Alkor

On 3/10/2021 at 9:34 AM, Plini said:

Name: Sankta's Epinephrine
Your Profession: alchemist
Your Rank: 1
Roll ID: 185157
Roll Result: CD: 11 LD: 15
Item Type: potion
Tier: 1
Quality: Rare
Enhancements: HP recovery
Description: "Where there life, death follows and so one must be prepared" a mineral rumored to be blessed by a celestial being. Once ground and mixed in a solution, it can enhance the health of the user.
Post Link: here

 

Approved!

Mottled and blackened, the Queen's Tower stood a silent testament to some nameless conflict. Parts of the structure were inaccessible by virtue of dilapidated floors and fallen rubble, while others were difficult to reach without a system skill that allowed free movement across harsh terrain or the ability to jump across a sizeable gap. Alkor stood in the center of the reception room with a thoughtful expression as he assessed the degree of erosion that time had inflicted. The ceiling had been torn away to reveal the sky beyond, and in the dead of night, starlight illuminated the chamber with echoes of the past. The full moon shone down and cascaded through to shimmer across a pool of rainwater that stagnated on the floor. 

Above ground, spring showers were prevalent during this season on the Twenty Third floor. The clouds had parted only an hour or so before, which left his boots saturated and he could feel the cold creeping up his ankles. Alkor interacted with one of the many torches that lined the fringes of the convocation chamber, a place that appeared to have been used for ceremony in Aincrad's early age. The runic symbols were familiar to the Elvish script indigenous to the third floor, but with differences discernable enough that he could only decipher a rough, abstract idea of the purpose. The rest, he gleaned from what he could see in front of him.

Near the very back of the chamber, a strange stone erected in the form of a crude monument stood in full view of the moon. It glimmered faintly in the pale light. The pathway there was rife with moss and rubble, but there was no apparent danger. He could feel the gravitas of the room as he approached the shrine- if that was what it was. Every step he took across loamy ground let out a soggy smack. Once he made his way onto the lowest stair his footsteps echoed loudly. The acoustics in this chamber were intense, even without the ceiling intact. it was built to carry voices across the vast distance from altar to entrance.

"What were you, I wonder?" he questioned as he made his way finally to the tall monument that rested near the rear wall. Alkor crouched and reached out to touch the stone gently. "The rumors call this place the Queen's Tower, but who was she?" he traced the rigid, uneven shape of the rock. "If this was some illustrious hall, you would have been used for Knighting heroes and naming noblemen, if the old stories and customs of the outside are applicable," he mused. "Stories like Arthur drawing the sword from the stone, or the Lady of the Lake," his voice became softer as he recalled Arthurian legend, one of the many stories from his childhood that drove him deeper into the fantasy genre.

"If there was a Queen," he asked of the stone, "would I have earned the right to be called her Knight?"

A gentle breeze answered his question without words. Night sent a chill down his spine that prompted him to turn around, and when he did the room was alive. The way light oscillated off of the pooled water caused it to dance along the walls. It was as though the room were not a ruin at all, but a banquet where unseen guests danced in his honor. He smiled softly at the thought. 

"What a silly fantasy," he chuckled softly to himself. "I'm not a Knight, or a Hero. I'm just me."

And for the very first time, when he spoke those words, Thom found himself quietly at peace with them.

He faced her, and Alkor gave a respectful bow. The words she spoke were somber but careful. She understood the gravity of her actions even if she did not want to face their consequences. But who ever did? The sour taste of repercussions was never beloved by humans, and society constantly sought a means to mitigate the negative aspects of any decision. That was why technology advanced.

No one could be blamed for pulling back from fear or from pain. It was an ingrained, evolutionary response. "You can only be who you are," was his simple response. It didn't seem weighty compared to the heavy words she spoke, but wisdom was often cut and dry. If someone asked you to do something you couldn't or be someone you weren't, they were asking the impossible.

