Cordelia

Cordelia mumbled a small 'curse' as she charged after the first hound that had attacked her, her rapier all fired up and ready to go beside her. 

"Stupid mutts!" She growled, her rapier slashing away at the hound's limbs. Each leg was given a clean slice and all of them detached from the dog's body before exploding into the air along with the first fire hound.

She looked over to see how Oscar was doing, which was really quite good. He was evading the attacks just as she had earlier with the same hounds, and he even managed to drop each of their health bar's to two thirds.

"Remember, we still have three more hounds to go after this!" She called, turning her attention back to the remaining two hounds. It was ridiculous how they had to fight six dogs and another three heads. Ridiculous! She didn't have any AOE and Oscar's multiplier for his wasn't that high. 

Cordelia muttered a small thank you as she took the bowl from him. She didn't particularly feel hungry anymore. She wasn't really that hungry in the first place, anyway. She sighed and set the bowl down on the ground, feeling pretty bad for leaving food go to waste, but she couldn't help it. She just decided to call it a night after she had a sip or two of coffee. 

Tomorrow will be better. 

Cordelia didn't hesitate to jump down into the pits of the cave. She had been battle-deprived for two days, after all, so of course she wanted to do something! She skid to a halt as three large dogs appeared right in front of her, all growling menacingly. They had to fight six of these? 

Shooing her thoughts to the side, she charged after the closest dog, her rapier flying wildly beside her as it glowed a bright hue. 

She missed. 

She let out a small and choked gasp as the hound whirled around and slammed into her with such a force, it send her barreling straight into the cave wall. "Frick," she uttered, watching her health bar slowly drain to about fourth fifths of her original health. She was so preoccupied with her health that she didn't see the two other hounds charging right at her, their canines baring furiously at her. 

"Well dang, what did I ever do to you two?" She muttered with a small frown as she narrowly avoided their large bodies. 

"Everything I could want in the world," she whispered, holding up her hands in front of her face. "Right on my finger tips," she muttered, her eyes glossy.

"But I couldn't," she paused, pressing her hand back to her side. "I couldn't feel any joy. No joy came from all the wealth, all the money," she mumbled, her hands balling into tight fists. "None of it mattered in the end."

"I'm stuck here. I like being stuck here. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back. I don't want anyone to go back. I just want to stay here, forever. It might be a living hell for other people but I don't care," Cordelia chuckled bitterly. "I'm such a selfish person,  but it doesn't change my mind. I'm not fighting to get out of here... and... and if I'd rather die here than leave SAO."

She turned to Pacco, who was staring at her quizzically. 

"You know, you'd be a pretty good therapist."

ID: 123533

CD: 7

3/3

"I'd want to think I'm happy, sometimes. I feel happy when I'm around people I like..." she trailed off. "But even then. I just feel so empty sometimes. It might even occur when I am with people."

"Is this normal?" She said in a hushed voice. "Is it normal to feel like your heart is just. . .  missing sometimes? Like, someone just yanked it out of your chest?" She asked to no one, her eyes glazing over again as she looked at the sky slowly change into a dark purple. 

"Perhaps I don't want to be normal, anymore. Maybe I want to be different. Maybe I am different." She laughed bitterly to herself. ''Of course I'm different! I grew up in a mansion with famous parents! I had servants do everything with me! I was rich. I had everything."

"But why did I always feel like I had nothing?" She asked.

"I always feel sad sometimes," she whispered, her eyes glossing over as she stared blankly at the sky.

"It's not like I'm ever really thinking about being sad," she murmured to no one. She wasn't even sure if Pacco was listening to her anymore, but she kept talking anyway. 

"I just suddenly feel this huge depressing cloud surround me sometimes. Like a thick fog, and then my immediate mood just drops. I don't know if it's some kind of illness. Maybe it's just the way my brain works. . . but I don't want to be sad," she said softly. "I don't like feeling like this all the time. I hate feeling so happy one moment and then feeling like actual [doo doo] the next!," she choked, her voice cracking from all the pent up frustration that has built up in her for the past two years.

She just wanted it all to stop.

Cordelia sputtered out a mouthful of water as she crawled back to the muddy shores of the lake. "Well," she coughed again, "that was eventful."

Her hair was heavy and soaked with water, as well as her coat. This sucked.

She sighed tiredly as she fell back on to the muddy banks. "Gosh. That was something, wasn't it, Pacco?" She laughed lowly, her arms collapsing by her side as she stared up at the sky. 

"The day is almost over already," she wheezed, looking up at the color changing sky. 

