Mari

Not again!"

"No." Mari said quietly. She didn't know of the pain that Snow felt, nor the past that seemed to upset her so. "Nothing like that will happen again. I'm here now." Mari inwardly cringed. That sounded...that sounded so unbelievably corny and terribly...just...Mari shook her head and snorted. Right. She never was good with words of comfort, was she? Hell - she had tried to comfort Snow a few times now and each time it left the blonde in tears. But - that was just who Mari was. 

Mari's first instinct was to stop Snow charging forward - but, in a way - it was probably cathartic to the blonde. So Mari stood still. She waited till the avalanche slumped. A sliver of health being removed. Now it was Mari's turn. Her footsteps crunched down the freshly fallen powder and with a small flourish - Mari had easily pulled a woven woolen blanket from her inventory and draped it over Snow's shoulders. Then - without looking back at the other woman Mari charged forward.

Light danced upon her feet as she activated the charge skill - then her Spear. Glowing in shades of gold, then white - as not only her skill activated, but it sparked a critical. Her spear tore through the ice, and shards of it exploded around her in clouds of shimmering glitter. Each strike tore more of the Avalanche off - creating a canopy of shimmering lights above the two girls.  Relentless, and powerful. Mari finished off the beast.

And...

Without skipping a beat she dropped her spear where she stood and turned to Snow - slowly approaching her with cautious steps Mari reached out and with a gentle swipe of her thumb underneath SNow's fluttering eyes, she removed the tears. 

"See." Mari tried to offer her a reassuring smile. 

@Snow


ID:183240   BD:10 CRITICAL HIT MD:6-3= MISS
19+2+5=26 x 15=390
Mari  [H:0/0/0] - HP 1430/1430  | EN: 121/140 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 |   -17 en
Avalanche |  HP: 0/100-390  | Damage per Attack: 40
Action: Dimension Stampede > Avalanche

Look at you, simply staring at the slithering shadows as they dance a maddening waltz, pirouettes and elancers. And look at the others. Fighting. Always fighting. For themselves. For each other. the one thread that you had, you fooled yourself into thinking people actually needed you. They don't.

No one does.

Mari exhaled, she felt goosebumps burst upon the skin of her arms as she strengthened her grip on the spear that she had been holding loosely. Somewhere along the way, amongst the clashes of blade against mist - amongst the crying tantrums of a shadow-child. She had lost focus. She had become something she disliked. Normally, Mari would hate someone who stood there and did nothing in the heat of battle, but now. More than ever - she began to understand why people did that - why their minds wandered. lately...she struggled to focus on anything. Even this battle. Where everyone was so passionate, fighting and giving their all. She just....didn't feel anything that apathy still clung to her. Like a viral infection it sunk deep into her skin and took over.

No words came from her as her grip tightened and Mari shifted her position- her feet moved forward one step in front of the other as she broke out into a run. Activate the charge skill first. It felt like her footstephs echoed, thrumming in her head and shaking her skull.

I wanted more than this life but I have Destroyed my dreams long ago with the fire of my own hatred and anger

The tip of her blade dragged across the ground- bouncing up off of rocks - smatterings of light expelling from the hyperdermic needle that Shield had made her. Closer, and closer she drew to the shadowman. He really was nothing more than a child throwing a tantrum. Mari stopped just short of him and thrust her weapon forward - it felt like she had just dipped it into a pool of custard, or jello. There was little to no resistence as she shucked it out and in quick sucession stabbed him again and again - in complete silence. 

Blue eyes, stone-cold empty. Apathetic. Mari wasn't looking down on the boss, rather, she had no feelings for him, no, it. One way or the other. She finished her attack with a twirl and strike from above. Mari flicked the shadowy muck from her weapon as he turned her back on the boss. Her eyes briefly checked the health of the others in her group. All were near full. They'd not need a crystal right now.

Am I okay?

• [x15] Dimension Stampede (17 Energy) - An attack with four fast stabs, only to be concluded by a jumping slam from above. 

Passive: En+ 5 BH+
ID:183239   BD:7+ 6=13-2=11 HIT
Action: Charged Dimension Stampede
15+5=20x23=460-150=310 DAMAGE

Macradon | HP: 1985/1985 | EN: 158/191 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 2 | MIT: 194 | HLY: 12 | VO: 198 | PHASE | REC: 6 | FRTHRNS: 21, 6 DOT | BH: 114 | FIGHTING SPIRIT | LD: 5 | EN REGEN: 5 | FRAURA: 15 | PARRY | [PARRY: --/2]
ChaseR | HP: 1690/1690 | EN: 90/148 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 5 | MIT: 106 | HLY: 12 | BRN: 12 | TXV: 24 | PRLYZ: 8+ | VD: 84 | HBS: 16 | LD: 8 | Dote: 3 | DoT -27 | BH: 99 | EN REGEN: 5 | FIGHTING SPIRIT | PARRY | [PARRY: --/2]
@Mari | HP: 1845/1910 | EN: 97/170 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 4 | MIT: 88 | FLN: 6 | VO: 191 | FLAURA: 15 | KEEN: 1 | Dote: 3 | Dot: -27 | Oxidant | BH: 110 | EN REGEN: 5 | KEEN
Hidden | HP: 1510/1510 | EN: 70/130 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 5 | MIT: 79 | HLY: 8 | VO: 226 | LD: 3 | Dote: 3 | DoT: -27 | Oxidant | BH: 90 | EN REGEN: 5
@Pinball | HP: 1230/1500 | EN: 117/132 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 6 | MIT: 15 | BH: 105 | FRZ: 36/8-10 | Phase | SAFEGUARD | Dote: 3 | DoT: -27 | Oxidant | RESTED: 2/3 | EN REGEN: 5
Jomei | HP: 1705/1705 | EN: 119/169 | DMG: 21 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 6 | MIT: 88 | BRN: 36 | BLI: 36 | HB: 16 | BH: 100 | EN REGEN: 5 | CONC 1/3 | PARRY | [PARRY: --/2]

"who the fuck is Eruda?" Mari asked herself as she glanced at the name. It was a random message, sent from a random person. And it made Mari wary. She didn't like it. Even at the best of times, with people she considered friends - Mari was always very short with her written messages. Mari couldn't exactly explain why, but she very much disliked the entire messaging system. without even opening the message she snorted and promptly deleted the message. She had seen enough bullshit messages from people who she didn't know, who were not on her friend list to know better than to open it. It wasn't someone she knew, thus Mari deemed it 'not important' 

"I'm too tired." Mari breathed with a low exhale, placing a hand against her temple. She didn't know what she wanted lately, but she did know that she didn't want to deal with some random ass person sending her spam messages about some guild.

(Sorry- Mari wouldn't bother with messages from people she doesn't know)

Half. Mari's energy was at the halfway point. She'd have to conserve her energy, granted the only real damage they'd received was from the shadowlings exploding. Amusing, in its own way. That a self proclaimed god was acting so childish. It reminded her of the folly of greek pantheons - and how they acted very much the same way. Having little hissy spits and spats. Mari sighed as she scratched her head. She felt..apathetic. Like she didn't want to be here, like she shouldn't be here.

