[F27 - PP] A Return to Ronbaru

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

Nari’s hands continued to trace paths as NIGHT told her tale, Nari’s tongue feeling the pressure from her teeth as she bit down onto it, forcing herself just to listen. To listen, and hear a tale that she’d heard time and again – one that she herself hadn’t let herself become engrained into. She’d avoided others, for this reason among others – the pain of it all, the irony, the hypocrisy. All something she’d never wanted to experience. And yet, here was another who’d confessed to her…

The acknowledgement caught Nari by surprise – not because she’d expected it to be denied, but because she hadn’t expected it to be confirmed. She’d thought that her advances – and the recent reciprocation – were simply something of a…annoyance? Play thing? Distraction? She wasn’t sure, but the reciprocation was…well, a surprise. And now to hear that there was a reason for all the defiance. She felt herself lower – as little as was required – to NIGHT’s level, her arms slowly making there way forwards to embrace the girl from behind, pulling tight as she rested her head against the other’s back.

“You just gave your answer, or a degree of it.” Her voice was a whisper as she felt it vibrate against the other girl’s body. For once, the squeaking of it didn’t bother her, the breaking as her own emotions came forward – the hatred for the pain, the longing to take it away, the desire to comfort. “You say you try and distance yourself, to get away…but isn’t that the issue? Isn’t it that you’re not accepting what you feel, that you’re trying to hide away from it and pretend like you aren’t hurt – like you have gotten over it. Isn’t that where the strength of this…other, comes from? You’re still in love with them. You always will be, and that’s why you can’t let go – because you’re afeared of the pain once you realise what’s lost to you. Isn’t that right?”

The words were spilling out now, her voice rising in pitch as she fought to remain calm, to not let the emotions she was feeling boil over. She wanted nothing more than to simply let the tears flow alongside NIGHT, but she knew that she needed to be strong for her – if only as a friend. It took all her will, just to do that – but she would be there for her, even if it was just as a soundboard. ‘Love hurts. But from that hurt, we grow…’

“You say you’re sorry…for what? For feeling hurt? For feeling love? For wanting something that you desire? You shouldn’t be sorry for that – you can’t be sorry for that. I won’t let you. Because that’s who you are, and I wouldn’t change it, not for the world.” The tears were fighting to break free, her eyes becoming blurred as she tried to maintain control. “You’re not alone. You don’t need to be alone. I don’t want you to be alone…”

Her words faltered as she lost the battle, the tears falling silently as she pulled the girl in tighter. There was more to be said, but Nari couldn’t bring herself to say it – not now, not when it was too much. And so, she fell silent, hoping the words would find their way through her touch, hoping it would be enough to make the girl understand. ‘I can wait, forever if I have to. I’m here…no matter what…’

Spoiler

Word Count: 571

 

[NIGHT 0]

she felt the wrap of arms around her body, tight. as though it was a restriction. as though it was suffocation for the sins she'd committed, that hell of her own making. and she wept, audibly, when judgement was released on her, and she could've sworn there was something holy in the way it smited her, with that head placed upon her back.

soft words spoken in kindness. ren knew she didn't deserve them, and yet nari gave it to her all the same.

the woman only continued to cry.

just the same, paralyzed by that fear -- the words offered to her were true, between then and now. conflicted -- that was the equilibrium of ren's eternal state, that tug of war with her heart, even as she tried, tried her best not to keep it in tension.

so--

"--it's not fair--" (she'd howl. because she thought hard about forever.) "-- and not especially to you. you! " (because there was a reason behind all of those accessories she'd crafted for herself, on her lonesome.) "because if my heart's not completely in it--" (because of the scrunchie. because of the twin sticks keeping her secondary's ponytail in place.) "--then how do i know what i feel is genuine?" (because none of this mattered, in the end. none of this was real.) "how do i live knowing what i want's only a shadow of the real thing?"

(because she had to come to terms that it was never meant to be. never going to be. never will be. day was going to expire, with or without her at their inevitable end, and she had to make her peace with it.)

"--how could i ever let go?"

there were tears all over her efforts. tears where she knew she was supposed to keep her face clean, tears she knew to drive away only with wet hands and slimy palms. she hurt all the same, no matter how much she spilled from her eyes to the floor. the pool might've grown in size had she stayed there for too long.

"-- i don't want to feel this way!"

but

"You shouldn’t be sorry for that – you can’t be sorry for that."

"i don't want to feel this way..."

--she couldn't change herself, even she wanted to, even if she tried. and in knowing she wasn't supposed to, wasn't asked to, the words only cut deeper, further -- she wanted that knife to have gone through her completely. that stab to have shattered her windpipe.

"--why can't i just move past it?!"

all bluster, and no bite.

"why can't i just let go?!"

all the yelling in the world, the praying, the needing would never amount to an ilm of progress, an inch closer to fate.

