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--Waldo's Interlude-- But it was not what he received. Edict coughed up seawater as a weird, fleshy thing pounded his back. He was covered in equal parts water and black goop, and a mixture of seaweed and fish bones flesh from his hair. Wait. Go back a sentence. What weird, fleshy thing? Edict jolted awake, rolling away from the strange feeling behind him. He rolled up into a fighting stance, ready to finish off whatever was about to eat him. His left shoulder still hung limp at his side. A large walrus man stared at him quizzically. Edict stared back. The walrus waited pat

"You... you brought the beast to us!" Tom threw a punch that caught Edict in the jaw. His already meager health bar dropped. "This is your fault!" "This is NOT my fault!" Despite his impending death, Edict's attention was entirely on the Aincrad's worst escort NPC. "If you had just sat down—behaved—" Edict brought his forearms up to guard the sides of his face. He didn't want to kill Tom if he had to, but the NPC's sanity was rapidly deteriorating. Spittle flew as Tom threw punch after punch, whittling away at Edict's health. When Tom saw that punches were no longer connecting, he kicked

One final pull heaved the man into Edict’s boat. The waterlogged survivor spat up a surprising amount of saltwater into the boat. Edict fished a mostly intact bucket from the wreckage to bail some of the water. A cheery buzz sounded in his ears. <<Quest Accepted: The Plight of Thomas Dudley>> “You saved me life. Name’s Thomas Dudley.” “I…” Edict sighed. “Thanks, Thomas.” “Just Tom’ll do.” “Then why did you—” He sighed harder. “Of course, Tom. What happened to you?” The shipwrecked man peered out into the icy black waters with the requisite sense of fear. “I

--Doldrums-- Edict found himself wishing for the rain. In its absence, a stifling humidity settled over the boat. It pressed down on his chest as he lay flat in the dinghy, doing his best to recover from… whatever had just happened. “You know, if I had a nickel for every time I ended up in a tiny boat while carrying this Sword to its resting place, I’d have two nickels.” A dry laugh rocked the boat as Edict finished the joke in his head. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. Humor was the only thing keeping his spirits afloat. After being forced into the tiny boat

Frannarf gathered all of the town's cultists into the town square. There were more than Edict had expected; about fifty or so by his count. And based on the quest he had somehow picked up, they were missing five more. The practical jokes had been light today—they were eager to make it to the evening festivities. "My fellow Cultists! Our festivities tonight are marked by a special guest! We have our very first Jeweled mob! He, our... hm." Gnung turned and whispered to Edict. "What's your name again? Don't think I ever got it." "Edict." "Oh wow, that's terrible. Can I just call yo

"So this is the town! Best to let me take the lead. We like our practical jokes. Fun for us—not so fun for you." A nameless figure disappeared into the small shack behind them, and a sturdy *shhhhhhck-WHUMPF* erupted from inside. <<Kill Mad Cultists 2/20>> Nearby cultists hooted and cheered. Gnung sniffed, and wiped a tear from his eye. "Ah, the threshold guillotine. A classic." "Ok—definitely sticking behind you." "Not too far behind. Some of the pranks are a little finicky. They go off late." "Got it. Not too close, not too far. So... how far behind you,

Edict sat in a dilapidated building that once passed for a schoolhouse. Forlorn winds whistled through the holes and cracks, and steady drips of water fell into a rusty bucket in the corner. It was one of the six buildings in the location the Cultists claimed as their town. "This is... cozy," Edict offered. "We were really holding out for a desecrated church," Gnung explained. "But we got a firm no on that. There's a quota on desecrated churches per floor, and the last open slot went to the Mad Cultist sect up near Miremore." "They aren't even real cultists," Skuks griped. "They

--Me Next! Me Next!-- The ruins of the smokehouse lay behind Edict, but the images persisted. The wooden walls took to the flame naturally, feeding the greedy conflagration until the entire house was one large campfire. Smoke billowed and rose into the black clouds above, coating the entire landscape in soot. Worse than the images were the sounds. Edict recalled the snapping of dry timber, and crackling of the dried flesh as it flaked to ashes, and Donner, laughing and screaming as his world burned down around him. Until, with a hellish roar, the roof collapsed, and all that remained was

Donner busied himself like a maid at work. He scooped ashes and delicately arranged aromatic logs in the central fire pit. All the while, whistling a cheerful tuneless tune. He checked the blackened walls, running a fastidious finger up a few of the planks to ensure the airflow was just right. Then, he reached up to check the meathooks for any stains or rusting. Rusty hooks weren’t food-grade, after all. Finally, Donner walked over to the corner of the room, crouched down on his haunches, and peeled a burlap sack off the whimpering man. “Ah, the blood’s just about collected, I think. Now

Edict dumped the aromatic wood on the ground at Donner’s feet. His hand returned to the sword. “Ah, you’re a good kid after all.” Donner scooped up the wood, and the quest objective faded from Edict’s HUD. “I guess I was wrong about you.” “So we’re good? I can take the ferry across?” Donner beat his breast. “I’m a man o’ my word, I am. You go and get yourself settled on the raft, and I’ll be right down. I’ve just got something to take care of first.” Here it is. The other shoe is about the drop. Edict nearly drew the sword. He shook from a mixture of fear and exhaustion.