Still... Mari had a job to do. She was there as support for others. So instead of using her most powerful AoE she'd focus on a single target- with a concentrated attack. Conserving her SP so she could heal others in a pinch. "Yeh..." Mari heard Chaser worry about his own energy consumption. "It is a little worrying." Her eyes traversed the darkness before her. Oh how she wished she kept her Night Vision. "But no use stressin' about it."

with that Mari kicked off, ready to attack the closest shadowling. Unfortunate for her, a tendril of shadow had looped around her ankle, throwing her to the ground with a heavy thud.
"Well...." Mari said with a sigh as she pushed herself  back up off the ground, dusting herself off. "That's one way to conserve energy." 
Ro

[x10] Vent Forth (11 Energy) - A five-hit skill that employs three spinning slashes, concluded with one final thrust.
ID: 181774  bD:1-MISS

Shadowling73 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling74 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling75 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling76 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1 | 
Shadowling77 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1 
Shadowling78 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling79 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling80 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling81 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling82 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling83 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1
Shadowling84 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 1

Passive: +3 EN   +95 BH

Macradon | HP: 1955/1985 | EN: 168/191 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 2 | MIT: 194 | HLY: 12 | VO: 198 | PHASE | REC: 6 | FRTHRNS: 21, 6 DOT | BH: 99 | FIGHTING SPIRIT | LD: 5 | EN REGEN: 3 | FRAURA: 15 | PARRY | [PARRY: --/2]
ChaseR | HP: 1634/1690 | EN: 88/148 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 5 | MIT: 106 | HLY: 12 | BRN: 12 | TXV: 24 | PRLYZ: 8+ | VD: 84 | HBS: 16 | LD: 8 | Dote: 3 | DoT -27 | BH: 84 | EN REGEN: 3 | FIGHTING SPIRIT | PARRY | [PARRY: --/2]
@Mari | HP: 1705/1910 | EN: 92/170 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 4 | MIT: 88 | FLN: 6 | VO: 191 | FLAURA: 15 | KEEN: 1 | Dote: 3 | Dot: -27 | Oxidant | BH: 95 | EN REGEN: 3 | KEEN  -2 EN
 Hidden | HP: 1510/1510 | EN: 75/130 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 5 | MIT: 79 | HLY: 8 | VO: 226 | LD: 3 | Dote: 3 | DoT: -27 | Oxidant | BH: 75 | EN REGEN: 3 |  [VANISH: 3/3]
@Pinball | HP: 1200/1500 | EN: 117/132 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 6 | MIT: 15 | BH: 90 | FRZ: 36/8-10 | Phase | SAFEGUARD | Dote: 3 | DoT: -27 | Oxidant | RESTED: 2/3 | EN REGEN: 3
Jomei | HP: 1596/1705 | EN: 133/169 | DMG: 21 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 6 | MIT: 88 | BRN: 36 | BLI: 36 | HB: 16 | BH: 85 | EN REGEN: 3 | CONC 0/3 | PARRY | [PARRY: --/2]

Mari slapped her face and groaned - of course - Of course some bullshit like this would have been pulled. when they were discussing the probability of darkness at the meeting she figured that they'd all need glowstones - but they were assured that the spoils of the previous boss would be enough.

...

It wasn't. Of Course it wasn't. back in the day, Mari was virtually the only one who had ever bothered with the Night Vision skill. Back then, it was needed to traverse the darkness of the 10th floor, before it had been lit up by crystals. back then.... Mari exhaled. Back then, things were worse than they were now. This wasn't all that bad in comparison. 

Annoying, though.

"This thing is like a fuckin' child." Mari muttered to herself. And it was, the Shadowman did nothing but taunt and cry but did very little.  

Well, she didn't have any source of light, so she'd just charge forward and strike the shadowlings as best as she could. If she swung wide and fast, surely she'd hit at least one of the damn things, right? 

Mari charged forward and swung her large polearm, activating , <<weeping moon>> and carving through multiple shadow creatures, some had exploded - dealing damage to their party. 

"Oof..." Mari wiped the slew of black sludge from her face and flicked it to the ground. "That's nasty."


 

Passive:
BH:+95  EN +3

ACTION:
[x9 AoE] Weeping Moon (9 Energy +2 per target hit) - Do a single and powerful 360-degree spin
-15 EN

23x 9=207-25=182
Weeping Moon > Shadowling 25   ID:181159  BD:1 MISS
Weeping Moon Shadowling 27 ID: 181160  BD:5+6=11-1=9  HIT
Weeping Moon Shadowling 28  ID:181161 BD:10+6 -1= CritiCAL HIT +2 BASE DAMAGE
Weeping Moon Shadowling 29  ID:181162  BD: 3+ 6=9-1=  HIT

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shadowling25 | HP: 24/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling26 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling27 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling28 | HP: 0/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1 | PARALYZED
Shadowling29 | HP: 68/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling30 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling31 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling32 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling33 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling34 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling35 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1
Shadowling36 | HP: 250/250 | DMG: 75 | MIT: 25 | EVA: 2 1

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-60 Unmitigated damage to party due to [Essence of the Void]

Macradon | HP: 1925/1985 | EN: 189/191 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 2 | MIT: 194 | HLY: 12 | VO: 198 | PHASE | REC: 6 | FRTHRNS: 21, 6 DOT | BH: 99 | FIGHTING SPIRIT | LD: 5 | EN REGEN: 3 | FRAURA: 15 | PARRY | [PARRY: --/2] -60
ChaseR | HP: 1630/1690 | EN: 111/148 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 5 | MIT: 106 | HLY: 12 | BRN: 12 | TXV: 24 | PRLYZ: 8+ | VD: 84 | HBS: 16 | LD: 8 | Dote: 3 | DoT -27 | BH: 84 | EN REGEN: 3 | FIGHTING SPIRIT | PARRY | [PARRY: --/2] 60
Mari | HP: 1850/1910 | EN: 105/170 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 4 | MIT: 88 | FLN: 6 | VO: 191 | FLAURA: 15 | KEEN: 1 | Dote: 3 | Dot: -27 | Oxidant | BH: 95 | EN REGEN: 3 | KEEN -15 EN 60
Hidden | HP: 1450/1510 | EN: 95/130 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 5 | MIT: 79 | HLY: 8 | VO: 226 | LD: 3 | Dote: 3 | DoT: -27 | Oxidant | BH: 75 | EN REGEN: 3 | STEALTHED | [VANISH: 1/3] 60
Pinball | HP: 1440/1500 | EN: 117/132 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 6 | MIT: 15 | BH: 90 | FRZ: 36/8-10 | Phase | SAFEGUARD | Dote: 3 | DoT: -27 | Oxidant | RESTED: 2/3 | EN REGEN: 3 60
Jomei | HP: 1645/1705 | EN: 145/169 | DMG: 21 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 6 | MIT: 88 | BRN: 36 | BLI: 36 | HB: 16 | BH: 85 | EN REGEN: 3 | CONC 0/3  60

"Don't beat yourself up over it." Mari said quietly. "That's kinda the impression I give. I can do it on my own, because...I guess I can. I have. I'm so used to doing it on my own I struggle to sorta see help when its right there. I'm tryin' But I feel like its one step forward and several steps back." Mari had been doing her absolute best to do it on her own. She felt like she didn't deserve the help others were offering, she was a murderer. Why weren't more people treating her as such? It didn't seem right. 

