3ulogy

Eulogy briefly panicked. “Why is there a mom? It’s not like they actually are born like that.” “Call it what you want.” Acanthus drew her sword. “It’s big, and it’s angry. Get out of here.” “Didn’t we both take out the field boss on floor nine? I’m perfectly capable in combat.” “Then explain why you aren’t wearing any armor, and you’re using that little steak knife. Are you even wearing an accuracy trinket?” Eulogy fumed at the remark. “Yes! I just hid the item when I equipped it, thank you.” “So a cheap knife and a pair of glasses. And you want to fight this?” The bea

“That’s… certainly one way to look at it.” “See, I knew you wouldn’t get it.” Eulogy began to sulk. “I… think I do. Maybe from a different perspective. But there’s something about reaching out to people I’ve never met. Even if I don’t always like meeting people, knowing that I can have an impact on a stranger’s life feels encouraging. It makes me want to help people no matter what.” “Ugh, you’re so wholesome. They should put you in a kid’s show.” Eulogy was ready to leave the conversation. He drew his dagger again, looking around the woods for another group of bears. He had to do som

“I’d rather you ask if I’d ever killed anyone, honestly.” “Why do you think I’m asking you this?” This girl was unrelenting. Eulogy sighed dramatically. “Whatever. I wanted to be a ninja growing up.” Acanthus gave him a playful shove. “Cut the shit, Eulogy. Everyone wants to be something like that as a kid. I’m asking about your real dreams.” “I… always thought it would be fun to stream video games. Maybe go pro. I was really good at League of Legends in the real world.” “I think I’ve heard of that game before. It’s a computer game where you play on a team of five against anothe

Eulogy pulled out his last two braciole, devouring them with gusto. Something about digital food just hit different. “Aren’t those the rewards for the beginner quest?” She eyed him with a bit of incredulity. Wasn’t she a little too observant. “Nah. It looks the same, but that’s just because I had someone craft them that way.” The answer satisfied Acanthus. Then she looked concerned. “You never told me your real life fact.” “Ah, I was hoping you’d forget. Fine; fire away.” “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Eulogy spit out a bite of braciole so big it nearly invalidated t

His first round of attacks missed one of the bears. It snarled at him, fur raised and teeth bared. Given its age and size, the bear didn’t do much to scare Eulogy. With a quick flourish, he brought his knife up again. In a blink, Eulogy was gone. The bear looked around for a brief moment before tumbling backwards. Two new gashes opened up on the cub’s side, bright red wounds with Cardinal’s signature lattice underneath. It was the game’s apology for violence—abstract the wounds so that they didn’t really look all that terrible. Eulogy hoped they would update that in a patch someday.

“So tell me something about the real world now.” Eulogy stood up from their break. “Let’s go find some bear cubs to kill first. Acanthus grimaced. “I’m still not sure why you won’t just look for bigger mobs to loot.” “Because this bugs you. Consider it part of my payment for becoming your personal appraiser.” “You know you can appraise items for yourself and for other people, right?” “Sounds boring, honestly. And dealing with people is a pain.” “You’re dealing with me right now.” Eulogy looked away from Acanthus. “I’m used to dealing with you. It’s not so bad.” He spri

“So he was a shithead.” Acanthus laughed. “Yea. He was a shithead. Anyways, one day he’d been in a particularly obstinate mood. Didn’t do any of his assigned work, flirted with all the women in the office—poorly, judging by their reactions—and spent most of the day texting his friends back home. This was before I’d learned not to rely on him, so I’d left an important task on his desk. It didn’t get done, and it became my fault. My boss yelled so loud the entire floor heard.” “So at what point does this become something bad?” “I swiped his phone just before he went on one of his hour-

“Nothing? But what about all the people going around killing other players?” “Wow, straight to player murdering. You must have some pretty pent-up aggression, huh?” “I killed a whole village of bandits.” Eulogy rolled his eyes. “Not just the men, but the women and children too.” Now Acanthus was memeing at him. Maybe she did know how to joke around. “Now we’re getting somewhere. But I want to hear about something you did in the real world. Like I said, this place doesn’t count.” “If I’m going to tell you about real life, then you have to tell me something about your real life to

