Alkor

She pulled up her hood and headed for the edge of a high outcropping. She looked over the snow and continued to speak, and as she came close to the edge, he stood on his toes. As the woman kicked snow over the side, he relaxed onto the balls of his feet and shook his head. "You certainly don't have to go anywhere, and I'm not going to tell you otherwise. But, I do have things that I need to figure out and I need to get to them. If you need me, please don't hesitate to message, Amari." 

Alkor headed slowly back toward Taft. 'Maybe someday soon,' she said. Perhaps she was mocking him, perhaps she was serious. The swordsman never knew what drove people to say or do the things they did. He genuinely hoped she could recover from this and be better than ever before.

For him, though, he had taken a step forward. From here, Alkor could only grow. 

He hoped that he would become someone he could be proud of.

Alkor listened to her for a short time as she unloaded her emotions. There were things hidden in her words he could not quite grasp, but if the things she said were taken at face value, he understood well enough. The night sky was beautiful, and in some way cathartic. Several nights he remembered staring and getting lost in the stars himself. But they did not bring him comfort as they did her.

His gaze lingered there after her words. There was self awareness there, and he was relieved to hear it. "You're not alone," he said at last. "You hurt now, but that fades with time. You have people who will help if you let them. Don't forget that. It's easy to fall into the trap of despair."

He knew that all too well.

Alkor rested his hand on the hilt of his sword. "It's cold out here," he added, "you should find someplace warm to rest up."

@Mari

It was the end of a day, and the end of an age.

Alkor had spoken plainly. It had created wounds that, given time, might heal. Those same wounds, with improper handling and miscommunication, could exacerbate and Mari might devolve into something far darker than she had been before. It was her decision to make, ultimately.

Once, the first time they had met, Alkor had given the woman a warning. If she took life, he would exact justice upon her for the sakes of those who still lived. Heavy as that hung, as he looked at her mentally retreating form, he silently remembered those words.

For her own sake, if the woman ever lost herself again, he would do the right thing. He would let her die and rest peacefully before he let her live as the monster she now believed herself to be.

But those things were not set in stone.

"Sunset," he whispered ironically. "I love sunsets."

It was one thing he had said that came from the heart, all those many moons ago. Part of him had been in the act, but all good lies carry grains of truth. Still, someone who Alkor did love once told him that to lie was worse than any sin.

He was ready to live that way now. No more falseness. No more miscommunications- he would express his true, full meaning, and through the anguish, he would find himself.

He hoped Amari would find her truth, too.

"Hey," he managed to call to her. "Merry Christmas. Build your snowman," he said. "I'm going to go."

@Mari

"You think I didn't feel the weight of what I'd done?" Alkor stared hard at the woman with his needlessly harsh eyes. He had always been that way. Some things would never change. Others, had.

"The ability to take a life is not license to do so." He thrust a finger in her direction. "I knew that. I made that decision because I couldn't let anyone else be hurt by someone who had no concept of that fact. I couldn't let someone who would never agonize over the lives they had taken continue to take them. For the rest of my life I have to live knowing I ended the lives of human beings. I know that."

Alkor grit his teeth and stepped close to her again. "You think this god forsaken cursor changes that? You think the color of a pixelated icon inside of a game erases my actions? Wake the hell up, Amari- this is life. Actions are real. Memories don't disappear when you close your eyes, and sleepers still have nightmares."

He held his hand out to her when she'd fallen to the ground. "You can stand up now," he said, "and we can move forward. Or, you can stay there. That's up to you. "But dying won't change anything. It's not about whether or not you 'deserve to live.' It's about what you do with the time you have left.

And I'm going to do the right thing."

@Mari

"Don't love me," he said sternly as she spoke her final words. "Don't fall for me because I'm offering you a shoulder to cry on. I'm making good on something I didn't do properly. I'm not here to offer you a beautiful lie, I'm here to give you something real. If you don't want that, it's fine." 

He let go of her and took a step back. "I learned my lesson," he said, "I know I can't give kisses and wipe away tears and say things that sound wonderful, but that doesn't mean I can't be supportive in other ways."