"I'll keep it in mind," he said with a smile as he waved a quiet goodbye to Noctua. How would he explain his chronic inability to keep in touch to someone he didn't know? "Maybe I'll see you again sometime. Enjoy the rest of your evening," Alkor added before he headed back toward the settlement.

"I've heard too many times that trying to make everyone happy will ultimately end in no one being happy," he shrugged. "Don't know how true it is. Seems like a logical conclusion, though. Even if you somehow made that kind of peace, someone will have compromised along the way and not gotten everything they wanted." His eyes had closed now and Alkor was only listening to the breeze gently pull the waves onto shore, and how the water withdrew back in a vicious cycle. The sound was immensely soothing.

"But for what it's worth, I think avoidance only delays the inevitable. You're probably better served ripping off that band-aid and finding the best compromise you can." When he looked back up toward the crescent moon, it reflected a pale color off his gold eyes so brilliant that they appeared to glow faintly. "Anyway, I'm glad I could help," he told her as he slid down the rock face and landed deftly on the balls of his feet. He took a moment to adjust his shirt and smiled toward the woman..

"You've been pleasant to converse with, Noctua. I hope that things get sorted out for you."

Alkor understood the awkward feeling after a verbal thrashing all too well. It was weird for him, too. He wanted to grab drinks and wash it down, hopeful that the mood would ease over some of the hurt. That was too optimistic of him. Koga had taken it pretty hard, it seemed. 

"Well, if you're sure," he said without hinting that he was at all worried. The best thing Alkor could do for Koga at this point was give him space. It was obvious he wasn't really in the mood for conversation anymore. With some luck, he'd get over it in a few hours, maybe a day or two.

"I'm gonna go on ahead back to town and get back to work," Alkor glanced at the other man as he thumbed toward the settlement. "If anything comes up, you know how to find me. Give NIGHT and Starla my regards," he waved stiffly as he left just before the group rejoined them. "I just remembered something I have to do."

[Alkor leaves the thread]

Alkor glanced sidelong toward the blue haired man as he spoke, a smirk creasing the edge of his lips. "Sorry for being such a disappointment," he jested after the man quietly mentioned how quickly he'd run through all of his skills. "But hey, there's plenty of time to make up and by the time we're at your level, you'll have more skills to research than you can handle."

He looked then to Koga. "Chase helped me out a ton when I was trying to get things back together," he explained, "he's really great in a pinch and figures out group dynamics pretty fast." They made their way to the teleporter and stopped. He gestured toward the device and prompted for ChaseR to lead the way by calling out the destination. 

"And I think once we're all on the Frontlines together, we'll make a pretty great team," he added.

The way Koga answered was short, but flat. Curt, even- the man was browbeaten for the chastisement he received, understandably. There was a visible degree of standoffishness in the way he avoided further conflict, but that was the best way for a person to prevent people from approaching them unwanted. 

Another person entered the fray at this point, but Alkor kept his attention focused on Koga. The man pulled up his hood, a defensive gesture, and pointedly kept his back toward the newcomer. Someone he knew, perhaps? Or someone who he didn't want to deal with given the circumstances?

It was difficult to tell one way or the other. 

NIGHT and Starla had a moment right up until the new arrival made his way over and spoke to them, but Alkor couldn't make out what they were saying from the distance he and Koga had traveled. The intention had been to give Starla more space, but that was already foiled.

Alkor glanced over to see NIGHT hand in hand with the lower leveled woman, and he took that to mean some of the stress was alleviated. That much at least was good.

He wasn't about to hold Koga's hand, though.

"If you're feeling up to it, we can grab some drinks," Alkor offered. "No reason to stick around now, I reckon."