Mari reached out, her fingers momentarily dancing over his as she pried the cup from his hand. Mari felt better when she had something to fiddle with. Her thumb danced over its rim before she took several gulps, emptying the cup - then in a fluid motion, poured them another. "I can't say the name rings a bell." Mari said as she passed the full cup back to Raidou. So he was about to go insane? Mari guessed she could see it, it always felt like there was something brewing beneath  the calm exterior he presented. Mari couldn't help but snort at the reaction he seemed to have to them sharing a cup. It didn't even occur to her, it wasn't something that really registered on her radar.

"I don't think Freyd would appreciate the insinuation." Mari said.  "But I'd be  hypocritical to tell you otherwise. Far too long ago I decided I wasn't leaving this game." Mari knew there were other people who felt the same. Freyd. And now Raidou. "It feels like we've been here for several years - who knows how much time actually passed.Kids are loosing their childhood. Life out there - it's moving far beyond our comprehension." Mari shook her head. If she continued, she'd only depress herself more. 

He...surprisingly knew how she felt. How crushing those expectations were. How hard it was to give more and more of herself away.

"How important you really are to me."

"I don't understand that." came the feeble words, laced with a tremor that threatened to trickle over her cheeks once more. She stared at her legs, and how her feet beneath the water shimmered below. How the colours of fish - golden and white and black danced around her legs. "How can I be that important? When we've met but a handful of times. I-"

Mari followed his gaze when he mentioned the glasses, a brief reprise from her inner thoughts as they were shattered by confusion. "I-what? but you weren't wearing any. I didn't!"

Sometimes, all it took was something small, inconspicous, and ludicrous to break that cycle.
Even if that something small was shattered glasses.

Tears.

Goddammit they were tears.

Mari quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand.. Freyd would have probably chastised her, told her they were important, and even more so - to share them with others. But Mari wasn't strong enough for that yet. Everyone expected so much of her, expected her to be strong. Expected her to listen. You should do this, why aren't you doing this? You're not doing that? 

Expectation after expectation. No matter what she did, she was doing it wrong. "UGh-" Mari kicked at the side of the river, then had to quickly adjust her balance to avoid falling in. 

"Am I?" Mari asked, her voice shaken. Mari had expected his, she expected him to follow, realistically. She didn't want the conversation to end there, not like this. But...she needed that moment. Something else to take her aggression out on, lest his glasses suffer again.  A deep breath. Hold. Exhale. 

"I'm...trying not to be angry with everything...with everyone."  Mari sighed. "It feels like it's not good enough." Mari glanced down at the container that Raidou had placed between the two of them. She sighed as she shifted to sit, pulling off her boots so her feet could dangle in the water. "I'm so used to pretending to be okay." Mari said quietly as she reached out to the small thermos, popping off the lid to pour the sweet milky liquid into it. Steam rose from makeshift up as Mari rose it to her lips, taking a long sip from it before handing it to Raidou.

Mari held the tea in her mouth for a moment before swallowing, allowing it's warmth to travel down her throat and settle comfortably in her stomach. It made her feel a little better. "It's....hard." Mari admitted. "I'm used to people betraying me, best friends...people who I thought loved me - guild members. I've been pushing myself so hard lately despite all that. And...I guess its working...heh..." She looked up at the river, allowing her legs to move back and forth. This place was nice. Mari hesitated. Was it right to be talking like this? Raidou was another guild leader. His own, he had his own burdens and expectations. "But now, everyone expects too much of me. The few times I had tried to open up - I was essentially told to suck it up. Deal with it, and that the guild - and the people who wanted to leave this place were more important." Mari closed her eyes and leaned back on her hands. "To be constantly told you aren't that important, that the greater sum of the others is - its...degrading."

Raidou mentioned her cursor. Mari shook her head. "I don't care what colour it is. Fact of the matter is I took lives. Familes won't ever be reunited again. Mothers have lost their sons and daughters. Brothers have lost brothers. And for what? Some hissy fit from a lonely woman who thought she was helping others? where are the people I saved those days? Gone. In their stead I'm nothing to this world but a cold blooded murderer. And - in a sick and twisted way, its true - isn't it?" 

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Mari said with a small bemused smile - her fatigue threatening to pull the corners of her mouth back down again. "I know...I know you're not that kind of person." Mari reached out, a cautious hand landed on the small of his back. "Because its you, It's why I know." Mari let her hand linger there for a count of three seconds before removing it. "you know, we've met before."

It had taken her a while to recall him, but lately - all Mari had were her own thoughts, and they kept travelling back down to the past. "Years ago - during the fifth floor. It was that quest with the sand shark." Mari rested her chin in her knees - eyes focusing on a small ladybug climbing a blade of grass.  "I...was so rude to you. I think I might have called you a hotdog or somethin' I don't entirely remember..." Her voice fell quiet, reminiscent. "Yet - even back then. Even with how I was - you were quiet, and patient. You know, if I had remembered you back on the frozen lake I might not have hit you so hard." She had tried to joke, but the jovial tone didn't reach her voice. Instead it just sounded...sad. Lost. It made the intent of her words fall flat. 

"Why, why does it always end this way?" 

Mari unfurled herself, hands landing back in the grass as she turned her head toward him, inquisitive. "I'm sorry, what?" Mari had been fairly amicable, right? She'd been nice this time...right? So what was his problem?

His tirade bore down on her. He questioned why he wasn't allowed to give a crap about her, telling her he was trying to make things right. Why can't you see that?  Mari balled her fists, tearing handfuls of grass from the ground. She was trying...but no matter what it wasn't ever good enough was it? Her jaw clenched. 

Here I thought you were strong enough that you don't need anyone-"

"That's what everyone thinks..." Came the whisper. Mari wanted to scream. She wanted to shout at him. Tell him that everyone saw her as some strong beacon, a leader to follow. but she wasn't. Mari wanted to cry. she wanted to tell him that she was lonely. So terribly lonely. And that she did need someone. She needed her  friends, but she was so terribly afraid of betrayal that she kept pushing them all away. Mari knew it. Freyd had pointed it out to her. Now Raidou was doing the same.

You're weaker than most, frail and negative...."

As Raidou pulled away, discarding the twig in her hair Mari took this as a chance to stand up. "You're right. You didn't have to do those things. I am weak." why did it hurt so much? Her voice trembled. Is this what happened when she tried to open up to others? Mari forced her eyes shut, they burned with the threat of tears but Mari told herself she wouldn't cry here. Not now. Not ever. I'm weak but I won't be anymore.  She could always go back to how she was. It'd hurt less.

"Sorry to disappoint you." Mari said as she opened up her inventory, pulling out a hot thermos of tea. Mari leaned down and shoved it unceremoniously into his chest. "This is a milky, sweet - earl grey. Hot. Thanks for savin' me." 

CrONCH

Leave.

Mari had to leave now right? 