Alkor took a ragged breath and quashed his shivers. He had to face this fear down. He had to be brave. Just reaching out to shakily hug her had taken a massive effort. He was past that now. Harsh words couldn't reach him now, and the ones that already had could no longer drag him down.

"You can't run from the things you did. I can't run from the things I did. We're adults, living in a world with real repercussions. Our actions have real consequences. I hurt you. I'm sorry. You killed people- you can't bring them back, but you can change. You have a choice."

The swordsman stiffened as the words moved through him, almost of their own volition. "We all have choices to make," he said, "and not all of them will be right. Who we are is defined not only by the choices, but how we move forward from them.

Running away isn't an option for me. Not anymore. It doesn't have to be for you, either."

@Mari

What else was there to say? She spoke like a child overwhelmed by things they couldn't understand. The way they tried to fix things that they knew were broken, but no idea how badly reflected in her words, her fragile and sweet spoken words. Alkor felt the scathing lash of her emotions bite into his flesh and drink deep of his blood. Even without cuts, he bled.

This was the Justice he deserved for the foolishness of his actions. He felt emptiness- the same emptiness that filled her smile and made it so sickeningly false. He only managed to see it when he forced himself to look at her. 

This wasn't how it should be. This was Christmas. This wasn't two friends treating each other well. This was two broken fools playing two discordant fiddles to two different tunes and dancing mindlessly to a masochistic rhythm. Thom wasn't having it that way.

He had done the right thing. The floodgates were open, and now, there was no turning back.

"I did wrong," he said, "but I'm going to do right. It's not too late for that. It's not too late for you, either."

She said things that he never remembered telling her. She spoke truths about him he had only ever shared with his closest of friends. Alkor felt each knife wound open in his stomach and pain blossom in his chest. 

As it should be.

"Don't rebuild on a broken foundation. Tear it all down and start properly." He reached out and took her by the shoulder, then pulled her close. He didn't kiss her. He didn't whisper lovingly about things he didn't know. He just held her to his chest. "Let it out," he managed to choke out. "Cry. Scream. Feel everything you need to. It's fine. I did wrong. It's not your fault."

@Mari

He stood for a long moment with cold air blasting him. What felt like a breeze before felt more like a biting gale. The wind never rose, the world simply stood still and his blood chilled. Not only were his friends alive, but Mari asked the question he had no idea how to handle. She said they would remain friends, and yet, she half expected- simply judging by her words. He caught himself holding his breath.

Alkor let it out, his shivers visible. "I don't know why, honestly," he spoke, his voice uneven. "After everything with Daeron, I felt like I'd done wrong by Lessa. I felt like I didn't know how to do right by anyone, so I had to do what I could to fix things. I had to be the hero for someone who needed me. So, in that moment where I had the chance- instead of doing the right thing, I did the thing I felt like someone wanted."

He knew the warmth was gone, and it wasn't coming back.

Alkor embraced the cold.

"So, yes," he bit his lip. "Alkor- I was trying so hard to give you that connection, that person who was reliable, who had emotions I couldn't understand..." Alkor... no. Thom tightened his hands to fists. He took a deep breath, and it froze in his lungs. When he exhaled, there was no relief. "I don't know what I feel," he said. "I've never known. I do know I care about my friends, and I know I want the best for all of them. I met you through the strangest circumstances, and because of events that transpired, I was thrust into an awkward situation that I should have been able to handle. But because I thought I was being kind... I ultimately did something that wasn't."

He didn't look at her this time. He half expected her to slap him for it. It stung even before she could speak. 

"I mean it when I say I want the best for you," he said quietly, "and I'm being completely honest when I say I know that's not me. You can find happiness- and you will. Just..."

He managed to force a smile. "...it's gonna take some time, I think."

@Mari

"What I'd wish for, huh?" he asked, mind gone to far away lands. "I hope Grandma's alright," he said absently. "I'd wish she found peace and comfort despite her Dementia. There were days she woke up screaming because it was so much for her to take. Between the doses of morphine, when she was halfway lucid, she'd ramble incoherently about things that made no sense. Children we had never heard of, playing together in a place we'd never been... it was madness," he stared at his feet now, expression hardened. "Her mind had gone to other worlds, and we were left with nothing but the pieces. Now, I hope she's found something like solace. That's all I could wish for."