"They say art mirrors life," Alkor mused as he laid back and stared up at the stars, arms folded behind his head. "Art was really the only form of expression that ancient cultures had. Things we know from back then are largely gleaned from pictures on cave walls, or oral history passed down between generations. The fact that we have anything remotely close is... well, it's the same kind of advancement that eventually went into creating Full Dive technology." The constellations in Aincrad weren't like the ones in the real world. This was a fantasy setting after all. Anything they saw was derivative of the Castle's own lore. Something that looked remotely like Cassiopeia had different meaning altogether here. "But my point there is actually, it's entirely possible it could have been some crazy farmer who killed his neighbor and pissed his wife off and had to sleep on the couch. Those stories get exaggerated, we hear them as myths hundreds, even thousands of years later. Is it possible that some god with a spear created Japan? Maybe. Maybe not."

His eyes slid shut. 

"Really, what you believe is entirely personal, and if you find merit in myths then you believe in a magic far older than time- something deeply spiritual." Alkor didn't want to jump straight into his beliefs, about how life was anecdotal or a simulation, or that everyone manifested energies and how those energies interacted often dictated the flow of events through time and space. There were plenty of ways to believe out there, and none of them were wrong. Life was an experience, and how someone experienced it was entirely their decision.

Alkor believed that was incredibly vital.

"Even in ancient times, people hated each other and had reasons to disagree," he summarized. "Society is just getting better at finding reasons, I think."

He took the opportunity to switch gears entirely away from the awkward, uncompanionable silence that threatened to fall between them. Noctua was making every attempt to keep the conversation going, but if it came down to it, they didn't have much else to talk about. Not much, at least, other than a common interest in mythology, a fact which Alkor exploited now. When she said that she knew the Greek myth, he nodded along. Most people went straight to that, and it was the most prominent ancient mythology taught in schools. Far older and less well known was Babylon, and then, the Japanese had a unique and niche mythology that was relative only to their own islands. It quickly fell to the wayside when traditional Shintoism and the Confucian elements of reverence toward one's ancestors became prevalent in the Far East beyond China.

"In the beginning, there were two gods. Izanami and Izanagi. The world was all water and darkness. Izanagi dipped his spear into the vast ocean and when he pulled it out, the drops that fell back became the Islands of Japan," he explained as he climbed up and took a seat atop the rock. It was an ancient tale, and while incredibly important to the History of his ancestral nation, one not often passed around. "In a tragic accident, Izanagi was killed; so her loving brother and husband went into the underworld to visit her. Because she had partaken of the food there, she was no longer allowed to leave. When Izanagi left her behind, he went out to purify himself, and bathed. The moon god, Tsukuyomi, was washed from his left eye."

It sounded so silly when he said it aloud, but in ancient times, this was probably some important allegory. "Tsukuyomi had a sister, Amaterasu, who was the goddess of the sun. However, their relationship was strained when Tsukuyomi became disgusted with the goddess of food for the means by which she performed her duties and killed her. Because of that, Amaterasu refused to ever look upon her brother again- and that is why the night and day are separated."

He took an extremely deep breath before he raised his head.

There was rage burning deep in the pit if his stomach, but more, he felt relieved. They made it in time to stop the very worst from happening. No one was dead. He wanted to make sure nothing like this happened again, but the bad part was over. There was no more need to yell, even if it felt satisfying to do so.

Koga checked up on the girl, and really, that was the most Alkor could have asked for. She seemed more deeply shaken than he'd been when the Phoenix on floor nine nearly carved through all of his health in a single blow, or when the Hydra swallowed him up. Brushes with death were commonplace in this world, but for someone to experience one so early on their journey to the Frontlines could be extremely jarring.

His expression softened. "All's well that ends well, I guess," he sighed quietly as he turned to look at NIGHT. She was more worried than she'd initially let on, almost like a stern mother who was actually quite frightened for her child. She'd displayed this kind of instinct before, when Alkor thought about it. Deeply protective, nuturing. How very tsundere. 

With a glance toward Koga, he crossed his arms. "You gonna be alright?" he asked the man. Everyone was concerned about Starla, but despite the fact that he was a higher level, he'd still brushed pretty close with death himself. Alkor wanted to be sure that things would only get better from here. 

