Noctua

She focused on the Giant Bat, or at least, she thought that she was. She was utterly stuck in the dark, and she didn't like this at all. All because she couldn't even see three feet in front of her own face. This was going to be a horrible fight, and she knew it, but she wasn't going to stop from trying her hardest to win. To show that she wasn't useless all the time. Or was that just how she felt about herself? That would probably make a little sense, but then, with all the lies that she had been told since she met Koga, she didn't know what to believe anymore. She knew one thing though, Athena's white feathers seemed to pull the Giant Bat's attention, because it missed her, completely. She didn't mind that at all, and she went to charge her own sword art to attack the bat.

Of course, she saw that her rapier's blade was turning purple, and the more that she thought about everything, the darker it started to turn, until it was black. That was when she released the skill, in the general direction that she had heard the thud from the giant bat hitting the wall. Only, she missed, and she knew it, because she felt her blade hit the wall, and the vibrations that came afterwards seemed to agitate her already hurt hand more. She was not liking this fight at all after all, but she wasn't going to give up. She wasn't going to fall down and give in. Furthermore, she was going to win this, she just has to believe in her herself. Like she had before when he was by her side.

She moved and listened to her surroundings. She was going to win this fight, she just knew it.

She kept her hand on the wall as she walked. This was at least going to be able to help her guide herself around this dark cave. Of course, her hand was pulsing and hurting, but that was fine. It kept her thoughts from wavering to a darker place. A place that no one would want to see her go to. A place where her friends list would be emptied, and no one would hear from her again. That was a place that she didn't want to delve into, she felt like she was already there once more, and she didn't want to go back. She didn't want to chance losing whatever reconciliations that she would be able to make in the future. She didn't want to lose those who would actually forgive her and mean it, and not give her a lie. Yes Koga, you lied to her when you said that you forgave her, oh wait, you never did forgive her, did you? No, you even told her that you didn't believe her, without even realizing how much that hurt her. You thought only of yourself, and now look at what it's done to Noctua, she's not the same.

She's broken, a shell, a husk. The same thing that she had called you. But, you showed your remorse, your true self for a split second, then ran away from her again. And now, here she stands, in a cave, trying so hard not to let the tears fall down her face. She knew that they were there. She knew that she was still going to call Koga her own, even if he never said the same thing about her in return. No, she had to chase away these demons, alone, and in the dark. She needed to do this for her. She had to find some kind of way to get over the man who broke her. To forget the man that had given her so many empty promises. To forget the man that gave up on fighting for her, and just, left her behind. There was nothing left there for her now, and she was able to see this.

She was able to see that she was going to be better off alone. She just needed to prove that now, and that was going to be the hardest part of this entire thing. But, she was going to fight for herself, find new ways to distract her mind so that she could sleep again. Find new ways to get stronger, to be able to do things on her own. And it all started right here, and right now. Just as she was thinking this, she heard the sound of something flying toward her, but Athena was still on her shoulder. That meant one thing, a fight.

No, that wasn't him. She was alone, purely alone. Her mind was playing its tricks on her. Showing her the exact reason why she doesn't like to sleep anymore. She quickly shook her head, only to feel Athena perched on her shoulder. "Athena, please remind me that we are alone." The owl hooted lowly and rubbed her feathered head against Noctua's. That didn't seem to help fully though, the image of Koga was still right in front of her face, and it was angering her as she walked. He wasn't getting closer or further away. He wasn't fading, he was just right there the entire time that she walked. So, she stopped and closed her eyes tightly. She watched as white blotches and stars entered her vision instead of the man that she was trying so hard to forget. When she opened her eyes again, he was gone, and she was alone in the dark.

Knowing that he was no longer in her vision, she started to walk once more. She wanted to be able to pay her fullest attention to finding this little girl, so that she can take the child back to her mother. A mother and a daughter should never be separated like this. It was too late for Noctua and her mother, that relationship was destroyed so long ago. But, that didn't mean that Noctua couldn't help a child in this game, even if it was just an NPC family. It was still a family. Still someone who needed help. So, she was going to do that. She was going to help. She was going to be useful. Furthermore, she was going to stay alone so that she could do just that.