"I can't believe we spent all day catching rocks and hopping on trees," she chuckled, her eyes lidding from exhaustion.

"I wish there were more days like this," she whispered, her chest rising and falling slowly. "Where I didn't feel as lonely. Where I didn't feel as sad."

"Today was a good day, though. It falls on the good end of the spectrum, at least."

Cordelia paused when she looked down.

Water. 

"Oh, shi-" 

She screeched as gravity pulled her down. "Oh my stars!" She screamed as she felt the blue come closer and closer. 

She shut her eyes close as she plunged feet first into the water. Immediate cold enveloped her as her clothes become heavy with water. She let out a gasp, which was probably a bad idea since she was in literal water. Water immediately flooded her mouth and she almost choked on it. Nuh uh, she was not dying in a lake! 

She pushed the water out of her mouth and started to swim up.

It would probably be easier if she didn't have such a thick jacket, but no way was she ditching this jacket! She had been using it... for like, forever! Plus, she didn't really have the cash to be buying another one. Man, she really needed to go hunting soon.

"Okay!" Cordelia blurted, clapping her hands together. "Let's get back to training, shall we?" She asked.

Gripping the handful of rocks in her hand, she got ready to throw them into the air. "Three. Two. One!" She called, feeling her vision sharpen just as she threw the rocks into the air. 

"Alright!" She exclaimed, getting ready to run. Just as gravity took its toll on the pebbles, she sprinted off of the grass. She propelled herself into the air, reaching for the falling rocks with a victorious grin.

Closer. Closer. There! 

The rocks-- which were surrounded with a bright red-- were only less than a meter in front of her at this point.

"And..." she murmured, her palms snatching all five of the rocks in the air in a single swoop. "Got them!" 

She yelled in triumph and pulled her fist down with a grin. "Let's go! We did it!"

ID: 123532

CD: 8

2/3

Cordelia chuckled bitterly to herself. What was her life coming to? She needed to push these depressing thoughts away! She couldn't think like this just yet! She had to make it to the front lines! She had to be stronger. Not like this. She had to at least act strong in front of other people. People couldn't perceive her as weak. They'd all find out. Find out.

She didn't want that.

If they found out what made her weak, then she'll never be able to show her face in public anymore.

She'll be a freak. Hopeless. Weak.

No, no, no. She couldn't have that. She'd be a laughing stalk. Two years of working up to this and she'd be a laughing stock! She didn't want to be known for that. Her reputation was worth more than her life. If she had to die to preserve it, then she would. She'd have to.

You give away pieces of yourself in silent exchange for acceptance. If you can be less you and more something else, then you will be accepted and, therefore, less lonely. Until, one morning, you wake up and realize that you have given away so much that you are a shadow of the shell of the man you once were. And then you’re lonely for yourself. You want the old you back. You realize that the particular type of loneliness that blooms when you are married to someone who doesn’t love you has taken root inside you and choked you out of yourself. Every loneliness has its cure, and the only cure for this type of loneliness is to leave. The cure for this type of loneliness is to be alone. Two years ago, I made a decision to live. To break away from the chains that held me back. I don't regret logging into SAO. I don't regret anything.

There has always been an aura of simplicity about my presence in character. Despite the ambitiousness and often detailed observance in my outlook around people, the  role of “happy-go-lucky Amara” was a recognized and rarely challenged fairing amongst family and friends. Bubbly, outgoing, smart and active; all resounding traits of a self-promoting bio with the mood swings, drama and bitter excerpts merely regarded as the impulses of teenage angst. I've always enjoyed company, reveling in chat and laughter. But the hidden scorn of paranoia and insecurity could easily spoil the anticipated gladness of socializing and connecting. Talkative, engaging but quietly doubtful. Apprehensive about personal viewpoints on the basis that someone might not like me because of what I thought or what I said. This silent persecution inside persisted in the former of mental torture; a daily routine of mirror goading tagged with insults and reminders that I was worthless, no one liked me and that I was better off alone.

She laid back on the ground and laughed to herself again.

 I'm growing crazy. This game is making me crazy! She put her hands on her head and laughed again.  The neurons or something, whatever it is... it's making me crazy! I was never lonely back in the real world! 

She stopped laughing and just laid there. Her blank eyes traveled to the sky, and she sighed. A gut retching sigh.  Was I ever really lonely..?  She smiled to himself. Rosie was always there with me. I suppose that wasn't enough though. I guess I was always lonely. No matter how much I resisted the thought. I was always... lonely. She chuckled to himself.  I could write a whole book on the thoughts I just had. But I always wonder. Does Rosie miss me? Did they just brush me off of their shoulders since she doesn't have to take care of me anymore? After all I've done for her, she must still love me, right?

Cordelia frowned. Where did all of these depressing thoughts come from? It wasn't like she had never thought about it, but that straight up came out of no where! Maybe this game was really getting to her. 

Her mood seemed to diminish after a few minutes of saying nothing. All the happiness she had felt a few minutes earlier seemed to have just... left so quickly. It hurts just thinking about all of this. Sometimes, she wished she just... forgot everything back in the real world. Live the rest of her life in here. No more burdens. No more disgusting memories and all of that. 

Just her. Where she should be. She didn't belong back in the real world. She belonged here! In Aincrad! She wasn't an outcast. No one could look down on her like her parents did anymore! In here- in here, she was free.

Free to choose.

ID: 123531

CD: 2

1/3

Cordelia gaped at her reflection in the lake's water. "I didn't know that my eyes turned red!" She exclaimed, turning her head to look at Pacco.

"Do you have any other neat tricks I need to know about?" She asked.

Pacco just tilted his head confusingly at her.

"No? Well, it was worth a shot. Maybe you'll develop something new later," she mumbled, crossing her arms.

She's seen some cases of familiars that do that. The more you rank up your familiar, the more it helps you, and sometimes it even develops some kind of new thing. Sometimes, they even change their appearance! Wasn't that something?

She wasn't sure if she wants Pacco to ever change how he looks. She was completely fine with the way he was looking right now! She think it would just look a little weird if he changed his appearance after she's had him for so long.

"Can we just test it out for a quick second before I throw the rocks again?" She asked. She didn't know why she asked, it was her familiar after all. She was the boss! 

Cordelia dug her feet into the grass the bordered the lake and gave Pacco a thumbs up, and then instantly, her vision grew read and a jolt of thrill went down her spine.

"This is brilliant!" She murmured under her breath. It was as if someone had placed a radar system in front of her! Her vision was just a red grid pattern, and when she look over to Pacco, he glowed with an even brighter red. She was like a living radar. Sweet!

It wasn't just the immediate identification of mobs, but she felt like she should see better. Heck, who needs glasses when you have Pacco? 

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of this," she breathed, a giddy grin on her face.

Now that she felt what power her familiar had, it almost felt like she was addicted to it. Addicted to the thrill. The new sense. Just... everything.

"That wasn't your fault in any way," she said to Pacco wholeheartedly. "I was just out of it for a few seconds..."

"Why don't we train somewhere else? All of this forest scenery is making me a little bored," she mumbled, offering her arm to Pacco, to which he quickly flapped on to. "Alright, let's head to a lake! I want to see if I can walk on water. That would be awesome!" She squealed excitedly.

☆-☆

"Alright!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands together as she stood in front of the large lake. "There shouldn't be anything for me to be able to hop or jump on to," she muttered, scratching her chin. "I suppose I'll just wing this, then!" She chirped happily.

It feel like something in her snapped when she thought about it. A guttural sound came from her throat as she already began to feel herself fall to the ground. 

"Already?" She whispered, her face falling just as her body was. "Good things can't last forever, I suppose," she muttered dejectedly.

Her long and flowing blonde hair whipped upwards as she felt gravity start to take its toll on her. Cordelia sighed as she landed softly. Her time in the air felt so long yet so short. That sucks.

Pebbles and rocks fell around her as her hair fell down.

She gently held her fingers over her mouth as she started to giggle a little bit. Just a tad bit. She wasn't crazy, right?

"That," she paused, turning her head over to Pacco to give him a grin, "was only a sample for what is to come!" She said excitedly. 

ID: 123529

CD: 6

She felt weightless.

Everything almost went by in slow motion as her head turned to look at the sky above her. 

"Wow," she breathed, her mouth jarred open just slightly.

It was beautiful. Everything was so clear. So blue. It was so vast. So dull with life yet so vibrant with it. A bubbly feeling erupted from her chest as she stared at the marvelous sight in front of her. Above her. Around her.

How had she been missing on this for two years? Two years of being alone. Two years of nothing when she could've been doing everything? Maybe this has been what she had been looking for two years. All of the emotions she felt before diminished as a newer one crept up on her. 

It hurt. It hurt so much. Her whole heart felt like it had been twisted and broken.

Pained. 

She didn't want to leave.

She threw the rocks into the air as she can, and dang, did they fly far. 

"You ready, Pacco?" She asked, her head whipping over to her familiar, who's eyes were firmly trained on the sky. 

Guess you are, then. 

Cordelia dug her heels into the dirt. 

One.

Two.

Three.

She dashed off, bouncing from tree to tree as a whole new sense came to her. Everything was red. She didn't feel angry, actually, she felt quite the opposite. She felt exhilarated. It was as if she had a completely new sense. "Alright!" She quipped, her body twisting just as she hopped off the final tree.  

She could feel it. She felt like she had a bird's eyesight now. If she concentrated enough, she could probably see every feather on her familiar's body and he was so far away! She was clear in the air now, her coat almost having a feather-like weight as she hovered above the vast trees.

Cordelia hummed a small tune as she held up a handful of rocks in her hand. "Alright, this should be enough."

Setting Pacco down on a branch in front of her, she held up her five rocks in between her fingers with an excited grin. "I know how your power works," she continued, throwing a few of them into the air before catching all of them with a single swoop of her hand. "So this is how I'm going to train you, Pacco."

She clasped her hands behind her back and nodded to the sky. "Use Odin's Sight to help me catch all of these rocks in the air when I throw them, okay?" She asked, turning back to Pacco who gave her a blank look. 

Well, she just assume that he knew what was going on. 

"Alright, ready Pac?" She called, her arm slowly winding and getting ready to launch the rocks.

She wasn't just training Pacco today. She was going to be training herself.

Cordelia sniffed as her hands curled around the edge of the bridge. 

"Did Rosie not like me enough to stay?" She whispered to nothing and no one. Her nails dug into the wood the more she thought about it. Why did no one stay with her? 

She looked over to Pacco, who was perched next to her, staring at his reflection almost eerily in the soundless and still lake water. 

"We should go train," she mumbled, holding her arm out for Pacco. Her chirped-- er, cawed and flapped up to her covered arm. 

"How should we train you?" She asked him, tilting her head. He tilted his own head at her, his glowing red eyes staring back at her. 

"I've got it," she exclaimed, hopping to her feet. Perhaps this wasn't such an off day as she thought, but she didn't mind as much now.

Maybe she finally had someone to stay with her just a while.

Amara's long hair fell to the floor as she laid her upside down on the sides of her bed. She was going to have to make some friends. She didn't want to feel like an empty husk of a body. Rosie was the only person to ever make her feel full. 

She hopped off of her bed and scrambled out of her abnormally large room. 

Time to hunt for some people!

☆-☆

"Danny, Danny!" Amara shrieked, running up to one of her servants who was cleaning up the oatmeal she never finished. 

"Miss Amara, I've told you many times to address me as Daniel-"

"Yeah, yeah, Daniel shpaniel," she huffed, crossing her arms. "Danny, let's go out to the garden and play!" She piped, bouncing up and down with excitement. 

"I can't, I apologize, Miss Amara."

"What, why?" 

"You of all people should know that you can't replace Miss Rosa, especially with me."

ID: 123528

CD: 6, Fail

1/3 Attempts Successful 

"Mother, why did Rosie leave?" Amara asked as she sat on the stairs, her onyx eyes staring blankly at the closed front door. 

"Don't ask such stupid questions, dear."

"Okay."

"Get off of those stairs. A child of mine doesn't deserve to sit on such filth."

"Okay."

☆-☆

Amara played with the spoon in her bowl of oatmeal in front of her with a blank face. The dining table was empty... again. Rosie used to sit in the chair next to her when she ate. 

No one sat next to her anymore.

The girl pushed her bowl away stubbornly and laid her head in her hands, slightly tilted to the right of her as she stared at the empty chair next to her. "Why'd you have to leave, Rosie?" She asked to no one in particular. Her eyes glassed over as she turned her head so that her forehead rested on her arms. "Why'd you have to leave me all alone, here?"

"I don't ever want you near this house or my family again," her mother whispered with deadly venom, narrowing her eyes into slits as she lowered her hand. "Get out of my sight before I call security."

Amara's breath hitched in her throat as she took a step back from the railing. What was going on? Why was mother hitting Rosie? Rosie wasn't bad! Rosie didn't do anything wrong, she was good! Why was mother yelling at her? 

Rosie's eyes widened as she looked up at the watching girl. Her eyes grew blank for a second before she rushed out of the front doors of the house, never even glancing back at the girl she had basically raised for so many years. 

"Rosie?" Amara whispered, her legs collapsing as she looked through the wooden bars of the railings. "Where are you going, Rosie?"

She never saw Rosie after that day again.