Starla was crying. That was something Alkor just wasn't equipped to deal with. His proclivity for bluntness and being an all around airhead was too high- he'd say the wrong thing and exacerbate the situation. His gilded gaze twitched toward his guild mate, and he jerked his head quickly in the direction of the other woman. 

His expression said everything.

You handle this.

"Alright, you convinced me," Alkor said. He knew Chase well enough to know the guy was pretty direct and didn't mince words. If he wasn't inclined to take no for an answer, then it was better just to go with the flow of things. Besides, a unique item would be a real boon for the Swordsman. His sword was incredibly strong, and armor that had a similar level of quality was highly likely to be useful for raids and quests in the future. As he got stronger, things would become more difficult and dangerous. "I'll follow you."

He spared a look in Koga's direction. "You should come along too, since he's offering." He gestured toward the direction that the blue haired man was moving in. "That way both of us will get stronger. Items are a big part of the game, y'know?" Alkor picked up the pace and trailed Chase toward their now-shared destination. "I'll admit, it's pretty exciting. I've been meaning to try upgrading my equipment, but just haven't really had a chance to do it. So hey, win win, right?" 

"Do you see a shield?" Alkor asked, his tone scathing. He made a sweeping gesture across the area to indicate any number of places where the item could have been but was not. What he did not do was give Koga a chance to answer the rhetorical question. He managed to catch his breath after nearly thirty seconds of hyperventilation, and pulled himself up on two feet. "It's one thing to endanger yourself, but it's completely reckless and irresponsible to bring a fresh Player into harm's way with you. You see that?" He thrust a thumb accusingly at Starla, still shivering as NIGHT dressed her down verbally. "Come on man, we've been out here putting in work for years, it's up to us to set the example for people who get the courage to step up and join us."

The entire debacle was enough to make his head spin, and in truth it did. Alkor was so outside of his element getting angry or concerned with someone that the words just flooded out like vomit. He knew that Koga hadn't intended to put them in this situation, but the fact remained that intentional or not, he had done it. Now Starla was shaken and unless NIGHT worked some kind of sorcery, she was unlikely to feel enthusiastic about the world outside of the Town of Beginnings. Situations like these created a negative association. He didn't want to watch anyone shut down. Not after everything he had been through.

"Apologize to Starla," he said, spinning around to bow low to the new girl. "I shouldn't have just let you follow him, I'm sorry," he said.

Still bowing, he shot a sideways glance toward Koga. "And after this, you're going to apologize to every single name written on that damn monument," he muttered. "All those people who died and couldn't have stopped it if they tried, and you drop through a fucking hole in the ground that's been fenced off." He huffed and squeezed both eyes shut, fighting back the rage that threatened to overtake him. This wasn't a safe zone, and he wasn't about to turn his cursor orange to pummel Koga for being an idiot.

Oh, that was lucky.

He tilted his head slightly when Haine declared that she was in fact the person he was looking for. "Well that saves me a lot of time looking," he mused with a lazy smile. "Yep, the bee, exactly," Alkor told her as he opened up his HUD and sent a party request. He wasn't particularly worried about her strength- either she was more than a match for the enemies and they would breeze through the quest without an issue, or he was and he'd carry her through it without much effort. 

Alkor looked down at the familiars as they flocked to him. Only one of them belonged to the woman, but the other, he remained close to Alkor even after being recalled. Who did it belong to...? "That's interesting," he muttered as his gaze moved back to the blue haired woman. "I've never seen this happen before." He laughed. "I know he's with you, but he's obviously not yours. He would pay better attention if he were." Alkor knelt down next to Pingu and reached out to pat the creature on the head. "So, you're pretty familiar with this quest?" he asked. "I mean, with what we need to do to finish it. If not, I can give you the rundown. It's not that hard."

When he made it back to the board at last, Alkor found exactly what he'd been looking for. Specifically, there was a message about the higher level Matriarch encounter and that meant someone looking for a group. He opened the window on his HUD and found coordinates for where to meet the other Player... Haine. 