As she walked, she felt something in front of her, but it was just a wall of the cave. She sighed lightly and leaned against it for a few moments. "I really am hopeless alone, aren't I?" She knew that it was a thought that she shouldn't think, but it was hard not to think it when she was standing alone, in a dark cave, that she couldn't see anything in. She felt her anger boiling from deep down once more, and she balled her fist, before punching the wall of the cave. The usual hexagon showed up, showing that it was unkillable, and she didn't care. She didn't care about that pain that was in her hand. She didn't care about anything, but proving to herself that she was able to do this without being some stupid damsel in distress. She wasn't playing that fairy tale gig again. No, not anymore.

She stopped at the entrance of the cave, she had given up on trying to find materials, her luck wasn't with her today. That was to be expected, her heart wasn't into anything, if it was even with her anymore. They always say that home is where the heart is, but what if your heart has been broken so badly that it just can't seem to be found? That was a question that hurt to think on, so much. She didn't want to think on it, but there it was, right in the front of her mind, almost as if she could read the words in the air in front of her. She had told Koga that she'd leave Japan for him, and now, she didn't want to do that for him anymore. Well, she did, but she didn't want to think of it like that. She wanted it to be for herself, but there was nothing out there for her anymore. Yeah, she told Alkor that she would go to Korea, but, she didn't think that she could even do that anymore. That was where she and Koga were supposed to go when they got out of this death game.

But this death game killed Noctua, not physically, but mentally, emotionally, she wasn't the same anymore, and she was starting to notice this fully. "I can be tough and strong. I have to do everything for me now. Koga be damned." Yes, she knew exactly where she was trying to put her mindset. She wanted to be able to believe that she'd be better off on her own. But, even though her heart was shattered and the pieces missing, she knew what it wanted. Her heart wanted Koga by her side. She wanted to hold his hand, to feel his embrace again. Just the pure thoughts of this made her ball her fists. She didn't need him. She hadn't needed him before, she didn't need him now. He didn't need to be here. He didn't need to be constantly by her side.

Sure, she'd feel whole again, but if being pushed aside was the response to feeling whole, it wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth that. With all of this in her mind, she walked into the cave, only to quickly walk into a wall of pure darkness. Darkness and cold. "Shit." The single word could be heard before she started to slowly walk the cave. She listened to anything that might be around. She knew that the cave was going to be dark, but this was something else entirely different. This wasn't dark, this was what happened when she closed her eyes. Speaking of closing her eyes, was that Koga?

She knew that there was nothing in the entire world that was going to be able to replace him in her heart. She had found the one that she was meant to be with, and he pushed her aside after she told him what happened. Pushed her aside instead of trying to talk to her. Pushed her aside instead of trying to at least fix things enough to be friends. With her gaze still being kept looking for any kind of materials, she kept walking. She saw the cave that she was supposed to go into to find this missing child. She knew that there was going to be some monsters in there. But, there should be some light for her to be able to see where it was that she was going. She was going to be fine, and she knew it. She just needed to get over there and make sure that she was able to do something good for once. Do something that was helpful. Not be the useless person who just sat in an inn room or her shop doing nothing to progress on the floors with the rest of the players who wanted out.

Koga had given her something to do, something to look forward to, and now he wasn't in her life anymore, and if he was, he was cold and distant. He was there, but not there, and no matter how much she wanted to hug him and help him out of his pain, she knew that she couldn't. He couldn't even stand to look at her, no matter how much she tried to fix things, there was no fixing something if the other party didn't want it to be fixed. There was no point in caring about someone if they weren't going to care about her. That was something that actually made her cry a little when she thought about it. Because it made her think about the promises that they had made each other so long ago. "They were all just lies," the words were murmured before she could even stop them. Hearing them said out loud though, made everything seem different.

Was this the different perspective of everything that she needed to see it from? Was this the only way that she was going to be able to get past things? She wanted to hold onto the good times that they had together, but the more that she looked at them from someone else's point of view, the more that she felt like she could feel the lies. See them. Hear them. Everything, everything had just been a giant lie in the past, and she was starting to see that. The 'I love you's' and the promises, they were all lies. Painful and regretful lies.