She straightened and exhaled slowly. Plastering that same smile on her face as she always had. "Don't worry, next time. I'll be the same Mari as before. I may even go for your glasses again." She added, a joke - unknowing that she had just technically done that. "It'll be the same as before. But with a lil' less slappin." She turned to leave, quickening her pace so as to not allow him to latch onto her or yell at her again.

This was fine, right?

This is fine. This is fine. This is fine.
 

Mari's feet stopped as they hit a rushing river. Right...the waterfall. 
Hic.

That's why her face was wet.....right?
 

@Raidou

Mari scoffed. "I don't know about that. Yuki isn't too fond of me. Hell, I haven't heard narry a peep from her since she shaked up with Crozeph." She averted her eyes, as they focused on the ground. "Hell. I haven't really heard from him either." Wasn't she supposed to be his guild leader? Crozeph had often come to Mari for aid, food, and a place to sleep. They'd talk - and Mari liked those conversations. But it seemed the moment someone else provided those needs for him she was cast aside. Mari guessed that their meetings weren't based on friendship. That suited her just fine. She was used to it.

Mari knew some people in her guild would mourn for her; maybe not mourn but be disappointed at the very least. "I really don't need to hear this.' Mari muttered as she covered her face with her hand. "I'm so sick of placating lies. Lets just drop the act. You and I both know more people would be satisfied with my head on a pike than anything else."

"Fuck the rest of them, anyone who would be ok with you passing is a mistake." s

Mari blinked, lowering her hand at the sudden outburst. "Pfft -Hah." She couldn't contain the exclamation. It was just so...unexpected to hear Raidou swear. He usually seemed so...docile. It felt like you could take the glasses from his head, and crush them in the palm of your hand and he'd do nothing more than sigh and pull another pair out of his pocket. Her mirthless laugh stilled when she felt him move closer again- enough so that their shoulders touched. Why? to placate her? To make sure she didn't go rolling off the edge of Aincrad?

"Well - it's not like you tried anything." Mari said quietly as she bought her knees to her chest. Resting her chin in them. "At least, I don't think you did." She added with a snort as she eyed him sideward. Always joking. Lay it on thick. It was easier that way. 

Mari shifted her gaze to the cup that she had idly sitting in her hands. It was cold. With a grimace Mari let the cup drop to the floor, its unwanted contents spilling deep into the lush ground beneath her.

 "No matter how hard you are to get along with, I am glad you're still here Mari."

 "That makes one of us, Raidou."

@Raidou

"And you were inches from rolling right off."

So what?

"So what?"
Her words came out sharp and cold, a snap of ice that she layered over herself. So what if she had fallen? So what if she just blipped out of existence? It'd make many people happy. "If I had, there'd probably be a party in the town of beginnings." Mari added, a sense of mirth returning to her tone. Covering things with a sick, dry, and twisted humour. He coughed and Mari turned around to face him again. He was reaching out, right? Or did he feel guilty?
 

"No...." Mari sighed, defeated. She was too tired to be ornery. "You're fine. If anything I encroached on yours...i...think?" Mari wasn't sure how much of that warmth was a dream, and how much of it had been him. If Raidou had put up with all of that...then maybe he wasn't all that bad.

Mari took a step toward Raidou. "It was exhaustion, nothing more. I don't...get to rest much." there was a pause as she had to catch the cup that was thrust into her hand. Mari hesitated before taking a step back - to give them both space and sat down. "I don't really think I allowed you to do anything. I slapped you. Hard."

She hesitated. Selfish...Mari couldn't afford that. Besides, was it really selfish if he was insisting upon it? Why? Why was he trying? mari opened her mouth to question it but paused when he commented on her hair - a hand went to brush through her tangled mess. 'w-what? what's in my hair?"

@Raidou

"Roll off the..." Mari's eyes shifted from Raidou toward the cliff. "Yeh...right...ahah...hah, like I'd ever do that." But she would do that. Even now, a big part of her longed for that reprieve. To easily just disappear off the cliff. what would have happened if she did pass out and fall? wouldn't that have been for the best? She wouldn't even be conscious of the decision. Mari was very aware of Raidou right now, because he had been so close. So she was aware of him shifting away from her. Probably for the best. Mari shut her eyes.

Her heart was pounding. Embarrassment? yeh. Probably. Her hand fell to the grass. A faint memory of warmth flashed across her mind, and Mari had to clear her throat. No wonder he had moved away from her. "Yeh. Sorry about that." 

"Pardon, I know you do not need my help. But in all fairness, I was here first."

Mari stilled. What was that? A subtle way to tell her to fuck off? Mari turned away from him. Usually his quips would be met with some of her own, a spitfire response to his quiet and reserved words. She cleared her throat and made to stand, her legs felt wobbly - and the world was still a dizzying blur. "I get the hint, I'll leave y-"

An offer to stay, along with vertigo caused Mari to fall back down to the ground. Shit. Mari felt like she wasn't wanted here. She audibly groaned as she allowed herself to nestle back amongst the grass. It tickled her legs. "That was my fault, huh?" Her words were tired, and didn't hold any of the venom they normally did. They didn't hold the haughty confidence that she had. They were...weary. "Sorry..."

Mari watched as Raidou's eyes shifted back to his book - Mari got the impression he was on purposefully trying not to look at her. She couldn't blame him, she probably looked like a wreck. The longer she sat and watched, the more aware she was of how her presence affected him. A silence hung between them, and it made Mari a little uncomfortable - despite her distaste for smalltalk. This felt...different.

He doesn't want me here.

She was tired...so tired. But it was unfair of her to intrude on him. He was here first. "Sorry." Mari said again as she sighed, and ran a hand through her hair to push it back out of her eyes. "You're clearly doing your...thing. I don't want to ruin it." Mari pushed herself back to her feet, a little wobbly - and it took her a moment to gather her balance. "Thanks, though." 

Mari turned to leave.

@Raidou

"We always trust that the time is linear. We think that it is progressing forever the same shape, until eternity. However, the difference between past, present and future are nothing but an illu-sion. Yesterday, today and tomorrow don't come after each other. They are connected to each other in an infinite loop..."

His voice drummed on like the beat of a heart. Lulling her. Tired and weary Mari had almost thought this still a dream.  It was too nice, too peaceful, and comforting to be real. So Mari wanted to cling to this dream as long as possible, a hand reached out and found another, resting gently atop his as she subconsciously clung to any form of human interaction. If it were not for the chill that began to set in, and the pains of an uncomfortable resting position. Sore shoulders, a dull throb in her head. Mari groaned as she lifted hers, her neck creaking and cracking in protest. "Where..." She lifted her hand to rub her eyes, they burned. Begging for more rest but that was something she couldn't provide herself. 

"Right...." She was working her way to the higher floors again. But...

Mari still sat with her body pressed against Raidou's side as her mind struggled to piece together what happened. She had climbed up high to gain a better bearing on her surroundings then...

shit.

She had passed out hadn't she? Mari straightened her back, sitting up and away from the other. Raidou's signature red cloak fell down from her shoulders and it was only then that she had become painfully aware of the Raidou sitting so close to her. "B-h-huh!?" Exhaustion gave way to a weary off kilter sense of alert as Mari moved to shift away from him, only to trap herself within the folds of his coat. Tripping and falling backward, sprawled amongst the soft grass.