"it's stupid and it hurts and i've tried everything and still i give in!"

the truth of the matter was that people came and people left. the truth of the matter was that she fancied a select few, and they were all mistakes. accidents. people she never meant to fall in love with.

the truth of the matter was that before she knew it, all the pieces accumulated over the time spent together with everyone she loved only mapped out an image that lead her to lynn. that the road to it was with sorrow, guilt and regret. that ren would take back what had been said to lynn in a heartbeat if only to keep her around. that she'd wish she could cross distances, pretended her feelings never had anything to do with her, all for the sake of keeping a good thing close by.

the truth of the matter was that ren never wanted to be alone.

“You’re not alone. You don’t need to be alone. I don’t want you to be alone…”

and only ren would feel herself suffering the consequences, hugged just a little too tight, curled up against her friend where her shoulders hurt and her weak points aching. her throat dry, mind spent, eyes reddened and vision blurry from that sole admission tucked underneath layers and layers of ferocity. tenderness laid bare.

had she thought back on the day they'd met, only night would've remembered the promise she'd made to nari.

"you don't have to go through it alone. i'll give you my word on that."

ren sobbed. for even in her finest hour did it all revolve around lynn -- every detail. she couldn't be free of the ghost that haunted her. she didn't want to be free of the ghost that stayed in her home.

to know and be accepted for what secrets she kept from others by someone who was so similar to the very one of her dreams was a tragedy in its own right. like an admission by the heavens that she would never be free of that light -- wanting it, needing it -- no matter how hard she tried.

and ren had been tired of trying.

she grasped at what little she could reach of nari, leaning back into the woman, gasping between tears. "i don't want to be alone any more. i just don't." and she choked afterwards, for what little she knew from her apology. "it's not fair to you, either, that i can't reciprocate back your affections in full. it's not! if there are things that you can't accept, then to me, this is one of them. and i owe it to you for that answer at minimum." 

"so i'm sorry, because i'm not the person you might've believed me to be. i'm sorry, because i'm still hurting from the past. i'm sorry, because you should save that kindness for someone else. someone who's worthy of your kindness, your affection, your forever. someone who's ready. someone who isn't hung up on the past."

(like ren.)

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

Her response took time. Time to formulate, time to condense, time to consider. Time – and yet, it seemed to come out almost immediately, the words flowing as if spoken through knowledge, through wisdom. And perhaps they were – perhaps, this was something from experience. Whatever the cause, they flowed, far more constructed, far stronger than anything Nari had ever said before. Filled with emotion; sorrow, content, happiness, understanding, even a touch of frustration – at the situation, in entirety. Too often, did this occur. Too often…

“You’re right. There are things that I can’t accept. There’s things I won’t accept, ever. But it’s not because of who you are, or why you do what you do. It’s far more than that. Far deeper.”

She pulled her arms from the tight embrace, forcing NIGHT around to face her, leaning her forehead against NIGHT’s own, her eyes half-closed as she continued. The words were a near whisper, but the force was not gone from their tone – the hope that she would instill something in the girl, if only the seedlings.

“We all live in the past, for a time. Do you think there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish for Evelyn back? Do you think there isn’t a day that I would trade my own life, just to see her smile, once more? The pain remains forever, it doesn’t just stop one day. The longing, the suffering…it will always be a part of us – there’s no avoiding it. But it doesn’t mean we don’t move on. It doesn’t mean that we forget it, toss it to the side, to ignore it forever. Growth doesn’t come from ignorance, it comes from understanding – understanding that these things will always be a part of us. That they will forever haunt us.”

A pause, as she took a breath, before continuing. Her own voice was starting to shake as the memories came up in her mind – reminding her of the truth behind her words. In her chest, she felt that pain, once more.

“My night’s are filled with dreams of Evelyn’s smile, her beauty, her words. I don’t think I’ll ever truly lose those dreams, even though she is lost to me. My heart still yearns for her, wishing that she was by my side again – wishing that I could change what had happened, to bring her back to me. But I know…I know that I can’t. I know that there is nothing I can do, and it only makes the hurt worse.”

Her eyes opened fully and she pulled her head back slightly, her hands taking NIGHT’s own, her eyes finding the girl’s gaze and locking on to it – forcing her to face Nari.

“I don’t expect to be the only one in your heart, ever. I understand that there are others – and it would be foolish, absolutely impossible, for me to assume that I would ever replace them.”

A pause, as she thought about how to state the next part, wanting to be honest, but gentle. She didn’t want to hurt NIGHT more than she already had.

“But I don’t believe for a moment that you can’t share that affection, that kindness. It’s in there, in your heart. And maybe you just need time…or maybe you need the help to move past. I don’t care. I know where my heart lies, and I’m not willing to give up on you. I’m not willing to simply walk away – and not because I believe that you need charity, or pity. There’s something here…and maybe it’s one sided, but it’s there for me, and I won’t give up on it. Not when there’s a chance.”

Her voice broke for a moment, as she tried to control herself. A deep, shaky breath, and then she continued.

“Maybe…maybe the reason that your ghost remains with you is because you’re not ready…to face the pain. For all your strength, for all the imagery that you portray to the world…I can sense the hurt. I can feel the hurt…and I don’t want to see you hurting, not anymore…”

She closed her eyes, her hands holding tight to NIGHT’s own, as she forced out the next words.