He looked her way again and smiled a bit. "You said you want a green cursor," he noted, "and all that's going to take is some effort and a bit of help from good people. That's what surviving in this world is all about, honestly. We can't tear each other apart and expect not to be eaten alive by Cardinal."

With a laugh, he added, "and honestly, as bad as you think you are with people, you still managed to make friends."

When he received the file and opened it, his expression changed. He stood immediately, his eyes exploded wide open. "Is he alive?" he asked quickly. "Where did you see him last?"

He stood rigid for a moment before he finally relaxed. "No, no," he shook himself off. "I can't focus on that right now." He turned to face Mari. "I need to remember that I have things that take priority, and despite knowing he is- or was- here, I can't just drop everything like that. It's not responsible."

@Mari

"There's nothing wrong with needing to vent," he said honestly as he found a seat somewhere close by and against the wall. "We all have things we can't handle on our own. Yet, some of us still try. That's how I've always been. Try to take it all on alone."

He stared up at the snowy sky and closed his eyes. It felt like one of the few winters back home when he actually got to enjoy the snow. It wasn't harsh or world stopping like some of the storms he had experienced. It was a gentle, enjoyable experience.

"I think reaching out like you did despite not having anyone there to catch you if you fell was about the smartest decision you could have made. As for me, I think the game didn't register me as having existed, but I got at least a few of those messages."

He looked her way. "It's Christmas time, y'know?" His voice became softer. "You shouldn't worry about all that. It's in the past now. You can enjoy the festivities and move forward with your life. No more Player Killing. No more notoriety. Just a fresh chance at a... relatively normal life, I guess."

As normal as life in Aincrad could be.

"I'm really sorry I can't be more expressive or emotive," he told her finally. "For all the time I spent playing hero and trying to make sure everyone was happy around me, I couldn't actually learn how to be that person. I'm absolutely petrified of close contact, and I'm rotten at talking to people... but, I do want to help you, and I do want to see you take back your life. That's more important than anything else. Everyone deserves a full life. Even you, Amari."

His eyes swept across the snow-stained floor. "Even me," he muttered, "whatever a full life means for me."

He glanced up at her hair when she asked if he had just noticed. "Uh, well, it's not exactly the first thing I think about," he said honestly. "I sort of get focused on the task set in front of me so I can get it done. Tunnel vision. That kind of thing.

But, it looks nice. It's much more your speed."

@Mari

He made his way through the forested area near Honruka village and looked toward the canopy. In the trees, wind whispered, and it washed over him gently. He reached out to touch some of the bark, inspecting carefully to see whether anything had left markings or any clue as to where he should look. The Familiar Food did nothing to attract the beasts, it only kept them close once he had stumbled upon them and helped in the process of domesticating them. At least, that's what the broker had told him. It wasn't exactly information he could just discount. Everyone other than Alkor seemed to have a "pet" nearby.

Alkor wasn't interested in having a creature to fight for him. He wanted something that would give him an edge in combat, perhaps, but not something that took damage for him or jumped in the way. Perhaps a creature that improved his ability to do damage, or gave him the ability to exploit the enemy's weakness. A spy, maybe? Some sort of creature able to get a better perspective of Aincrad than the swordsman could manage on his own?

He let out a sigh. With no idea what he was looking for, a search would prove fruitless and walking in circles for hours would yield scant results.

"I wonder," he muttered to himself. "What kind of things can I find?"

She may as well have lined him up and given the order to fire. When she told Macradon who he was and Alkor got the feeling she had mentioned more than that, his face flushed. So, that was something she deigned to just casually speak about? He wasn't even aware that they were open with the information before, and yet, it seemed that it was widespread knowledge. It wasn't so much that he wanted to reprimand her as that he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. The high ranking Guild Player didn't speak on her words, however, and he extended his hand in greeting. He called himself "her sponsor."