"W-what are you doing here?" 

The question wasn't one of bile, wasn't barked in defence. It was confusion. Genuine confusion tinted with hints of embarrassment and fear. Why him? Why here? Why here?

Coincidence could be a thing, but wasn't this too convenient?

Then again...what exactly was convenient about this encounter?

Time passed. It could have been hours, minutes. A day. The passing was ever continuous like the trickle of the water around them - like the cool breeze that kissed their cheeks and carried strands of hair to dance gently in the wind. 

"Nnng..." The touch of another stirred Mari, small and timid fingers had traced their way through her tangled locks, prying and picking derbris from it. Caring in a way Mari long forgot how to. No one cared for Mari like that. No one would gently push her hair out of her face. It was Mari who did these things for others. 

 So when she felt that gentle touch, and the lingering warmth of another she had thought it was nothing more than a cruel dream. Passing her by, just like time. Just like the trickling waters.

But the soft mumble of Raidou's voice stirred her further. Low, confused, distressed. Yet spoken in a calm rythm. 

Tired eyes opened slowly to a need of blurry red. The faint smell of tea coupled with something else...

"S-dream..." Mari mumbled as she turned her head back into the warmth. Inhaling. Floral. Musky. Like someone had a secret garden hidden deep within a cave. Oddly pleasant.

It had to be a dream. 

Exhaustion.

It had finally taken over. For far too long Mari had pushed 'Mari' aside, too busy with everyone else, everything else. It was bound to happen at some point. They say that sleep, and food aren't exactly required in Aincrad to survive. But without them, the threat of passing out was all too real. That's what happened with Mari.

A dangerous crystal stained with blood and sin danced above her head. A warning, and a target. It was a stark contrast to the girl beneath. Tired and worn, her eyes marred by days, weeks, months of restlessness. Ginger hair a tousled and un-brushed mess. Small lips showing signs of cracking. Her small rising and falling slowly in a steady rhythm. If anyone wanted to dispose of her, now would be the right time. She looked helpless and weak. None would be the wiser - the only trace of her would be another name on the monument- and wouldn't that be a just end for her?

Somewhere between Raidou picking her up and carrying her to a safe place, under the shade of a tree - her body had latched onto his. Even as he had tried to sit her down and shift away from her, tiny trembling hands had held fast to a coat of red. A forehead, creased with unspoken worry and concern pressed into the side of his leg, and little more than a whimper, a murmur that begged to not be left alone fell from trembling lips.

@Raidou

Mari wasn't normally the best with directions but this...was ridiculous. Maybe it was because she felt so tired. Had gone through so much. "Dammit..." She cursed with an exhale, placing a hand gently upon her throbbing head.  Mari knew she was pushing herself too much. Too long. It was a kind of weariness that wasn't just physical. A tired body and strained emotions. Heavy mental exhaustion. It made each step she took feel as though Mari carried the world upon her shoulders. Still, each foot fell in front of the other in a off beat rhythm. Mari was climbing the mountainside, and soon she'd be at its peak. She'd be able to ascertain her surroundings then. One more floor.

One more battle.

One more day.

She had to. Mari had to keep pushing herself, she had to keep moving because if she stopped...then everything would catch up to her. If Mari stopped she was afraid of what would happen. Afraid of herself, her sorrow. The deep depths that constantly felt like they were drowning her. The betrayals. The expectations. The constant ebb and flow of the needs and desires around her. Everyone so busy and so wrapped in their own lives. In the fight to escape this hell. A place Mari never expected, nor deserved to leave.

The orange haired woman was so close to the peak. She could hear a running waterfall nearby. Maybe, once she got her bearings - it'd be nice to rinse off there. Wash her face off. It'd be easier if she used the towns gates, to teleport. She'd already broken her oath once so what was the point in keeping it? Visions blurred and Mari's eyes narrowed. "UGh..." She rubbed her eyes, that seemed to fix it. 

ANother step forward, and she was upon the precipice of the mountain. Clouds broke way to reveal lush carpets of green below. Forests, jungles, rivers. Dizzying shades of emerald danced in front of her - no...wait... "H-Help..."

why was the world spinning? Vertigo swung Mari to and fro -  threatening to cast her off the edge and to her death. Breaths came in quick succession as it felt like she was being constricted from the inside out. Flourishes of flora span faster and faster till they gave way - and Mari had fallen, into a small unassuming heap upon the grassy knoll. Her world blackened. A single arm and hand daintily hanging over the edge that she so barely missed careening off.

@Raidou

Mari grinned. "Yeh. You think?" Aiko seemed so innocent, Mari really wished he didn't have an orange crystal. Mari couldn't imagine him actually hurting anyone. She knew he had taken a life...and whilst that was wrong it was hypocritical of her to judge. She hated seeing his crystal stained that colour, and wanted nothing more than for him to be rid of it. Perhaps..after the familiar quest she'd bring up the opportunity for him to have it redeemed. She'd fight. She'd ensure she had drawn all the hate - and all the ire of the merciless angel. Just for him to have a semblance of normalcy. 

Mari was headed to her front door when she paused - turning to glance over her shoulder. "Show me what?" Mari turned fully to face the small child as he equipped his armour. A small bemused smile upon her face. "Interesting." It was. Mari wasn't aware that one could have armour that would change colour like that. "So you can change its hue? That's pretty useful to blend into yer surroundings." Mari patted her chest. "I don't think my colours blend in anywhere - even if I were to change my clothing, I think my hair would just stand out too much, huh?" Always with the lame jokes, but that was who Mari was.

Mari nodded. "Mmm yes, You could always have your familiar away in your inventory, that's where mine usually is - I think I'd draw too much attention with a giant floating fish following me around. I've seen lots of interesting familiars. I've seen shadowy creatures - goopy ones that turn into liquid - even ones that look like pumpkins. So I'm sure you'll find what you need at some point."  Hikoru had one that dispensed pumpkin spice latte for crying out loud, but Mari kept that tidbit to herself - it'd be something to bring up later to him.

Mari shook her head as she opened the door, chuckling softly. -letting a blast of cold air into her home before approaching Aiko. She reached out and rubbed the stain off with her thumb, then wiped the dust on her own scarf. "There." Another pat to his head. "C'mon. Let's get you that pet."

@Iron_Lion

"Alright, I'll follow - you lead." Mari said in response to Zandra's offer.  Zandra had lead the way, through the rolling hills and grassy plains of the floor. It...was kinda nice - how the sun was warm against her back, and how the long grass tickled her ankles. Mari glanced at Zandra, the raven haired woman was focused. Something about the way she presented herself, and walked - it felt like she was strained. Maybe nervous?

Mari was too.

Mari cleared her throat. "The grass feels nice." The small talk seemed forced, but - she was trying. "I'm so used to the snow I forget what its like sometimes, eheh..hahah...." Her laugh sounded nervous.

Zandra commented on how large the floor was and Mari's eyes shifted back to the rolling hills before them. "Yeh. The place is pretty big...I never really got to explore many of the floors. I feel like we have this expansive world and I just...stick to my tiny box."