She knew of at least one thing that was going to happen after this quest today, she was going to go back to the shop and actually attempt to craft. Why? Because she missed making things that helped the lower leveled characters. She took a moment to check her inventory, and noticed that she had no materials basically. Okay, she has a single tier one material, but that wouldn't allow for her to do anything. So she was going to need more. Perhaps she could look for some materials on her way to the cave? She shrugged at the thought, but did just that. She kept her eyes open and alert for anything that she might find, she knew that sometimes materials could just fall from the sky, it's happened to her before. As she walked though, she wondered how the others were doing. It was a habit that was hard to break, she always worried about other people above herself. Perhaps she should change that too?

That would be an interesting thing to see really, Noctua no longer putting others before herself. But if that were to happen, would she change too much for her to be able to say that this blasted game hadn't affected her? She doubted that really. If she were to turn selfish, she'd be no better than Koga and his sister. That thought actually made her laugh a little, which worried not only herself, but Athena as well. The white owl slowly lowered herself to Noctua's level before perching on the girl's shoulder. Athena attempted to rub her head against Noctua's but Noct shook her head instead, "Not right now Athena." The owl looked taken aback, or at least, that's how it would look to someone if they walked past Noctua and Athena at the moment.

This was also way beyond Noctua. She never pushed the owl away, but there was a minor problem with Athena right now, she was a constant reminder of the Koga that Noctua had known. A painful reminder. A reminder that told the woman that she man she had fallen in love with was gone. But, she knew that she couldn't completely push the bird away, but right now, it just hurt. She was thinking about Koga without wanting to, and it was hurting Noctua's soul. It was making her feel like she has nothing else for herself, but that blasted idiot.

She had no idea where she was even going, she just knew that she was looking for a cave. She was guessing that it wasn't the same cave as the free lessons on the first floor, mainly because she wasn't on that floor anymore. But, she had never actually taken the time to explore floor two or do any of its quests. She wasn't going to let that stop her though, she had her new goals, level up on her own. That wasn't so hard to do right? Of course, Koga always had a group to do his leveling with, perhaps this is what was going to make her stronger than him. The pure fact that she wasn't scared anymore, and that she was going out on her own. The more that she thought about Koga though, the more that her heart seemed to hurt, to bleed. She knew one thing though, she wanted to so badly beat the crap out of Koga's little sister. But that still went against everything that she believed in.

Even the first time that Tala had pulled this crap, she still went and saved the little brat. But now, now Noctua wanted to make the brat disappear. But, she was certain that would hurt Koga and Yukiro both. While she hadn't seen Yuki yet since Koga found her, she was certain that the brat hadn't stayed away from him. She stopped in her tracks for a moment, making the owl above her head screech in confusion. There was anger just radiating off of Noctua at this point, she just wanted things to be normal, to be right. But that wasn't going to happen because of some little brat who might love her brother a little too much. Had anyone else noticed that? Or was it just Noctua who noticed this? It was irritating and aggravating, enough of an anger inducing thought that it made Noctua want to actually pull her hair out right then and there.

But, she wasn't going to. She forced herself to start moving once more, still not knowing exactly where it was that she was headed. But, that was alright, let her get lost, she might just be able to get rid of this anger. Or, she could find the cave faster, beat up some monsters in there, and feel better. All of this was just pure speculation of course, because things never worked in her favor like that. Never.

She stared at the note that he had left when he left her sleeping in the inn room alone. They'll always be yours. She knew that it was to be expected that he wouldn't have stayed, but she didn't expect him to leave the necklace and the ring. She didn't want to wear them though, nor look at them. So she had thrown them into her storage to not really be seen from. She didn't know if her sleeping a day away was a good thing. She felt a tear fall from her face, and she quickly wiped that away, and any others that thought it would be cool to join it. Soon she slid the note into her pocket. It was possibly the only thing that she had that actually had his handwriting on it. Honestly, she probably should have thrown it into her storage as well, actually, that is what she did real fast. There, now she didn't have to worry about that distraction either, just her mind wanting to play its normal tricks on her psyche. Which, let's face it, was already gone at this point. Even Athena hadn't been able to bring the real and true Noctua back.

That Noctua was probably gone, and she didn't want to think about that. Koga had told her not to worry about him, but confessed that he didn't want her to die, but then just left her. Thinking on all of that, made her mind bring back the conversation with Alkor. She didn't know if Koga was coming back to her or not, and it was starting to mess with her head more than she was willing to admit to anyone. It was already known that she hadn't slept for days after her conversation with Koga and Alkor happening in the same day. While she was grateful for Alkor helping her distract herself from her woes for a time, it hadn't helped when she had gone back to her inn room. Then seeing Koga and possibly getting a glimpse of the man that she loved, and then seeing him leave once more, that seemed to just widen the hole that was starting to form where a heart should be.

