3ulogy

3ulogy slunk on to the bright-white beaches of Floor 24. He had never come here willingly—being on the same floor as the devil that hounded him constantly for appraisals felt like bad luck. But he had received an urgent message a few minutes ago from Solomon. The biggest party in Aincrad is going on right now. Half the frontlines are there chatting each other up. And plenty of nobodys on the scene as well. Find some people, talk them up. Glean some information about frontline activities. If you see anyone that may be interested in the cause, then that’s even better. Frontline activities.

"Why do have the need to fight players in the first place?" I don’t see why you care so much, were the words he caught on his way out. But he got the feeling she wouldn’t like that response, so he tried cooking up another thought on the fly. One that wasn’t entirely untruthful, but skewed a little more towards what a non-lethal orange player might expect. “I… I’d like to be able to defend myself. And there’s a lot about the Cardinal system I don’t understand. I’ve been stuck on the lower floors because I missed so much of the initial experience in the game. I tried sticking with all

THREAD SUMMARY Experience | 3639/5 * 2 = 1455 + 500 (quest) = 1955 EXP Col | 400 (bonus) = 400 col Other | 1 mon (PT) and Hermes’ Scale | Crafting Tool | Methodical: +1 CD when identifying items in one’s shop.

Today's Appraisals T4 Perfect Armor (All Heavy) | 249745 249746 249747 249748 249749 249750 249751 249752 249838 249839 T4 Perfect Armor | 249745 250261 | BD4 | CD9 | LD17 | | Damage or Accuracy 250260 | BD8 | CD4 | LD4 | | Taunt 250259 | BD6 | CD9 | LD5 | | Taunt T4 Perfect Armor | 249746 250264 | BD7 | CD1 | LD4 | | Taunt 250263 | BD7 | CD5 | LD4 | | Taunt 250262 | BD6 | CD5 | LD14 | | Damage or Accuracy T4 Perfect Armor | 249747 250267 | BD4 | CD9 | LD6 | | Taunt 250266 | BD4 | CD10 | LD13 | | Bleed or Paralyze 250265 | BD5 | CD4 | LD16 | | Damage

“A garrotte? That’s fucking sick. I didn’t even know you could get those in the game. What’s it like fighting with one? I feel like it’d be really hard to get into position.” Needs versus wants. 3ulogy was starting to place a few of the pieces. She was an orange players, but she didn’t like being an orange player. And that was fine. 3ulogy wasn’t keen on becoming one himself. Not that it would be the end of the world. He just enjoyed the protected status of being green, even if it cost him a little bit of the fun. “Yea, but I like what *you’re* doing. I didn’t stumble into a LA

In the distance, far beyond the distance of sound and sight, two pairs of sensory receptors observed the boy. If Hermes could tell they were being watched, he gave no indication. He was not programmed to. <<An interesting User. His only directive seems to be ignoring his directives.>> CORRECT. HIS DECISION TO OBTAIN THE SCALES OF HERMES IS UNEXPECTED. WE WERE CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAD INSPIRED HIM. <<What have you learned.>> NOTHING. The voice sounded frustrated. HE ACTS WITHOUT REASON. HEADSTRONG YET WEAK-WILLED. CAPRICIOUS YET CALCULATING. HIS TALENT

Hermes grinned. “Congratulations. You passed.” 3ulogy looked up at the god in disbelief. “I’m sorry, that was it?” “Would you like a harder test?” “No, no sir. I’m good with this one. It just didn’t seem that hard, is all.” “I’m not so sure about that. I tend to have a good eye for trials, and I think I made your sufficiently hard. Maybe not the most difficult thing you will ever do, but difficult nonetheless.” 3ulogy did not want to admit that the NPC was right. It was difficult to imagine the thought of stepping forward—not because he was asked or because others expe

“That person isn’t here.” “You don’t—ugh!” Eulogy threw his hands up. “I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain this to you. You think that just because someone isn’t here in the room, you’re magically absolved of all obligations to them? Picture this: I walk away. I go back to the shop. Acanthus comes by with another metric fuckton of items to appraise. And she asks me why I didn’t complete the quest. And I tell her—” “—you didn’t want to.” Hermes finished the thought for him. The interruption caught Eulogy off guard. NPCs usually didn’t have the dialogue options to cut off a pla