Mari snorted as Zandra said they had to climb the beast. "PFft. climb it? Yeh. Okay - sounds like a bit of fun."

As they neared the top of the next hill Mari pointed at a rather large thing, on first glance - it looked like a mountain, except - it was moving. "Soooo....we're supposed to climb THAT thing!??"

ID:  180200
LD: 20 - FOUND

@Zandra

Apathy.

Mari wondered if she was broken. Defective. That’d make a lot of sense really. Her gaze shifted to the side, focusing on a small tendril of shadow that danced around the players feet - the very darkness taunted them with a jovial glee. 

The stoic feeling continued to wash over her - a cold and heavy wave that dragged her down and kept her feet planted firmly to their place. The crushing weight of the feeling weighed down her limbs, dulling her senses. 

So they couldn’t escape this fight?

Did that really matter?

The way the frontliners were - they were so passionate - some shouted words of encouragement to their fellow allies - something Mari always found...a little..cringey - she felt like this wasn’t some strange anime, and that in times like this - actions were far more important than words. But Mari wouldn’t ever outwardly belittle that behavior. It took a special kind of courage from a special kind of soul to be so ready to boost up your allies rather than falter on the sidelines, protagonists. Mari thought. That’s what they all were. The leaders of this tale - the one the story followed. Beacons of hope, pillars of light. That sort of thing...didn’t really match the orange haired woman.

So instead...she'd stand on the sidelines and do her best to ensure her party members were healthy.

"Mmm..."  Her eyes drifted over the HP Bars of her party members. Jomei, Chaser - full. Pinball and HIdden, full. Herself, full. Macradon was the only person who hadn't had his HP completely restored. Silently, Mari stared at her hands, as they began to softly glow blue, creating a gentle light that broke through the malicious shadows. With a flourish of her hands, the light had basked her dearest friend with that same light, it started at the top of his head before cascading down his entire form. Creating an illustrious glow that almost mocked the shadows around him. The light soaked into his skin, and his health bar jumped forward- healing almost completely.

It still wasn't full. But it'd have to do.

Mari gave a small nod toward @Macradon and pointed up at his HP bar, only a sliver remained unhealed. 

She'd done a good job this time...right?



Passive En Regen + 3
 

First Aid
Active: Post Action
Energy Cost: 5% of healing done (rounded down)
Heal 20% per rank of a target party member’s maximum HP (rounded down) = 397
-19 EN (%5 of 397)
 

[H:10]  Macradon | HP: 1956/1985 | EN: 185/191 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 2 | MIT: 194 | HLY: 12 | VO: 198 | PHASE | REC: 6 | FRTHRNS: 21, 6 DOT | FIGHTING SPIRIT | LD: 5 | EN REGEN: 3 | FRAURA: 15 | PARRY | [BH Disabled: 2/2]   +397 HP 
[H:5] ChaseR | HP: 1690/1690 | EN: 127/148 (+3, -10) | DMG: 23 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 5 | MIT: 106 | HLY: 12 | BRN: 12 | TXV: 24 | PRLYZ: 8+ | VD: 84 | HBS: 16 | LD: 8 | Dote: 3 | DoT -27 | BH: 84 | EN REGEN: 3 | FIGHTING SPIRIT
[H:2] Mari | HP: 1910/1910 | EN: 102/170 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 4 | MIT: 88 | FLN: 6 | VO: 191 | FLAURA: 15 | KEEN: 1 | Dote: 3 | Dot: -27 | Oxidant | BH: 95 | EN REGEN: 3 | [KEEN] [Field Medic: 1/2] -19 EN
[H:4] Hidden | HP: 1510/1510 | EN: 105/130 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 5 | MIT: 79 | HLY: 8 | VO: 226 | LD: 3 | Dote: 3 | DoT: -27 | Oxidant | BH: 75 | EN REGEN: 3
[H:1] Pinball | HP: 1500/1500 | EN: 117/132 | DMG: 23 | ACC: 5 | EVA: 6 | MIT: 15 | BH: 90 | FRZ: 36/8-10 | Phase | SAFEGUARD | Dote: 3 | DoT: -27 | Oxidant | RESTED: 2/3 | EN REGEN: 3
[H:3] Jomei | HP: 1705/1705 | EN: 147/169 | DMG: 21 | ACC: 6 | EVA: 6 | MIT: 88 | BRN: 36 | BLI: 36 | HB: 16 | BH: 85 | EN REGEN: 3 | 

Freyd looked absolutely speechless at my comment. 
Ha. Got him.

It was almost endearing to see him thrown for a loop. "What?" I asked, feigning innocence. "I'm not sayin to actually slap you - just yanno - a kiss." I said with a shrug and a grin. It felt... a little bit better to be able to force out the jokes again. They always seemed to lighten the mood. Sides, it seemed like he could use the distraction. I shifted my eyes shifted to the elves. Mmm. Maybe after the battle though.

Freyd seemed focused on the battle - his words  a little terse as he mentioned that they should continue their discussion outside the dark caverns. He probably thought I meant I didn't want to be here with him, and granted - that was true in the beginning. Now I felt...I wasn't sure. Indifferent? Accepting? Tolerable. Yeh. He was tolerable to be around. Despite his quirks and qualms Freyd wasn't entirely a bad person.

Crap
"N-No I mean..." I shook my head, feeling flustered. He probably thought I hated him. "I meant i don't want to be here." I tried my best to gesture toward the fight, and the dark elves. "Fighting I mean." I turned my eyes back to them. "Honestly...I really hate it." I didn't like fighting, I didn't like the numbers, the violence, the stats - everything about it seemed so bothersome yet so necessary. Although my mark would lead others to believe otherwise. Let them. Let them think what they wanted.

Despite my distaste for it, I activated <<Weeping Moon>> And in a more concise strike - had managed to defeat all but one of the remaining elves.

"Mmmm....." I stared at the Dark Elf that had fallen over, his foot sliding on the dirt as he ducked under the swing of my blow. "One left. It's all yours, and for the record, I don't entirely dislike your company.." I snorted. "When things are lees goopy that is."

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[x9 AoE] Weeping Moon (9 Energy +2 per target hit) - Do a single and powerful 360-degree spin

19x9=171-30=132

Dark Elf 1  ID: 180166  BD: 6 +4=10-1=9 HIT 
Dark Elf 2 ID:  180167  BD: 5 + 4=9-1=HIT  MOB: 1 MISS
Dark Elf 4 ID:  180168  BD: 6 + 4=10-1=9 HIT

Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows | HP:1150/1150 | EN:83/112 | DMG:22 | MIT:124| EVA:3 | ACC:6 | KEEN:1 | HLY:6 | BLD:36 | BH:34  -26 DAM
Mari | HP 1610/1610  | EN: 147/158 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 

[2,0] Dark Elf Hunter #1 | HP: 0/575 | DMG: 150 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 1  -132
[1,0] Dark Elf Hunter #2 | HP: 209/575 | DMG: 150 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 1 -132
[2,1] Dark Elf Hunter #3 | HP: 0/575 | DMG: 150 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 1 (137-234)
[3,0] Dark Elf Hunter #4 | HP: 0/575 | DMG: 150 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 1 (341-330)  -132

Before she could hear Baldur's reply, a group came out, the one she had been waiting for.