She was sitting on a bench in the center of Urbus when someone approached her. She was ready to tell the player to go away, when she noticed that it was actually an NPC with a quest for her. So, she shrugged lightly and listened to the NPC. Something about some kids playing in a cave and one not back yet. So, a rescue mission? That shouldn't be too hard for her to do on her own. She knew that she should probably find a new group of people to go and level with, but getting close enough to Koga and Yukiro was hard enough on her, and look at how that has worked out for her. She smiled warmly though, something that seemed to be easier to fake when it was someone whom she didn't know well enough, and she accepted the quest. With the quest accepted, she pushed herself from her bench, and started out of the town. Athena was flying above her head, the white owl worried.

If this was going to be in a cave, was Noctua going to be able to see? Probably not, but it wasn't like Noctua was an expert in hitting things that she could see after all. Perhaps she just needed to be forever blind? She doubted that, but it seemed to be the only logical explanation right now. Even with Koga, she had only really been able to hit things in the dark. Unlike him. He almost killed her. No, her mind didn't let her forget that either. She had stared down his katana's blade when he had managed to stop his attack in time. She hadn't blinked, and she hadn't moved, she had been willing to take that death at that time, thinking that it might have made things better for him. But now, no now she was going to show him that she didn't need him. If he didn't want her to worry about him, then he shouldn't need to worry about her either.

She actually laughed lightly at his statement, a sound that hadn't been heard in her own ears in a while, nor the white owl who looked at them. "You've got me there. Our conversation has been nice at least, much better than the one I held earlier today." Which was something that she never, in a thousand years, thought that she would ever say about a conversation with Koga. That conversation was still rolling around in her mind, making her wish that she could just forget it, but that wasn't how an eidetic memory worked. It was there to forever torture and agonize Noctua. She looked at the moon though, she knew the Greek creation myth, but not the Japanese one.

"I can't say that I do. I know the Greek creation myth, but never really had the time to go through and learn about all the other creation myths yet." She had planned on doing that during breaks from playing the game. But, well, everyone can see how well that was going. She was, instead, stuck in a death game, and she didn't know what she wanted to do anymore. She couldn't take a step into her shop, because she didn't know if she wanted to see Koga. Likewise, she couldn't really frequent any place where he might be as well. Yes, she was in the denial and avoidance stage of everything that has happened in the past twenty-four hours.

She thought on what he said, she'd still be herself, but changed still. But was it going to be a good change or a bad change? That was the biggest question, and sadly, it did transfer to the thought of Koga as well. She pushed that all to the side, as she looked to the water once more. It really was calm and serene out here, she just might have to come back again another time.

She looked back at Alkor after a few minutes. "Perhaps a conversation a little less sad would be good for the both of us right now." She managed a small chuckle before thinking for a moment longer. "The only bad part, is that I suck at creating conversations." She sadly had a very valid point on that, she only ever felt comfortable creating conversation topics with Koga, because they had been making plans for when SAO was finally defeated.

But around strangers, she had usually left it up to the other person, or Koga would strike up some kind of conversation. She really was a horrible socialite, and she probably needed to change that before the game was defeated. Or else she might not make it far in the world that she wanted to create for herself when they were to get out.

Who was she kidding really, was any college actually going to take her when she states that she was stuck in this game for however long it took to be able to get out? She didn't know, but she was still going to try. It never hurt to try, right? "I want to say that this plan is going to work, but you do have a point, things will have changed by the time we get out. But, holding onto that plan keeps me sane enough I think."

She lightly stroked the sleeping owl's feathers as she thought for a moment. "Have you ever wondered how much this game might affect us? I mean, more along the lines of, do you think those who have changed inside the game, if they'll be changed on the outside too?" That question might have been a bit too deep, but she was curious, and she wanted to keep her mind off other things. So, ask the questions that peak her curiosity, and she might be able to stay away from things that will make her want to cry, again.