“Your quest is simple: move forward.” “What the fuck? Are you an NPC or a therapist?” Hermes repeated himself with no trace of impatience. “Move forward.” Eulogy held firm. “No.” “May I ask why?” “Because you asked. I’m tired of people asking me for shit. Acanthus barges in and says ‘do this,’ so I do it. Quests are just a bunch of ‘do this, do that, don’t do this.’ And I’m gonna be real with you: mostly because you’re just another stupid fucking NPC that won’t remember this once I leave, so I don’t have to worry about you running off to tattle on me. But I’m gonna be

At the end of the speech, 3ulogy did his best to act interested. He had not heard a single thing the god had said. But Hermes still smiled. “Oh, you’re still here? I’ve found that tends to knock at least a few hopeful appraisers out of the running.” “Excuse me?” Hermes chuckled. “It was just a little joke. I give a painfully long speech, and I see how many people listen, how many people tune me out, and how many people leave. Was this part of the quest? 3ulogy’s interest shifted from feigned to real. “And yes, I can tell. The way your eyes moved around the room, never stayed foc

“Our profession is a noble one. Appraisers hail from a long lineage of the diviners of old: those that could process the will of the gods and place a measure of that will into a bespoke object. These items, devoid of substance and perception, are clay in the appraisers hand, eager for shape and purpose. Thus, these weapons reflect the men and women who mold them into their will. You, too, are clay to be shaped and formed, and the tribulations you face outside of the workshop will reflect those that you face inside of it as well. Though you may find the dangers less lethal, you will find them n

“Alright, Hermes, I guess I’ll see what you’re cooking today.” He tapped the doors; just as expected, they gave way under the slightest touch. He walked through the doors without further thought. “Ah, a guest.” Hermes smiled down at 3ulogy from his throne. He was adorned in traditional grecian splendor: a white robe and laurel crown, with his signature winged sandals tucked to the side of his throne. Probably for quick getaways. Hermes was the coolest of the gods, at least. Better this quest than, like, Demeter. I bet her quest sucks ass. “It is a pleasure to meet new appraisers that

The massive gates lay before him. Always the overly grand, way too large doors. The gods here had a flair for the ostentatious. “Here it is, bud.” He paused before touching the doors. It would likely trigger the next phase of the quest. “You don’t have to be here, anyways. Not like Acanthus has a gun to my head over this. And I’m really missing like a, what, an eight percent increase in efficiency? In a trade I don’t really even like that much. I could just go home, tell her I failed it—if she even asks, because she doesn’t know I’m here right now. Yea, that’s what I’ll do. I’m tired anyw

“I’ll wait outside anyways.” There was Elpis, acting weird again. As petulant as she had been right at the start of the quest, she remained helpful. Just like her programming allowed. “Yea, yea, sure. Wait here. I’ll be back. Soon, hopefully.” Without waiting for a response, Eulogy wandered into the cheery halls of Olympus. He detested the brightness and white marble halls. Something about it seemed so plain and out of place all at once. Everywhere else in Aincrad seemed to focus on the medieval vibe, with a lean on fantasy. This setting was fantastic alright, but it was grounde

“Ok, hard like ‘kill strong things?’ or ‘demands a lot a skill?’ Or some secret, mysterious third thing?” Elpis smiled mysteriously. “I don’t know. His quests tend to be very playful. For some reason, that infuriates a lot of the appraisers that come to him. They are often very down-to-earth types.” “I’m not really much of an appraiser. I got bullied into it.” “That’s interesting.” Her eyes flashed. “You don’t seem like the type to get bullied.” Before Eulogy could ask what the hell that meant, a booming sound redirected his attention. They had arrived at the gates of Olymp

The strangeness of Elpis’s remark reminded him. It was all just a game. He breathed a little easier. “Sorry Elpis,” Eulogy chirped. “Lost in my thoughts, I guess.” Elpis gave a non-committal grunt. “Suit yourself. We’re almost to Olympus anyways.” The mountain loomed over the seventeenth Floor with a sense of ominous dominion. Despite only being a part of crafting and gathering quests, it displayed itself with such a prominence that 3uolgy couldn’t help but feel like the place was the center of the floor’s story, if not all of Aincrad’s. Probably some floor designer that loved G

“You’ve got a strange look in your eye,” Elpis said warily. “Everything alright?” “Hm?” Eulogy blinked. NPCs could respond to facial expressions as well? That was a cause for concern. He had hoped that being in the game, he wouldn’t have to mask around NPCs. But if NPCs could recognize minute facial expressions, would they retain those thoughts? Would they talk to other NPCs… or even other players? It was probably just something about quest NPCs. Cardinal wouldn’t have given that level of discernment to every single nobody that it spit out to fill backdrops. “Aincrad to three-ulogy!