“And…I’ll stay by your side, no matter what that means, until that pain is gone. Even if there’s no place for me there in the future…I’ll be happy, so long as you are.”

Spoiler

Word Count: 730

 

[NIGHT 0]

it was hard to hear her over the sobs. hard to register. even being forced to turn around and confront kindness at its very core, ren had to strain herself to listen. but she did, beyond her limitations. came and felt and saw experience, through spotted vision and gritted teeth. bid herself allow nari's words to reach her, even if she didn't want to hear it. even if deep down, she'd already known the truth.

"Growth doesn’t come from ignorance, it comes from understanding – understanding that these things will always be a part of us. That they will forever haunt us.”

and if only that was the case. at some point, they were destined to leave each other -- that their time here, in this world was limited. that these heavens and earths could not hold an infinite amount of time for each person, each ghost, each memory. and the struggle to find her place between forever and now was her own fight.

ren bid herself listen still -- it was selfish, to think her own pain would be comparable to nari's own. she didn't know evelyn, but knew enough of her to understand the guilt, regret and sorrow her friend had felt must've been immeasurable. the respect to acknowledge they were comparing damage of different scales, to have known the ones they loved for different amounts of time. to understand the people they held so high in regard were of different values, different importance -- emotionally, physically, spiritually. so she hurt, imagining placing lynn back on that pedestal, on a throne that was never meant for her. a throne that was meant for someone else. a throne that she could never fulfill, because everyone's pain was personal.

it hurt her even more to remember that pain was relative.

under the light, she was scorched. she burned. tears that wouldn't stop rolling even as her companion pulled away from her. hands she'd wanted to join returned to her. eyes she was afraid of getting lost in held their gaze.

ren wanted to look away, and then found that she couldn't. it seared -- that understanding, that horrible faith, that belief in herself. that expectation that nari believed -- that expectation ren knew others would have of herself. that understanding that she would live up to it as she was want to do; as she would do, inevitably, had their judgements been correct. and it hurt to see that someone else, in ren's own darkest moments would continue to hold out strong for her.

because she couldn't do it for herself. couldn't meet her standards. because despite the strength everyone else had known her for, the first person she'd failed to catch up to had been right here, the whole time. that in neglecting that want, that will and wish to care for someone so intimately, and only allowing those incremental moments, a gradual tiptoeing -- despite all of her efforts, it hadn't been enough.

ren found her thoughts empty the more she continued to exhale. the pain came and went along with it. it hurt in her chest, her lungs, her throat. it hurt in the way she held herself upright, held back those hands that supported her, leaned into the voice that reassured her--

"--I’m not willing to simply walk away – and not because I believe that you need charity, or pity. There’s something here…and maybe it’s one sided, but it’s there for me, and I won’t give up on it. Not when there’s a chance.”

--and in that moment, she couldn't care less for entertaining theories about cardinal or its constructs.

she dove straight for humanity. she dove towards the one thing she knew had spared her.

ren held on tight, wrapping herself completely around nari. threw most of her weight at the woman, leaned in close where their temples met. set her face to where her friend couldn't see it. in her arms, ren was all but a trembling mess. no outer shell. she hated to be the human within.

in between sobs, she could only scream.

"you're stupid! you're dumb! you're horrible! i hate you! why do you keep saying these things to me?! if you say you'll stay beside me, you'll only just end up getting hurt!"

"you moron! you asshole! if only you didn't keep me around, you wouldn't have to put up with the pain that comes for us all at the end of the day! so why won't you give it up?! why do you think there's even a chance?!"

"you fool! you're so dimwitted -- what in the hell is making you stay?!"

with a sharper breath, and the last of her strength wrung out in a cry, ren finally shouted,

"why won't you let me go?!"

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

“Because I’ve been on the other side of this conversation, once upon a time…” The words were a mere whisper, but with NIGHT so close, Nari knew the girl would hear them. Echoes – a combination of NIGHT’s voice, and her own, still rung in her ears, reverberating the words that were thrown out, not in hate, but in frustration. Frustration of the self. Nari felt the pain in her chest as she remembered…

“Because I know what it feels like, to loathe yourself. So much that you turn everyone away…because it’s easier. It’s less painful…it doesn’t hurt to lose.” The whisper continued, the tone even, but speaking of an understanding deep beneath the words themselves. A hurt that had once burrowed deep within her.

“Because I’m not willing to let you go. I care too much…and I know that deep down, there’s someone worth saving – as much as you try and hide it. As much as you may lash out…I know.” Her left hand rose to gently run through the hair of the girl, calmly repeating the movement over and over, her voice maintaining the even tone in an attempt to hide the tears that were falling down her own face.

“Even if you want to push me away, if you want to hit me, to take out your anger on me…I’ll be there for it. Because I care. And I won’t turn away from those I care about…not again. Not ever. And if that makes me an idiot…then so be it, so long as it makes you happy. I’m willing to make that sacrifice…if only to help you. I choose this pain, because it reminds me that you truly care…because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t work so hard to try…to try to hurt me. You wouldn’t…if you didn’t care…”

The tears caused her to choke for a second, and she had to take a deep, shaking breath in order to calm herself enough to speak again. Her hand continued to run through NIGHT’s hair, the right arm pulling her in close, giving her the comfort she needed. Her head leaned against the girl’s, lightly laying against her.