"Sorry, you don't have to answer that one. It's more just my curiosity coming out to keep other things buried." She gave him an apologetic smile, hoping that he understood that she really didn't expect an answer on that question. That wasn't going to be exactly an easy question to answer after all.

She didn't know what his struggles were, but at least the things that she told him seemed to help him a bit. Or at least, that was what she wanted to tell herself. She saw the smile, and she had noticed that it seemed to be a bit sadder than it had been moments before. That might have been because of her words, or perhaps it's because she said something that resonated with him. She wasn't about to ask and chance making the mood even more depressing.

Her mind was already depressing enough right now, she didn't need to make the outside more depressing as well. She did smile a little though with a nod, "It never hurts to try and plan out how you want to do things when this is all over. For instance, I plan to leave Japan and go to either the States again, or just go to Korea. Study mythology in one of those two places y'know." Yes, that was her plan, and yes, it did involve the promise that she had told Koga so long ago.

Was he going to keep it? She didn't know, but she wasn't going to dwell on that. She needed to think for herself as an individual now, right? Not only that, but she needed to make plans based on what she wanted and not what they both had wanted. Yes, it might take her a little to try and get out of the 'we' mindset still, but it was worth a try to make sure that she was happy. Or at least as happy as she could make herself.

Funny how she was starting to feel like she could think of herself as a singular person, but she did wonder how long that was going to last. How long before she felt like she needed him back in her life. Who was she trying to kid, she wanted him back now, but there was no way that she was going to go crawling at this point. Not with his final words to her earlier today. No, if anything, he could crawl back to her. Yeah, that was a good plan, let's see if it actually works.

@Alkor

She watched as Koga paid for the room, before looking st Athena. The owl wasn't going to want to leave her canine friend, and Noct didn't blame her. It was bad enough that all of her strength was currently being taken up by the will to not pass out again. Deep in her thoughts, she completely missed the fact that Koga was already headed to the room. At least, not until she felt alone. Odd to say when in an inn in a town, but that was how she felt.

She quickly caught up to him quick enough, though using the last of her reserve energy. She looked around the room, noticing that Athena was basically burrowed into Okami now, and yes, she heard Koga. "I'm sorry." The words were almost whispered at this point as she sat on the edge of the bed. She didn't look at him, keeping her, very tired, gaze on the room's door.

"I'll go get my own room instead since you'll be staying here." Honestly, she might just use that as a cover to escape back to the tenth floor. But, maybe not too? She was still confused, but she did remember one thing.

"Thank you."

@Koga

She laid her head on her arms as she listened to him. Her gaze was solely focused on the man as he talked. She didn't know exactly how she could help him, but, he did seem to feel a little better after talking over everything. She thought for a moment though, before lifting her head.

"If it helps, I learned to cope by throwing myself into my artisan work, or cooking for myself and my friends." At least, when she had them. "For me, the mindless concentration on something other than what I have done wrong or what has been bothering me made it easier. That, or I talk to this pretty girl right here." With that, she gently stroked the white owl's feathers.

"Athena here is the one thing that I know won't tell my secrets. Judge me, well, she has her ways of doing that, but she also helps me remember who I used to be if I fall too far into, well anything. Lately, it's been sleepless nights and turning into a royal pain." She stopped talking for a moment and smiled just a little. "Then there are moments like this, where just a small, albeit vague, conversation can help as well."

She continued to stroke the white feathers of the owl as Athena moved to her spot in Noctua's lap, forcing the woman to move her legs so that they were crossed over the other. "When the game is over, and we are able to get out, I say, do everything that you can to make sure that those whom you pushed away or ran from the responsibilities of, just try to make things right? I know that I've got to do that myself, and it does scare me a little, but, if it means having that support outside this game, it's well worth it."

@Alkor

Athena quietly flew down to the wolf's back and made herself a perch there. Only she bundled up into herself when she closed her eyes. With that, the owl was quietly sleeping on Okami's back. Just like old times almost. It made Noct smile a little, though it was faded and exhausted. At least those two were able to get past everything that had happened.

She looked at Koga, thoughtful for a moment before she focused back on the road to town. "Okay." She didn't say anything else on the matter of his selfishness, and she couldn't either. She just didn't know what to say. Everything was just... confusing to her, and she didn't like it anymore. She missed knowing where she stood in his life, and she doesn't know that anymore, which hurt a bit.