He wasn't sure of much about who they were, but from the attached message, they were interested in having a good time. A younger Player, perhaps? Or someone who hadn't had a great deal of experience in this world and thus lacked the jaded attitude of some of the more veteran Players? Alkor stopped himself from drawing any further conclusions, because the meeting place wasn't far from where he already was.

As he jogged into the deepest part of Urbus, near that central fountain he saw people talking and flirting. This wasn't an uncommon place to meet for parties or dates, as it was closer than the High Fields of Crossing and made it easier for people to connect right out of the teleporter. His eyes found a lone Player- a blue haired girl from the look of her, but he couldn't tell what her weapon was.

"Hey, uh," he raised a hand to wave. "I'm Alkor. I came here looking to respond to a request board message. I'm looking for someone named Haine- do you happen to know them?" he asked. It was a shot in the dark, but he couldn't just assume that the only person alone in the area was the person he was looking for. 

"See, you say that," Alkor chuckled as he stood himself up and stuck his thumbs into his pockets. With a half smile, his eyes found the moon and he rested his foot against the rock he'd been leaning on. "But I'm pretty sure what we've been doing all this time counts as a conversation." He glanced down at her for a moment and gave her a quick wink. "So really, when it comes right down to it, you're probably overthinking it and being unnecessarily hard on yourself. I mean, what is a conversation but a series of questions and answers, right?"

He looked up and found himself laughing at the irony. It was easy to say and like pulling teeth to actually put into practice. "...or so they tell me."

Alkor thumbed toward the moon. "You know anything about the Japanese Creation myth?" he asked, changing the subject abruptly. It would serve neither of them to split hairs over the nature of conversation, especially when he had to agree that it was probably not his strong suit either. "Maybe specific to the moon?"

It was true that he very rarely shared information about himself. Before everything changed, he never intended to let anyone get close to him. Knowledge of the person behind the character was priceless. It made them more aware of the weakness that he kept hidden, and the things that could tear him open. Without those weaknesses, he was unreachable. The only death he could die was literal death. Now, he could lose friends. He could lose much more, because more things had become precious. In some ways, it made him weaker, but in many more it made him strong. He was strong because he had more reasons to fight, and things worth protecting. Someone without that wouldn't make the effort that Alkor did. Someone who didn't work as hard as him couldn't even come close.

Lessa had always been that way. It was through watching her that he learned what he lacked. It was through their interactions that he grew into something less contemptable. When she said that he'd made up for all the worthlessness, he knew that he still had a long way to go; but hearing it made him feel that everything was worth it. For Lessa to give him that level of praise meant that she could see something different in him, something better. It meant that someone who he looked up to could see his effort. For a moment, he could feel his grandmother's spirit in those words, her kind, wrinkled fingers touching his shoulder. He could feel something warm and gentle in it.

Then she said she could count on him. His gaze snapped toward her, expression filled with uncertainty. What did that mean? No one had ever said that to him. No one had ever said he was reliable, nor had he ever felt that he was. His entire body was warm, like there was a fire burning just beneath his skin. Was this embarrassment? Elation? Perhaps a bit of both? He'd never experienced anything quite like it, so he had no idea what he should say. His mouth was slightly ajar, his body frozen as he looked for the words to say. How did he begin to respond to something like this?

I've never thought of you as a burden.

Alkor closed his mouth and took a deep breath. Sometimes, the easiest answer to give was the one you didn't have to go looking for. "...thanks, Lessa," he said quietly.

"How underwhelming," he muttered as Piasuhon went down no different from the weaker monsters they had fought together. With such inflated levels of HP, he expected more.

That was becoming thematic for Alkor recently. He blinked as the dust cleared and ChaseR approached him. Something he wanted to give me? Alkor reached up and scratched at the back of his head. "For me?" he asked, "alright, I'll have to meet back up with you at your shop later. I definitely don't mind, though. You've been a real help in my effort to level up, so I appreciate everything you've already done for me." He felt awkward now, having thought nothing of it. Chase was a busy guy- he'd said himself that he had cleared all of the available quests in Aincrad. Alkor couldn't hold something so small against him.