Mari shifted her gaze very briefly over the group. "Didn't anyone else from the first attack come?" She asked @Zandra. Of all the people to be called out, Mari was genuinely surprised to hear that she was the only one who had listened. Perhaps she was the only one with enough free time. "mmmm...." She crossed scratched her cheek. This, felt odd. There were so many people here, and truth be told. Mari didn't like it. It made her uncomfortable. She could feel the judging stares.

"Should I..." Mari scratched the back of her head, "Should I ....go? I mean - you seem to have a full roster of people here, and..." her eyes briefly met that of a white haired girl, if looks could kill. Mari would be dead twice over. Despite Mari's offer she found herself following the group, well - trailing behind.  Being several steps behind the larger group. Another, @Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows had given her a small gesture, a wave. His harsh words were still fresh in his mind. The stark contrast between offering her  friendship only to spew vitriol in her face. Mari knew it was too much to expect such a genuine offer. He was right, it was her fault. It was who she was.
 

Monster

Mari returned his gesture with one of her own, lifting her hand to give him a small wave back before quickly grabbing her scarf, letting it disappear in the folds of the material.

Slowly, the orange haired PK'er watched the others pick their weapons of choice. Normally, Mari would pick a staff, but instead - she chose sword. "The weight of the axe bothered me last time." was her reasoning, not that anyone was listening to her.

-Mari takes a sword

I snorted, and couldn't help but smile at the admission. "So the mighty Takeshi ain't so infallible, eh?" I jested. It was at this point I was able to turn and look at him, my eyes were probably raw, red. Glistening with the tears he so wholly praised before. "So you're the type who someone would have to lean in and kiss first? Sorta a....figurative slap to the face?" Not that I had any real interest in him, at this point it was just ....nice to have the attention off of me. It made me uncomfortable to be the focus of such things. 

Although I picked a terrible subject choice to switch it too, because with those jests came the all too familiar tugs at my heart - tiny truths like poisoned needles thrust deep into my chest. I... wasn't fit nor deserving of such things.

I was thankful for the ambush, unlike Freyd I wasn't quick to leap into action. As he fought them I slowly pushed myself off the cart, landing with a small 'hup' as my feet hit the dirt.

"Mmmm..." Dark elves. They looked stronger than the last few enemies they had encountered, but still, they were no trouble for the two players. Things like this - barely registered on Mari's radar. They weren't anything more than thin strips of code that would reform somewhere else. 

Lazy. I was being lazy as I drew out my spear and activated the <<Weeping Moon>> Attack A large arc swept across the elves, most of them had ducked out of the way, except one, who seemed to be distracted.

"Ugh..." I groaned as I took a step back, allowing room for Freyd to make another attack. That...was terrible, guess my cavalier attitude got the best of me. "I really don't want to  be here."

I'm so tired. 
*Rolling

ACTION:
[x9 AoE] Weeping Moon (9 Energy +2 per target hit) - Do a single and powerful 360-degree spin
19 (+5 charge)  24 x 9 = 216 - 30=186

Dark Elf: 1  ID:180133   BD: 2+4-6-2=MISS   MOB:5-3= MISS
Dark Elf:2   ID:180134   BD: 3+4=7-2=MISS   MOB: 2-MISS
Dark Elf 3   ID:180135   BD: 4+4=8-2=6 HIT  MOB: 7+2=9-3=HIT
Dark Elf: 4  ID 180136  BD: 10 HIT +2!   MOB 1 MISS    (26 x 9= 204 DAM) + BLEED
Dark Elf: 5 ID:180137  BD: 3+4=7-2=MISS  

Freyd, The Whisper in Shadows | HP:1124/1150 | EN:98/112 | DMG:22 | MIT:124| EVA:3 | ACC:6 | KEEN:1 | HLY:6 | BLD:36 | BH:34  -26 DAM
Mari | HP 1610/1610  | EN: 147/158 | DMG: 19 | MIT: 43 | EVA:3 | ACC: 4  | BH: 72 | BRN: 24 |BLEED: 24 | FLAME AURA: 15 

[1,0] Dark Elf Hunter #1 | HP: 341/575 | DMG: 150 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 1 
[0,0] Dark Elf Hunter #2 | HP: 575/575 | DMG: 150 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 1
[1,1] Dark Elf Hunter #3 | HP: 137/575 | DMG: 150 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 1  -204   -24 BLEED 2/2
[1,0] Dark Elf Hunter #4 | HP: 341/575 | DMG: 150 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 2 | EVA: 1 

"Do you know what defines the best and most important qualities in a friend?" 

I shrugged, "Dunno. All mine have literally stabbed me. Maybe good aim?" I said with a dry smile. Friends. Macradon... Yeh, That was really the only real friend I had here. I wanted to call Shield a friend, but he was so very pragmatic I wasn't sure where I stood with him, and Beat - poof, gone. Baldur - I pushed away with my childish crush... Oikawa... I lowered my eyes. Oikawa. He had gone too. Wow. I had a pretty bad track record with friends. 

Freyd continued, with a firm grip on my hand, telling me what he thinks good friends were - and that sounded all well and good. But people like that didn't really exist. 
I tried to pull away from his grasp, but he held tight. After a few attempts I sighed, feeling my shoulders rise and fall. Instead - I let him hold it. Let him have his stupid victory. I kept my gave away from him on purpose. I didn't need to see him looking at me. Not with with that dumb smile, and not after saying such corny ass words.

Cherish tears? What a rort... Almost out of defiance I reached up with my free hand and wiped them away from my face. I really really didn't need to hear a lecture on this kind of thing right now. 

Still..

It was nice. It was the dumbest, corniest shit I've ever heard, but it was the kindest words I had heard in a very, very long time. So...who was I mad at? him? Myself? The world?

...I wasn't mad at him.

"You know, if you say such things to a girl - and hold her hand so firmly, she may just get the wrong idea." 

"Hey, what brings you out this way?"

"Mmm?" Mari turned her eyes from the entrance to the settlement to Baldur. Someone she wasn't expecting to see. The woman felt a strange sensation, a pang of pain in her chest, followed by a wave of relief to see the man. It had been some time since their last encounter - where they had gone off to find a giant fish in a great pun war, perhaps it had been too early then - she still had semblance of feelings for him them. Whatever those things were. It felt...easier now. Maybe because she was too tired, or maybe too numb. Or maybe she had finally gotten over her childish crush. Although no one could ever get over them C L A V I C L E S Recent events had left her battered and bruised and Mari began to feel like there was not much left of her to give tot he constant out-pour of those seeking aid. Still...

"Baldur." Mari said in reply as she did her best to offer him a smile. "It's..." Her eyes traveled from his hair; tied neatly above his head, down the length of his body. "You're handsome as always." Did she sound tired? Mari hoped not. The last person she wanted to worry was Baldur. A fellow guild leader, a friend. 