As they entered town, she just nodded and followed him, she didn't know what to say at this point. So, she just quietly followed and waited. What was she supposed to say after all? She thought about her conversation with Alkor, was this Koga coming back? Or was he just going to leave again? Too many questions for her exhausted mind.

@Koga

As she listened, she thought about Koga. She wondered what it was that he could tell her about the time that she had been gone. She knew that she had messed up by leaving, but, there had to have been something that made him think that she was dead? Honestly, she was on his friends list, had something glitched to show that she was dead? She didn't know, and there was a part of her that didn't want to know, while the other part of her did want to know. Life was just confusing all around right now.

"So, I should theoretically let him have his alone time and let him think? It might even do me some good as well." She knew that she was right on that, she should give herself some time to figure out what it was that she truly wanted. She knew that she didn't want him out of her life, that much could be easily seen as she sat there crying while admitting what it was that was bothering her. But there was the worry that she'd lose him more by doing that. Decisions, why did they have to be so difficult.

She, finally, looked at Alkor though, and managed a small laugh, "It's funny how things work out like that. Since you listened to my woes, my offer still stands if you would like to talk as well, it wouldn't be fair after all." Her words ended with a warmer smile than she had had before, which was probably a good sign. She didn't know if he wanted to leave or want her to leave, and that probably should have been the first thing that she had on her mind, but hey, he listened to her talk about her problems. She could do the same in return, she didn't mind after all.

@Alkor

She just stared at him before sighing, "Fine." She knew that she wasn't going to win at this point, but there was a question that came to her mind though. She kept staring at him, trying hard to read him, there were some things that she recognized, but nothing that was strong enough to show her that her Koga was back and going to stay. "Why?" Just a simple question that she could ask him about why he didn't need her to die on him.

An answer that could answer all the confusion and questions that were in her mind. She started to walk after Okami though, wondering how she could make things better between them all. Athena, for her part, was just as tired as Noct. But, the owl didn't feel like bothering Noct, who was miraculously still standing on her own, so the owl went to Okami, and gave a small hoot. A simple question on if she could just perch on his back like the white owl had before.

This brought the semblance of a small smile to Noct's face, at least, until that final, dreaded question. There was no lying to him at this point, and she knew that. But she didn't look at him, she just kept walking, trying to figure out how to word her answer. "It... kept you close to me, at least, the you that I had fallen for, not this you. I guess the simplest way to say it would be that I didn't want to let you go. I wanted you close, because I felt safe, like I had someone who actually lo- ...," she sighed for a moment, "loved me."

@Koga

He didn't want to see her get hurt? That sounded like the Koga that she knew. Was she seeing him come back? The soft look that he gave her almost made her want to say yes, but she wasn't about to count her blessings yet. She was even more confused now. She had gone from staring at someone who acted like he didn't care about her at all, to seeing the Koga who had cared about her. Furthermore, she didn't know which one was out to stay, and it hurt her heart.

"I won't collapse on you..." If it felt like there was more that she wanted to say on that, it's because there was. There were two different routes that the rest of the sentence could have gone to. First, because I'm scared you won't catch me, and second, but I want to. This was now how confused Koga had Noctua's heart and mind, but, she sheathed her rapier and chose to ignore it.

"I can get there from here I believe, if you have something more important to do, you can go and do it." No, she wasn't testing him right now. She wasn't trying to see what was more important in his mind. She wasn't trying to figure out where they stood. No, not at all. Either way, she started to walk back towards town, keeping a much better eye out for any wolves that weren't Okami. Who, by the way, she has caught glaring at her. So yes, she angered the wolf too by accidentally hurting Koga.

@Koga

Perhaps she should start sleeping again, and soon. That was the top thought in her mind as she watched Koga step between herself and the, now three, wolves in front of her. She watched as he hit the three wolves, each of their health bars dropping into the red. That was good at least, perhaps she would be able to finish one of them off?

She noticed Koga look at her, and she wanted to hear him say something that was normal, but nothing. Just the look. She bit the inside of her cheek as she looked at the second wolf, it had the least amount of health, she should be able to take it down. But, just as she was charging her attack, a wave of exhaustion came over her, and she faltered, the attack going right into the ground instead.