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” Acanthus stopped drawing designs with her sword. “What a question to ask someone you barely know.” I think I know you just from our brief time in the game. “Just trying to break the ice. My apology for cutting you off from asking about real-life stuff.” “Personally, I’d rather talk about real life than the worst thing I’ve ever done.” “And I would not. C’mon, you don’t want to answer because the worst thing you ever did probably involved lying about your homework.” “Does lying by omission count?” Eulogy raised an eyebrow slowl

Fortunately, another set of bear cubs were nearby. He moved in, dispatching them ruthlessly. Acanthus made a soft, indignant noise. “They aren’t real,” he said simply. “I didn’t say anything,” she responded. “Those little noises you’re making,” he said angrily. “You can’t separate fake and real. I’ve seen it a hundred times.” Acanthus set her face in a scowl, but didn’t say anything. “You can go home if you’d like, Acanthus. But the nearest low-level mobs other than these bears are a few kilometers away, and in the completely wrong direction to finish the quest. So I’m going to do a little gri

Frustratingly, his energy gave out quickly. He opened his inventory and pulled out some food to consume. Acanthus had noticed how quickly he had stopped as well. “When I did some grinding, I was taking quite a lot longer before my energy ran out. So why does yours run out so quickly?” “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy?” Acanthus stared blankly. “It’s a meme,” Eulogy explained between mouthfuls. “You know what a meme is, right?” “Right. It’s a picture or phrase that’s developed an ulterior meaning through repeated communal use.” “Alright, Wikipedia. Take it down a notch.” Ac

“As if. You barely know me, Acanthus.” She had a funny look on her face when he said that, but didn’t say anything immediately. After a moment, she said, “just say the word and I’ll leave you alone, Eulogy.” “... Come on. Let's go find some mobs.” Eulogy took the lead. He recalled some low-leveled mobs that spawned in the north, around whatever village that was. He didn’t remember names because he didn’t need to. Acanthus regarded the woods outside the village with an air of curiosity. No doubt she’d been here before. While Eulogy was indifferent to her company, he wasn’t interested

The sun drifted lazily over their heads. “One more item. Shouldn’t take too long.” Acanthus observed the shadows through the trees. “I think we’ve got quite some time. Do you want to hit a few mobs on the way back?” “Didn’t you say you had places to be after this?” “We’re making good time. Unless you’d like me to leave?” Part of him was eager to be alone. But also… “It’s fine. I didn’t have anything planned either. But if you’re not part of the quest, why are you here anyways?” Acanthus fidgeted with one of the many buckles on her outfit. “Incorporating breaks into a busy s

Acanthus nodded in agreement. “First Few Lessons was miserable. I could barely find any materials. I thought I was going to have to take a second day just to complete the quest.” Eulogy cracked a smile. “It’s been years since I did any foraging myself.” “Oh, this was a few months ago, as a matter of fact.” Eulogy nearly dropped his second unappraised item. “A few months??” “Ah.” The girl appeared embarrassed. “I had a late start to the game.” Eulogy fought down some derisive comments. He managed a simple “that’s crazy, man.” How do you wait two years to start the game? The first

3ulogy watched with interest as Acanthus took the lead. It didn’t fit the profile he’d constructed for her. She was quiet, apologetic, prone to stumbling submission to the first person with a confident opinion. But here she was, twisting his arm into picking up a profession after all these years in the game. He wondered what had changed in her. “I’ve found our first gathering spot. I’m not allowed to pick materials for you, so you’ll have to do it yourself.” “I still don’t know why I can’t just kill mobs for my items.” Acanthus shrugged sympathetically. “I checked with Morningst

“Remind me again why I’m doing this for you.” Eulogy tramped through the woods, slashing foliage out of his way angrily. “Because you needed a demonic soundtrack made in less than a week. You owe me.” “I gave you all the materials!” He huffed in response. “But you still set back all my other orders for a week. Right before a raid, no less. Besides, you’re still making money on this, so I don’t know what you’re being so petulant. And how have you not picked up a profession yet anyways?” Eulogy had been a tailor at one point. But he hated keeping up his shop. It meant he had

‘To our friends who walk alongside us, we grant of you this blessing.’ Eulogy tossed the candle down to the lamplighter. “Friends are just people that don’t know each other well enough. Sure, I’ll bless the people that hang around enough to be useful, but no one stays much longer than that.” Eulogy looked at the lamplighter, who continued to stare expectantly. “Look at you, some stupid quest NPC. You probably don’t even have a family to go home to, or friends to talk to about your day.” “Actually—” “I wasn’t finished.” Eulogy smiled with hollow eyes as the lamplighter

Eulogy ducked out of sight just as Acanthus disappeared into the marquee to try out some weird dress thing. The less they interacted, the better off they would both be. After a few moments, Eulogy popped back out into the crowd, whistling nonchalantly. Again, he’d rather drag his feet over hot coals than deal with too many people, but stuff like this was always a good way to get good items and experience. Eulogy flipped through the sporadic info trickling out of the various info brokers—some of these people were fast. Unbelievably so. Eulogy wouldn’t be surprised if they were here right n

Eulogy heard of a wandering chef. He’d also heard the dishes were terrible. But there was no better place to stock up than Demian’s kitchen. Eulogy rifled through the selection, leaving shelves in disarray as he looked for just the right buffs. A little bit of accuracy, some protein… Whatever it would take to get his bonuses high enough to go and farm. There was no time to waste if he wanted to be the strongest player in the game. “Not sure how you ended up a cook, but you’d probably get more business if you stuck to towns, friend.” Purchasing. 2 crème brûlée. | ACC II 1 Gel

3ulogy trudged into the Evening Star, looking over the goods as if wondering just how watched-over the shop was. Seeing nobody but himself, he relaxed, although was ill at ease with the cat. “Probably some familiar making sure nobody runs off with anything. That’s probably for the best.” Moving over to the section of the store with trinkets, he glowered at the selection. “Glasses? Really? All the cool things you could have made and you chose the most mundane, real world thing ever.” He fished around in his inventory for a moment to pull out the materials. “Whatever. I’ll just go get somet

THREAD SUMMARY Experience: [Word Count: 3983/10 = 398.3] * [True Tier: 1] * [Group Factor: 1] = 398 + 800 = 1198 EXP Col: 400 (page) + 150 (looting) + 2000 (quest) = 2550 col (8) materials Zackariah’s Special Draught | Tierless Perfect HP Recovery Potion Initiate’s Draw | Dagger DMG 3 Big Bertha Braciole | (5x) T1 Rare Vitality Consumable (Snack) T1 Rare Weapon [237135a] T1 Rare Consumable [237135b] [237135c] T1 Uncommon Consumable [237134a] [237134b]

Buried at the bottom of the chest, there was a wet envelope. “Finally!” Eulogy grabbed the envelope from the bottom of the chest. He looked over to make sure Kohitsuji had hers too. “I think we’re finally ready to turn this quest in and move on.” The fisher rambled on and on, thanking them for finding the envelope (why was it even at the bottom of a treasure chest tossed into the river?). He told them about his woes, the tribulations he earned from the loan that the letter would repay… Eulogy snatched the damn thing from his hands with a “that’s crazy.” Not even Kohitsuji protested a

“Hey, hang on! I think I finally got it!” Eulogy pulled at his fishing rod eagerly. The weight carried a certain expectancy and excitement, and he couldn’t help but get caught up in it. With a final grunt, he tore the chest from the water and it tumbled onto the ground in front of him. “Good job, Eulogy!” Kohitsuji gasped. “And it’s such a big treasure chest too! I bet it has all sorts of things inside of it! Open it up and see.” Her comments felt patronizing. Of course the chest wasn’t any bigger than the one she fished up, but she placed herself in the role of bigger sister and encourag

“I’ll see you back at Pete’s, then,” he said sourly. Kohitsuji gave him a sympathetic look. “What do you mean? I’m going to hang out around here until you catch your chest.” “Well, don’t. You’re wasting valuable time when you could be finishing up the quest and moving on without me.” But Kohitsuji simply sat back down next to Eulogy, a little closer than before. She regarded him with a touch of sadness. “I don’t think I’m wasting my time. I’m just spending more time with a new friend.” Saccharine and foolish. “That’s really sweet of you.” Eulogy’s eyes misted up. “I… I really appreci

The minutes of fishing slipped by. Then Kohitsuji spoke. “You really think there’s a game dev here?” “Absolutely.” Eulogy spoke without hesitation. “Even the best programmers can’t account for everything. They need someone on the ground for bug fixes and patch implementation.” A fish swam by Eulogy’s bait. It took a small nibble, then darted off before Eulogy could set the hook. “Do you think it’s actually Kayaba?” The stupidity of the comment floored Eulogy. Choking down his initial thoughts, he responded, “I doubt it. You wouldn’t want to put the head of the game in the game itself