"If anything, I'll be working my best to be sure that your efforts weren't wasted on me," Alkor bowed respectfully to the other man. "Thank you."

"Jesus CHRIST." Alkor generally did his best not to spout pointless curse words because there really was never a reason, but when he heard the voices of the other two Players amplified by their fall, his head swiveled and his mouth shot off on instinct. There was nothing that could really be said except for how bad of an idea this was, and he'd already said it. Now, Starla and Koga were freefalling through the floor above and there was preciously little time to act. If they didn't get there in time...

Alkor didn't even think about it. He shot forward as fast as he could move, pushing the limitations of his character avatar to their very limits. There was no pain, but he felt the exhaustion that such actions would normally inflict. He disregarded those as he flung himself forward. If he could save either one of them, it would be something. He had hope that NIGHT would pick up on the unspoken obvious, but he couldn't think about that now. He couldn't even call back over his shoulder. He was already halfway to where he wanted to be.

They were there, moving fast like two meteorites that had broken atmosphere. All it took was the impact, and they would scatter in an instant. That couldn't happen. He wouldn't allow it to happen.

No more people were going to die in front of him. 

Alkor pumped his legs to the breaking point as he raced to the drop zone, arms outstretched. Koga was there first, almost out of reach. He was about to smack the ground. He was about to-

With a heave of effort and a loud grunt, Alkor sailed off his feet and sprang through the air. He tackled Koga only a meter off the ground, abating his downward momentum. There was a crunch and a loud pop, but no pain as Alkor and Koga rolled to the ground, both men falling apart once the movement died. Alkor pulled himself up to his knees, breathing heavily as he gasped to fill his lungs again. He couldn't believe that he'd forced himself to do that, or that his body had cooperated. The only thing that he could think was

"What the FUCK, dude?"

"I think it's important to have a reason," he told her. "Without something to keep you going, it's easy to get lost or lose track of what's important."

It took him a long time to put together what that was for him. At least, it took him a long time to piece together why it was important, and the fact that it was his motivation. "I'm not sure if anything we learn in here that's like, physical or whatever is going to change us outside, if that's what you mean," he said, "but the things we learn and the experiences we have, those things will definitely shape us." He wasn't sure how much he wanted to speak on that particular matter, because it was on his mind very frequently in the recent weeks. Who was he now? Was he himself, or someone else? Someone new? It was a strange question because now when he asked it, he wasn't sure what the answer was.

Before, he didn't even have to think about it.

Maybe she was worried about it, too. Maybe she didn't think that she was going to be the same person she came into this world as when she took her first steps outside of it. "If it helps," he said, "at the very least, you'll still be you. Just... not the same you that you were before? I don't know how to phrase that."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Let's walk."

While neither of them would struggle with the Monkey King if they had to fight again, he personally felt no desire to do so. After the massive letdown, and now with confusing emotions welling up, all he wanted to do was slow down and think. 

In truth, he expected Lessa to be the first one to find the change positive. Though he was uncertain of anything else he knew that the change from abrasive, silent, and aloof made him seem more approachable. Lessa had always found him difficult to reach. Now here she was telling him all these things about change and how it could be positive.

The floor beneath his feet varied wildly. From rampant growth to vivid blooms that flourished in the humidity, he noted how pains were taken to differentiate small details. Most games recycled data for the small things, and while SAO absolutely did it in places, it was unique in that uniformity did not exist in the most basic of senses. It was almost as though they were in a botanical garden.

He thought for a moment that the stakes was true of people. Much of humanity shared a common ancestor; but none of them were precisely identical, and no two were the same. Change was a strange concept because changing something unique about them slowly eroded their uniqueness. That was why he was afraid of losing himself.

Alkor stopped and touched the petal of a large flower, tilting his head curiously. 