Yeah, she really needed to sleep. Perhaps over working herself to stay awake like this wasn't such a good idea. She looked up though, to watch the three wolves miss Koga, and, for some reason, that seemed to lift a weight from her chest. Perhaps he didn't actually need her to be able to survive in this world? Okay, that was a painful thought, but it was a truthful one. What if he was better off without her there?

She never hit anything anyways, that was like... her thing. She always missed, and when she didn't, it was because she was super pissed. But, she couldn't even muster up that feeling, it was buried deep down, because she had no one to be mad at but herself. "Perhaps he is better off without me...," her words were quiet, almost in audible depending on how close you were to her.

@Koga

She had just sat there, listening to him, taking in each word that he said, and before he had even finished talking, tears had started to quietly roll down her cheeks. She didn't look at Alkor, this was a weakness to her, something that was fodder for her being the target of attention to be made fun of or just anything that someone could or would think of.

"I saw him today, and he didn't look like himself. It hurt to see basically a husk of the man that I would have done anything for. The man that I gave my heart and soul to." Her words were soft again, mainly to try and keep from breaking from the crying that she was attempting to fully not break into. She pulled her knees closer to her chest at this point, and just listened to the ocean, listened to the calm waves hitting the shoreline.

"I want to fix what's wrong with us, but, seeing him how I did, it broke something in me. I don't know what though. I've never actually felt like this before. Moving around so much before, I've never had a relationship...." She had to stop there as she quietly started to clean her face of the tears. She had that stinging sensation in her eyes though, the very sensation that told her that she wasn't done crying, and honestly, she wanted to be alone if she was to start fully crying.

But she couldn't exactly get up. Instead, she just locked the feelings up as best as she could, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be burdening you with things, thank you though, it's been a while since I've been able to talk to someone." She still hadn't turned to look at him, for all she knew, she could still be crying, or it was just because she was too embarrassed to look at him. Only Koga's seen her cry after all.

@Alkor

Thankfully, he didn't try to keep the topic on her failed relationship. She listened to him talk about cultures and what could overlap and where, and it made her think a little. If that was the case, then she should have a really easy time learning all of it. But then, her memory made it easy to remember things anyways, and she considered it a curse right now. "That's nice to know really, might just make it easier for me to be able to learn all about the different mythologies."

She shook her head soon enough though, a simple dismissal of his apology, "Don't be sorry, it's not often I find someone passionate enough to talk about something now days." She found it kind of nice, just another way for them all to escape the current reality that they were in. It was funny to her how that can sometimes happen. Reality sucks, so what do you do? Dismiss it by talking about something that you like to talk about, that was life's greatest distraction in her mind.

"I used to think that just having my shop made me feel a bit more useful. But right now, I can't go in, and I don't want to move it. Hope for the future and all of that." She looked at him, almost feeling like she was being scolded, without the actual scolding. In reality, she knew it was something that she needed to hear, but wanting to hear it was something that she didn't want to actually do. A story has two sides. That was the one part that seemed to stick in her mind, but her story didn't have two sides, just one, the one where she messed up.

"I... I don't know if I want what I'm running from to catch up to me. It's hurt me twice now, and... I don't know if no matter how much I want it, a third chance of being hurt is worth it." Hopefully, that was vague enough to not be meant about a person. But, knowing her hard time with words, it was possible that it could be easily caught onto.

@Alkor

He had a point, even if things worked out between her and Koga, or they didn't, she should still be able to do what it was that she loved to do, right? Be able to study and learn everything that she possibly can about Greek mythology, perhaps even learn about other mythologies as well. The Romans weren't that far off from the Greek's, were they? That was something that she would have to figure out once this game was done and over with. She knew one thing though, she wasn't touching another game after this.

"I think I just might, and even learn about the other cultural mythologies that there were as well. I want to know if people think the same things, but just with different cultures, y'know?" She sighed soon enough though and thought, she had already made her choice for the frontlines before. But, she didn't know if she should do that now since... well things went down a dark abyss. "Les décisions sont difficiles," the words (decisions are hard) were muttered lowly in her native language, French.

If Alkor heard them, it was unknown to her at the moment, but she looked at him. "I made the choice once before, but it was to follow my... I guess now ex-fiance, to the frontlines, to keep him safe. But now, I don't know if I want to be up there, I've never been huge on fighting, and with this being the first game that I've ever touched, it hasn't made things any easier." Her gaze flicked to the ring that she wore before she looked at the ocean once more. "Life used to be so easy y'know? My dad would get a new job, and we would just move countries. Never stay in one place for too long, never take the chance of getting attached to someone else."