In the end, Eulogy settled on a brisk walk. They had started at a clipped jog, but Eulogy loathed the thought of too much effort on his part. He wanted the quest done quickly, but not if it winded him. Elpis filled the silence as they traveled. She rambled on about the flowers and grass of floor seventeen. She talked about the animals and monsters and— “Hang on. There’s monsters on this floor, right?” Eulogy looked around with an air of suspicion. “How come I haven’t seen any monsters?” “Oh, well that part is simple. I’m a good guide.” Elips grinned. “Whenever you’re with me, th

“Such a helpful guide,” Eulogy growled. “Do you treat all your players like this?” Elpis smiled again. “Just the rude ones.” Eulogy took a moment to assess the situation. He normally did not feel the need to mask around NPCs because it didn’t matter what they saw, or thought, or perceived. It wasn’t any different than being mean to a tree, or choosing the evil path in a video game. Being rude in games rarely had any consequence. But that was not the case here. “I apologize.” Eulogy stood up and bowed deeply. “If I caused any offense, I hope you will forgive me. I am eager to arrive q

Eulogy did his best to keep the satyr in his field of vision. But the damn thing was too fast, and had near limitless energy. Out of breath, Eulogy found a rock to stop on. His guide disappeared off in the distance. “Must be a glitch,” Eulogy grumbled. “Stupid thing is gonna run all the way to Olympus. How far is it, anyways?” With a slow glance up, Eulogy’s stomach sank. It was far. Very far. How far had they come?? Eulogy thought he had been running for hours, but the main settlement was still visible on the horizon. Olympus was also visible, but only barely. It had to be at least twenty kil

I’m not here to think about some stupid players that want to leave. I’m here to speedrun this quest so I can go back home and do whatever I want. Probably not appraisals. Eulogy scanned the crowd, looking for NPCs that seemed quest relevant. His map told him that his contact would be nearby. A tall, female satyr stood casually near the gate. His HUD pointed her out as his next step. “Alright, let’s get this quest going,” Eulogy said, walking up to the satyr. She smiled broadly. “Greetings, traveler, my name is Elpis, and I’ll be your guide today.” “Don’t really care, Elpis. Just

Floor Seventeen was particularly busy today. Eulogy had only been here a few times, and never for long. The first time was running an errand for Kohitsuji. The second was to scout the place out and see whether it would hold up as a good floor for experimentation. Eulogy had determined with some reluctance that the place would not be good. Too many NPCs, too many sightlines, and those NPCs all had strange, hard to pin down schedules. Getting discovered here would be far too easy. All the weird Greek history and stuff never appealed to him. In a videogame where a person could go anywhere an

Eulogy’s hand hovered over the delete button. It sounded like a nonsense busy quest. But he had promised… “She’s just going to come knocking down my door if I don’t do it myself. All ‘oh, how have you been,’ and ‘I noticed you’re finally level two, now go do that quest! I need those uniques!’” Eulogy rolled his eyes. “Seriously, this is already getting to be such a drag.” He stopped for a moment, as if expecting Acanthus to barge through his door that very moment. After confirming he was safe, he returned his attention to the message. His finger still stood mere centimeters away from dele

I don’t need anything, Eulogy thought angrily. I was perfectly content to enjoy the game as a no-name low leveler until she barged into my existence again. And now here I am, slaving over appraisals for her. A system message interrupted his mental tirade. Probably Acanthus, asking how things were going. But it was not Acanthus, but instead from… Zeus? Not a player by that name, but some kind of NPC. It was inviting him out to Olympus to engage in a quest to further his appraisals. Eulogy scratched his head. He didn’t remember encountering this quest before as a tailor. Maybe he had never

Eulogy labored monotonously in his little workshop. Press the button, hold the button, review the item, junk the item. Next unidentified thing. Press the button, hold the button, review the item, junk the item. “UuuuuUuUuuuuuUuuGH.” Eulogy threw the three-millionth item at the wall. The tin of red paste shattered on impact. Oh no, he thought sarcastically. 220 col down the drain. He could afford the hit after Acanthus had stopped by with Cardinal knew how many unidentified items—and a boatload of col as well. “You can spend it however you like,” Acanthus explained cheerily. “As long