Alkor accepted his handshake with a placid expression. "I'm so glad she's made good friends," he said with a hint of relief in his voice. "It would be hard for her to live with herself if she didn't atone for her actions in this world before she made her way back to her life beyond Aincrad, I think." The truth was, Alkor already felt stifled. He was trapped in this world with so many people who he had never met, and some he might never see again. In spite of that fact, he understood that he wasn't allowed the comfort of living isolated inside of his darkly lit bedroom for the rest of his life. All the time he spent inside Aincrad would be a waste of the life he was given, and the opportunity to do something with it.

He pushed aside the feelings of inadequacy and spoke with weight behind his words.

"And I've done enough sleeping to last a lifetime," he said. "I'm ready to put up a fight. So, a sword would be a good start. I've just made Level 25, and I use Curved Swords."

He released Mac's hand after the firm shake and opened his menu. "I've been working on getting back into the rhythm."
 

@Mari @Macradon

I'm down for that! I've always wanted to write with Ariel.

He got her message, just like all the others.

It was a pain, not because he wanted to avoid her, but because he never knew how to respond. He struggled with face to face conversation, but even more with not having those cues at all. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he finished the last few words. All it took was "okay" or "I'll be there," but for some reason, it weighed on him like a massive burden. She wanted to spend the holidays with him. From experience, he knew that meant she felt close to him, or wanted to be close to him. He never had that type of closeness with anyone in his family other than his grandmother, and even she had allotted him a healthy amount of distance because she understood that he wasn't quite like other people.

Mari had already crowded him to the point where he unintentionally stayed a bit further from her than normal. It was his fault and he knew it. He had held so tightly to that façade back then, before he fully grasped that he was the same in the game as he was in reality. It wasn't just an escape anymore. The swordsman exhaled loudly as he stepped through the teleporter and into Taft, where she waited just beyond the threshold. He owed it to her to be honest, and not to push her away. She was a friend.

His steps wore heavy on the cobbles as he approached, eyes cast on the ground. He had held her. He had said words he never fully grasped the meaning of, and he had promised her protection. How much of those things could he truly offer? How many of those promises could he make good on? Only time would tell, and only honesty would make any amends. The city restricted him like hands on his throat as he walked through, as if Aincrad were ridiculing him for his foolishness. The sky, tainted grey and white by the winter season, blasted him with brisk gusts of wind and powder. His hands trembled from the cold.

When he stepped out of the safe zone, the chill felt even colder down his spine.

"Mari," he greeted gently, his voice carried on frigid fingers to the woman. His gilded gaze moved to find her, and he managed a soft smile. "I'm here."

What else could he say? She deserved more than that. "Sorry I haven't been good at responding to your messages," he told her. "I've been reading them. I uh... I like your hair."

@Mari

So, I need to search for a creature, give it some food, and convince it to befriend me. Sounds pretty easy, I guess; but what's the catch? Does it try to kill me if I suck on my animal friendship roll?

Alkor stared out at the first floor that offered boars and Nepent, but precious little else. He didn't want to have an unsightly pig follow him around, and the idea of a Nepent as a pet just made him think about those Japanese shows with the tentacles.

Seriously, what the eff Japan.

There didn't seem to be much going for him in that way. He considered that he might head for another floor, but he was uncertain if the quest would be voided by the action. "I need..."

What do I need...?

Alkor signed and stared skyward, listening as the breeze wafted past. The cool air relaxed him just a bit, and he smiled at the distant caw of a lone crow.

He pushed through the braided bead curtains and blinked rapidly as heavy frankincense hit his senses. Alkor saw the incense still burning at his feet and tread warily along the ornate rugs and up to where the gypsy sat. He'd heard tales about other Players coming to this woman for guidance and strength, and perhaps, he would find some for himself.

"Ah," she spoke with her eyes still closed. "Like all the others. You come to get strong, no?" She asked, but before he could speak, she continued. "Of course you do, all seek strength. Strength is freedom."

How true those words are.

"But strength not easy to find," she opened her eyes, one blue, the other brown. Alkor tilted his head. What a strange thing. "Strength not found alone. Strength mean trusting others as much as self. You must find spirit guide."

Spirit Guides...?

"You take this," the Gypsy held out an item, which revealed itself as <<Familiar Food.>> Alkor immediately understood. A familiar- something many of the strongest Players in Aincrad had. A means by which to gain power as much as a trusted friend.