Talk about commitment issues.

@Alkor

That did it, that got her to crack a small smile, only for it to be gone a moment later. If Alkor hadn't been watching her, he wouldn't have seen it. "You'd figure that would have bigger problems. Like me, I wanted to go to school for Mythology, either become a professor or just a major nerd in it." She felt a little more normal talking about these things, all because it was relaxing to her. She almost felt like she could just spend the time here talking about it, but as she did that at the same time, it made her want to go back to the seventeenth floor. Not only that, but she hadn't been there in a year, and for a very good reason.

But now, she wanted to go, because it would be nice, hopefully. Maybe later. "My love for Greek Mythology has been the reason why I frequent the seventeenth floor so much, it's like being able to live in the books that I've spent so long reading over and over. It's even where I planned mine and Ko- ..." She stopped there and shook her head, "Sorry, that might be too much information." She instead let him talk, and she could not only hear, but felt the disdain for the Christian church.

This caused her to look at him and watch him for a moment, "My family traveled a lot for my dad's job. I've met many of different religions, and honestly, Christianity was the one that confused me the most sometimes. But, the biggest thing that I've seen is that those who follow the path that they want to, are happier." She shrugged a little, not knowing how to really turn her words into valuable advice, but perhaps Alkor could catch some from what she said? She honestly knew that she couldn't, and she said the words.

"What if there is a third path? The path of someone who wants to help and fight, but is just too scared to do so?" Or too broken.

@Alkor

She honestly hadn't noticed that the ring fell to the ground, she thought that he had a grip on it. But it was the fact that he pulled her into him that surprised her. Made her confused. She didn't know what to do, he used her nicknames, and it pulled the tears that she had been choking down back to the front of her eyes. She had four things that she wanted to do when he let go of her; one, kiss him (goodness knows that she has wanted to do that since seeing him on that quest), two, kiss his cheek (same reason as number one), three, storm off confused (which shouldn't be that hard), or four, just scream in frustration.

There were four options, and she chose the one that she thought was going to get her into less trouble. She saw the remorse on his face, and just nodded, she didn't trust her words right now. But, there was one thing that she needed to trust her words with, and that was when she pushed the ring back towards him, "Remember the condition for my necklace, same condition for the ring." She started back toward town, fast enough to make sure that he couldn't stop her or force her to take the ring.

At least, until she ran into a wolf, literally. "Okami... don't stop me from goi- ...." That wasn't Okami.

@Koga

Wait... he was holding onto her hand? Her hallucinations never felt this real for this long. That had to mean.... "Damn it, you're real...." She sighed and tried so hard to ignore the feeling that came from him holding onto her hand. At this point, she didn't know if it was hope that things could be fixed, or if it was pure hatred. She couldn't honestly tell, and it kind of hurt her really. She just wanted the answer, and she wanted things to be fixed. But no, things had to be even more complicated than normal. She grumbled something under her breath in French before she yanked her hand from his grasp.

There were moments she really wished that he wasn't so bullheadedly stubborn, like right now. "If I wanted you out of my life, you would have known that by now. I'm still on your friends list, I'm still alive, and I haven't run off. I went to the one floor where I knew you'd be able to find me if you wanted to talk, and instead, I'm just getting these empty stares. Empty looks. I'm getting nothing from you Masato!" She just shook her head and some sort of clarity seemed to be coming to her at the moment. She didn't want to be angry, she just wanted to be calm, and serene, like normal.

Athena landed on her shoulder and gave a soft hoot, and it made Noctua sigh with a nod, "You're right Athena." She looked at Koga then, wanting to fix at least something. "Now, before you go to lecturing me about being rude, stop. First, I'm sorry, no sleep for...," she looked like she was counting for a moment before cringing lightly, "four days does that to me. Second, until you didn't let go of my hand, I thought you were one of my hallucinations, so yeah. Be mad still if you like, but I do apologize for that unnecessary anger."

She was too tired to even mask the sincerity in that statement before she started to walk to town again, not bothering to listen for if he was behind her or not. But she heard something, so she figured that he had to be.

@Koga