So far, the quest had been nothing but running into the woods for, well, wood. The first round required him to fetch pliant wood. “You see how my poor river pole is at its end. Fetch me some more wood so I can make a new one.” The man even gave him a small, brass amulet that gushed a sickeningly sweet smoke. “I gotta hand it to the Devs, the localization team is top-notch. And the pun, Donner’s Party? I wonder how that carries through Cardinal’s language engine.” Not to mention the American history reference in a global video game with a largely Eastern audience. How many of them would kn

--The Ferryman-- The forest was much easier to navigate in the day, dull however the light was. Edict moved east at a determined pace, following Sayor's directions. Follow the sun until you hit the river. If you don't see the ferry house, walk south until you find it. The only other way around the river will add half a day of walking, and take you through some precious mob spawns. And you're way too underleveled to survive those. Your luck has held out this far, but it's only a matter of time. "Sometimes, pragmatism isn't what you want to hear." Edict grunted as he made his way

The pair sat long into the hours of the night, holding their hot beverages and staring into the fire. Calling the caffel root a coffee substitute was like boiling dirt and calling it a meal. The resulting beverage was so thin that Edict could see the bottom of the mug, even in the dim light of the fire. But the beverage had calmed Sayor. He sat hunched forward, with his nose practically perched on the edge of his cup. By the time the sun began to rise, Sayor sported his soft smile again. "Thank you for stopping by. Feel free to send Users my way—I really enjoy meeting people. But also, do

"In the beginning, there was Cardinal. It produced the code that wrote the floors, and quests, and characters that populate this world. It calculated every conceivable input in the game, and prepared a near-infinite number of responses and alternatives to those inputs. And yet, Cardinal understood that it did not understand one thing: Users. The things that came from outside of Aincrad were too many possibilities to calculate, even for the its near-infinite computations. It could account for the basics of user interaction, of course. But the more emotional aspects of the users, their mental he

To Edict, Sayor might as well have admitted to magic. He was dumbfounded at the response. "You can see my NerveGear? You—you know about NerveGears?" "I already told you that I knew I was a creation of Cardinal. Why are you so surprised that I know about players, and how they manage to travel through our world?" "Because—I—well, I don't know!" Edict's frustration became audible. "You're part of the game. You aren't allowed to acknowledge elements outside of the game." "My entire purpose is to acknowledge the elements outside of this world." "Every time you talk, you make les

The man was still harmless, but Edict no longer felt comfortable. He tried shifting topics. "You seem to already know my name. What's yours?" "My designation is NPC_F29_Man-583900. My floor name is Sayor." "Five eighty-three nine-hundred... So then you realize that-" "-I am a creature of Cardinal, just as I said. At first, I found it uncomfortable to have such an intimate understanding of my own creation, but then I considered the alternative." "The others on this floor, I'm guessing." "Absolutely. When the floor opened... Something went wrong. I can't even begin to im

[What follows is a little bit of story that pushes site canon a little bit. I offer the same boilerplate script as I do before any story that plays with site lore: if you don't feel that it fits canon, you're free to sand off the edges you find unappealing. I won't ever barge into a group thread and expect people to conform to the weird stuff I write in solo threads. In fact, I do my best to avoid it altogether. Respecting site canon while writing interesting situations can be difficult. So I find it easiest to just go ham with the lore, with the understanding that site canon will always come

I don’t know how I know. There were many things Edict did not know. He did not know how mad Telrenya was going to be. She had saved him, given him the energy to get back on his feet. And when Edict saw her struggling to stem the tide of injured, he left. Just like you always do. Remember? Edict also did not know what was speaking to him. His best guess was some product of the floor. He recognized his own self-doubt (it was perhaps the one thing he would admit expertise one), and his own negative talk kept smoother edges to the words than this voice did. So it was something stran