He should have come here sooner.

You must be into that there ethnic cleansing ruckus.

Alkor cursed as he let the second throw fly and came up short. He was almost sure he had the target in his sights and the coordination to hit it down after the first throw. Things may have been different in a VRMMO, though. The bonuses his equipment gave to accuracy did nothing for tossing discs at snowmen.

"You should try to mingle some," he told Mari. "Get around, show people you're more than an orange cursor. You can't hurt anyone here, so what's the harm? They should know that."

He shifted the subject from quests and throwing the discs to something else, because she seemed adamant on doing things and going places. Right now, he knew she had to focus on things other than him- but that didn't mean she was going to try that for herself.

Alkor knew better than to think Mari would just get over things. He knew that conversation needed to happen, but he also knew it shouldn't happen right here and now.

This was a place for festivities, and for friends. He wanted it to maintain that atmosphere. With a smile, he took a third disc in hand and spun it once more. Even if he wasn't going to get a great item, he would get the best score he could.

He was competitive that way.

"I'm not too worried about quests right this moment," he told her honestly. "I've got some catching up to do before I worry about anything like that. But, if you're interested in helping a friend out, you could put the word on the street that there's a Player looking for a mid-level Curved Sword."

He didn't emphasize the word friend with the intent to sting, rather, he put it gently into conversation so that his meaning and intentions would not be misinterpreted. It was difficult, and he was learning how to deal with it one step at a time.

ID# 132448 results: Battle: 3

There was little more to say. She had no answer for him, and there was nothing for him to go off of. If he made an assumption now, there was a chance he would be wrong. She had already blasted him once for that. So, he would wait for answers. He had already waited literal years. So had she.

They would come with time.

Lessa broke the fragile silence first. The woman he remembered- the friend, who he protected back then- she had always been much more outgoing. She had personality where he did not. And in spite of the gulf between them, she spoke first.

As expected.

"Yeah," he replied softly. "Let's go. I'm sure the next one will be a little more more impressive." He said, as if that were the elephant on the first floor.

They moved in awkward silence back toward the town, and the teleporter that waited there. She did not look back at him, and the entire time, her back was his lone companion. He chewed on his own thoughts, manic as ever.

@Lessa

"Nine more," he muttered thoughtfully. That hardly seemed like coincidence. Somehow, he doubted the gems would all be in the same place. Her second guess was most likely the correct assumption. "I guess that's something we'll have to check more into," he said finally.

When she spoke again, he looked at her. "What?" His head tilted. "Why would I be talking about you? That's not something I'd say if I wanted to be someone's friend."

He seriously intended to do right by Lessa- so why did she think that he meant her? "I'm talking about Daeron. He messaged me out of nowhere to meet him after the Twinfire Phoenix fight, then started getting in my face about-"

Alkor looked back at her like he was piecing together an ancient riddle. "You mean you didn't tell him to threaten me to leave you alone? You didn't tell him I was messing with your head? That I was trying to make you fall for me, and playing with your emotions?"

Well, I was going to wait on that conversation, but I guess it's happening now.

"He told me he'd kill me if I didn't leave you alone," he said, "and he tried to fight me to the death. It didn't make sense. It's never made sense. I got that you were upset about the fight in that tournament, but it still..."

Alkor's eyes fell to the ground.

"..."

@Lessa

Alkor saw the item description and scratched his chin. "You said it was on the tenth floor, right?" he asked. "So, why would the quest send us all the way to the first? There must be something to that," he pondered aloud. Alkor had always been an avid fan of puzzles in roleplaying games, and this was just another labyrinth to solve. "Ah, well. We'll know more soon, I expect."

She had mentioned his return like it was some kind of amazing thing, and perhaps for everyone else, it really was. To him, it was just finally the right time to get back to life and business. He wanted to do it right. He should have been able to do that from the beginning-

And there it was. 

The beginning.

"Ah," he mumbled dumbly. "Yeah. The place we first met." His golden gaze trailed toward the Town of Beginnings and he recalled it. How he said he would protect her, and how he had even done his best to do it. All until that hideous moment, when that pompous ass Player Killer got in his face and destroyed everything.