“I don’t care how long it takes you to realise…but I’m here…and I don’t plan on going anywhere else. Because…because I hope that one day, you’ll see. Like I did, once…and even if you don’t feel the same…even if you…I’ll still be here. Do chosantóir…”

The words brought strength to Nari, as she repeated them. Remembering so long ago…She pulled NIGHT in closer, careful not to crush the poor girl, but desiring the intimate contact. She felt herself shaking as the emotions roiled into her, bringing forth feelings that had been buried for some time.

“I’m…a tank, aren’t I? My purpose is to get hit, so that you can be okay…and maybe that’s what I want to do. To take your hurt, so that you can be free of it…so that you can learn to let go of it…so that you can live again. Do chosantóir…I’ll protect you, because that’s what I want to do…because one day, I hope to see you smile, again. Truly smile…”

Her head nuzzled into NIGHT’s, and she closed her eyes, focusing on the other girl’s sobs, and breathing. Feeling as her back shook and rose with each breath. Feeling as her angry, her frustration, her sorrow, was released. Nari held her tight, covering her from the world, pulling her into her embrace further. “Is mise do chosantóir. I won’t let this world hurt you, not anymore…”

Spoiler

Word Count: 590

 

[NIGHT 0]

“Because I’ve been on the other side of this conversation, once upon a time…”

had it truly been the case? ren couldn't remember a single thing exchanged between them about the matter. but in the vestiges of her shell, those were the very same words that had gone unspoken: the promise to hold on. the courage to believe, to have faith.

“Because I know what it feels like, to loathe yourself. So much that you turn everyone away."

how long had it been since she'd held onto another -- this closely, this firmly, to someone who wasn't a creation of her own making? ren struggled to free herself from the hold internally; it hadn't showed in the vice grip she had nari in.

“Because I’m not willing to let you go. I care too much."

(night had cared too much.)

"I know that deep down, there’s someone worth saving – as much as you try and hide it."

she fought. she writhed. she howled. she wept. and not a single inch did she dare to move from her companion. when the hand of kindness reached out to pat her head, she shriveled back.

"As much as you may lash out…I know.”

ren was caring too much. 

and the squeezed breath she let out was in refutation. "don't lie to me!" because inherently, she knew a good thing when she saw one. "don't you dare say what isn't true!" because ren knew she hadn't found salvation, even when she thought so, even when it was offered to her from the game. "don't you dare say that-- don't pretend like you know me. nari--!!"

“Even if you want to push me away, if you want to hit me, to take out your anger on me…I’ll be there for it.

"i don't want to hurt you!" nari was caring too much.

"i'd never wanted to hurt you!" ren protested just as well.

"are you daft?! i wouldn't want to hurt you anyway -- and i don't care what you'd have to say to that!!"

"And if that makes me an idiot…then so be it."

"then you're an idiot! you're being insane!" and if ren peeled herself back enough, it was to lay bare to the woman in her arms the misfortune on her face, in her expression. "i don't get anything out of wanting to hurt you. it doesn't make me happy in the slightest! don't you dare hurt yourself on my behalf!"

"I’m willing to make that sacrifice…if only to help you. I choose this pain, because it reminds me that you truly care."

"i don't! i don't!" for what good it did ren, she wrestled back the drowning, tides still pulling her in. "i don't want you to get hurt--" and her breath only staggered as she fell back in to the waters, into nari's arms. "--fuck, i don't want you to care at all! i don't want to care at all!"

"because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t work so hard to try…to try to hurt me. You wouldn’t…if you didn’t care…"

"nari-- nari, i don't want to hurt you--!!"

blurry eyes made way for blurry vision. and a shattered memory made for forgotten truths. ren was no shell of a person, no enlightened mortal, no saint under that broken moonlight, that hollowed hall that was left long forgotten. ren was nothing but heat and fire and flame in the arms of her other, tucked away.

all night could do was scream from the pain. felt the drive of weaponry through her stomach. felt the pang of pain as her voice threatened to give way. and as though burying into something she had sworn was all but lost, holding onto that last fallen starlight in the pitch of the abyss, she held her friend tight. swore she wasn't going to be lost to the ocean waves. didn't want to get lost in the emptiness of space.

"I don’t care how long it takes you to realise, but I’m here, and I don’t plan on going anywhere else."

"you're stupid! you're horrible! i hate you! i wish you wouldn't--"

but her claws dug deeper, with what little bit of nails she had left. held onto nari like her life depended on it, because in that moment, it seemed like it did. like a beast snarling, threatened, wanting to be free; in that irony, as though she was feral, she held on.

"Do chosantóir..."

(a protector was made to defend.)

"I’m…a tank, aren’t I? My purpose is to get hit, so that you can be okay."

"dumbass," ren seethed, trying not to stumble nor choke upon her words. "i don't want to hit you. i don't want you to get hurt. i'm not even the one who you should be getting hit from!" and ren laughed, a tearful, miserable laugh. then she whimpered into the shoulder of her other. the beat of her heart was stuck in her throat. that numbness, that flare, that pain.

"Is mise do chosantóir."

(一生,一世.)

"I won’t let this world hurt you, not anymore.”

and so in her sobering, that slow, dreaded recovery of having expended too much of herself, ren croaked. teeth of her grip sinking in. life of herself, of her friend, bleeding out in tears. "don't you dare die on me, nari. and-- and don't you let me go."

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

She barely registered the screaming responses, the cursing, the anger, the frustration. She heard the words, thrown in response to everything she said, and yet passed over without response. Her heart slowed as she continued, something changing within her, and as the girl cursed her, threw insult, argument, and declaration, Nari simply ran her hand through her hair. Her own words continued calmly, simply speaking through the other’s. It wasn’t until she heard the final words, the finality in them, that she let herself nuzzle into the girl again.

“I won’t. I promise you, I won’t. Not willingly, not now.” Her cheek nuzzled against NIGHT’s, the warmth on her face combining with the wetness of the tears. “I have to come back, to stay here. Because you need me. So I won’t let you go – not now, not until we clear this game…and then…”

She left the rest unspoken, knowing that there would be time for that later. Instead, she let her hands say what her mouth could not. Her left, combing through the hair, her right pulling the girl in tight. “I won’t let you go…I promise…”

The words repeated for a time, as Nari’s own heart beat hard against her chest, the feeling coursing through her arms to reach her fingertips, pulsing at the back of her eyes. Letting them fall closed, she leaned her head against NIGHT’s, letting the comfort of touch course through her. The words continued, until Nari wasn’t sure if she was speaking them aloud anymore, or simply reiterating them in her mind.

She wasn’t sure how long had passed, but she eventually felt her body going numb, the position causing her muscles to begin needle. But she knew she wouldn’t let go, not until NIGHT made the first move to pull away.

As time passed, Nari felt the words slowly losing volume, the strength behind them remaining absolute, but the necessity slowly fading. Her left hand slowed with time, matching the speed and volume of the words.

A sudden giggle escaped Nari’s lips, and for a moment she tried to fight it before the fit took over her. She pulled herself in towards NIGHT again as the fit continued to over take her, trying to resist the shaking that it brought on. Something within her having either broken, or reconnected. She wasn’t quite sure, which.

“Hey, NIGHT?”

Spoiler

Word Count: 394

 

[NIGHT 0]

and so they stayed. locked in that eternal position. ren whimpered and whined until she had nothing left to give. until all her sorrows had been drained. until the heat of anguish from that very last breath had been extinguished.

ren curled, leaned back into that gentle, warm touch. what little wind made it through the gaps of the building, ren felt it. woven into what little space they kept between each other. she closed them off, allowing herself to fall closer into nari, allowing time to finally pass. allowing that scratched wound to heal.

slowly, but surely, night pieced herself back together. and slowly, but surely, nari's voice died away.

sleep was all but lost on her eyes. but the shifting underneath her, the giggle that stifled the steady beating she'd been keeping track of, holding onto, shook her awake. it wasn't fair. night only buried herself closer, only complemented by the pull of her other, and her head shifted in tandem.

“Hey, NIGHT?”

she had very little to answer with; that shackled mess, that disarray of character-- but she offered the last of herself all the same.

"mm?"

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

The response was barely audible, and for a moment, Nari wondered if NIGHT was even fully awake. She pulled the girl in closer, trying to give her warmth, to share it with the other. As she thought about the possibility of sleep, her own exhaustion came over her, and she felt herself fighting the pull, determined to stay awake.

“I’m glad I’m more stubborn than you.” The words, whispered into an ear, came before the nuzzling. Nari’s eyes closed once more as she settled into place, determined to give the girl some rest, before forcing them both back to the reality. She knew there were things to do, there were always things to do. But for this moment…she didn’t care.

For the time being, things were peaceful. Even if there was turmoil to come, this moment, would last in her memories for time to come – a piece of Nari that would never die, never drop away. And she was determined to make it last as long as she could, willing to stay nestled until the other was ready to depart.

“Let’s just…rest for now, okay?”

Spoiler

Word Count: 185

 

[NIGHT 0]

she could barely register the words. and not because she hadn't tried, either. despite the fact that she'd just bawled her guts out, why did it seem that nari was still being that bit of an ass, the uncomfortable confidence, that sly remark she knew the woman had always been capable of?

"jerk," ren echoed back, colliding further into her companion. and though she was certain they had been out on the expedition for another purpose, night had rather preferred they stayed put, too.

“Let’s just…rest for now, okay?”

night didn't even have the energy to return the affirmation in words.

she clung onto nari, eyes forcing themselves shut. what was left of her wakeness came in a peaceful sigh before slumber took her whole. and the ruins were overgrown -- beaten and battered and broken, half-stitched and pulled together, held up only by a couple of boards now worn and weathered from the forces of nature.

but it didn't matter to them.

to night, she felt more like she was safe in a sanctuary.