Mari closed her eyes and exhaled slowly as she crossed her arms over her chest. "There seems to be some sort of rumour going around about things in the forest - strange happenstances and whatnot." If Mari didn't sound tired before, she did now. "After the sundered spire...I just ...thought maybe.." Why was she here?

Why was she bothering? Did she think herself some kind of hero? Or that the players were that incompetant that they couldn't look after themselves? (Okay, that part was slightly true)

"-I'd better check it out and make sure things are safe. but Now I'm beginning to think it may not be a good idea for me to be so close to the settlement, and to the safe zone." 

A slight shake of her head as Mari released her arms to rest easy at her sides indicated that she was doing her best to push down those doubts and insecurities. It...really was good to see him again. Mari couldn't help but catch his gaze. Eyes as blue as the sky with a warmth as comforting as the sun. She wasn't surprised he was taken. Mari cleared her throat and averted her gaze back to the towns entrance. There seemed to be a small group of players forming - but it was too far into the safe zone for Mari to know if it were for an expedition, or if it were simply some sort of street market. "What brings you here, Shinsengumi?" Came her response, the words playful - yet missing the usual jovial air she'd add to them.

@Baldur

It was his turn to fall silent now. I suppose I expected that, it was an unusually tough question to ask. Not many could, nor would answer it without a moments hesitation. His answer was not too dissimilar to her own, he wanted to find himself. Remind himself he was human. Then, came his hand. Followed by a serene, timid smile - that seemed to uncover a trembling heart. The rush of a kind of undiluted compassion whose flames flickered, licking at my fingers, warming me- that trickling warmth followed up my arm and I even chanced to raise my fingers, allowing them to entwine into his as they gripped his hand in return. I was so desperate for some semblance of comfort. I wanted this. I needed this. my jaw tightened and my chest felt like it was going to explode. All the pent up pain ready to bubble over. 

But - a single, long breath inward....

                 You can't...
 

There was no helping me. No amount of goodwill, kindness, nor warmth would ever fix me. Not after what I had done. I pulled my hand away from his, and my arms erupted in the cold feeling of goosebumps. Parts of me screamed to place my hand back beneath his. Because...when...when would I ever feel that warmth again? The kind of simple and serene comfort that a simple touch, the smallest of gestures could bring. I missed it.

 But I couldn't have that. I couldn't get that back, despite how badly I wanted it - because the moment that first life was shattered, the moment that light snuffed - I had voided any right to warmth. Love...would be nothing more than a more severe form of grief for me. If I even dared to try it'd swallow me up - and I'd not be able to keep my promise.

"You're...kind to offer." i said quietly as I placed my hand in my lap. Maybe, if things were different. Had been different - I'd accept it. But how could I? After everything? 
I couldn't let him do that, to attach himself to me was a death sentence. "And you're...welcome." My words felt hollow. Despite me trying my best to reassure him they were empty. My eyes burned, and I knew if I blinked, they'd betray me, and salty tears of frustration would fall down my cold cheeks. I was so desperate for everything he was offering, and I wanted so irrevocably so to embrace it but Baldurs words came to mind.

You're looking for people to attach to. To feel apart of again. To feel welcome again

He was right. I was. And I couldn't..

I felt my chest tremble.

I couldn't.

"You're..." What do I say? "-A good friend, Takeshi." His real name felt foreign on my lips, I had stopped using it after the ordeal with with the strange Gemini creatures, but...despite that, it also felt right to use. It felt like this was the time. And that, maybe my tone wasn't filled with warmth, or hope, or compassion -but the name. That meant something. More than I could ever probably portray.

...

I wanted to feel that hand again....

Instead, I gave him a heavy and practiced smile. I didn't outright tell him he couldn't, even though I knew that were the case. He had turned away from me already, so I finally shut my eyes, and as I suspected - those tears trickled down my face. Heh...  My own gaze shifted away, turning away from him to watch dreary rocks and scenery break away to tufts of grass. We were almost at the surface - and soon, that light would be cast upon us, and our shadows - would become greater.

I'd have to remember what that warmth was like. Because I'd probably never feel it again.

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

I wasn't expecting him to ask the question. Hell - I struggled to recall when anyone had asked me what I actually wanted. I  was always told what I had to be, what I had to do. I had to be strong. I had to set an example as a frontliner, a guild leader. I had to learn to control my emotions. I had to prove to others that I was more than just an orange cursor. I had to be that 'pillar' that others could lean on. All things that people constantly told me I had to do - things I had to be.

Fuck.

I wasn't sure what was more depressing, the sudden awareness that not once, had anyone I considered a friend asked what I wanted at least to my recollection. Or that I had pushed myself so hard, so much...for so long that I wasn't sure if I was even myself anymore. That I questioned who I was.  Was I really murderous? Angry? Vile? Have I simply lead myself to believe lie upon lie to cover a more dark truth? Or was I truly this frail, crumbling shell of a human?

"Hah." My sudden outburst was loud, and bitter. I never meant to sound that way, it just...happened. I had to watch myself for that. "Hahah..." I shook my head as another few fell from my lips, like tiny droplets of weighted venom. "Sorry. I just-" I lifted my head to gaze up at the cavernous ceiling high above us. "I don't think anyone's asked me that before. What do I want....hmm..."

What...did I want? Friends? Someone to relate to? It felt like everyone I know had run away, walking into the metaphorical light and turning away from me. It felt like even as I reached out to them. Called out to them. I found that the didn't look back, and if they did - it was with a blade in hand. So ... somewhere down the line, I had turned my back against everyone too - that was the past....yet. Slowly, but surely, I felt like that was all repeating.

I noticed it, small things. Yuki being so frustrated with me she seemed to want to have nothing to do with me anymore. Crozeph - no longer visiting. Shield and Baldur being busy, and Beat - I wasn't sure what was going on with him. Oikawa had outright dropped off the face of the tower. Even Macradon - someone I considered my best friend. He seemed stressed, and I didn't want to add to that. "Maybe...for the past to not repeat itself?" I asked. Freyd probably wouldn't like that answer. Wishful thinking at beast.

i let my index finger gently trace the surface of the wood, feeling the bumps and scratches of wear and tear. Of time, of use. "No..." I quietly whispered. That'd be inevitable at this rate. "I think...a part of me just wants to be able to rely on someone else for a change, just once - heh -  maybe even remember what it was like to feel the genuine warmth of another."  I forced my eyes shut, feeling a quiver in my voice, and an ache in the pit of my stomach. A pain that often came with the realization that such things wouldn't occur for me. That I felt so terribly and irrevocably alone. How that despite the sudden influx of people in my life, I still felt so isolated and empty. A void sat in my chest - and I knew that I was the only one to blame for that. MY blade had taken lives, MY anger had taken me. 

I was. Am a murderer. Because of me, lives were lost, and families would never be reunited. I wouldn't deserve love. And that truth held me, choked me with a cold grip tightly wound around my throat, never allowing me to express who I was nor how I felt. Its spindly fingers forced me to wear a smile so dull and empty, but so very, very reflective. I had done it on instinct. who even was I?

"To figure out who I am again."

Came my final answer. Then, quickly - before he could dissect it, I returned the question.

"What about you, Freyd?"

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows