floor enemies, he was supposed to be a challenge for a group. In two strokes and without even losing a single health, the two Players had bested it. Disappointment robbed him of the high he actually wanted to feel as he shoved his curved sword back into its sheath.

"Well, that was kind of a letdown," he agreed with her sentiment. That really was it. "But hey, alls well that ends well, I guess. We still get the experience from the quest for completing it."

It was more of a silver lining than anything, but Alkor would take it at this point. The worst thing about this ordeal was that with the King being such a pushover, the two Players now had free time to talk and Alkor wasn't sure where to begin let alone what to say. 

"So, I'm almost there," he said, talking about his level gain and increased strength. Lessa had always known him to obsess over results. Why disappoint her now? "Doesn’t it kind of feel like back in the old days? Like Guardians, only... maybe not, since I'm actually around?"

"Good job, Princess!" he called out to her jokingly as he sank into his combat ready stance. With his blade ready, he waited for the precise moment when Lessa's howl drew the King's ire and began to channel his Sword Art. A good damage dealer knew how to time these things- the tank couldn't keep up if they fell behind. That was a fact of life. Even the best tanks in MMO games couldn't hope to keep a handle on an over-aggressive damage dealer. Alkor had worked with all kinds; and he learned from old mistakes. "Now," he said, once the beast went hurtling toward Lessa, "I'll show you what I've got."

He didn't appear to move at all for a moment as the system took over. In a blinding flash of speed that tore him apart and stitched him back together a moment later behind the beastial Monkey King, he unleashed a flurry of wild blows that scarred the monstrosity with a number of deep, burning red wounds.

Alkor spun his weapon round as he prepared to go in again, as many times as it took to make the enemy drop. "Looks like I hit it pretty hard," he added as the behemoths health gauge dipped into the yellow, give or take about half full.

By then, the Blight had triggered. Festering, the newly opened wounds exacerbated as putrid, gangly green pulsated out from them. It wouldn't last long- but while it did, it was extremely potent, and could prove lethal.

[H: 2] Lessa | HP:1330/1330 | EN: 115/124 | DMG:19 | MIT:126 | EVA:-1 | ACC:3 | THRNS:54 | H.M.:1 | REC:1 | BH:39 | DoT -25% | Well Rested [2/3]         
[H: 2] Alkor | HP: 960/960 | EN: 96/104 (-8) | DMG: 14 | MIT: 12 | EVA: 3 | Blight:24                                                      

The Monkey King | HP: 113/250 (-137) | DMG: 240 | MIT: 50 / Blight 24 (1/2)

ID# 184338 Battle: 10 (14+1=15+2=17×11=187-50=137 damage)

Ex-fiancé. So he was right, she was talking about a relationship issue. Alkor looked out over the water without any change in expression, enjoying the breeze. The seasons in Aincrad changed, even on floors like this. It was cooler in the night than the day, but the breeze was far from cold. Summer had come and gone, and now they were in as bitter a Winter as Floor 24 could muster. Just like home. The line blurred once more.

"You won't be too surprised to find a lot of overlap," he explained, "or shouldn't at least. The earliest known belief systems sought to explain the things beyond their limited understanding with the supernatural." He smiled softly. "The Romans for instance, took and nationalized much of the Greek religion. The Romans appropriated a number of beliefs over time, actually. Like the Emperor Constantine, who was Christian and inevitably adopted Catholicism as the state religion, leaving behind the old gods but not rejecting much of the mentality that went into their creation."

History was fascinating to him. Cultures, time periods, and how everything inevitably blended together. "Thats tangential, I apologize. I get pretty excited about things like that." Alkor took a moment to consider her words. "Honestly, you don't have to fight to be helpful. There's plenty of need for other things. No one is unimportant, down to the Info Brokers."

He gestured toward her. "You have to find what works for you."

When Noctua mentioned moving around and how easy it was to evade problems, he could see himself in that. Or, he saw the Alkor he used to be. Afraid. Distant. Aloof. Like precious glass, easy to shatter. He turned to look at her with a bit more stern of a gaze as he thought of what words to say. He didn't want to come off as blunt as he normally would. He knew how he would have reacted. 

Instead, he opted for something different.

"Running away is nice," he said. "And it's easy. But it also comes with regrets." He scratched at his head, then found what he wanted to say. "A choice always has consequences. There will be people who felt more strongly than you did, who will judge you because they stood fast and you buckled. There will also be people like you, who ran. A story always has two sides."

Alkor shrugged. "But you don't know the real story unless you have both sides. It's not about which side is the right one. Thing is, there's always going to be fear. There's always going to be strength. And just because you're afraid right now doesn't mean you won't be strong eventually. People grow, and they change. And the thing about consequences is, they shape us. Failure is one of the biggest motivators. You learn more from losing once than you do from winning a hundred times. So, Noctua, whatever you're running from- it'll eventually catch up to you, and when it does, you'll use everything you've learned to confront it.

And that's when you'll decide what kind of person you want to be."

"Maybe you should then," he said encouragingly, "make it your goal once you're out of here, put all your focus into studying it and making a career out of it. Give yourself something to look forward to," he said as he considered his own dream. Much smaller, much less significant, but still valid to him personally. Everyone held on for different reasons, all their own.

When she stopped herself, she was talking about planning something. Her and someone else's... wedding? It almost sounded like that, but he didn't want to make any assumptions. Instead, he spared a long glance toward the woman, then let the conversation flow back naturally. There was no reason to put pressure on her. 

"Everything you're telling me makes me think that might be the best choice for you," he said. "But only you can be the judge of that."

When she asked about a third path, Alkor got what she meant. Indecision. "What you're saying is that you're not ready to make a choice," he said. "People grow in stages. No two people move at the same speed, and where I'm just about ready to join the Frontlines again, you're not quite there yet. And there isn't anything wrong with that. You're not less of a person because of how much or how little you contribute," he explained.

Alkor crouched and slowly stretched his legs out in the sand. Once he was seated, he rested both hands behind his head. "Its okay to not be able to make up your mind," he said. "Hell, it's even okay to be wrong. The important thing is what you learn from those experiences, and how you move forward from them. Don't worry about taking the time you need to piece together the puzzle that is life- you only get one shot at it, so if anything, rushing into anything is the worst thing you can do."

People had made fun of her accent? He blinked slowly, then realized that she had probably learned to hide it. The practice suddenly didn't seem as uncommon as he used to think it was. He didn't ask, because people who felt that way generally weren't inclined to talk too much about the origins of those feelings. He completely understood it, though. Growing up in the American South, the accent that was prevalent a hundred years ago had been relegated to significance of racism and systemic hatred. Now everyone bleached the way they spoke in the community where he grew up. "Yeah," he spoke softly at those words that hit close to home. "It's so strange how people can place negative stigmas on the sound of someone's voice. Don't they have bigger things to worry about?"

They both knew that no one did. Or at least, if they did, they didn't care. Horrible people were never going to change, even if society turned against them. Inevitably, they would find new ways to be horrible. It was a prevailing factor in his becoming a shut in. "On second thought, don't answer that. Stupid question."

When the topic shifted to Mythology, he straightened his back a bit. Anything related to History was like a drug for Alkor, to the point where he became attentive, even excited. He hid it carefully as she spoke, measuring his response. Too much excitement could come off as strange or gross. He took a deep breath and decided not to engage it directly, because it was more of a statement. He understood Noctua a bit better hearing it. People who placed emotional investment into thoughts, ideas, spiritualism- these were the people who rejected society and looked for validation in the occult or things that were generally rejected by the mainstream.

Then, she asked the question that started every revolution of independent thought. Throughout History, there had been a vast number of religions. Some lived, most died, others thrived by consuming the belief systems of the ones they dwarfed. Eventually, ancient and forgotten traditions hid in plain sight- the festival of Saturnalia lauded as the birth of an infant, for example. "I think everyone has that thought at some point or another in their life," he answered honestly. "It's one of those defining moments that shapes people. When you're brought up in the Church like I was, you're taught that sin exists in the world because Man was allotted free will, and it is because of sin that man suffers. It's inherently a self-hating doctrine, but Christianity likes that duplicitous garbage. God loves you, but you have to hate yourself and seek to annihilate your humanity in order to go to heaven." His venomous disdain for the Christian church bled through often when it came up. He had to stifle it, suppress the rage that came with the dogmatic views. If God rewarded those people who believed in devoutly...