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

Nari counted the passing of time, going through the many meditative paces that she had learnt in the real world, thinking back on events, planning for the future – doing anything to keep herself awake. For a time, she shut her eyes to the world, taking comfort in the feel of the sleeping girl in her arms; listening to the soft wind around them.

Nothing disturbed them, surprisingly to Nari. And as she opened her eyes, she realised that the light had begun to fade. A quick glance at her clock told her they had been here for hours, and Nari felt a sudden concern take over her – NIGHT had wanted to return before dark. Shifting slightly, she tried to wake the girl gently.

“Hey, NIGHT…sorry…” She gave the girl a few seconds to try and fight her way to consciousness, before continuing. “We should make our way back soon, before darkness falls…” She didn’t want to. If Nari had her way, they’d remain there, all night, but she knew that wasn’t an option – she knew they had to head home, sooner than later.

“How about we get you home, now…”

Spoiler

Word Count: 190

 

[NIGHT 0]

her sleep had been dreamless. empty. it was only when she woke that she discovered why.

though she'd barely remembered the last time she'd been woken by another person, she did remember the soft touch of her companion, the warmth of another being. and she sighed. night stirred from her slumber with a short breath exhaled. and at nari's direction, she'd wanted not to move.

darkness could fall. the whole of aincrad could've, and night would've chosen to stay right there.

(probably. she might've gotten to her feet had she known about what was causing the castle to descend, though.)

the player shook her head at the suggestion. "no," she whispered, through grogginess and disgust and sleep. "... no. i don't think i want to just yet."

and if she got the chance to lean in, she would've. night gave her response some pause before adding to it. "if we have to go, then take me back to your place. just for a while."

"-- no funny business. ...i promise."

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

She paused at the request, somewhat surprised at the choice. Her hesitation was the barest breath, before she forced herself to rise, lifting the girl as she went. She pulled her in close, as much to balance the limited amount of weight, as to keep NIGHT comfortable as they went.

She took one last look at the ruins before making her way back to the settlement, humming slightly as she walked. The path was barren as she went, and although she kept an eye out for anything dangerous, half-expecting Cardinal to throw something at them as they went.

As she entered the settlement proper, she pulled up her menu with her hand, trying to operate it without too much movement. Slowly, she removed the armour, spear and shield, the weight lifting from her slightly as she was left only in her turtleneck and leggings.

“Floor Twenty-seven, Ronbaru!” She called out softly as soon as they had reached the teleporter pad, leaving the lush jungles of floor six behind in a flash, before being enveloped by the darkness of her home floor. Stepping off the pad in Ronbaru, she made the familiar journey across the city to her own estate, carefully unlocking and opening the door as she arrived – making sure not to jostle NIGHT too much.

As she closed the door behind her, a familiar face appeared from within the kitchen, the upper torso leaning out. “Oh, hey you’re ba-“

A wave of Nari’s hand was enough to cut off the voice, nodding down towards the sleeping girl. Giving a second wave, she made her way upstairs, carrying NIGHT up to the master bedroom, before laying her on the bed. Glancing around, and realising that there was little other option, she crawled into the bed – seating herself against the wall beside NIGHT, leaning her head back against the wall and sighing softly. She was exhausted – completely worn out from the events, but she was determined to stay awake, to await the girl’s return to consciousness…to watch over her.

She closed her eyes, thinking on everything that had occurred. It had been an emotional turmoil, and Nari smiled in remembrance – realising that she had finally broken through the outer layer. ‘I won’t die, I won’t leave…but I may sleep…’

Spoiler

Word Count: 378

 

[NIGHT 0]

night had expected a verbal response, not a physical one. so when she found herself lifted once again (--looking like a knight arriving to save the princess--) her immediate instinct was to wonder if she'd woken up at all.

the next had been to fluster, watching the world around her shift to her other's whims. and she was no stranger to being hauled in said position, so it was a subconscious move that she clung on despite the fact that-- "n-nari...!" the player whispered, with what little breath she had preserved from her cry before. her voice was still strained. "i-- i can walk, you know..."

and still she hesitated on her complaints, body leaning in, wondering if there had been some hidden count keeping track of the player being carried upon two hands. night dizzied from the thought, and even more so while forced to listen to the rapid drumming of her heart as she was escorted out of the sixth. "l-look," she reasoned, voice soft as they left the ruins, "i know i'm tired, but i'm not that helpless."

but she gave up on the nature walk home. only realized the implications of having stayed in nari's arms once they neared the settlement, and then did the math work to estimate just how many players there should've been at these floors. it wasn't as though they were going to the first, right? and yet the embarrassment kicked in, night placing her hands on her face to cover it. for once, it felt as though no other reason for a flush could ever compare. her face lit up scarlet, trying to pretend there hadn't been prying eyes (there had, but it wasn't as though night knew if they would matter) as their walk took them to the teleporter.

“Floor Twenty-seven, Ronbaru!”

better. she'd just hide her face towards her companion instead. for ronbaru was desperately pretty, and it was a more welcoming sight than the jungle they'd spent time in. seeing an urban setting after a long time away was like being greeted with hope to the woman.

it was only at the final traces of their journey she remembered that nari hadn't lived alone.

(that was also the case why she hadn't wanted to go back to her own. needing to explain all of what happened would take 6 pages, each containing 20 posts in a thread on some obscure forum, and night didn't have the time nor energy to go through all of that.)

in some impressive showmanship, her friend had managed to unlock the door without too much expended effort. then her curious next thought had been perhaps onora was asleep, by some miracle, and so they'd slip in unnoticed.

had she glanced at the clock in her periphery, night would've guessed that was not going to be the case. then, and only then, when she saw the locks of gold pour past a divider in the kitchen's direction, she finally pretended to sleep.

(in doing so, she realized she could've done the same thing on their journey throughout.)

up the stairs they went. and night finally willed herself to crack open her sights. she wasn't familiar with the second floor, having only ventured on the first since the last time she had been present. and the steps only reminded her of the sinking feeling in her abdomen, despite the fact that there was no danger present. that she wasn't afraid.

she was certain there was a guest bedroom in such a large manor. it didn't matter how good her guess had been. and only night would've remembered the words -- "I meant like…my bedroom is mine. For now. Until I find someone who wants to share it. Because, you know, sharing is caring?" -- and instantly, she wondered hopelessly what they were.

friends(?) enemies(?) lovers(?)

the more she thought about them, being carried aloft, the more those tags fell to the wayside. and in being laid on soft fluffy down, she realized how exhausted she was. that the two of them might've been.

for once, she decided, she could let the historians figure this one out. for as piss poor at their jobs they had been, at least they had an answer where night herself did not.

when nari finally settled beside her, night curled herself up, facing towards her position. in reaching out for that hand, the only request she had left in her waking moments was simple.

faded puppy eyes were worked her way.

"sleep with me."

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

The voice startled her to wakefulness, pulling her from the edge of sleep. She felt her eyes snap open, her hand reaching outwards, as if trying to grasp something. And then it all came back.

“NIGHT! I thought you were asleep! I should g-“ The pause, as the words hit her, her mind suddenly catching up, perceiving and understanding what had been requested. “What?”

She glanced down at the girl, curled up, the eyes speaking the same request the words had said aloud just heartbeats ago. Nari felt herself freeze, her indecisiveness held in place as she tried to figure out how best to respond. Her mind and her heart battled, one fighting to stay, the other knowing it shouldn’t.

As those eyes stared at her, the longing, the hopefulness, the desire…Nari felt her resolve give way. Slinking downwards, she let herself curl up beside the other, reaching out towards her, grasping her hand.

“I…just this once…” Her voice a murmur as her exhaustion began to take hold. “And don’t think those eyes will work…every time…”

She felt her own eyes becoming heavy, the strength of holding them open becoming almost too much. She wanted to remain, to stay. But she knew it was a losing battle, that it would overtake her soon. And yet…she couldn’t bear to look away, not yet.

“Too cute…for your own good…” Her words were becoming fainter as she fought the sleep, determined to stay awake long enough to ensure that NIGHT was settled. “If I wake up…and you’re gone…too cute…”

The last thing she saw before the brief darkness, was NIGHT’s face, her own hand grasping for the other’s, trying to find that comfort in intertwined fingers. And as the darkness fell upon her, the same face slowly drifted into her dreams. ‘Those eyes…are going to get me into trouble…’

Spoiler

Word Count: 306

 

[NIGHT 0]

upon that pause, night hadn't faltered. chose not to repeat herself. if anything, part of her knew it was selfish to ask, and yet what lingered on from her initial question was the stare. when nari crumpled and gave in, that was when the player felt relief.

“And don’t think those eyes will work…every time…”

she hadn't been counting on it. likewise, she wasn't exactly sure what nari saw in those eyes. not having the advantage of knowing another person's perception left her with little benefits; she thought herself only so lucky when what she'd meant to ask for worked out well.

her gaze was half-lidded, drawing close to her companion. night hadn't let her hand stray from nari's. through sleepy words, the player only felt herself burn even more. and the thought of leaving the defendant's side -- "i won't," night returned, slumber reaching out with those inevitable claws, "not until you're awake with me. sleep with me."

(darkness could fall. the whole of aincrad could've, and night would've chosen to stay right there.)

the light through the windows to the room bounced between colours of autumn, only fading away to dusk once those hues faded in intensity. and in that stasis, time passed them by.

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

Nari awoke to find NIGHT laying beside her, awake and clearly having awaited her own departure of sleep. She felt that thumping in her chest again, mixed with a sudden question of whether she was truly awake or not. She decided, in that moment, she didn’t really care. She’d enjoy it, even if it was just her mind playing tricks on her.

“Good morning...how did you sleep?” She yawned, feeling her body stretch outwards as she slowly came to full consciousness. She remembered making her way home, laying NIGHT down to rest, and then…

"sleep with me."

The words were an echo in her ears, but as she heard them again in her mind, she felt her face flush slightly. Her hands – still somehow intertwined with NIGHT’s own – pulled the girl towards her, breaking the hold only to slither around her back and try to embrace her.

“So…breakfast…? Or a shower first?” She closed her eyes again, enjoying the comfort of the physical connection. She didn’t want it to end, but she knew that eventually they would have to get up. “You still owe me a grinding, you know that, right?”

The smile spread across her face, her words dipped in a light amount of humorous tone. She wasn’t quite ready to greet the world, and so she remained stationary, waiting until the girl made the first move to leave the comfort of the covers. ‘Speaking of which…when did these make their way on top…?’

Spoiler

Word Count: 245

 

[NIGHT 0]

she'd slept well. waking, not so much.

for one, stirring in someone else's bed had been a strange occurrence. because it had been cozy. because it had been comfortable and safe. and night had slept in places other than her bed -- she had many make-shift beds over her course in aincrad -- so it shouldn't have felt strange, moreso better than most other awakenings when opposed.

it was because of who she'd ended up laying with. it was because she had someone -- someone else to have woken up beside.

and so that gave way to a warmth in her system.

for another, while she'd been busy slumbering away her time and exhaustion, so too did the rest of aincrad scour her messages to verify her status. a missive from bistro. day had popped in to make sure she was safe. and a few more messages about some occurrence or another -- things she would address at a different time. she spent her time waiting for her companion to rouse from slumber by replying to the most important of them.

which left her with the third matter -- patiently waiting for nari. and though she'd sat herself up to aid in her waking, so too did she became aware of a variety of other things. her sullied tracksuit. her ragged appearance. night was sure she felt like she needed a shower, even as cardinal pushed boundaries to ensure its players never needed to feel that way.

what kept her sane was gently squeezing her hand against nari's held fingers. what kept her distracted was pulling the covers over her aid, keeping vigil, before reading through the news in her inbox. what kept her quiet was in wondering how she'd justify to onora her presence in her housemate's bedroom.

no funny business. she'd promised that much.

when her friend finally woke, night just watched. quiet, for a moment, until prompted. then she smiled. "better than you," she chided, watching the player pull her body together. in that flush she had observed, so too did night slip herself closer to the woman -- then they reassembled themselves into a comfortable intertwine.

messy... but nice. breathless. thoughts emptied. night was sure she was warmed from many reasons, image reddened. she let them. didn't think twice about the consequences for her reputation.

“So…breakfast…? Or a shower first?”

night knew her answer. though she wondered what they could get for food.

“You still owe me a grinding, you know that, right?”

right. she knew she'd forgotten something--

"a shower," night decided, hands working at the arms from the hug she'd been pulled into. sleepier now. how was it that she'd spent the whole time awake without a hint of it earlier? "and as for the grind, i have a place i frequent in mind."

"how does floor 24 sound to you? it's a beach," she'd explained if asked, "and the enemies are unusual, but it's a nice place to sight see. feeling up for it?"

[Nari-Lanreth 0]

She rolled over slightly, looking up at the ceiling and sighing a bit. “A beach does sound nice…and a shower. A shower sounds nice.” And then it occurred to her, and she felt her smile drop as she clued into the newest problem. Not looking away from the ceiling, she spoke again, her voice halting as she spoke out what had just occurred to her.

“Uhm…yeah….so about that shower…uhm…I only have one…” She felt her face redden again as she said it out loud. And then another thought occurred to her. “Shit! Onóra!”

She pulled open her menu, and immediately found the notification that she knew would be there. She opened the message, her eyes casting over it quickly, not even trying to hide it from NIGHT.

Quote

 

To: Nari

From: Onóra

Message: Saw you come in last night. When you and your friend are ready, breakfast will be waiting. Just message me so I can warm it. Hope you behaved – and don’t worry, I won’t embarrass you. This time.

P.S. I promise not to tell the story about the dress. ;)

 

She closed the message, groaning a little bit as she did so. Closing her eyes and hoping that she didn’t glow like the beacons of gondor, she silently cursed Onóra for her post script.

“Uhm…if you want you can go shower first…the water is nice. And there’s a bunch of different soap options…and towels! In the black cabinet. Beside the sink. And…hair dryer. Bottom shelf of the cabinet…and…well, I’m sure you can find anything you need in there…”

Spoiler

Word Count: 259

 

[NIGHT 0]

night followed the rollover, eyes kept on nari as she thought. she was curious at the fallen expression, but didn't have to wait for long.

“Uhm…yeah….so about that shower…uhm…I only have one…” 

that wasn't a problem. they'd take turns, right?

it didn't seem that way to nari. night felt a part of her want to let mischief take hold.

“Shit! Onóra!”

better the housemate than a stranger. the player held her companion's arm to her chest as she looked over the message drafted. and so much for the forewarning -- for the recipient's obliviousness had undone it so -- night placed her chin upon nari's shoulder as she listened to the explanation given.

a bathroom was a bathroom. she was sure she was capable of finding her way through even without the talk given, but it was appreciated nonetheless.

"--and…well, I’m sure you can find anything you need in there…”

hence, night leaned in, barely allowing the smirk to show on her face. and if she'd placed a kiss to the jaw of her companion, it was all a calculated move.

"so you'll be in there, then, i take it?"

she hadn't meant it literally. but it was fun to watch nari fluster.