He bit his tongue. He wanted to ask her, why had Daeron come at him like that? Had she asked him? Had she really said all the things he had told Alkor she did? He didn't want to believe that. "Yeah," he said at last. "Kind of weird, looking back."

They had just started their friendship over, fresh, and he didn't want to hurt that with a question that might make her hostile or defensive. His gaze had become a stare, and the horizon almost magnetic. "Everything got so broken," he spoke, barely above a whisper. "I pushed everyone away, and I almost died. All because of that conceited prick..."

@Lessa

Other than people I already write with.

I wanna meet some other Players and diversify.

She ribbed him about his "friends," and Alkor only offered a stiff grunt. He only had a few of those, and Mari was one of them. "Just making sure everything is peaceful for the festival," he tapped his forehead in a short salute. "Nothing personal about it."

Peacekeeping was only a small part of what he wanted to do. Instead of killing other Players, he would do his best to prevent needless conflict from boiling over into far worse situations. This one hadn't come anywhere close to that- and that was as it should have been.

Unfortunately, Mari got close quickly enough to make his thoughts trail off. "Yeah," he replied, "I'm trying. After Daeron confronted me and kept insisting we fight, I just sort of... stopped trusting people. I distanced myself from virtually everyone. Even when I needed them."

His thoughts moved back to the Hydra, and how close he came to death.

He sighed.

"But enough about that," he said as he caught the ball she had tossed. He spun it in hand, took aim toward the third target, and threw.

The snowman burst into powder.

"You were saying?"

@Mari

Alkor hits Target 3! +4 Points!

"Little and precious, right?" he smirked. There were very few things that caused Alkor to react visibly, but the absolute irony of Lessa attempting to befriend the Dragon took the cake. "Maybe I'll try to be it's friend..."

He brandished the blade and spun it deftly once. It ignited a deeper crimson hue than normal, and in a flurry of motion, he skewered the small dragon five times.

It expired with a pathetic sound- perhaps as cute as Lessa had thought, but only in death. "In Hell, anyway," he shrugged.

He knew the woman thought he was heartless after the whole tournament ordeal. He wondered if that had something to do with how things had happened, and let his mind wander over things briefly before he spoke again.

Alkor looked to Lessa and blinked. "It doesn't hurt, right? You surprised me with that reaction."

"I guess you could try to take it with sleight if hand, or just grab it if you wanted?" Alkor tilted his head. "Doesn't look like it's keen on moving, though." He stood up and jabbed his sword toward the creature, which spat and hissed in defiance. Swirls of smoke and miniscule flame spewed from its diminutive maw.

"...no, yeah, I'm pretty sure we have to kill it." He took the blade tightly in hand and glanced toward Lessa. "That doesn't mean you're getting cold feet about it, right?" He kept her in his gaze over his shoulder for a moment.

It wasn't like before. She wasn't terrified, they weren't facing a massive serpent god. He didn't have to protect her.  If anything, she was more heavily armored, and had plenty of time to get ahead of him.

"She could put you in the ground." [Explitive] that guy. What a ponce.

Alkor stared out lazily over the expansive floor, a pensive expression on his face. "Some rules aren't so easy to break," he replied simply. People often talked about how rules were meant to be broken, or how unjust laws ought not be enforced; but in reality, parameters were set that made the world operate within specific constraints. Those people who sought to operate outside the paradigm were destined to struggle. "It's better to learn to operate within the rules, and how to best exploit them to your advantage. Don't you think that's more feasible?"

He glanced toward the woman as she began to question him. His expression remained soft, gentle, like still water. "During the ninth floor boss fight," he revealed at last. "I tried to rush into things, and I didn't trust my team. I ended up barely teleporting out alive." He shrugged, then looked back out onto the horizon. "I thought I could handle it alone. It doesn't work like that past a certain point. Everything you know becomes invalid. Working together, keeping your allies alive, it's everything."

It is everything.

"I was asleep for several years. Not sure how it happened. I figure there was a glitch in the system, but who could say. I'm no Akihiko Kayaba." He didn't like it. Every time he thought about the time he spent in veritable stasis, his skin crawled. 

Best way to avoid that feeling would be not brushing with death again, I guess.