No. That was too dark of a thought to follow. There was no reason to stew in that thought anymore.

Alkor drew a deep breath and exhaled the toxicity that had latched on. "Yeah, I wonder that all the time," he answered, more directly now. "And what I gather is that there are forces beyond our control at work, some good, some evil, some indifferent. There's power in things, in places, in people," he said. "And either you fight, or you run away. Both paths are valid though. No two people are the same."

"Suffer? You make it sound like being around you is just a chore," he said as he leaned back against the mass of rocks where he'd originally taken shelter. "As far as I'm concerned, I haven't had any reason to feel that way about it." It could have been a been-confidence issue. Noctua had claimed to be a shy person, all told. He wouldn't read that far into it, since this was the first time they had met.

"I've never really been the type to talk about my own problems, either," he explained, "or at all, honestly. It just kind of... happens." There wasn't a good way to describe progression on a social level. Not for an introvert, at least.  He learned to present himself differently out of necessity; but at the end of the day, parroting an outgoing person could get exhausting. He'd learned that the hard way.

But in life, comfort zones prevent one from moving forward. To grow, Alkor had to break a lifelong cycle of loneliness and solitude. Maybe this woman was struggling with a similar issue, or maybe her problems stemmed from something else entirely. 

Curiosity came with respecting a person's privacy. He didn't need to know more, but his mind reflexively tried to piece things together. He shook his head.

"When I was a kid, I thought things worked that way. I guess back then, all of my problems were simple, and they worked themselves out with little effort on my part. It was easy to make that generalization because I associate the ocean with a lot of positive memories." He answered he question thoughtfully, then added to it, "but as things got a bit more complex, and problems started being less linear and more convoluted, and the answers started to require more effort... or there were no answers... I started to realize that the Ocean was perfect for a break. Sometimes a person can't handle everything they're dealing with, no matter how good they get at being on their own and struggling alone."

He closed his eyes and thought of his family, and how it was they might feel right now. He never really had much agency to care before. With his arms crossed now, he glanced down to the woman sitting nearby. 

"Its kind of like any other distraction," he summarized. "Some of them are better than others, and it really depends on the person."

It was funny how often people did end up repeating mistakes that happened in the past. For all the Val that they saw in historical evidence and content, they seldom utilized the knowledge for their own benefit. Progress that wiped away the past was favorable to tradition when the two came to blows. It felt like the woman sitting near him now knew that, or at least, sympathized with it. He had to laugh to himself at the words she chose though. 'The Smart,' huh?

"Not even the smart ones seem to learn," he said quietly as he stared down at the endless grains of sand that sifted into the tide and were dragged away in an equally endless cycle. Even that detail seemed real in augmented reality. He glanced up when she offered to help him. Perhaps she didn't think it was evident that she was struggling with something, too? Fidgeting, soft voice, inability to smile- these were all things Alkor knew exceptionally well. These were his own symptoms.

"Ahhh..." he considered for a moment. It could have been a chance to unload some heavy weight, but at what cost? This woman he didn't know could be a convenient scapegoat. A rock in the river of life, something to hold on to. But even rocks eroded under a constant current, gradually. If he took her help now to save himself, he would be ignoring her suffering. That wasn't something Alkor could do, now. Not ever again. "No, no, that's fine, I do appreciate the offer," he told her.

In much the same way, he knew that he couldn't make the same offer. At times, people weren't strong enough to take on the burdens of others. It would be unfair of him to make that judgment for her own well-being only to sabotage himself.  Instead, he did what he could do.

"Actually, it's nice to just talk to someone," he said, "not necessarily about anything. Maybe its even better when it isn't about anything in particular. So there's no expectations, nothing heavy. No one has to do any lifting, and some of the stress just melts away. You know? Everything in this world is so damned heavy without us adding to the load. Might as well make the most of the little things."

It surprised him when he heard those words come out of his mouth. He was starting to sound more like Lessa and less like the person he was before Sword Art Online. Maybe the people he'd met here had been a positive influence on him.