"I think I'm worried that I'm not doing enough," he said honestly. "Back home, I was useless. I went to work and came back to bed. When I wasn't working or sleeping, I was playing games. I put strain on my parents because they had to hire nursing staff because I wasn't reliable. I'm always worried that other people are being put out because I've made myself a burden," he said, closing both eyes.

"I won't let that happen again," Alkor told Lessa. "I won't ever fail to be there for people who need me."

He wasn't sure what he was going to go back to. The job he had might hire him back under the given circumstances, but he was certain that he'd been let go due to absence by now. There was no other realistic stance for a company to take, even if they were sympathetic to his plight. He wasn't in school anymore, and he had no real prospects for the future. When he tried to think about it, everything seemed dark.

He'd cross that bridge when he came to it. Years later, when the game ended, who would he be? He had already changed so much. Would he be better for it? Would he have adjusted enough to seek out a real career, and a better life?

"I'm sure that I'll find something," he said with a bit more of a handle on his stress. "Things will definitely have changed. I'll have to see what the world is like on the outside."

And what I'm like, he thought to himself.

"It's good that you have a pretty solid idea of what direction you want to take. I'd say that puts you ahead of a lot of the people struggling inside SAO."

He genuinely appreciated her words, and the thought that went into weaving them together. She listened to him and took his words seriously. It meant that even if only a little, she cared about what he was saying. It was a massive gesture from someone he barely knew, and all the reason and motivation he needed. Where his resolve wavered, it grew stronger because of people like this woman. The people who needed him.

She offered many options, and he listened. Even if none of the things she said were plausible for him, the method might evoke something in his head that would work. Her last few words stung, despite all of that positivity. He hid it well enough, with a stone faced smile just a bit sadder than average. Do everything you can when you get out.

Alkor sucked in a silent breath and glanced away, back toward the water. For his mother, his sister, and his father, there was a good chance he might be able to make amends. There were many boards to mend if he wanted to fix those bridges, but they would still be there if he chose to pursue it. At the same time, time was not on his side.

Unlike the rest of his family, there was a strong chance that his grandmother didn't have that kind of time. He wouldn't have the chance to say goodbye, let alone apologize. He clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth and glanced back to Noctua. 

"Yeah," he said in a slightly softer voice, then as he continued, his tone slowly returned to normal. "Yeah, you're right. I can only do what I can do. Right now, some of those things are beyond my control. So I'll just do what I can, while I can, and when I can do more, I will."

Alkor heard her words and realized, in no small way, that they had come out of his mouth on more than one occasion. The importance of every single person trapped inside of Aincrad could not be overstated. The fact that a person did not go to the Frontlines in no way diminished the sacrifice they made or the contributions. While Thom felt that was very true, he also suddenly recognized that he was holding himself to a higher standard. He had made the decision to join the Frontlines so long ago, and so much of that stayed with him. 

Even through a brush with death, he expected himself to be better. 

With a sigh, Alkor closed his eyes. If anyone could see through the mask he always wore- even if it had changed shapes and appearance- it was Lessa. He'd met many people in Aincrad, but none of them put the effort to understand him in that she had. Just because he didn't want to change, didn't mean he hadn't. The end of the beginning had come with a breakdown born of misunderstanding.

A misunderstanding that Alkor didn't know about until years later, and still wasn't sure he had rectified. She was here, though. She was being kind, and all of her words pointed toward sincerity. Sometimes, all you can do is have faith in other people.

It was all he could do, now. Thom had to trust that things were better, and that he hadn't ruined something else he touched. It was when she said that he'd changed that he finally looked her way. She was right. He knew that. There wasn't a doubt in his mind.

"...is that good?" he asked. He turned completely to face her now. "Am I someone totally different now? When I leave this world, will anyone recognize me?" 

Years had flown by. People had lived entire years of their natural lives within a virtual prison, and their experiences were bound to shape them. But in the real world, Alkor stood to have already lost so much. Would he lose himself, too?