Crafts for 1st Sept. POST LINK 252029, Perfect T4 Crystal, (CD:12, LD: 14) = Perfect Tierless | Mass HP Recovery Crystal | 252029 252029-1, Perfect T4 Crystal, (CD:12, LD: 14) = Perfect Tierless | Mass HP Recovery Crystal | 252029-1 252033, Perfect T4 Potion, (CD:12, LD: 4) = Perfect Tierless Potion | 'Work Juice' | 252033 Eval'd for Fusion: 252028, Uncommon T4 Crystal, (CD:8, LD: 14) 252028-1, Uncommon T4 Crystal, (CD:8, LD: 14) 252034, Uncommon T4 Potion, (CD:6, LD: 10) 252032, Uncommon T4 Potion, (CD:8, LD: 13) 252032-1, Unc

Using: Custom Ambition Tool | Bunsen Burner | Obtained here -extended workshop active Rank 8 - Provisional Master Alchemist: Alchemist | Enchancements 1645/2559 --> 1726/2559 CRAFTING: 01/09/2024 Perfect T3 Dessert 251608 | Cheesecake Brownie | Ambition III Perfect T4 Potion 251517-1 | 'Work Juice' | Crafters Respite Roll: ID# CD: LD: Quality Count Experience Ambition Mod 1 252037 CD:

| Using: Custom Ambition Tool | Bunsen Burner | Obtained here -extended workshop active Rank 8 - Provisional Master Alchemist: Alchemist | Enchancements 1572/2559 --> 1645/2559 CRAFTING: 01/09/2024 Perfect T3 Dessert 251608 | Cheesecake Brownie | Ambition III Roll: ID# CD: LD: Quality Count Experience Ambition Mod 1 252027 CD: 4 LD: 4

Thread Complete Word Count: 7520 Jevi T.4 | 6016 EXP Adelyte T.1 | 1504 EXP Kyra T.1 | 1504 EXP Hackman T.1 | 1504 EXP & 1 mon to all participants.

Standard Recovery +4 EN, Inspiring {Raidou} +6 EN, Inspiring {Shiina} +4 EN Battle Healing activates +65 HP PH Post Action | Using Supernatural Fury on Cerberus, Inferno's Rage (Head #2) (Howl CD: 1/2) -2 EN Cerberus, Inferno's Rage (Head #2) is inflicted by BRN: 56/2 and FL.THORNS: 16/2, Taking damage from FL.AURA: 16 Players: Raidou | HP: 984/1104 | EN: 103/134 | DMG: 23 | MIT:177 | ACC:4{+1} | AA | EVA:7 | BH:61 | VAMP-D: 121 | LD:6 Nisahime | HP: 1089/1173 | EN: 87/114 | DMG: 23 | MIT:263 | ACC:4{+1} | TAUNT | EVA:2 | FL.AURA: 16 | FR.AURA: 16 | HB: 23 | REC: 8 Er

Standard Recovery +4 EN, Holy Blessing +23 HP, Holy Blessing Fades, Recovery/VD | ID: 251979 | CD: 4 (No Proc), Inspiring {Raidou} +6 EN, Inspiring {Shiina} +4 EN, Hyperactive +3 EN, Hyperactive Fades, Concentration CD [3/5] PH Post Action | [x15] AOE-I (11 - 2 [Stamina] + 2 [Shift] + (2 * 3 Targets = 6) = 17 EN) ID: 252021 | 2 + 5 - 2 = 5, CD: 2 {ST-B Unavailable} | Missed vs. Cerberus, Inferno's Rage (Head #2) ID: 252022 | 9 + 5 - 2 = 12, Crit+1 vs. Infernal Hell Hound #4 Dealing 360 - 50 = 310 Damage ID: 252023 | 4 + 5 - 2 = 7, Hit vs. Infernal Hell Hound #5 Dealin

*New Round, New Turn Order Standard Recovery +4 EN, Battle Healing +61 HP, Recovery/VD | ID: 251943 | CD: 5 (No Proc), Inspiring {Raidou} +6 EN, Inspiring {Shiina} +4 EN PH Post Action | [x12] TECH-F (8 - 2 [Stamina] + 3 [Shift] + (2 * 4 Targets = 8) = 17 EN) Free Action | Concentration (+AA), Concentration CD [1/5] ID: 252017 | 8 + 7 - 2 = 13, CD: 12 {ST-B Unlocked} | Hit vs. Cerberus, Inferno's Rage (Head #1) Dealing 276 - 75 = 201 Damage, [Stunned] applied, Raidou Sustains 30 via Thorns ID: 252018 | 3 + 7 - 2 = 8, Hit vs. Infernal Hell Hound #4 Dealing 276 - 50 =